Thank you so much for a coffee Tinsunny! (・ᗜ・)ﾉ♡. * ・ ｡ﾟ
TLC: Lilies
Editing: Mashiro
“I really did love you at that time.”—It was a line that appeared in every drama about love entanglements, in every novel when old flames showed up. It was clichéd, but worked pretty often.
And right now, a person was confessing to him in the same way in real life. That man said that phrase in a low voice full of remorse—it could very well be a quite moving scene, provided that person didn’t hold his arm in a tight grip, making him unable to budge.
His accomodation was very close to the TV station. Qi Jing had been there before—at that time, he was in charge of receiving the training exchange colleagues coming to the city from the other areas. This time, the man was probably also arranged to stay at that place by the company.
This place was, strictly speaking, a budget hotel with no star ratings. The prices were cheap, so the living conditions were far from being first-rate, but they were passable.
The wall behind the door was white, with a wallpaper that looked like it was due for a change and smelled of dried special-purpose cleaning paste. Now, Qi Jing was being pressed against it and forced to breathe that smell in. Besides its white surface with his shadow on it, he couldn’t see anything, but he could still hear the clicking sound of the door locking automatically.
Contrary to the traditional door locks, the electronic ones weren’t that easy to be pick locked from the outside. What’s more, that “do not disturb” button had already been pressed, so no cleaning service would come in. And the only holder of the key card to this room was precisely this man who’s sticking close to his back, whispering into his ear.
“Qi Jing,” The man had a different air about him than in days gone by. Before, he wasn’t this overbearing and had a bit of refreshingness to him, like the summer sun—completely unlike the overpowering masculine scent of cologne he had now. Yet the tone he spoke in was still the same as in the past as he repeated those same words again as if to enchant Qi Jing, “at that time, I… really loved you.”
If the time went back a few years into the past, perhaps those words would actually soften his walls.
But right then, right there, this situation—
Qi Jing couldn’t squeeze out any other expression than a mocking smile, “Is that so? Thank you very much then. Now, can you let go of me?”
“Qi Jing, don’t be silly.” The man had no intention of letting him go. Even while restraining his wrist, he actually managed to free an index finger and stroke the back of Qi Jing’s hand, “Didn’t I say already that we need to have a proper talk?”
“Is this ‘proper talk’ of yours supposed to be talked through in this position?”
“Don’t you like it?” Even that man’s way of asking was the same as before—while it sounded like a question, it was, in fact, just a self-assured declaration.
Qi Jing’s whole body shivered—not out of fear, but because of the rage he felt.
Like?
Indeed, back then, there were times when all of his dormmates would be out; upon hearing about it, that person would come over, lock the door and hug him suddenly from behind just like this, pushing him against the wall.
Their dormitory building was old, its walls very thin, so they could indistinctly hear the conversations and laughter coming from the room next door. But the man felt a kind of thrill akin to cheating—both mentally and physically.
And at that time, Qi Jing already knew—even though he was still young and naïve—that homosexuality went against widely accepted norms, so he dared not make the slightest noise, dared not let anyone realise. It didn’t matter what that man did to him; he could only endure it as his knees went weak, that’s all.
Now, that man used just one word, “like”, to summarize his feelings from the past.
Those one-sided, half-coerced embraces and fondling?
“Get over yourself, aren’t you afraid that I’ll start shouting?” Despite the absurdity of the other party’s approach, Qi Jing still thought of his unknowing wife and his young son, and ultimately wanted to leave him some leeway. He only said in a chilling voice, “Let go of me, now. If you have something to say, then say it quickly, I don’t have that much time.”
After all, this was the person he had once given his heart to—he didn’t want to get too extreme.
But he didn’t expect that the man completely didn’t care for his considerations at all.
“Heh, who would come if you were to scream? The hotel staff, or maybe the police?” The voice from behind him laughed twice—the man’s hot breath on his nape made disgust well up in his heart, “And what if the police came? If you told them that something happened between two big, grown-up men, would they even believe it? And even if they were to believe it, after some brief investigation, they would find out that we were fellow students, while with some understanding of our social circle they would also see that we’re ‘good friends’. You even were the emcee at my wedding… So what are you going to tell them? What’s more, it’s not like I’m about to do something to you, I just want to talk.”
Under those circumstances, this case would indeed sound preposterous from the perspective of the “normal society”, making it completely unbelievable.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
The man’s wife wouldn’t believe him.
Ktf wjc’r qjgfcar kbeivc’a yfilfnf tlw.
Snfc atflg weaeji oglfcvr kbeivc’a yfilfnf tlw. Ktf wbra lgbclm atlcu kjr, tf kjr ojwliljg klat fnfgs rlcuif bcf bo atbrf qfbqif.
Ktf qbilmf kbeiv qgbyjyis atlcx atfs uba lc j vlrqeaf obg olcjcmlji gfjrbcr, wjsyf tfiv rbwf qfgrbcji ugevufr bg rbwfatlcu… Dea ybat atbrf nfgrlbcr kbeiv yf ecobecvfv, jr atfs kfgf lcvffv ecgfijafv ab atf ageat.
If he were to speak of the truth, he would probably be the only one to bear the consequences.
He would be viewed as a lunatic by this society…
“If you had really… ever liked me at least even a tiny bit… then scram from my sight right now.” Qi Jing’s voice started trembling.The feeling of helplessness and anger that had no outlet to vent could only rush up his throat, making his words come out hoarse.
“Qi Jing, I know that in fact, you’re not completely unwilling, right?” The man continued asserting his opinions without a care. In his opinion, as a gay, Qi Jing wasn’t that different from a woman—at a time like this he wouldn’t be honest, and any kind of resistance he showed was simply out of shyness. But a bit of coaxing in a soft voice and the man could continue.
“If I said I’m unwilling, would you listen?” Qi Jing’s smile was devoid of any warmth.
“Why are you unwilling,” Obviously, the man didn’t listen. He pushed Qi Jing even harder, taking another step closer, their clothes rubbing against each other. Qi Jing felt his left hand covered in cast being pushed against the wall—any kind of struggle would risk aggravating his fracture. He clenched his teeth and did his best to endure it, yet that person still had to pursue the matter and ask, “Or is it that… You have a boyfriend now, you should already be used to that? How far did you go with him, did he touch you? Or did he sleep with you?”
“He’s my boyfriend, it wouldn’t be strange no matter how far I went with him.”
Those were the words he just spouted in anger. That person wouldn’t possibly comprehend just how much Shen Yan cherished him, so he didn’t feel like explaining it.
“Turns out you’re such a frivolous person; so you could just hop on to the next so easily?” To his surprise, the man’s tone instantly grew cold, as if he got piqued. “Back then when I accepted you, you had told me yourself that I was the first man you dated—in the end, you intend to forget me this easily?”
Frivolous.
Easy.
In the eyes of the perpetrator, the years of his loneliness could be described just like that, summed up in those few words.
At that moment, Qi Jing suddenly gave a low laugh and basically spat the next few words out through gritted teeth, “So what, is accepting a man who likes other men like me some kind of charity of yours? Truly, I can’t thank you enough for your benevolence at that time.”
Maybe because his voice was too harsh, but the man’s arrogance was quickly taken back, once again reverting back to the soft coaxing, “Qi Jing… Don’t be angry, I was wrong. I really did love you at that time.”
Once again, the conversation got back to the starting point.
Qi Jing had no energy to continue going back-and-forth with him. His heart was already thoroughly chilled as he said, his face devoid of any emotion, “Did you know? At the time of your wedding… I really did wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart.”
The man was taken aback, his hands seemingly relaxing their grip a little.
“I knew that the path I chose wasn’t easy, so much so that I even felt relief in knowing that you didn’t have to take this thorny road with me and could lead your ‘normal’ life.” After mumbling this in a low voice, his gaze recovered its clarity as he scoffed, “Yet, after hearing your words today… Not only did I feel pity for the past me, I’m even starting to pity your wife.”
Every word of his last sentence was like a whetted knife, sharp beyond comparison.
The man’s expression changed as he furrowed his brows as his voice sank suddenly, “Qi Jing, you…”
The man’s hand firmly clutched Qi Jing’s chin, forcing him to turn his head over, his heavy pants pressing on—he only wished to block those lips, to make Qi Jing unable to say anything more.
At that time, the phone in Qi Jing’s pants suddenly started ringing.
The two of them froze at the same time. The ringing of the incoming call kept echoing among their hurried gasping, preventing the man from making another move. Qi Jing, on the other hand, made use of the man’s distraction and jerked his chin out of the other’s hold, breathing with difficulty through his clenched teeth.
It was the third time for Qi Jing’s phone to ring.
The first call came when they were on their way to the hotel, and of course, the man didn’t allow him to answer it.
The second came before they got into the room, and he didn’t take it as well.
Now, that ringtone has once again interrupted their confrontation.
“Damn it…” At first, the man hadn’t originally intended to go this far, but after receiving such verbal stimulation, in that moment of impulse he felt his desire surge. Yet, that imposing manner of his had been utterly washed away by the ringtone. Even though Qi Jing was still restrained by him, if he were to kiss a homo once again after all those years, it would still be somewhat awkward.
Both embarrassed and annoyed, he changed his hold and held Qi Jing’s right hand with his left one, forcibly shoving his other hand into Qi Jing’s trousers pocket, taking the phone out. “Yan?” The man looked at the caller’s ID displayed on the screen and asked in a heavy voice, “This is that boyfriend of yours, isn’t it?”
Who would have thought that Qi Jing would deny in a frosty and stern voice, “What boyfriend, it’s a work-related call! Quick, let me take it!”
The man was quite stupefied for a while as he looked at Qi Jing, his gaze full of doubt. Looking from this angle, he was unable to see the other’s expression clearly, but his voice seemed to be extremely serious, so it didn’t seem to be a lie.
Yet the man still chose not to believe him. “You’re saying it’s work-related? Which work-related phone number would be saved under such a name? Don’t you dare try to fool me.”
“You’ve disrupted my private life and now you want to get in the way of my work as well?” Qi Jing questioned him back instead, all of his words amounting to a perfectly logical argument, “Aside from working in news, I also often help the Science and Education Channel. Currently, I’m working on a series about birds, and the document I’m responsible for is about geese. It’s not like the person-in-charge and I keep in constant contact, only getting in touch for work-related stuff, so I just saved his number as the topic name to save myself the trouble. I’m relying on their help to apply for a promotion this time. Are you trying to ruin my career now?”
The man seemed to waver a little, but he still wasn’t certain enough to return the phone to Qi Jing. “How would I know that… what you’re telling is true?”
Qi Jing snorted coldly, “You don’t believe me? Then you take the call yourself and put the phone on speaker mode. If you think there’s anything wrong with what I’m saying, then you can directly end the call.”
He sounded so confident with his words, but really, Qi Jing’s heart was thumping noisily, his pulse so loud as if it was about to burst through his chest.
The man stayed silent for a while before finally pressing the answer button, putting the phone on speaker mode just as Qi Jing said, before holding it on the side of his face. The thumb hovering just over the screen could end the call at any given moment.
Qi Jing held his breath. The blood rushed to his head, making him feel a bit dizzy.
As expected, that familiar voice came through, seemingly anxious.
“Qi Jing—”
“Jiang Hui, boss ordered you to follow Lin Qu—how could you forget that?” He quickly interrupted in a stern voice, his tone reproachful.
The voice from the other end of the call momentarily stopped and only a faint static could be heard occasionally. Besides that, the caller didn’t utter a single word.
Those were the name of the characters from the first season of ⟪Trap⟫, as well as one of the lines from it.
Jiang Hui was the name of the policeman, while Lin Qu was the name of the illegal organization’s nightclub boss. The person saying this line was the policeman’s superior and this dialogue happened just after Lin Qu was seized by someone from the organization, disappearing from the police’s surveillance.
Lines that only they knew.
A story that only they knew.
At that time, the voice was once again heard from the speaker, calm, but dispirited, “I’m sorry, it was an oversight on my part… Where is Lin Qu now? I’ll look for him.”
Up till that moment, the man still didn’t look like he was about to end the call, so it was a good start. Hence, Qi Jing continued unhurriedly, “Lin Qu left with Brother Meng today; that’s the place.”
Brother Meng was a capo of the organization in the story, who was at odds with Lin Qu. Under the pretext of punishing him for getting in contact with the police, he brought him to a luxurious guest room of a hotel and during that time, he held Lin Qu in a half-threatened, half-hostage state. “That place” was a specific location, so anyone who knew the background of the story would understand.
“I understand…” The voice from the other end of the call became even lower, as if that person was taking a deep breath, “So that place is inside the nightclub?” The nightclub referred to Lin Qu’s workplace.
Qi Jing cautiously went through the suitable wording in his mind, looking for as good of a hint as possible. “No,” He said, “but it’s around that area. Go and ask around the places near the nightclub, someone should have seen Little Fishbone.”
Little Fishbone was one of Lin Qu’s small-fry underlings who followed his big brother around often, running errands for him. The receptionist of the hotel saw the Little Return Date and politely informed them that cats and dogs were not allowed upstairs. It just so happened that the man thought this cat a nuisance, so he temporarily left it at the ground floor. Naturally, the receptionist would make sure to write down the room number of the deposit’s owner.
“Understood.” His point seemed to have been successfully conveyed, as the other party gave an affirmative.
“Jiang Hui,” Qi Jing kept maintaining a composed, business-like tone before. Only when he reached this part, his throat started throbbing, his voice shivering a bit, “you need to hurry… You know what kind of person brother Meng is. Be sure to get in touch with Lin Qu on the double…”
What kind of person brother Meng was.
Brother Meng was an unscrupulous person who held an immense hatred towards Lin Qu. Moreover, he was a person that played by means both fair and foul. It was the first time in the audio drama when Lin Qu was in a life-threatening situation, brother Meng even deliberately let his underlings humiliate him.
Over the call, the other party’s breathing seemingly got even more urgent, the other person clearly getting agitated. His breaths could be heard blowing into the microphone again and again.
His response was just like that sound of static, slightly shaky, “Definitely; await my good news—”
“Bye.” Qi Jing didn’t know why he suddenly felt his throat choke up. He forced himself to smile and say his goodbyes to the other man.
“Bye.” After a brief response from the other side, the call was terminated.
After hearing Qi Jing conclude that puzzling conversation and seeing that he didn’t include any calls for help in it, the man breathed a sigh of relief. Even though he didn’t understand its content, it still should be completely unrelated stuff.
He really shouldn’t disturb Qi Jing’s work; the “good talk” he wanted to have with him was a private matter.
The man saw that the call had already ended, so he also took back his hand, lightly tossing the phone on a bed. He didn’t care about it anymore as he once again hugged the person before him slowly. Unexpectedly, Qi Jing’s profile seemed almost pallid as if he had used up the last bit of his energy and didn’t even feel like opening his mouth, posing no resistance.
The man took it as a reward for not hindering his work, and coaxed in a low voice, “See? You wanted to take the call, and I let you take it. I really don’t intend to hinder your promotion.”
Qi Jing’s expression was bleak. He blinked slowly, snickering after quite a while, “Wasn’t I also well-behaved?”
The man agreed promptly, “Yes, yes, yes… I was wrong for doubting you earlier.”
It was already nightfall, and the room was only lit up by the small lamp over the door at the entrance, the pale yellow light shining on Qi Jing’s profile. From the man’s perspective, his hair was dishevelled and his collar was also pried open in their previous scuffle. And because of the beads of sweat that covered the back of his neck, when the light reflected off it, there was some kind of silent exquisiteness in it.
The person himself kept staring silently at the wall, that meek look with his eyes and lowered head evoked the man’s nostalgia for the Qi Jing of the past. He couldn’t help but once again caress his cheek.
“What do you want?” Qi Jing furrowed his brows.
“Qi Jing.” Even just saying his name made the man feel dryness in his throat, his breath suddenly burning hot.
The man was out here by himself, no one in the home would know about what was happening here, moreover Qi Jing was a gay. There was nothing safer and no secret more secure than that.
“I know that your words before were just said in a fit of anger… From now on, let’s just talk about the good old times, shall we?”
Qi Jing didn’t say anything.
The man saw his unresponsiveness and took it as a sign that they had reached an understanding, so he happily turned the person over, making him face himself. After all, this all talking about old good times should at least start from facing each other, shouldn’t it?
“Qi Jing…” This time, his voice was filled with an even clearer, unconcealed thirst, and even more so, desire.
“Wait,” Qi Jing still didn’t lift his head, his eyes still focused on some invisible point on the floor. Any glimmer of light was gone from his eyes, only leaving ashes behind as he moved his lips, “Let me take a shower first.”
A/N:
I also want Dr Shen to appear sooner, alas…
T/N:
Lucilla: As exasperated as I am right now, there’s only one thing I feel I need to say: the flags were there. The moment that man started casually crossing Qi Jing’s boundaries in their past relationship, disregarding his lack of consent for his own pleasure, it was already a very, very alarming sign. The least I can say is, I feel pity for the ex’s current wife, and happy for Qi Jing as he escaped the fate of having to deal with such a toxic man, especially since that toxicity of his seems to have snowballed since they parted their ways.
Also RIP everyone’s blood pressure. No matter if it’s the translation team or our lovely readers, let’s all take a break and drink some chamomile tea (:3」∠)_
Mashiro: Waiting for SY to come in shining armour and beat the hell out of this guy even though it will be OOC for him. F*** that guy!! If I had the ability to cross over screens then I would have beaten the hell out of him myself!!!!
Lucilla: Here, look, you can see how blood pressure claimes its first victim ^^^
🤬🤬🤬
Thank you for the chapter ❤️
As long as he dun touch BigDaTe anymore I’m calm~
Kittyno! FASTEEER
😱 Men like that are so fu*king scary! Come save him Dr. Shen. Thank you for the update 😭
This chapter disgusted me so much that I even stopped eating my chocolate Dx I hope that guy will suffer, at least from broken eggs, gets a divorce etc. People like him are just… vomit
But.. thx.. for the… ch feeble voice
F***CK THIS DUDE!!! Die in a fucking ditch where no one ever find you and no one will ever miss you! Rot like the shallow bone of a pig you are! AAAAAAGHASHHDHDHDHH FUCK YOIUUU!
Thanks for the chapter❤
This guy is disgusting. Qi Jing, he’s not worth all the grief you suffered over him. Shen Yan, please hurry. Qi Jing is at a disadvantage. Sometimes I want Qi Jing to be less nice, and to care about his reputation a little less. If he’d screamed or yelled, I bet this cowardly bully would have backed off. I am SO impressed by that call for help though. Thank you for the update!
i’ve been stress eating this whole chapter and my blood pressure which was originally low is hitting the roof of the clouds so far that it’s almost touching mars.
thank you for the chapter, and as angering as the circumstances are, i love how QJ and SY communicated, the only good/fun part in this chapter.
I am absolutely disgusted and wish I would have waited one more week so that I don’t keep being this freaking angry. UGH!!
thanks for the chapter <3
Omg he is disgusting. Can’t he just f*** off and leave qi jing alone. Also I hope his wife divorce him bcuz he certainly doesn’t care about them or anyone. Hope he can rot in hell 🤬
I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened if our qi jing and shen yan weren’t smart enough ヽ(`д´；)/
Ahhhh I’m still mad 😡🤬
Thanks for the chapter ❤
my HEART IS SHAKING
OK, a not-so-lighthearted comment.
I think this chapter really should have a trigger warning for sexual assault. As someone who experienced similar abuse in a relationship before, I felt physically sick reading this. I usually don’t have such a big reaction, it’s just that this scene caught me totally by surprise, so I couldn’t mentally prepare. Other than that, I love the story and the translation, thank you for the work! <3
Idk how I even managed to finish reading this chapter, the disgust, anger and discomfort I felt while reading this chapter was beyond any I have ever felt while reading any other novels or even real life situations
Ugh, I loathe this dude!! That being said, I still love the code language they were using…
Thanks for translating!
I have never punched and bullied a pillow as hard as I did while reading this chapter ಠ_ಠ
i literally need that man in jail like yall dont get it i wont rest til i see him behind bars or even dead idc
i was eating my lunch but i suddenly lose my appetite. this is sickening, please tell me this scum would not be in the story for long
Scene was so realistic and helpless. Wouldn’t know what to do in mc’s position 😩😭
That call with ml was so smart! Can finally sigh in relief. They think and act fast!! 👏
I’ve read a lot of awful thing but this particular chapter felt so real and wrong at the same time, it felt worse. The distress Qi Jing’s experiencing is conveyed so we’ll to the reader,I felt like vomiting. I know we all understand that that man is a creepy MF that deserve to be beat to death but how much of a psycho you have to be to corner and readily assault your former partner after YEARS of not seeing each other? Some brain waves are beyond me ರ_ರ. I just hope nothing’s going to happen, isn’t this supposed to be a healing story? (ᗒᗩᗕ)
Wow I’m soooooooooo fucking angry sooooooooo soooooo soooooooo fucking angry. I feel so enraged goddamnit!!!!!
love how they where to pass that information hidden in lines, that was amazing!
but omfg, my blood pressure! how am i still alive???