Almost a full hour later, Sebastian finally moves again. The man has been near unresponsive, but Jordan has been too afraid to get up. Sebastian walked here, after all, and sat down beside Jordan. If Jordan left, how would Sebastian react? Does he want the company? Did he search it out for comfort? (Has Jordan failed at providing it?)
When Sebastian moves, he groans. The man rolls his shoulders, stretches his arms over his head and looks at Jordan. That gaze is heavy—heavy enough to smother him if he doesn’t tread carefully. Finally, Sebastian says, ”Thank you.”
Jordan purses his lips. ”For what?” He can’t help but ask, genuinely wondering. (What did he do, except sit beside Sebastian feeling useless?)
Sebastian’s smile is a tired thing, barely hanging onto life. It nevertheless sparks a fire in Jordan’s veins, makes something in his stomach curl much more pleasantly than previous sensations of the day. He can barely believe that it’s still the same day that they visited Mrs. Jane, that more time hasn’t passed. It’s barely even nightfall yet. There is still orange and pink coloring the horizon out the window.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
”I know you’re not him. I… I might have made you uncomfortable. I apologize,” Sebastian bows his head, his hands clasped in his lap. They’re clenched so hard together that Jordan can see the blue veins through the skin.
Jordan shakes his head. ”You don’t need to apologize. You never need to apologize for being sad, or missing somebody. I understand. You love him, and I’m sure that sometimes it must hurt when you look at me and I’m not him. I don’t want to intrude on your feelings, or make them worse, or anything to make you uncomfortable.” A pause, and then Jordan licks his lips and turns fully to face Sebastian. He looks him in the eyes as he says steadily, ”You saved me, Sebastian. Maybe I would be alive right now even without you, but I guarantee you I wouldn’t have been happy. I would be so scared I might die. So. Please just let me know if I can ever help you be happy. I don’t want you to hurt.”
Sebastian stares at him with wide eyes, mouth open. He doesn’t blink for a long, long time and when he finally does, he clears his throat loudly and visibly gulps. ”I—” Sebastian interrupts himself, still staring at him. ”You’re…” Sebastian doesn’t end up saying anything more.
Jordan smiles. He slowly pokes his foot out of his blanket and edges it across the couch’s cushion, making sure that Sebastian sees it and can avoid it if he wants, and presses his bare toes gently to Sebastian’s clothed thigh. ”I’m?” Jordan can’t help but tease, voice just the slightest bit amused. But Sebastian is looking better, so he can’t help it. Sebastian dosen’t seem quite so sad right this second.
Doesn’t seem quite so broken-hearted (quite so mournful).
”You’re kind,” says Sebastian at last, eyes on Jordan’s toes. The nails are starting to get slightly long, but aside from that they’re just normal toes. Jordan can’t quite get Sebastian’s focus on them, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
Just answers, ”I try to be,” and smiles again. There’s a pause where neither of them really knows what to say, where Jordan’s tongue does loops in his mouth and knots itself tightly together, but byt the minute mark he says, ”You must be hungry. I could make dinner, if you’d like.”
Sebastian nods. ”Thank you,” he says, his voice somber. He stands before Jordan really has the chance to realize what he just offered—and what was subsequently just accepted—and nods again. ”I’ll get myself cleaned up” says Sebastian, and Jordan realizes then that the man is still wearing what he had to Mrs. Jane’s house, not having changed a single thing yet.
”Okay,” Jordan says, but Sebastian is already leaving, shoulders slightly hunched. He’s walking quickly, Jordan notes. Probably trying to get away from the suddenly slightly awkward air. Things got a bit too emotional, Jordan suspects—for the both of them. So Jordan doesn’t say anything, doesn’t call out anything, but rather just goes straight to the kitchen and gets to work.
He makes potatoes, because that’s easy. Probably. THen he makes a sauce his father taught him, and looks at a bag of frozen broccoli. Vegetables are important, he knows, so can he just throw them in while the pot while the potatoes are cooking? …It should be fine.
(Jordan isn’t the one who does the cooking in their apartment; that’s Andrew and occasionally Jules when he’s got the impulse. For the most part, Jordan does what’s best for all of them and stays away, circles the edges while waiting for Andrew to finish. It’s always a treat; Andrew is studying to be a chef, and his food is always heavenly.)
(Jules would sometimes sing while Andrew cooked, sitting on the kitchen table and swinging his legs. Every time Andrew looked at him, Jules would grin so wide Jordan sometimes wondered how his cheeks didn’t hurt, his eyes glittering. Andrew would smile back, and sometimes they’d brush their noses together.)
(…Jordan dearly hopes that Andrew hasn’t found Jules yet.)
Inhaling sharply, Jordan pushes all those thoughts away as he waits for the date run the pot to heat up. He shakes his head, turns on the music player and turning the volume up as high as he dares to with those same zombies still ambling about outside. Licking his lips, he gets back to staring at the pot to make certain that he doesn’t accidentally sets the water on fire. (Again.)
Sebastian returns a few minutes later. ”You’ve already started,” the man notes, looking around. Jordan nods without turning, eyes still suspiciously wet. He discreetly brushes at them with his hand, still staring at the water.
Taking a deep breath, he turns. ”Yeah. You wanna give me a hand? I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Jordan says, leaning against the stove, the knobs digging into his back.
wipes tears
Thank you for the chapter!! <3
Thanks for the chapter~. and damn I didn’t know someone could be so bad at cooking 😂