“So, you think the currently Li Ran…isn’t the real one?”
Wu Lingtian nodded. “That’s correct.”
“Then, is he a demon?” Fan Yi wondered.
“He isn’t,” Wu Lingtian said with certainty. When faced with Fan Yi’s questioning gaze, Wu Lingtian could only face him head on. “I don’t know how I know, but I…I know the answer to this situation. It’s just I can’t remember.”
Unlike most people, the more frustrated or angered Wu Lingtian became, the icier and more emotionless he seemed. It had been a long time since Fan Yi had seen this expression on his partner’s face.
“I can’t remember,” Wu Lingtian repeated, a shadow of desperation in his voice.
Fan Yi wanted to comfort him, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t even bring himself to tell Wu Lingtian that it was fine—that he could take his time. Before, those words barely worked. It was all on the pretense that Fan Yi would protect Wu Lingtian until he could figure it out. Now, Xiu Lan was involved and even beaten to this state. Fan Yi knew that Xiu Lan and Zhou Ying’an were the last two Wu Lingtian could consider his family. If even they were touched…
“Yu Lan.”
Fan Yi looked up. “What?”
“I have to find Yu Lan,” Wu Lingtian murmured. “I must have hid it somewhere—it must have my memories locked inside. That’s why I made it so impossible to find.”
Wu Lingtian looked at Fan Yi. “Sect Leader, can you tell Second and Third Pillar that you want to conduct a meeting? I have to figure out this riddle.”
Fan Yi agreed. He stood and made his way to the door. On his way out, he paused by Wu Lingtian’s side and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “It’ll be okay.”
It was a simple phrase and a light touch, but Wu Lingtian had already melted against Fan Yi’s hand. The coldness in his eyes faded slightly as he looked up at Fan Yi. There was a pout against his lips, reminding Fan Yi of a puppy that had been greatly wronged.
Fan Yi gave Wu Lingtian a second kiss. “It will be. No matter what happens, I’ll be there. I know it’s not a lot but—”
“It’s everything I wished for,” Wu Lingtian said, a genuine smile forming on his face.
Fan Yi rolled his eyes. One second, he was upset, but now he was saying some useless words. Still, a smile couldn’t stop forming on Fan Yi’s face. “Stupid.”
Wu Lingtian kissed Fan Yi’s wrist before letting him go. “I’ll be waiting.”
Fan Yi hummed and left the room to find Ren Yizhou and Tian Xiewen.
It didn’t take too long for Fan Yi to return. However, when the three people entered the room, Wu Lingtian noticed an indescribable awkwardness. He couldn’t help but look between the three people curiously.
Noticing his gaze, Fan Yi lightly cleared his throat. “I brought them.”
Wu Lingtian looked at Tian Xiewen. “Is everything okay?”
Normally, Wu Lingtian wouldn’t stick his nose into their business. The fact that he brought up the awkwardness surprised both Ren Yizhou and Tian Xiewen. Tian Xiewen cleared his throat loudly. Well, it wasn’t like he was committing a crime.
“We were in the middle of something and Yi-ge saw it,” Tian Xiewen mumbled out an answer quickly before sitting down.
“We didn’t argue or anything,” Ren Yizhou supplemented.
Hearing this answer, Wu Lingtian could only avert his gaze. No wonder it got so awkward.
“If you’re envious you can go find someone to warm your bed,” Tian Xiewen joked.
Wu Lingtian looked up coldly. Tian Xiewen flinched and opened his mouth to apologize, but before he could say anything, Wu Lingtian spoke.
“Where is he going to find someone else to warm his bed?”
“…Huh?”
Ren Yizhou lowered their head, hiding the smile that came onto their face. Fan Yi glanced at Wu Lingtian and ran his hand up and down his back. “It’s not like I’m actually going to find someone—don’t be angry.”
“Who said I was angry?” Wu Lingtian asked, his expression cold and unreadable.
Fan Yi’s eyes narrowed. “Alright—I was the one that was anxious. Is that okay?”
Tian Xiewen glanced between the two of them. “S-so you two—”
“We were here to discuss serious business. How did it dissolve to this?” Ren Yizhou softly reminded them.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Wu Lingtian lightly cleared his throat and explained the current situation, as well as explained the riddle he had received from his past self. After everything, Ren Yizhou and Tian Xiewen fell silent. Tian Xiewen frowned.
“Ktf wjlc qjga rffwr ab tjnf yffc rbinfv, gluta?” Kljc Wlfkfc rjlv. “Tbe jigfjvs xcbk cba ab agera Ggloalcu Jibevr Zbecajlc Vfma. Lbkfnfg, lo la’r agef atja atf meggfca Ol Ejc lrc’a atf gfji Ol Ejc…”
“Ktja kbeiv mbwqilmjaf atlcur,” Efc Tlhtbe rjlv. “Ccv atfgf lr atf wjaafg bo atf rcjxf jcv atf rqlvfgr.”
“They never caused harm to the sparrow—they were only annoyances,” Fan Yi said. “Maybe it was a hint for something you should remember.”
Wu Lingtian nodded in agreement. “There are a few things I can deduce based on my fragmented memories and what I’ve learned from the people I’ve met so far.”
Fan Yi and the others waited patiently.
“Yu Lan has not been shattered, my mental state at the time wasn’t great, and my temperament had drastically changed in the span of one century,” Wu Lingtian said. “The change of my temperament is as odd as how I acquired amnesia suddenly after waking up. Coupled with my poor mental state, I believe that I found something out that I shouldn’t have known or that someone would kill me for knowing.”
Fan Yi agreed. He fell silent before looking at Wu Lingtian. “Do you have any idea what that secret could be?”
Wu Lingtian shook his head. “But I do know it has something to do with Drifting Clouds Mountain Sect. In a riddle that’s supposed to help me regain my memories, the only adversary I mentioned was something related to Drifting Clouds Mountain Sect, so it’s most likely that what caused me grief and what changed my temperament is still within the sect.”
“Could it be the fake Li Ran then?”
“It’s very likely,” Wu Lingtian said. As he entertained this thought, his chest suddenly ached.
Wu Lingtian’s hand pressed down heavily on the spot beside his heart. It throbbed and pulsed, making his vision swim in and out. He vaguely heard Fan Yi call to him, but at that time he couldn’t answer. He felt like a hand had reached through his body and was firmly grasping onto his soul. It squeezed and, for a millisecond, Wu Lingtian wasn’t in the meeting room.
He was in a familiar bedroom, with smoke rolling across the floorboards. The shoes in front of him belonged to a woman and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man standing in the shadows.
“A-Tian!”
Wu Lingtian was jerked back to reality. Cold sweat poured down the sides of his face. He looked at Fan Yi blankly. He wanted to reach out and reassure him that he was fine, but his limbs were frozen at his side. The urgency he felt was suddenly dulled and the only thing he managed to cling on to was the surge of panic he felt when he saw how worried Fan Yi looked.
“What’s wrong with him?” Tian Xiewen asked in alarm.
Fan Yi shook his head. He pressed his hand to Wu Lingtian’s wrist but after not sensing anything he glanced at the spot Wu Lingtian had been holding. He met Wu Lingtian’s gaze. “It can’t be his soul, can it?”
Ren Yizhou frowned. “If…if his soul had been tampered with then the only thing we can do is to kill the person who has a hold over it.”
“It can’t be that,” Tian Xiewen denied. “Soul-tampering is beyond Heaven’s law. No one would be crazy enough to…”
“A-Tian, are you still with us?” Fan Yi asked, his fingers digging into the sides of Wu Lingtian’s arms.
Slowly, very slowly, Wu Lingtian managed to break from his trance. He held Fan Yi’s wrist and forced a smile. “I’m fine.”
“You’re obviously not,” Tian Xiewen snapped. “What was that?! How long has that been happening?”
“…Since before I woke up,” Wu Lingtian said. He was still holding Fan Yi’s wrist as his mind churned. “But when I woke up, I didn’t feel it anymore. It only started again once we left the Hall of Impartiality. I didn’t think much of it at first, but I noticed…”
“Noticed what?” Fan Yi asked.
“…A vision accompanies the pain. And also, when I come out of it, my emotions,” Wu Lingtian glanced at Fan Yi. “My emotions are suppressed.”
Fan Yi felt a chill go through his system.
“Suppressed,” Ren Yizhou echoed. A long hum left their lips. “Suppressed…”
“Do you know something about this?” Fan Yi asked.
Ren Yizhou smiled bitterly. “Lingtian, what do you see in that vision of yours?”
“I’m in a bedroom…somewhere in Drifting Clouds Mountain Sect and I’m on the crowd. There’s…white fog around me,” Wu Lingtian said, already struggling to remember bits of the scene he saw.
“If it’s fog, then there’s are two popular options,” Ren Yizhou said. “It could be a fog that causes confusion, simply called the Illusory Fog. It’s used a lot to redirect people who are trying to enter a place they aren’t allowed into. Normally, it’s harmless, however when mixed with certain incense it becomes toxic. It corrodes the mind and makes you unable to think clearly. The second option is a type of substance called Drunk Dream, it’s a hallucinogenic. Back in the day, it was used recreationally. However, for a while it became popular to use it when questioning criminals. The room would be pumped with the hallucinogenic and the person would be asked questions. Over a period of time, the criminal would be so confused and dazed that they would spit out the answer.”
Ren Yizhou shook their head. “However, it was quickly realized that the answers the criminals said weren’t always the truth. It was implanted into their brain in the confusion, which created a coerced confession. Thus, people don’t use it for questioning anymore, however, nowadays, it’s used to brainwash people.”
“If Lingtian truly saw a room filled with smoke, I would say that it was Drunken Dream,” Ren Yizhou concluded. “And the pain in your soul…”
“What is it?” Wu Lingtian asked.
“This is only a theory,” Ren Yizhou said, first putting out a disclaimer. Only after receiving the three men’s understanding did they continue. “Drunken Dream is most well known for being used in the creation of Jianghu’s most deadliest assassins. They experienced no emotion and no thought of their own—only the utmost loyalty to their master. But just because they were deadly didn’t mean they wouldn’t disobey their masters eventually. So, in order to control them, a very specific Gu would be implanted into their soul. It’s a seed that squeezes the soul tightly with the command of the master to suppress the victim’s emotions and dull their senses.”
Silence fell over the room.
After a few more moments, Ren Yizhou spoke: “It’s dangerous to remove the seed. That’s why I said the only way to get rid of the control would be to kill the seed’s master.”
Wu Lingtian could feel sweat forming at the palms of his hands. Drunken Dream was a name that sounded familiar. The seed…where had he heard about that before?
“A-Tian,” Fan Yi held Wu Lingtian’s wrist.
Wu Lingtian met Fan Yi’s gaze. Although his expression was unchanged, Wu Lingtian’s complexion was unsightly.
He looked to Ren Yizhou. “If that’s true then…then how come I seem to be resisting it?”
“It’s because Drunken Dream needs to be used once every few weeks,” Ren Yizhou said. Their brows furrowed and they a lump forming in their throat.
The four people fell silent. None of them wanted to believe, but if this were true, then everything would make sense.
Fan Yi took a deep breath. He wanted to punch something—smash a hole through the wall even—but he held it in. He clenched his fists tightly and dug his nails deep into his palm.
“But wouldn’t it be addictive?” Tian Xiewen asked, hoping that this was the loophole they could use to undo the horrible story that was being painted.
Ren Yizhou shook their head. “Although it’s a hallucinogenic, it’s not an addictive drug. It just has a lot of…other unfortunate side-effects. Such as…amnesia.”
As someone who was experienced and adept at using poisons and drugs, Ren Yizhou felt their heart wrench. The torment Wu Lingtian would have had to gone through was unfathomable. It might even be comparable to when Ren Yizhou lost their sight.
“Get out,” Fan Yi said.
Without a need for a second request, Ren Yizhou and Tian Xiewen immediately stood and left the room.
The doors closed and only Fan Yi and Wu Lingtian were left. The moment they were alone, Wu Lingtian felt Fan Yi rush into his arms. Wu Lingtian swayed, but managed to steady himself and get a hold on Fan Yi. The dark thoughts that were slowly taking a hold of him vanished all in one second. His heart hammered loudly against his chest and the knot in his soul seemed to loosen.
Wu Lingtian was sure this was all a placebo effect, but it was more effective than any kind of medicine at the moment. He closed his eyes and hugged Fan Yi back. The smell of medicine and sunshine happily lingered in Wu Lingtian’s mind.
“I’m sorry,” Fan Yi murmured.
Wu Lingtian hummed in confusion. “Why are you apologizing again?”
“If I had just—”
“I was the one who made the decision to stay. What were you going to do? Kidnap me?”
“I should have.”
Wu Lingtian couldn’t help but laugh, his heart warming. “Don’t be angry—and definitely don’t be guilty. You couldn’t have possibly known, right? What’s the point of beating yourself up over something you couldn’t predict?”
Fan Yi closed his eyes and held Wu Lingtian tighter, as if he wanted to absorb Wu Lingtian so nothing else would be able to hurt him again. He silently shook his head, unable to convey even a fraction of the heartache he felt.
Wu Lingtian stayed silent as well. In his life, he often thought about a lot of “what if” situations. But, in the end, what if’s were unreliable. It was the idealistic version of reality—something that would be perfect beyond compare. Wu Lingtian didn’t want that. He wanted all the emotions. He wanted to experience them one by one for himself.
But he couldn’t say this to Fan Yi. He knew, with Fan Yi’s temperament, he would only feel worse about the situation. Nothing Wu Lingtian could say would change the fact that there was one crucial decision Fan Yi could have made that would have changed Wu Lingtian’s entire life, and he had made the wrong choice.
Wu Lingtian pressed a long kiss to Fan Yi’s temple. He pulled back and leaned his cheek against the silent man. “I wish there were more ways to say I love you.”
“I wish I had loved you sooner.”
The words made Wu Lingtian’s heart swell. He gently nipped at Fan Yi’s ear. “Hey, you’re making me want to do things.”
Fan Yi pulled back and looked at Wu Lingtian seriously. “Are you really okay?”
Wu Lingtian laughed. “I am.”
“…I know I’m overreacting but—”
“I think you’re reacting just fine. If I were you, I would be even more frantic,” Wu Lingtian said. “Besides, I quite like your concern.”
Fan Yi almost couldn’t bear it. He squeezed Wu Lingtian’s hands and looked at him silently.
“What’s happened happened,” Wu Lingtian said with a shrug. “You just have to cherish and love me a lot in the future to make up for it.”
Fan Yi coughed out a laugh.
Hearing this, Wu Lingtian’s smile grew. “Not angry anymore?”
“Who said I was angry?”
“You weren’t? Ren-jie and Tian-ge acted like you were about to destroy this whole place. Even I was scared,” Wu Lingtian said.
“You were?” Fan Yi looked at him apologetically.
Wu Lingtian raised a brow; his entire expression asking if Fan Yi truly believed him.
Fan Yi chuckled lightly. He stood and gave Wu Lingtian a gently kiss. “Let’s get dinner first.”
Because of Fan Yi’s anger, the matter of the riddle had to be delayed. After dinner, Wu Lingtian went to find Xiu Lan, who had just woken up. He arrived with a bowl of congee and sat down beside her unmoving form. A soft smile graced his face as he stirred the congee and lightly blew on it.
“You have to eat a lot to recover faster,” Wu Lingtian said, his voice unprecedently gentle. He held the spoon up to Xiu Lan’s lips. “Here. It’s cooled down.”
Xiu Lan looked at him silently.
“You don’t believe me?” Wu Lingtian took a small sip from the spoon. “See? It’s not hot.”
“…Shishu,” Xiu Lan’s voice cracked. A tear fell from her eye, slowly wetting her cheeks.
Wu Lingtian lowered his hands. He carefully brushed aside Xiu Lan’s tears. “What’s wrong?”
“Is he…is Shifu dead?” Xiu Lan asked, her voice small.
Wu Lingtian felt like he knew the answer. It was on the tip of his tongue. It was a simple yes or no, but he couldn’t say it. It stopped at his throat, refusing to go any higher and refusing to go back down. It hung there in suspense, just like most things in his life.
“Lan’er,” Wu Lingtian brushed his thumb against her temple. “I’m going to be going away for a little while again. I’ll tell you when I come back.”
“You’re leaving?” Xiu Lan’s eyes widened. She lowered her gaze. “Where to? Will it be long?”
“I promise you it won’t be too long. I’ll be back before the new year’s,” Wu Lingtian said.
“That’s still several months away,” Xiu Lan whispered.
“Before,” Wu Lingtian emphasized. “It could be next month or even in a few weeks. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Xiu Lan nodded, but there was a dullness to her gaze.
“Lan’er, look at me.”
Xiu Lan lifted her head.
“The people here are really nice,” Wu Lingtian said. “They won’t yell at you if you walk too fast or talk too loud. No one’s going to hit you. You can act as willful as you want and they won’t be mad. Especially Ren-jie—they’re very patient. If you ever feel upset or you can’t sleep at night, Ren-jie will talk to you.”
Xiu Lan blinked back her tears, her gaze still steadily concentrated on Wu Lingtian.
“There’s nothing to be scared of here,” Wu Lingtian said. “I’ll be back quickly, okay? So—”
Wu Lingtian’s reaction speed was fast. He managed to move the bowl of congee away from his chest as Xiu Lan threw herself onto him. Her sobs grew louder and Wu Lingtian could only pat her back helplessly.
“What’s wrong?” Wu Lingtian asked. “I promise I’ll be back so fast, you won’t even notice. I can’t take you with me because it might be dangerous, so—”
“Shishu, I’m sorry.”
Wu Lingtian froze.
“I’m so sorry,” Xiu Lan cried. “You’ve been through so much and I—I’m breaking down over—over—”
Wu Lingtian carefully set the hot bowl down and hugged Xiu Lan properly. “Why are you apologizing? There was nothing you could have done.”
At this, Xiu Lan cried even harder. There was nothing more Wu Lingtian could say, so he could only remain silently by her side.
From when he was a child up until adulthood, there were a lot of people who pitied him and there were a lot of people who cried for him. But as Wu Lingtian listened to their words and witnessed their tears, he would never know how to react.
He hadn’t cried over how pitiful his life was, yet so many other people did it for him. He had always found it a bit silly.
Out of all the amazing things Fan Yi can do, his favorite seems to be the ability to pull Wu Lingtian out of a mood 😊. I wonder if what was done to his soul is just a Gu or if it’s related to the unprecedented imbalance the guys are investigating in the outskirts right now. I hope it’s nothing like that.
it’s fan yi’s special ability LOL thanks for readdinnngg uwu
“I wish there were more ways to say I love you.” “I wish I had loved you sooner.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
also i guess he didnt get all his memories all back, just a little “aha” moment