“Oh.” Shi Wuduan nodded, “Because it was my idea.”
“Why?” Meng Zhongyong looked at him confusedly and asked, “What’d you come up with such a lousy idea for?”
Shi Wuduan shoved a thick stack of spirit money into the brazier, nearly smothering the flame. A small fire flickered into existence at his fingertips. He didn’t seem to be afraid of the heat, using his finger like a lighter.
Meng Zhongyong couldn’t help but think it was a miraculous sight, no matter how many times he’d seen it before. He had once been a guard employed by a wealthy family. He’d been born healthy and strong, and was naturally suited for martial arts; he had quite the skill when it came to fighting and brawling. But immortal cultivators and Dao cultivators were rare as hens’ teeth, there were fewer cultivators than there were pearls in the empress dowager’s headdress. An average person wouldn’t ever encounter more than one or two in their entire lifetime. So he’d always been in awe of Shi Wuduan’s little tricks and thought he was cooler than even the best sideshow performers.
“Doesn’t it burn?” Meng Zhongyong bravely poked it with a finger and instantly retracted his hand, ”Aiya, it’s real fire!”
The firelight reflected off of Shi Wuduan’s eyes. He said quietly, “We had no choice, really. Eldest brother seems to have a lot of people, but the majority of them are just tagalongs who’re only here to nab some rations. We don’t do any trade, we don’t have anyone paying taxes to us, and the harvests are bad each year. We can’t just start robbing people on the streets can we? If we don’t have money, how are we going to feed all these people?”
“Oh!” Meng Zhongyong had a look of realization on his face, “I get it now, we’re here to crib food off that Cui guy!”
“Uh……” Shi Wuduan paused, “Yea, you could put it that way.”
By the time he finished speaking, the papers had all burned to ash, so he stood and wrapped his coat around himself. He felt like a cold intent was already blowing through his clothes like they weren’t there. He said, “I’m going back inside. Don’t forget to do the dishes.”
Meng Zhongyong looked at him and, in a moment of insight, laid his large-as-a-palm-leaf hand on his head and patted him gently. He said awkwardly, “You’re too young to be thinking such heavy thoughts all the time, you’ll wear yourself out.”
He hadn’t come up with those words on his own, he’d merely heard it said before by eldest brother, Gu Huaiyang, and third brother, Lu Yunzhou. In truth, Meng Zhongyong couldn’t see any sign of this sanctimonious, devious, and narcissistic young man being burdened with “heavy thoughts” — aside from when there was meat on the table, when he’d plot each move beforehand, and his actions were all steady, accurate, and ferocious.
But when Shi Wuduan had been looked at the brazier full of ash and stood up so finally, it’d made him think of Gu Huaiyang’s words
Shi Wuduan had originally planned to stay up the whole night until he’d awkwardly bumped into the tall oaf. And thinking that, down below, senior Jiang Hua probably counted as a “millionaire” by now, he’d carelessly cleaned up the mess when he suddenly heard him speak. He paused in his steps, mumbling a half-hearted assent, before lightly closing the door behind him. It creaked on its hinge, then all was silent.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Gu Huaiyang had a few sworn brothers. The eldest was himself. The second, named Qu Feng, had died in battle already. The third was Lu Yunzhou, who was once a part of the Jianghu. He didn’t often speak to anyone aside from his few close friends and had a three year old little daughter named Lu Lu. He didn’t often fight either, but he was rumored to be a rare talent with immense skill and known in the Jianghu by another title, though Lu Yunzhou himself didn’t want anyone bringing it up, so everyone stopped speculating.
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The fifth was Meng Zhongyong.
Shi Wuduan barely counted as the little sixth — because these valiant heroes often treated this young brother as a son.
The “King of Anqing, ” Cui Hu wasn’t a total idiot. At the very least, he could tell that these people were a cohesive group and wouldn’t easily submit to his authority. When Gu Huaiyang had joined under his banner, Cui Hu had been rather smug at first, thinking that he’d gained territory and subordinates, but his inept advisor Cripple Zhang reminded him — beware of raising tigers.
Cripple Zhang used to be an accountant. With his mountain goat beard, his getup, and his mannerisms, it was like he was born for the sole purpose of being an inept advisor for a band of rebel scum.
Cripple Zheng believed that Gu Huaiyang, seeing as he was good at fighting, reading, and chumming around with other bandits, was a civilized scoundrel. That kind of scoundrel couldn’t be compared to the likes of Meng Zhongyong, they were extremely dangerous. He’d only pledged allegiance to the King of Anqing because he wanted to take shelter in the shade of a large tree. But the monkey in the shade had grand ambitions; if the King of Anqing’s power ever waned, it would leap up to oust him from his throne.
Cui Hu had always thought that Cripple Zhang was the smartest person in the world, and took everything he said as truth, so he decided to think of some way to divide and conquer Gu Huaiyang’s people. Then once they’d settled in, he’d start hazing them — he’d make Gu Huaiyang’s people bow to his rules and scatter them amongst his own ranks.
Gu Huaiyang had agreed very easily. The next day, he’d somehow conjured a whole pile of red scarves, handing them out to each of his comrades, saying it was a memento. Thus the “Redscarf Army” was absorbed into Cui Hu’s troops. But, like grains of rice scattered in a heap of sand, not only were their differences glaringly obvious, Cui Hu realized with a headache that in just a few days, the Redscarf Army and the local soldiers had already gotten into several brawls. When a big flock of dudes started scuffling, they were like plucked ducks brought to market, screaming and flailing and being a pain in the ass.
Cui Hu found that the time he could spend enjoying music and messing around with his concubine was greatly reduced. And nearly every time the two groups got into a row, it was a large scale incident, almost like there was someone purposely stirring things up. The causes of these fights were almost always impossible to unravel; all his investigations had turned up nothing. As Cui Hu was forced to once again hold his pants up while he left his concubine’s soft, fragrant boudoir and hear a bunch of beefy, sweaty men cuss each other out, he finally thought, for the first time, that Cripple Zhang had come up with an extremely lousy idea.
The most alarming thing was the fights, it was that people who hadn’t been wearing red scarves, after being egged on by “certain” people with ulterior motives, had started wearing them as well. After two months, even stranger things began to occur. All the women in the city must’ve been possessed or something, because they all started to emulate Li Si-niang and wear a red scarf around their necks. The trend had spread like wildfire until, in the houses and on the streets, all the women and girls had become big red lanterns of all shapes and sizes; it was astounding to behold.
What a mess it’d all become! Cui Hu and Cripple Zhang talked it over for a few days, and agreed that Gu Huaiyang and his people were all more trouble than they were worth; they had to find a way to get rid of them.
They’d racked their brains for a couple of months before finally, opportunity knocked on their door — there was a small mountain less than fifteen kilometers away from Anqing named Biqiu Mountain. Under that mountain was a city, named Guji. And in that city, a “King of Guji” had popped up.
Guji and Anqing were both part of Haining Commandery. Cui Hu thought that it was simply too inappropriate to have two “Kings” in a place so small you could barely fart and was determined to use the chance to make Gu Huaiyang and his lot go away.
He ordered Gu Huaiyang to lead his “Redscarf Army” to “eradicate the bandits.”
Cui Hu had invited Gu Huaiyang to his home, along with Cripple Zhang, and while they were drinking and eating, brought the matter up with Gu Huaiyang. Gu Huaiyang was only accompanied by Shi Wuduan — Lu Yunzhou didn’t have the patience to talk to strangers, Li Si-niang was a woman who refused to debase herself by eating a meal with that Cui guy, and Meng Zhongyong was a bit slow in the head compared to Cripple Zhang.
Upon hearing King Cui declare, full of righteous indignation, that he intended to drive the bandits away, Gu Huaiyang’s mouth twitched uncontrollably. He thought, using the word “thick” to describe King Cui’s face was a massive understatement, the phrase “impenetrable as a fortress” is more fitting.
King Cui seemed to think that rebellion was also a first-come-first-serve affair, and those who cut in line could be declared “rebels” and brought to justice by other rebels.
He shot a glance at Shi Wuduan, who was single-mindedly munching away at a drumstick with his bare, oily hands. He was utterly unruffled.
Luckily, eldest brother Gu’s face wasn’t any thinner than King Cui’s, so he pretended to be raring at the bit and asked, “In that case, King, how are you planning to quell these bandits?”
King Cui cleared his throat. Cripple Zhang continued on his behalf, while sending him suggestive glances, “The bandits of Guji are only recent upstarts, they aren’t much threat, really. It’s just that the King is concerned that since your army is still green and untried, there might be a few hot-headed young men getting chafing under your authority, so he wanted to give you an opportunity to earn some military accolades, General Gu.”
Gu Huaiyang hurriedly replied, “Of course, of course. Many thanks for your consideration, King.”
King Cui said, as if he really had done him a huge favor, “That Guji City is hardly the size of a pebble, taking it will be easy as cake. You’ve no need to worry, Huaiyang, for your three-thousand strong Redscarf Army is indeed well trained. Traveling from Anqing to Guji at top speed takes only a day and night, so just bring half your men with you, along with thirty to fifty carts, and I’ll even give you a hundred warhorses. Tell your soldiers to pack ten days worth of food, and we’ll save the cost of rations. Just a quick trip there and back.”
Guji City was built on in the mountains, it’s high altitude and inaccessibility — the only paths leading to this city were narrow plank walkways — made it easily defended but difficult to attack. Gu Huaiyang thought, well played, old bastard. Not only are you sending us to our deaths, you’re even planning on keeping half my people. Waiting to swallow them once they’re lost and leaderless? Careful not to choke to death.
Shi Wuduan tossed the cleanly stripped chicken bone back into the plate, and very rudely stood up to reach for another drumstick, which he then finished off like a starving ghost.
Cripple Zhang looked disdainfully at the pile of chicken bones on the platter and pushed the whole thing in front of Shi Wuduan, “If you like these, young hero, eat as much as you like, there’s more where that came from in the King’s residence. You won’t get the chance to eat drumsticks as good as these once you leave Anqing.”
Shi Wuduan nodded, “You’re absolutely right, Cripple Zhang.”
Gu Huaiyang said, “Please, do excuse him.”
Before King Cui and Cripple Zhang could respond, Shi Wuduan had already finished off another drumstick and said, “You know, eldest brother, I say we eat our fill. You haven’t got the same knack for strategy as our King here, I think you’re going to lose the battle.”
Cripple Zhang’s face soured, he pinched his beard as he forced out, “Little hero, you can’t just rain on the mood like that.”
Gu Huaiyang placated, “He’s just young and immature. Please forgive his insolence, King, apologies.”
Shi Wuduan continued, “Aiya, eldest brother, you can’t fool me that easily. Nothing makes people run faster than fighting a losing battle. If we bring a thousand and five hundred people to Guji, it’s the same as delivering a gift-wrapped present of men and horses to the King of Guji…. oh, and nine day’s worth of food too.”
Gu Huaiyang lowered his head, “Please, do excuse him.”
Shi Wuduan reached out with chopsticks and filled his bowl with fish, saying gloomily, “Eldest brother, you should hurry and eat some more too.”
As Cui Hu looked at these two people acting like they were eating their last meal, he suddenly thought, what if that Gu fellow goes and defects to that rebel scum out of discontent?
His eyes met with Cripple Zhang’s. Cripple Zhang instantly took his king’s worries into account and said, “Ah… ha ha, General Gu, you’re too modest. If you’re that worried, General Gu, you can bring another thousand people with you, and in addition to the horses you’ve brought, the King will give you another fifty, how’s that?”
Shi Wuduan plopped some eggs into Gu Huaiyang’s bowl, sighing, “Eldest brother, have some more of this.”
Cripple Zhang’s eyelid twitched in anger. King Cui cleared his throat and said, “Advisor Zhang, don’t be so stingy now, let’s say…. I’ll give General Gu three platoons of elite soldiers and another one hundred fifty warhorses.”
Shi Wuduan tossed aside another chicken bone that looked like it’d been chomped on by a weasel, wiped his hands, and patted his belly. He complained miserably, “I’m too stuffed to eat. Won’t you take pity on me, King, and let me take the leftovers back with me? Our Redscarf Army is full of old and injured soldiers who’ll starve if we can’t finish the battle, isn’t that sad?”
Cui Hu felt like his innards were cramping as he thought, that Shi Wuduan was too much of a bloody nuisance.
Thanks for the chapter<3
I’m glad SWD hasn’t lost his cheekiness 🐒
Agree!!!
Thank u for the Translation!!!
Little brother is too funny. It’s like weaponized incompetence meets self deprication. It’s so clever haha.