As days passed, my fourth meeting with Ippei wasn’t about seeking pleasure from each other.
The busyness of work left us with no time for intimacy, but we managed to steal moments together, meeting for the first time at the supermarket smoking area, where we smoked cigarettes.
“By the way, Ippei, do you like sweet things?”
“Well, I don’t eat them often, but I don’t dislike them either. They occasionally taste delicious! Do you like them?”
“Yeah, I love both sweet and spicy things.”
“You’re good with spicy food? I’m jealous!”
Even beyond physical intimacy, just being able to meet and have various conversations together felt like happiness from the depths of my heart.
“Is Ippei type O?”
“H-how did you know…?”
“…By instinct?”
“You’re too sharp… Yuta-san is type A, right!”
“Huh!? How did you know!?”
“Hehe! Somehow, you seem cool but also delicate in various ways! …Well, it’s just a hunch, though?”
C-Cool… After hearing this single word from Ippei, my face instantly turned red, and my heartbeat seems louder than ever before.
“Haha! Yuta-san, your face is all red!”
“Y-you’re teasing me again!!”
“Hahaha! It’s really fun! …Oh! It’s getting late! We should probably head back soon…!”
“Yeah… Hey, Ippei?”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“We can… meet again, right?”
* * *
For some reason, every time I met Ippei, there was a subtle unease within me about whether we would meet again.
Without any basis.
There shouldn’t be any reason why we couldn’t meet again, yet just the thought of forgetting the beloved face of Ippei made me… And when the night came and communication ceased, despite having Kuro with me, I couldn’t help but feel lonely.
Even though I wished I could just tell Ippei I liked him and start dating, I still felt too reserved, knowing too little about each other, and it frustrated me.
“What’s wrong all of a sudden? If our schedules align, I’d like to see you again, Yuta-san.”
“N-nothing, really. I also want to see you, Ippei.”
“Let’s meet again, just the two of us?”
“Yeah, definitely. Well then… let’s get back to work.”
“Okay! See you…!”
[I also want to see you, Yuta-san.]
Although I should feel happy every time you say that, somewhere inside, I don’t just want to see you; I want to be by your side, and I yearn for more than that.
Because I already… I love you so much…
My overflowing feelings of love, as we parted ways, never expected that something would happen in our fifth meeting that would make even me confused about those feelings.
* * *
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
As the hot days passed, I realized it had been almost a month since I first met Ippei in early August.
*Clang…*
“Qfimbwf!”
P nlrlafv j kfii-xcbkc qjrags rtbq lc abkc jcv mjgfoeiis mtbrf j rfa bo Qfrafgc-rasif rkffar obg rbwfbcf rqfmlji.
“P kbcvfg lo atlr klii vb? Tfjt, atfs’ii vfolclafis yf qifjrfv.”
Cr P qlmxfv eq atf rfa, ktlmt mbcrlrafv bo njglber oijnbgr bo jvbgjyif ilaaif mbbxlfr qjmxfv lcab j rwjii aeyf jcv jggjcufv cfjais lc j meaf ybz, j mfgajlc qtgjrf ogbw Pqqfl gfrbecvfv nlnlvis lc ws wlcv.
[Well, I don’t eat them often, but I don’t dislike them either. They occasionally taste delicious!]
Even though I couldn’t remember his face, those words from Ippei echoed clearly in my mind.
I wondered if Ippei would be pleased if I gave him these cookies. It’s important to give some sugar to a tired body every now and then, right? Yeah, he’ll definitely be happy.
Even if I couldn’t remember his face, I wanted to see Ippei’s delighted expression. With that in mind, I decided to purchase the cute cookies packed into the small tube, hoping that Ippei would be pleased.
I hope Ippei will be happy…
* * *
The fifth time, we managed to coordinate our schedules. Today, both of us had settled down at work, and we had arranged to meet in our usual warehouse.
Even if I couldn’t remember Ippei’s face, I could recall his beloved smile as soon as I saw him. And I couldn’t help but look forward to meeting Ippei, not just for the pleasure but also because I hoped he would be delighted with the cookies I had prepared.
*Knock knock!*
“Yuta-san, sorry to keep you waiting!”
“Hmm, I haven’t been waiting that long.”
Ippei gently tapped on the window of my car, as he always did, with his usual gentle smile. The moment I saw that smile, my beloved Ippei filled me with everything.
*Click… clack… slam!*
“Ah… It’s so calming here…”
“Huh? What do you mean by that?”
“What do I mean… Haha! I mean exactly that!”
“Haha! I have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“Yuta-san, are you delicate or just oblivious?”
“…Huh? Well, I’ll just go with that…”
[It’s so calming here.]
What did Ippei mean by that single phrase… At that moment, I couldn’t understand because I didn’t know everything about Ippei.
“Hey, Yuta-san…?”
“…Hm? Ippei, what’s…”
Ippei’s lips gently enveloped mine.
Even though we were still in the middle of talking, the sweetness and freshness… The gentle warmth stimulated my senses.
“I, Ippei…”
“Yuta-san… you’ve been holding back, haven’t you…?”
“…Ah!… Yeah, I wanted you…”
“In that case, I’ll satisfy you…”
“I want… to satisfy you too…”
After having spent little time together, we then let go of the desires and restraints we had been holding back in this blissful, saccharine space, exploding together in mutual fulfillment.
* * *
After a long time, we intertwined our bodies again. As usual, we were both immersed in post-coital bliss, breathing heavily and sweetly.
“That was amazing…”
“I feel the same… I’m truly happy…”
As always, I found solace in the scent that Ippei emitted as he rested his head on my shoulder. As more sweet moments passed, I decided to give Ippei the cookies I had purchased for his smile.
“Wow…! These are so cute…!”
“You need to eat sweet things occasionally to keep your brain working, you know?”
“Haha! That’s true! But I feel bad for making you worry…”
“Silly! I didn’t worry about it; I just wanted to give them to you, Ippei.”
Ippei was somehow straightforwardly delighted by my gesture, despite my own lack of straightforwardness.
I just wanted to see this smile, this expression of joy… That should have been enough. However, as Ippei joyfully looked at the cookies, a sense of unease lingered in my mind.
“…Uh, um, what’s this…?”
“Huh? Yuta-san, what’s wrong?”
“Ippei…? The mark on your ring finger…”
“…Ah…!”
At my inquiry, Ippei’s cute smile quickly faded, replaced by expressions of panic and confusion.
“…You don’t mean…?”
“…I-I’m sorry…”
The mark on his ring finger. A clear indentation in the shape of a ring… I only just realized what it meant.
Should I even ask about what comes next…? Will my heart be able to endure the truth…? Despite everything, now that I’ve come this far, I couldn’t find any other choice but to seek the truth.
“Hey, Ippei… Please tell me the truth…”
“…Y-Yuta-san… I’m sorry… I… I have a girlfriend…”
Haha… That’s right… Of course, someone as perfect and charming as Ippei, with his lovely smile… It’s impossible for him not to have someone by his side.
There’s someone important to Ippei—more important than my feelings.
I find myself in the opposite position of what I’ve always secretly desired—a “casual hookup” for someone like me… Yes, Ippei probably sees me as someone who’s just there to fulfill his desires.
“…So that’s how it is…”
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for hiding it from you for so long…”
The expression on Ippei’s face seemed like he might burst into tears at any moment, now that the truth has been revealed.
This relationship, which began with pseudonyms on an online forum… I fell in love with Ippei, hoping to get to know him little by little, but the truth I’ve discovered is too cruel.
Even I… even I want to cry right now…
Why can’t things ever go smoothly…?
The sweet and happy atmosphere froze in an instant, replaced by unbearable tension, but it was Ippei who tried to break through that atmosphere.
* * *
“…Yuta-san… In any way possible, I want to see you again. I want to… I know I’m being selfish, but please… will you meet me again?”
Even as my feelings for Ippei grow stronger, and my desire to see him again intensifies, I’m also aware of the truth that we mustn’t cross a certain line. Will I be able to meet Ippei again, despite this truth?
And can I continue to see Ippei without disrupting his true self, without breaking anything?
“…Can you give me a little time…?”
“…Okay… I’m really sorry…”
“You don’t have to apologize anymore…”
“…I’m sorry…”
I couldn’t give an immediate answer. Even though I want to see Ippei, every meeting becomes painful for me… I don’t even know how to face him the next time we meet…
“Let’s both get back to work for today…”
“…Yes…”
“…Take this with you, okay…?”
The cookies I bought for his smile. Even the face of Ippei, who smiled happily upon receiving them, might be forgotten again. Yet, his sad, almost tearful expression is unforgettable…
“…Thank you so much… And I’m sorry… I’ll be waiting for your call, Yuta-san…”
“…Yeah, I understand…”
“…Well then, that’s it for today…”
Ippei left this space with those words.
What remains in this space is the refreshing, sweet scent of my beloved Ippei. It’s a scent I always want to be enveloped in, but now it’s only causing me pain.
In this space, where Ippei has left, I find myself gripping the steering wheel tightly, tears streaming down endlessly.
* * *
After that, work was not going well as usual. I bought dinner and beer at the supermarket as usual and returned home.
*Meow!*
“…Kuro, I’m home…”
*Meow…?*
I wasn’t feeling uplifted, and I had no energy. It seemed like Kuro sensed my downcast mood, as he let out a somewhat melancholic meow.
I just changed clothes and tried to have dinner without even taking a bath, but the food didn’t taste good. Even my favorite beer didn’t taste enjoyable.
“Hey, Kuro… Why did things turn out like this…?”
*Meow…*
Even though I used to think I didn’t care and that it would be fine as long as I didn’t see him again, my current heart couldn’t accept such thoughts.
“…That idiot Ippei… Ugh… Idiot…!”
I still haven’t forgotten… But I know that I’ll forget his smile and sad face again by tomorrow.
Yet, the presence of Ippei remains. The existence of Ippei, whom I eventually must forget, doesn’t disappear from my heart.
I don’t know how to proceed from here or what’s right and what’s wrong anymore.
I’ve become completely lost. All I could do was shed tears, still holding onto a beer can tightly beside Kuro.
