“You keep putting my hands inside my clothes…,” might be the continuation when viewed in the context of touching something. There couldn’t be any other words that could follow.
“……”
He didn’t tell Yuwon that he heard that far for a simple reason. Initially, it was out of jest, but then curiosity about Yuwon’s reaction to knowing he knew about the dream kicked in. To be more honest, he just felt like he shouldn’t say it outright.
“Why are you becoming like Blanky? You keep spacing out.”
Hyun Gyujin, who was sitting by the window smoking a cigarette, suddenly stood up and approached Kim Junjae and Choi Haeyeong. Ignoring Kim Junjae, who was sitting in a chair and looking up without understanding, Hyun Gyujin casually patted Kim Junjae’s head and squeezed his neck a couple of times, just like he did with Yuwon.
Silence filled the art room. Kim Junjae looked at Hyun Gyujin without knowing what to say, and Choi Haeyeong blankly watched the situation without even realizing that the cigarette ash was falling to the ground.
“What…?”
“How is it?”
“Are you crazy?”
“What do you mean?”
After flicking the cigarette onto an art room chair, Kim Junjae stood up and lightly tapped the neck that Hyun Gyujin had touched, making a fuss.
“Oh, crazy! Wow, that gave me chills. Are you out of your mind? I’m not spacing out like Yuwon, you know?”
Looking at Kim Junjae as if he had expected that reaction, Hyun Gyujin approached Choi Haeyeong this time. To avoid being teased like Kim Junjae, Choi Haeyeong stepped back and waved his hands in front of him.
“Why are you suddenly acting like this? Are you crazy?”
“Yeah. I’m like this usually. This is right.”
“What?”
Stopping his steps towards Choi Haeyeong and sitting on a chair, Hyun Gyujin crossed his long legs and got lost in thought.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Hey, try holding my shoulder.”
“Yt, kts! Cgf sbe gfjiis bea bo sbeg wlcv?”
“P tjnf rbwfatlcu ab jrx.”
“Aera jrx nfgyjiis.”
“Tbe’ii ecvfgrajcv wbgf jmmegjafis ktfc sbe rff klat sbeg bkc fsfr.”
Cqqgbjmtlcu klat rerqlmlber fsfr, Jtbl Ljfsfbcu ilutais, nfgs ilutais, ugjyyfv Lsec Xseplc’r rtbeivfg. Cr rbbc jr tlr tjcv abemtfv, Lsec Xseplc oilcmtfv jkjs, pera ilxf Tekbc vlv ktfc tf jnblvfv tlw.
“What’s this? You recoil like this when someone touches you. You should know since you’ve done it a lot.”
“Oh, was it like this? You should have said so from the beginning.”
Feeling confident as the conversation shifted to a topic he knew well, Choi Haeyeong climbed onto the chair beside Hyun Gyujin.
“To talk about this, I can’t help but mention my first relationship three years ago….”
“Just shut up and tell me what I asked.”
“Oh, you’re really nosy. What is it? Either it’s scary or it feels weird, one of the two.”
Is it because he’s nervous? Hyun Gyujin, who was considering a response along the lines of being scared or feeling weird, momentarily lost his words at Choi Haeyeong’s more provocative remark. Scary or feels weird. Neither of those emotions were what Yuwon would feel towards him.
There were many times when he was younger, lying almost entangled on the same bed. He would lie on Yuwon’s thigh and read comics, and Yuwon would also lie on his stomach, resting his head on his stomach while reading comics until he fell asleep. Stroking each other’s heads, resting arms on shoulders, and massaging necks were just such ordinary, natural actions in their daily lives.
Just as Yuwon had said when he was in pain, if he suddenly touched his waist, he would naturally be surprised and avoid him, but he couldn’t understand why they would shrink away or avoid each other from actions they had naturally done since they were young. Moreover….
His ears and face turned red. Ah… that’s right. Hyun Gyujin remembered Yuwon, who blushed all over whenever he touched or got close to him. He used to think it was because he had a fever, but now, thinking back, it didn’t seem like it was because he was sick.
“Why? Anyone told you something?”
“Well, it wasn’t like this before, it’s sudden.”
“What’s the sign? Crush?”
Why does everything I say lead to either “crush” or “relationship”? Hyun Gyujin just lightly nodded and remained silent. Even though Choi Haeyeong, who was bored to death with relationships, gave a plausible answer, he couldn’t easily accept it.
Even if it’s assumed it’s because he’s scared, he couldn’t understand. Why would Yuwon suddenly be scared of him? Yuwon has never been scared of him, not even once. If anyone was scared, it was him. Undoubtedly, Yuwon has never been scared of him. It never happened, and it couldn’t have happened.
Then the only remaining answer is…
It feels weird. What used to be an innocuous comment when heard occasionally felt too crude and messy when said with Yuwon. He couldn’t forgive Choi Haeyeong for daring to say such things to Yuwon.
Yet, if he thinks a bit more about what he’s remembered… It doesn’t make sense either. What could possibly make Yuwon feel weird or excited when his hand touches him? Despite countless moments of physical contact between them, apart from the recent month, there has never been a single moment of awkwardness or avoidance. Why… why now?
Could it be that he suddenly doesn’t like his hand touching him? Is it because he smokes? Does he smell the cigarette on his hands? No, if that were the case, Yuwon would have said something. He may be gentle and mild, but Yuwon was always firm in expressing what needed to be said. Hyun Gyujin greatly admired the firmness within Yuwon’s gentleness. No means no, dislike means dislike, and wrong means wrong; he knew how to assert himself.
Why on earth would Jung Yuwon start disliking me?
He watches Jung Yuwon shrink away when his hand touches him. He notices Jung Yuwon casually dismiss it when he says he dreams of him every day. He observes Jung Yuwon avoiding being alone with him. He sees Jung Yuwon’s cheeks turn red wherever his gaze falls. Why, why does he dislike him…
Dislike?
Does he shrink away because he dislikes his touch, dreams of me because he dislikes me, avoids being with me suddenly because he dislikes me, and blushes because he dislikes making eye contact? Does he really dislike me? If he dislikes me, then why does he keep dreaming…
“Ah….”
No. It couldn’t be. It might not be.
The opaque wall of thoughts, frustratingly indecisive, seemed to be shattered.
Could it not be because he dislikes me?
As he turned his head in a direction he hadn’t considered before, all the things about Yuwon that he had previously overlooked suddenly came flooding back.
When their eyes met, the trembling pupils, the body that drew closer as if gently embracing when wrapping arms around shoulders, the gaze that lingered on his face instead of the bubble tea when handing it over, and Yuwon’s face approaching his as they stared at each other on the quiet emergency staircase for a while…
“…So it seems. He has no choice but to avoid me.”
“What are you saying all of a sudden?”
“It’s nothing.”
Hyun Gyujin, leaning back on the chair with a baffled expression, exhaled as if he couldn’t believe it. How foolish could he be? To look at that face, observe those actions, and still not know anything.
Although the questions from Kim Junjae and Choi Haeyeong continued, Hyun Gyujin remained silent, thinking only of Yuwon. Even now, he imagined Yuwon, who had chosen to avoid him, and his friend who was probably spending an uncomfortable time with him.
***
Hyun Gyujin decided to leave Yuwon alone for now. He needed certainty.
It wasn’t easy to put full weight on the assumption that Yuwon suddenly started disliking him, just as it wasn’t easy to fully believe that Yuwon suddenly started liking him in a different way than as a friend. After spending 18 years together, experiencing all the memorable moments of life, it didn’t make sense for Yuwon to suddenly develop feelings for him.
But if he had to consider the two, it seemed more plausible that Yuwon started liking him rather than suddenly disliking him. Well, it could be his overactive imagination.
He wanted to know for sure, regardless of the outcome. It was necessary to make the next decision. If Yuwon disliked him, then he could keep his distance to make Yuwon comfortable. And if Yuwon liked him…
“……”
The answer didn’t immediately come to mind. Hyun Gyujin stared at the empty seat where Yuwon had been. He probably was still with that Lee Yoon Sung or whatever, complaining about the damn academy homework.
No, can’t he do homework without that guy? Is Lee Yoon Sung or whatever his teacher? Can’t they solve the problem without being together? Why does he have to do everything together with that guy?
Hyun Gyujin sighed as he looked at the empty seat, thinking of the words he really wanted to say. Frankly, he didn’t like the feeling of having his friend taken away by Lee Yoon Sung. He didn’t like Yuwon suddenly keeping his distance, nor did he like going to school alone.
He didn’t like not being told his name, eating tteokbokki with his academy friend without introducing him, or pretending to be okay with it. Initially, he thought it was because of Lee Yoon Sung or whatever and the damn academy, but in reality, it was all because of Jung Yuwon. So Hyun Gyujin wanted to know. Why did Yuwon’s attitude suddenly change so drastically?
Whether it’s the end of an 18-year friendship or just his overactive imagination, he wanted to see the answer, whatever it may be. To do that, he needed a little more time to observe Yuwon’s behavior. So, Hyun Gyujin, suppressing his frustration once again today, nodded quietly, admitting the damn excuse of the academy homework.
For the soon-to-come moment of clear resolution.
