Memories of the PalaceCh31 - A Guilty Conscience

CW: Some mild violence and blood.

In the end, Shen Pei didn’t tell Jin Xiyan anything about Li Changyu. Well, it was more accurate to say that she wouldn’t answer his questions about Li Changyu, and instead lectured him about how to behave more like his Wife. This was a blessing and a curse, because it was annoying to be constantly corrected, but without it, the far too attentive Bowen and Meimei would have caught on. Jin Xiyan suspected that Bowen was aware something was off, but they used the excuse that he lost a bit of his memory. For now, everyone accepted that story. xv1HYZ

Jin Xiyan spent his days being a young Lord at leisure. He would thumb through Li Changyu’s collection of books, most of which consisted of poetry, but there were a few worn volumes of military strategies. They often contained notes in the margins with various handwritings, which meant it must have passed through many hands. When he exhausted that, he played – and lost – against Bowen and Shen Pei in numerous games of weiqi. After that…there wasn’t a whole lot else to do. His time being “free” from the responsibilities of an Emperor quickly turned into boredom.

On this particular day, Jin Xiyan tried to entertain himself by painting. He had not picked up a brush to paint in quite some time. It was something he remembered that he enjoyed doing, but he could not remember painting anything specific. Jin Xiyan tried his hand at landscape, standing in the Phoenix Palace’s garden facing the bridge over the tiny pond. The scroll laid across the small desk he brought out, and with brush in hand, Jin Xiyan observed the scene.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

His strokes were a bit rough and out of practice, but there was a quiet pleasure in gently gliding the end of the silky brush across the paper. By the time he got to drawing the details of the bridge, Jin Xiyan had forgotten his situation. He was so focused on his task that he didn’t notice Meimei rushing to him until she practically bumped into him, making a blob splatter from the brush and onto the sheet.

“C-Changyu!” she stammered. He frowned at her when she grabbed his shoulders. “You have to hide!” pO WGd

Annoyed, he set aside his brush. “What is going on?”

“I saw some people in the Harem approaching our yard!”

Jin Xiyan scrunched his nose, “Why on Earth are you upset about that?”

He turned away from her, intending to go to the front yard to meet them, but Meimei grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip.

“Li Changyu, you mustn’t interact with them! With your memory affected, I…this one…” Tears clung to her thick dark lashes. “This one is worried that they might take advantage!”

Take advantage? He frowned at her again and shook off her hold. It was a little strange that they had not come for morning greetings, but Shen Pei also expressly forbade him from going outside too so he had not visited his own Mother. Jin Xiyan assumed the reason the other members did not greet him was because news of him being ill had reached them.

“I will be fine,” he assured her, then continued on his way. He entered the receiving room from the back door and when he crossed the threshold of the front door, his two Noble Consorts, two concubines, and their servants and guards came through the large moon gate.

Seeing familiar faces delighted Jin Xiyan, a smile came across his lips. He made his way forward, but paused when Chen Ziwei called out. 72zlJA

“Ha! So the rumors are true, you did rise from the dead.” His nose scrunched up into a wicked sneer, “Just how many lives left until you are gone for good?”

His words stunned Jin Xiyan, his mouth agape. He caught sight of Meimei slipping past the guards to rush out of the moon gate. Chen Ziyin joined her Brother with her own taunt.

“Cat got your tongue?” She tossed her head back with a laugh. “Maybe whatever poison he took left him as stupid as he is ugly.”

Anger mixed with confusion surged through Jin Xiyan. One moment he was gawking, and in the next, he shortened the distance between them with his hand raised. Her laughter subsided when she turned her head back to look at Jin Xiyan, replaced instead with a horrified stare as Jin Xiyan brought his hand down across her face. The sound even shocked him, snapping him out of his fury, but not out of his sense of justice. BxNaGA

“You dare!” he said as Chen Ziyin stumbled back. Qian Jing, his one alpha concubine, rushed to catch her. Jin Xiyan raised his voice, “I am the Emper–press! You come uncalled into my yard with this behavior?!”

Chen Ziwei came forward and with a hard shove to Jin Xiyan’s chest, he knocked him down. Jin Xiyan gasped when he landed on his backside, his palms scraping against the ground when he tried to catch himself. Li Changyu’s body was strong, and normally this would not have affected him, but Jin Xiyan was caught off guard.

It was bizarre enough that his Wives were acting out like this, let alone that a mere servant was trying to shield him. How…how dare they disrespect Zhen! Furious, he glared up at Chen Ziwei, whose face was still twisted up in a snarl.

This was inexcusable, and grounds to punish Chen Ziwei with confinement. As he rose, he ordered, “Guards, arrest Consort Ziwei!” UHjsrp

The men who followed the Harem did not move. Instead, they looked amongst one another with bewildered faces. Wu Shanjin, the Chen twins, and Qian Jing had similar expressions. Again to the guards, Jin Xiyan pointed at Chen Ziwei and repeated himself, “Arrest this Consort and send them to the Ancestral Hall to kneel and think on his unruly behavior!”

Chen Ziwei’s face broke into a wild smile as he threw his head back with a laugh. “You really did become stupid if you think you can order us around!”

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The guards and servants simply turned their heads, averting their eyes. Jin Xiyan’s breath caught in his throat. Why are they not following my command?!

“You treasonous bitch!” Chen Ziyin hissed, cupping her reddened cheek. Her dark eyes blazed as she glared down at him. Even though he was tall for an omega, as betas, the two of them were slightly taller than Li Changyu’s body. “You dare slap me?! It was bad enough that because of you the Emperor has ordered the omegas to take heat suppressants, but you think you can get away with hitting me!?” TWnNpw

“Because of me?”

“Yes! You were attacked,” her tone dripped with sarcasm on the last word, then she continued on her tirade. “And according to the Emperor he now has to focus on state affairs to get to the bottom of this. We all know you are still behind this!”

Anger flared up again, unable to comprehend how they thought this was appropriate behavior. Li Changyu was the Empress, and there was an expectation of respect. These Wives were below Li Changyu, first and foremost. Li Changyu had the foresight to put the Harem on heat suppressants. It was a relief, because Jin Xiyan actually hadn’t thought that far ahead. But, even if his Wives had a grievance, they should have sought the Emperor to sue for justice, not resort to this. However egregious, they were his Wives, and he could only count the amount of times he’d ever had to punish either twin on one hand. They do not normally act like this, he reminded himself, so Jin Xiyan decided to offer a chance to redeem themselves.

“If you bow and show the proper greeting,” he said, his voice tight, “I will consider forgiving this gross behavior and let you off by copying down lines from the Book of Virtues and Obediences.” 6rI x9

“Forgive us?” Chen Ziwei arched his brow. “It should be a dog like you that is the one begging for forgiveness! Tell him, Wu Shanjin!”

Wu Shanjin lifted his pointed chin as if looking down his nose at Jin Xiyan, who stood taller than him. He looked ridiculous to Jin Xiyan but he appeared confident and haughty, unlike his usual quiet and demure self. “You are just jealous of losing your baby that now you blocked us other omegas from trying to carry an heir! We know that you somehow convinced the Emperor to spare you, but if you think for one second that–wait a minute!”

Everyone paused as Wu Shanjin came up to Jin Xiyan, his finger pointed at his belt. “That is jade you are wearing!”

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Jin Xiyan looked down, confused. He did in fact have a jade ornament hanging from his belt. It was the very one he’d seen Li Changyu wear, the pale tiger shaped one. He had taken to wearing it as he tried to dress more like Li Changyu, complete in martial robes. oUDkgy

“What of it?” Jin Xiyan shot back.

Gone was the sweet-eyed, soft spoken servant turned concubine. Wu Shanjin’s chest puffed out like a peacock’s and his lips stretched into a wicked grin. “Huang Guifei ordered that you are to not wear jade whatsoever. Give it here!”

Before Wu Shanjin could reach him, Jin Xiyan stepped back at the same time Meimei suddenly appeared and positioned herself in front of him. She had returned unnoticed, her cheeks bright red and her chest bellowing as she panted. “I summoned the Emperor! You will leave the Phoenix Palace right now, or else!”

She stretched her arms out, protecting him, which twisted around his confusing feelings even more. The servant was acting out of loyalty to Li Changyu, and here was Jin Xiyan, a fraud deceiving her inside his body. Even when Chen Ziwei stepped to her, Meimei’s conviction didn’t waver. qpsKbc

The servants and other lesser concubines started to look uncomfortable, including Qian Jing who stepped back like she was separating herself from the trio. The muscles in Chen Ziwei’s jaw ticced, leveling Meimei with a glare before shoving her aside. She toppled over with a soft cry and hit the ground before Jin Xiyan could catch her. Chen Ziwei grabbed at the jade pendant from his waist and yanked hard.

Jin Xiyan watched in horror as the black chord snapped and the pendant slipped through Chen Ziwei’s fingers. His stomach sank along with the jade as it fell to the floor and bounced once with a loud tink. A long crack traveled up it, and the tiger split apart mid-air before finally falling flat in two large pieces with flecks dropping between them. Acting on instinct, Jin Xiyan dove forward onto his knees and reached out for the pendant. In his panic, Jin Xiyan did not register the initial pain of a boot slamming down over his hand and crushing his palm against the sharp remnants of Li Changyu’s precious jade.

“Ah!” he cried out when Chen Ziwei dug his heel in. Tears pricked the corner of Jin Xiyan’s eyes and blood pooled out from between his fingers where the stone’s jagged edges cut into his palm.

Jin Xiyan lifted his head and looked at the other Wives, then to the guards, who had their backs to them. His lashes trembled as the cold reality set in that the guards would not do anything. Why…why are they like this? Surely Li Changyu didn’t have such a horrible reputation, right? It was clear that they knew Li Changyu was poisoned and exonerated, but still they behaved like this. They even blamed him for actions that the “Emperor” made himself. Jin Xiyan’s gaze settled on the bloody hand crushed under Chen Ziwei’s foot. PENOy9

D-did…His heart stuttered and a flush spread across him. Did Li Changyu…have to deal with this?

“The Emperor has ariiiiiveeed!”

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Jin Xiyan’s body went slack in relief. There were several sharp intakes of breaths and the sound of feet hurrying. Chen Ziwei took his foot off Jin Xiyan’s hand and turned to his Sister.

“Sister, accept my apologies, but this has to happen.” gyL JO

Chen Ziyin blinked, just as confused as Jin Xiyan was, then Chen Ziwei swiftly backhanded her on the same side Jin Xiyan had hit her. The sound was ten times louder than the smack he gave, and Chen Ziyin cried out even more. Chen Ziwei caught his Sister in his arms, cradling her against his frame. The black and blue mark left behind was stark against her stunned, pale face.

“What is going on here?”

As the Wives and staff all bowed down, they revealed Li Changyu. He stood tall and proud in Jin Xiyan’s body, his posture poised and refined. He wore Jin Xiyan’s golden robes and his hair down with a half-bun secured in an intricate gold crown fastened with a mutton fat jade pin. Li Changyu’s face was neutral but his eyes were calculating as he scanned them across the scene. Then they honed in on Jin Xiyan, making him flinch. Jin Xiyan collected himself onto his knees and kept his injured hand limp in his lap.

Chen Ziyin choked out a sob and Chen Ziwei held her closer. He pivoted his body to Li Changyu, his eyes turning from dry to misty in a split second, and Jin Xiyan caught a glimpse of how his gentle Wife morphed into a scheming liar. hEnYTR

“Your Majesty!” whined Chen Ziwei, “Please let this Wife beg on behalf of this one’s Sister! We came to confirm that His Highness was in good health after we heard what happened.” Then Chen Ziwei speared him with a sideways glance. “But His Highness was out of line and attacked her!”

Jin Xiyan’s uninjured hand balled up into a tight fist, “That is a lie!”

Li Changyu arched a brow and tilted his head ever so slightly to see Chen Ziyin’s flushed, swollen face. Her eyes were red and puffy from big fat tears that poured over her cheeks. She looked up at Li Changyu with a pained, weak expression, which was the complete opposite of the one she had moments ago. They looked like two different people.

“Y-your Majesty…please give sympathy to His Highness,” she falsely pleaded on his behalf. “He must be unwell.” RmLcPb

“My Sister is much too kind,” Chen Ziwei lamented. “Clearly he is more deranged than rumored. Whatever happened made him more sick!”

A rebuke was on the tip of his tongue, but Li Changyu was the one to speak first, “How dare!”

Jin Xiyan’s heart lightened and his shoulders sagged in relief. Li Changyu was going to take care of the situation–

“This Family’s Empress is surely bold!” Li Changyu’s face slowly turned towards him, his gaze fixed into a piercing glare that stabbed Jin Xiyan in the chest, stealing his breath. “Not even a full two weeks out of the Cold Palace and you dare to cause mayhem!” IpNzg2

“What?” Jin Xiyan whispered out loud as he stared at Li Changyu.

Li Changyu stepped closer, his voice rising. “What makes you think you are allowed to hurt Zhen’s Consort?”

“They hurt me first!” Scrambling, Jin Xiyan pointed with his bloodied hand at Chen Ziyin. “She disrespected Z–ah–me! They came uncalled and were disrespectful in my own yard. They offended me and I slapped Chen Ziyin. Then Chen Ziwei hit his own Sister in order to frame me!”

“Ah,” Li Changyu narrowed his eyes and a sinking feeling settled in the pit of Jin Xiyan’s stomach. “You admit that you hit Zhen’s Consort first?” 53b2ic

“Yes but–”

“Zhen pardons you for one villanous act because there was no evidence, but this does not give you license to punish Zhen’s Wives!”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Why will he not believe me?! He looked at Wu Shanjin and Qian Jing, urging them to confess. “You saw this! Deceiving the Emperor is punishable!”

Qian Jing lowered her head and shrunk in on herself, her slender shoulders hunched. All of them were silent, except for Wu Shanjin who flung himself to Li Changyu’s sleeve, his pale eyes filled with tears and he sniffled loudly with a whine. VXc28q

“Your Majesty, this one does not know why His Highness is defaming us like this! We were serving His Majesty’s Consorts faithfully!”

Li Changyu twitched slightly at the contact but extricated himself from Wu Shanjin’s grasp slowly as he patted him on the head. His smile was uneasy and strained, but then Li Changyu turned back to Jin Xiyan with a cold stare.

“Zhen dismisses everyone and will fulfill this punishment–”

“Your Majesty!” Meimei interrupted him and kowtowed before Li Changyu. His cold stare wavered when she begged him. “His Highness lost some of his memories, please do not hold him responsible for this fight! Punish this lowly servant in his stead!” w9vDNO

At the same time, he and Li Changyu reached towards Meimei and shouted in unison, “No!”

Li Changyu caught himself and pulled his hand back like he was scalded. Jin Xiyan was the one to touch her, draping his arm over her shoulders to shield her. Heart pounding in his ears, Jin Xiyan tried to quell his panic as he continued to argue.

“I am clearly the more injured one! Can you not see–”

“You dare question Zhen’s will?” Li Changyu’s voice dropped to a low, threatening tone. Strangely, Jin Xiyan was reminded of his own Father as he watched his body controlled by Li Changyu give off the same stern, oppressive energy. “Guards, escort the Harem back to their quarters! Zhen will deal with this directly.” 9s cH7

Jin Xiyan opened his mouth but Li Changyu gave a silent shush gesture with a finger to his own lips. The guards diligently responded to the order, corralling the small group of Harem members and their servants to the moon gate. Li Changyu peered over his shoulder and watched until they crossed the threshold then looked down at the broken, bloodied jade.

Li Changyu bent down and picked up the two pieces, his sadness evident in his eyes. He let out a heavy sigh and pocketed the broken jade before lifting his eyes to glare at Jin Xiyan. To Meimei, Li Changyu ordered, “Bring your Master inside now.”

Wordlessly Meimei touched Jin Xiyan’s shoulder with a trembling hand. She helped him stand, but he walked along in stunned silence without support. He cradled his burning hand against his chest. The three of them walked to the main building, and when they reached the steps, Li Changyu called out.

“Zhen demands privacy while punishing His Highness. Do not disturb Zhen!” 1okZuG

It looked like Li Changyu was talking to thin air, but Jin Xiyan remembered his Shadow Guards. Meimei scurried ahead to open the door and bowed low as they entered. Jin Xiyan whirled around, ready to accuse Li Changyu of wrong-doing, but he was smacked in the face with the heavy golden outer robe as it was thrown at him. He pulled it down with his good hand and glared at Li Changyu.

“Put this aside,” Li Changyu snorted at him. “Meimei, please get a bucket of water and a cloth.”

Meimei startled, perhaps because she was spoken to directly, but she made haste after sparing a quick glance at Jin Xiyan. She was so concerned over him, and once again he was reminded that he was deceiving Meimei. A pang of guilt stung Jin Xiyan’s heart, but he did not have time to dwell on it. Li Changyu clapped his hands in front of Jin Xiyan’s face.

“Chop, chop. Put that somewhere and sit down on the divan.” OTFfNa

“You are as impertinent as ever,” Jin Xiyan muttered, but did what he was told.

Li Changyu huffed out a laugh as he moved about the room with a familiarity Jin Xiyan still did not possess. He laid out the robe over a nearby screen, and Li Changyu moved a chair towards the divan once Jin Xiyan settled on it. Li Changyu plopped down in the chair and sat across from him. He reached for Jin Xiyan’s wrist, but Jin Xiyan pulled it back.

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“Why do you not believe me? There is no reason I would lie to you, and the evidence is right here!” He opened his palm to show the cuts on it.

His Wife just blinked at him, his expression blank except for the arched brow. “Who said I didn’t believe you?” GPawgR

“Huh?” Jin Xiyan blinked at him.

“Of course I knew it was all a lie from the beginning.” Li Changyu shrugged and paused when Meimei brought the bucket. She set it between them, the plain cloth hung over the rim on one side. He went to take Jin Xiyan’s wrist once more, but again Jin Xiyan jerked away. Li Changyu let out a snort then turned to Meimei.

“Please give His Highness some privacy.”

Meimei bit her lip, and as if sensing her reluctance, Li Changyu smiled softly and added, “There is no punishment. You have no reason to fear because Zhen is on your team, remember?” Unlike the placating pat he gave Wu Shanjin, Li Changyu’s soft caress of the top of Meimei’s head held obvious affection. QscUit

A blush sprang up across Meimei’s cheeks and she quickly excused herself. Chuckling, Li Changyu turned his attention back to him and grabbed his wrist. He yanked Jin Xiyan closer and held his hand over the bucket. As Li Changyu lifted handfuls of water to run over Jin Xiyan’s injured palm. The cool water stung, so he spoke in a hiss.

“If you knew it was all a lie, then why–”

“Why did I act like I didn’t?” Li Changyu finished his sentence for him. He made a gruff noise and continued cleaning Jin Xiyan’s hand by dipping it in the water. “I am supposed to be you. Since when have you ever given me the benefit of the doubt?”

The truth in Li Changyu’s words stabbed Jin Xiyan’s chest hard enough that his breath caught in his throat and a cold guilt washed over him. 0VFPr7

“Besides,” continued Li Changyu, sounding nonchalant while drying his hand. “You shouldn’t take it to heart. They thought they were hurting me, not you. They love and adore you, so you can rest assured.”

The matter-of-fact way Li Changyu said this, coupled with how gently and with such tender care he dabbed the cloth against his palm, made him feel even worse. He tried to recollect all the other times this happened, to try and find a scrap of clues that these incidents were just like this one, but his foggy memory and the feelings he had towards his Wives obscured the details.

Softly, Jin Xiyan whispered, “If this has happened before, I have clearly wronged you. Why are you not more upset?”

Li Changyu’s hand stilled for a fraction of a second before he answered with a chuckle, “We are strangers, remember? Why would it matter?” hPZKN

Because you are my Wife, and these things should not happen even if we are strangers. But Jin Xiyan remembered Li Yuyan’s words about them growing up together. Knowing a little bit of Li Changyu’s fiery personality, Jin Xiyan knew that Li Changyu had to be upset. He wanted to press further, but the shuttered look in Li Changyu’s expression made him feel like a wall just went up between them. At a loss for words, Jin Xiyan remained quiet as Li Changyu finished cleaning his wounds.

Li Changyu dropped the cloth into the bucket and stood up again. He roamed around the room in search of something before letting out a soft ah, then lifted up the medicine chest. He carried it over and placed it beside the bucket and proceeded to take out jars and ointments from it. He took out a set of bandages and within seconds, his hand was expertly bandaged.

Jin Xiyan found his voice again when he came up with an idea to repay Li Changyu, “Please, tell me how much that ornament cost. I will pay double for it to compensate you, and you can purchase a new one.”

“What?” The classic arched brow stare returned, “Haven’t you been listening? I don’t want your money. It is just a copy anyway. Besides, no amount of money can replace the sentiment that the gift was given.” AQvjtI

“Copy?”

“En. My Father gave me the original when I became Captain. I jumped from Commander to Captain in one campaign.” Li Changyu’s eyes drifted off to the side like they were remembering. “It was a big deal, because I am an omega. People already said I was given the position of Commander just because I was my Father’s Son, but winning the Battle of Long’an earned my garrison’s respect. That pendant was my Father’s tally, and with it I could order his army.”

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Li Changyu’s gaze slid back to meet his, fixed and steady. “After your decree, I had to return it and my Parents gifted me with a non-marital one for our wedding. So, Your Majesty, no amount of jade or gold could replace that memory, or the sentiment, of either. Besides, it was a copy, like I said.”

Jin Xiyan opened his mouth but Li Changyu stood up abruptly. “Speaking of gifts!” b2ucaY

Li Changyu stuck a hand into his sleeve and fished around for something. After a little triumphant aha! Li Changyu pulled out the stone necklace he had taken from Jin Xiyan before. He tossed it to Jin Xiyan and he fumbled to catch it. He caught it with his injured hand and hissed in pain.

“Your Grandmother is pissed at you so she is refusing to talk to me.” Li Changyu put his hands on his hips in a classic pose of his. Again, it was strange to witness his own body do it. “I need you to talk to her instead.”

“Me?!” The last thing Jin Xiyan wanted to do was to approach the Grand Empress Dowager – especially if she was upset with him. “Why?!”

“I think that necklace has something to do with why we switched bodies. How else could it have magically appeared back in my room?” IeU80b

“And just how am I going to get more information?”

Li Changyu lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “The palace will already hear about how you have some memory loss, so Grandmother won’t be too suspicious. Just smile and be nice to her, then ask her to tell you in detail how she got the necklace. I remember she said something about an old priest or whatever.”

Jin Xiyan looked down at the necklace with a frown. “…Alright.”

“Don’t look so glum. Just act natural. Trust me, nothing can go wrong in the Palace of the Clear Mind. Shen Pei and Royal Grandmother will keep you safe.” Li Changyu straightened, his eyes wide. “Wait, where is Shen Pei? This wouldn’t have happened with her around.” i5NGvI

“Your Mother was here yesterday to check on you.” Jin Xiyan had worked doubly hard to be as filial as possible, all while fumbling over facts about Li Changyu. Without Shen Pei, it would have been a disaster. “I promised to give her a few rare herbs from the treasury, so I had Shen Pei deliver them.”

“Why her? Meimei or Bowen could have. You need Shen Pei to keep you safe.”

“Ah, well…” Jin Xiyan rubbed the back of his neck and set the necklace down next to him on the divan. “Your Mother…implied that your Brother desperately wanted to see her.”

“Ugh, that idiot Jiuxing.” Li Changyu pressed two fingers against his temple and rubbed it in a circle. “Truthfully, I don’t know who is suffering worse now, you or Shen Pei.” 95hduM

Surprisingly, a little smile tugged at the corners of Jin Xiyan’s lips at that. There was a moment of silence until finally he said, “Thank you, Li Changyu.”

“Whatever,” he responded dismissively and plucked the robe off the screen. He shrugged it back on and called out to Meimei. “Zhen is leaving, you can come back now! Be sure to prepare some ginseng soup for His Highness!”

With a wave over his shoulder, Li Changyu left, leaving Jin Xiyan confused and all the more upset. Meimei peeked around the edge of a doorway before she approached. Settling down beside him on her knees, she touched Jin Xiyan’s arm gently.

“Li Changyu, that was really scary, but His Majesty must surely favor you!” JgXroE

He frowned not at her overly familiar nature, as he had grown accustomed to it, but at her words. “What do you mean?”

The blush returned to Meimei’s cheeks, “Forgive this one, but I couldn’t help but notice how gentle and kind he was when cleaning your hand. For His Majesty to lower himself and serve a Wife in such a way…surely that means one has a place in his heart.”

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Instead of making him happy, which was surely her intention, Jin Xiyan’s heart squeezed in pain. He looked down at his neatly bandaged hand. Jin Xiyan was frustrated both with himself and Li Changyu, but mostly himself. Feelings of uncertainty over his Wives’ misbehavior, and if it was a common occurrence, conflicted with the heavy guilt he suddenly felt with Li Changyu.

Has it always been this frustrating for him? His hand began to tremble and blur. Why were they so mean? j4BmGO

“Aiya!” Meimei leaned forward and cupped his cheeks. She swept her thumbs over his cheeks, “Why are you crying? Did his Majesty not know to put the pain numbing cream on?”

Jin Xiyan looked into Meimei’s large eyes, filled with so much innocence and worry over him. The comfort she tried to give him just further gutted him, because this affection was for Li Changyu, not him. While he desperately wished to accept it, he knew he was undeserving of it, especially since he wronged her Master. He laid a hand over one of hers and offered a shaky smile through his tears, which wouldn’t stop no matter how much he scolded himself.

“I would like to take the ginseng soup to bed. I…I think I need some rest.”

Meimei nodded, and though she looked reluctant to part with him, she went about her task. He took the necklace with him to Li Changyu’s bedroom. Ignoring the tigers, who lifted their heads to watch him warily, Jin Xiyan flopped onto the bed. Exhaustion came over him unexpectedly and he sighed. He lifted his hand that held the necklace, dangling it above his face as he examined it. Then he took the tiny pendant in the other hand and lowered it to his lips. V5lYAn

If you really are magic…Jin Xiyan closed his eyes, “Please, help me remember?”

He stayed still in anticipation, waiting – and hoping – for anything to suddenly happen. Some sort of sign, or revelation, or, or…

But nothing came. Disheartened and disappointed, Jin Xiyan curled up onto his side, and this time when he shut his eyes, he succumbed to his suddenly tired body and fell asleep while clutching the necklace tight to his chest.