If I had to describe my father using today’s language, he would be an open minded, literature stan. He was a friendly and interesting character, who got along well with friends and family. He would ideally spend his time by making a pot of tea for himself at home, followed by reading a book written by an author he liked.
He had always told us that reading books could broaden our horizons, and that it was through reading books that we could gain knowledge. There was nothing else that was an investment of similar calibre – requiring such minimal investment for such extraordinary returns.
Back when Sheng Min Ou and I were young, he had always liked to read to us a chapter or two from his favourite books. It was a way for him to express his fondness for reciting, which he often had nowhere to exhibit.
He particularly admired Borges’s collection of short stories, especially the one titled, “There Are More Things”, as he often repeatedly read to us the excerpts that he found exquisite.
“As a boy, I accepted those facts of ugliness as one accepts all those incompatible things that only by reason of their coexistence are called ‘the universe’.”
I figured it was because he took these words to heart that he thought Sheng Min Ou’s “differences” weren’t anything to be surprised about. This earth had all kinds of people on it, just as how some people were kind, and some would be evil. Some were selfless, and some were selfish. There wasn’t a specific personality type that was correct or perfect, and in fact – “perfection” was but the type encapsulating the majority of people.
Many years had passed since then, and though I can’t say I can recall everything verbatim, the plot of this story remains deeply imprinted in my mind.
Borges’ stories often contained explorations of philosophical ideas, possibly influenced by his own personal background in Philosophy. He had also maintained his own unique views on the subject of death and time.
Unlike my father, I most enjoyed the part near the beginning of the story. It was when the protagonist went through a moment of reflection upon learning of his uncle’s death, “I feel what we always feel when someone dies – the sad awareness, now futile, of how little it would have cost us to have been more loving. One forgets that one is a dead man conversing with dead men.”
Life was fleeting. Especially after my father had passed, this phrase elicited an even greater sense of sorrow. We should be treating our relatives as well as we could while they were alive. After their passing, no matter whether we burned joss paper or offered sacrifices, these things were truthfully only done to comfort ourselves.
Thus, I always viewed Borges’ point as one I shared.
That was why when I woke up and suddenly found myself in the house I had lived in for more than ten years, I couldn’t help but think of what Yi Da Zhuang said. The air in the house was rich with the fragrance of delicious food, my father was sitting on the sofa reading the newspaper, my mother was busy in the kitchen, and everything appeared in perfect harmony. Did he really jinx me – was I really killed off by a single gunshot?
I buried my face in both my hands as I propped my elbows on my knees, unable to process the situation.
At least let me have some final words – what kind of tragic death was this, passing away due to a single bullet? I wasn’t even thirty yet, so surely this counted as coming to a premature end?
And if I had really died, what would Sheng Min Ou do? He, he…he probably wouldn’t be suffering for too long.
My back folded further as I pondered this, however a feeling of comfort simultaneously arose from my heart.
I was both sad that he wouldn’t be mourning my death for too long, and glad that he would be able to get back on track and resume his usual routine, as he lived on to enjoy the rest of his life.
It was times like this that these flaws in his personality actually became a blessing.
“Xiao Feng, how have you been lately?”
My whole body jolted upon hearing this long-familiar voice, as I raised my head and looked at the middle-aged man on the sofa.
My father was only in his forties when he passed. Perhaps time was meaningless in the afterlife as he looked the exact same as before, not appearing to have aged at all despite years having gone by in the real world.
“Dad…” He flipped through the newspaper, as if he was just having a casual conversation between father and son, however my eyes instantly teared up, as my voice came out trembling.
I had dreamed of this scene many times, sitting with my father like this, catching up on what was happening, analysing the recent events going on and partaking in activities we would never be able to do together again in reality.
“I’m doing great. I’m in good health, work is going well, and recently… recently I’ve even gained a bit of weight.”
“That’s good to hear.” My dad flipped to another page of the newspaper, “Where’s your brother?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Lf lr jirb vblcu gfjiis kfii. Lf’r j ijksfg cbk. Lf’r yffc wjxlcu ubbv qgbugfrr bc fnfgsatlcu sbe’nf ifoa tlw ab vb. Tbe mjc gfra jrregfv atja tf vlvc’a ulnf lc ab tlr vfrlgfr, tf’r jikjsr yffc rajcvlcu lc atf iluta.”
Zs vjv tfiv eq atf cfkrqjqfg jcv mtemxifv, “P xcfk atja ybs mbeiv vb la.”
I laughed along with him, but it didn’t take long before my dad put down the newspaper he was reading and suddenly directed a serious look at me.
“Your mother told me about you.”
My smile froze instantly, just like when I had done something wrong as a child. I couldn’t help but rub my knees with the palm of my hand and my eyes drifted, in fear of meeting his gaze.
“I won’t criticize you, because these things are in the past. It’s useless to talk about it, since people should be looking towards the future.”
I stared at the ground as I spoke, “I’m sorry, I’ve let both of you down.”
“What nonsense,” he replied. I felt a big, warm hand suddenly touch the top of my head, it was the warmth my father had in my memories, “You’ve never once disappointed us. You’ve done well, your brother has done well, you’re both doing great.”
A sore sensation travelled up my nose as my eyes began to blur.
I could’ve never guessed that in this life, I hadn’t contributed to much good, but I was still able to go to heaven after death.
“Although I still have a lot to say to you, it isn’t the right time for a family reunion yet. I won’t be asking you to stay for dinner, so you should leave now.”
The large hand withdrew as I looked up blankly. My father dragged his slippers across the floor as he ran to the entryway of the kitchen, directing his question to my mother whose back was turned to us as he asked, “Lu Feng’s mum, Xiao Feng is going now, are you really not going to say anything to him?”
My mother paused for a second before resuming her action of chopping vegetables, as she waved a hand, her back still facing me, “No, no, nothing to say, tell him to scram.”
This attitude, this posture, no doubt that was my mother.
I stood up and walked towards her, before finally stopping at the kitchen door as I looked at her back and asked, “Mum, are you still mad at me?”
“Angry my ass, I’m already dead, so why would I care anymore.” My mother continued to cut the vegetables with great efficiency as she ultimately never turned around, “I gave birth to you and raised you, though I did not give birth to Sheng Min Ou, I had also raised him. The fact that you two became like this, that is on me for failing in my ways of education. I can admit that.”
“Mum……”
I wanted to get closer, but a door that was nearby suddenly flung open, as if a hurricane had swept by.
“Your mother speaks harsh words on the outside but she’s soft-hearted on the inside. When has she ever not let you do something you’ve wanted to do?” My father dragged me by the arm as he took me to the door. When I was at the entryway, he turned me around so my back faced the door as he looked me up and down. At long last, he gave me a gentle, reluctant push out the door, “You should leave, There are more things, and it isn’t time yet. If you don’t go now, you won’t be able to make it back again.”
I stumbled back towards the door and the next second, my whole body fell into the darkness. Illuminated by a hazy white light, the door to my “home” that I recalled slowly closed in front of my eyes, before it disappeared in the depths of the darkness.
The terrifying sense of weightlessness elicited a scream from me, as I frantically waved my limbs in an attempt to grasp at something. However, the only thing surrounding me was darkness, as it felt like I had been sucked within a giant black hole. The space was devoid of anything, even light disappeared here, as the only thing that existed was the gravitational force pulling me down,
I remained in this state of free fall for several days longer before suddenly, without warning, I began to spot colours other than back.
There was a white building, there were pedestrians walking about, an ambulance with its lights flashing, and the cold, hard ground…
Before I could fully celebrate my return back to earth, my eyes widened in shock as I took in the sight of the rapidly approaching ground. Continued shouts of “stop” came out my mouth, but it did nothing to stop my impending fate of colliding with the floor.
When I fell to the ground, the pain that I was expecting never came, in fact, I didn’t let out a single sound at all.
I lay on the ground for a while, but I didn’t feel any pain. Confused, I got up from the floor and smoothened my clothes.
From one end of the corridor, two people were hurriedly making their way over. There was an older figure and a younger one, with the older one having traces of white emerging from the hair near his temples. The younger individual was charmingly beautiful, and these two people were precisely Xiao Sui Guang and Xiao Mo Yu.
Xiao Mo Yu supported her father as he walked, her features forming a solemn expression that rarely appeared on her face. As she walked, her high heels left a steady, consistent rhythm of ‘clicks’ in their wake on the marble floors.
“Mr. Xiao…” I wished to say hello to them, I even had a hand raised, but it was like they hadn’t seen me at all as they walked straight through me as they passed me.
I hurriedly pressed down on my chest and found that I couldn’t feel any rhythm there. I didn’t have a heartbeat!
“Right now I’m…what the hell?”
I turned around and looked in the direction of where Xiao Sui Guang and Xiao Mo Yu went. The first thing I saw when my gaze travelled there was Sheng Min Ou, who stayed by the entrance of the operation room.
He was still wearing the same set of clothes which were stained with blood, his white shirt splattered with traces of it. He stood there, his head raised as his gaze was fixed on the two red words, ‘IN OPERATION’ fixed on top of the door. He had a tall and commanding build which should not have elicited a weak and fragile impression. However, and I wasn’t sure whether this was because of his unusual sorry state, or his state of exhaustion that I could sense from just looking at his back, but I felt like I was looking at a little boy who had gotten lost.
He wanted so dearly to return home, however the next bus which arrived at his stop only had a fifty percent chance of taking him back. Therefore, though he might return home, he might also be led to somewhere even further from home. So he was filled with anticipation, yet scared, and at the same time slightly vexed at how he could’ve gotten lost in the first place.
“Xiao Sheng…” Xiao Sui Guang began, before coming to a stop behind Sheng Min Ou.
Sheng Min Ou heard his voice and turned his body partially to look at him, his features expressionless and his eyes dark.
Xiao Sui Guang pressed his lips together as he broke free from his daughter’s support, before bowing to Sheng Min Ou as he said, “I didn’t expect such a thing to happen, I’m truly sorry.”
“Dad!” Xiao Mo Yu stepped forward to hold her father up again, “You weren’t aware of what Xiao Meng did, how could this be your fault.”
Xiao Sui Guang ignored her, as he continued to look directly at Sheng Min Ou before speaking again, “Please rest assured that I will bear all medical expenses and responsibility for subsequent compensations your brother may require…”
Xiao Sui Guang went on to emphasise that he would follow through on his promises and that he would not shirk his responsibility. In response, Sheng Min Ou just looked at him, without providing any words of comfort, and proceeded to do even less than that by not offering a response at all. His act of refusing to communicate led Xiao Sui Guang to feel slightly awkward, as he gradually stopped talking.
Sheng Min Ou spoke then, “If my brother dies, Xiao Meng must also die.”
I didn’t know whether Xiao Sui Guang was frightened by this or what, but his mouth fell open as he couldn’t think of a response for a second. Xiao Mo Yu jumped in then, her voice full of annoyance.
“Sheng Min Ou, what’s with your attitude? If you have a grudge then hold that grudge, if you feel the need to avenge your brother then go do that. However, my father here is handling the aftermath of the mess Xiao Meng has made. We have a whole ton of other controversies to deal with outside, so don’t take your anger out on us!”
Sheng Min Ou turned back around and stopped engaging with them.
“You!” Xiao Mo Yu glared at his back, and had wanted to continue speaking before she took in the sight of the bright red operation sign above her. She held back her anger as she swallowed her words.
“Dad, let’s go, he probably doesn’t want us to stay here anyways.” With that, Xiao Mo Yu helped support Xiao Sui Guang as they turned around and left, her high heels clicking on the floor more harshly than when she first came.
Meanwhile, Yi Da Zhuang, who had one hand and one foot in a plaster cast was propped up by Shen Xiao Shi as they approached the door of the operating room, followed by Wei Shi, who was holding a pile of bills.
The three of them were initially having some sort of conversation, however when they reached the door of the operating room, they naturally quietened down. Xiao Shi helped Yi Da Zhuang sit down on the bench as he himself leaned against the wall, wrapping his arms around his chest as he waited quietly.
Wei Shi stood together with Sheng Min Ou for a while, before he began to pace back and forth irritably.
“It’s been several hours, why are they still not done yet…” His long brows furrowed as he paced with both his hands behind his back, “There used to be a fake Daoist priest in the cells who had taken a look at Lu Feng and said that he had a hurdle to get over before the age of 30. If he managed to pass it safely, then he would be able to live to 100 years old without suffering from any disease or disaster. He had also provided a way to resolve this issue afterwards… I feel like he knows what he’s talking about, and his predictions seem pretty accurate. Lu Feng will definitely come out of this fine, and then he will smoothly proceed to live a long life.”
After Wei Shi had said this, I did recall a fake Daoist priest that had landed in prison because of some involvement with pyramid schemes. He had taken a look at all of us, and said that the person who was fated for Wei Shi was far away out of reach, but also right in front of his eyes, as he ended this prediction with a meaningful glance. Wei Shi thought he was implying something, and so ended up serving him a beating in disgust.
Turns out he had wrongfully misjudged him.
I had no idea if the solution the Daoist priest gave was really that effective, but Wei Shi had just finished reciting it when the red light on the operating room turned off. Not long after, the door to the operating room opened as the primary attending surgeon took off his mask and came out, and was instantly surrounded by an anxious Wei Shi and Shen Xiao Shi.
“Doctor, how is he?”
“He, he’s okay right?”
The doctor smiled before replying, “Don’t worry, the operation went smoothly. However, we’d still need to keep him in the ICU to observe his condition for a few days.”
As soon as he had finished speaking, the door to the operating room was pushed open again. There was an oxygen tube inserted in “me”, and my body had been securely covered up, as I was wheeled out by the medical staff.
My face was so pale it was frightening. When the stretcher bed passed me, I took a glance at myself on the bed and shook my head with a tut.
“Wait for me, wait for me, I’m coming with you guys too!”
It took all his might for Yi Da Zhuang to stand as he followed the stretcher bed for a while, before Shen Xiao Shi came to his side to help him as they trailed behind. Wei Shi asked the medical staff in detail about the things to keep in mind and postoperative recovery procedures as he followed them, leaving only Sheng Min Ou standing where he was, having not moved an inch.
I stood beside him and tried to touch him, but my hand slipped through his body.
“What? Are you unhappy now that I managed to come out of this alive?” I teased, lightly tapping his cheek.
Sheng Min Ou evidently could not hear what I said. He raised his hand and eyed the traces of blood that had now congealed. After looking around for a while, he proceeded to walk towards the bathroom.
Curious, I went after him and saw him enter the men’s bathroom as he came to a stop in front of the sink.
He began to wash his hands over and over again, rubbing them with soap, and along with the cuffs of his shirt which also had blood stains over it. He didn’t stop with this behaviour, not even when his fingers turned white and his skin became wrinkled.
It’s understandable to wash your hands once or twice, but if it was over a dozen or twenty times, then that was surely too excessive right? If he continued washing his hands, I felt like they would start rotting.
“Ge, it’s good now, stop washing your hands!” I yelled in his ear, trying in vain to stop his behaviour that almost bordered on self abuse.
Five minutes had passed, the soap at the hospital now a decent amount slimmer in its circumference before Sheng Min Ou suddenly stopped moving. However, before I could be happy at this occurrence, I watched his face turn pale as he rushed into a cubicle and began dry heaving in front of the toilet.
I panicked, and just when I wanted to check in on him a huge suction force pulled me away from his side. The scenery around me receded rapidly, and I quickly lost consciousness again.
Jiraiya (translator’s note): There were two quotes from Borges work, ‘There Are More Things’ that were referenced in this chapter and I wanted to bring special attention to its translation. The Chinese translation seems to have quite significant differences in my opinion, to the official English translation of Borges’ work. I have opted to use the direct English translation of Borges story rather than translating a Chinese translation, but due to the rather distinct differences between them I have decided to include my translation of it here at the end of the chapter.
- Official English translation: “As a boy, I accepted those facts of ugliness as one accepts all those incompatible things that only by reason of their coexistence are called ‘the universe’.”
My translation of the Chinese translation: “Ever since the day I had obtained knowledge and understanding, I had since young come to accept those things we deem as ugly. In fact, there are many things on this earth which do not fit in, yet, each is faced with no choice but to accept the other, in order to coexist.”
- Official English translation: “I feel what we always feel when someone dies – the sad awareness, now futile, of how little it would have cost us to have been more loving. One forgets that one is a dead man conversing with dead men.”
My translation of the Chinese translation: “I feel what we always feel when we lose someone beloved: the sense of remorse for not having treated them better while they were still with us. Now, that sadness is futile. People tend to forget that only the dead can converse with the dead.”
As you can see, this difference is quite significant, and placed within the context of the story it leaves a rather different impression. I have therefore provided both versions for reference, and I also would like to encourage you to check out and read ‘There Are More Things’ for yourself! It’s a short read (only six pages) and rather Lovecraftian in its essence. Nevertheless, I’ll leave the interpretation of what meaning Borges’ quotes carry in this chapter to be up to you. Take care and see you in the next chapter!
Thanks for the chapter. I hope your challenges have improved.
Thanks for the chapter ♥️♥️
Thanks for the chapter ❤️
Aaaah i feel bad for Sheng min ou now 😭 thank you for the chapter 💝
This chapter was so interesting, and also kind of sad… I really liked the scene with Dad, I wish we get to see more of him. The chapter where he takes LF and SMO to the beach is my favorite so far 🙂
Thank you for the chapter! ❤
Thank you for the note jiraiya-sensei. I was wondering about this very thing and thinking you must have found the English translation of the quotes, but also wondering what it was in Chinese. You anticipated all the things I wanted to know as I read! Thank you for your hard work.
Thank you for the chapter and your hard work!
i found this chapter quite sad…
thank you for the chapter 💕
Thank you for providing both of the translations! I feel like I’ve gained a new valuable knowledge
thanks for the chapter!
😟