The temperature in Xicheng had begun to cool down, particularly during the night. The cold wind seeped through clothes collars, making teeth clatter with the cold.
Lu Zhaoshen stood at the doorstep of the Xu family’s house and looked up at Xu Xingzhe’s bedroom window on the second floor. The window was tightly closed. The light was on, but it seemed to be a bedside night light, casting an orange halo onto the glass.
They had spent many unrestrained and tender moments in that room. Xu Xingzhe had cried and laughed in his arms. Even when he was bullied, he would turn back and continue chasing him. Lu Zhaoshen began to regret that he had wasted so much time because of his worthless self-esteem.
Xu Xingzhe used to pretend to be artsy and say that Lu Zhaoshen was the kind of person you should meet at 16 or 17, the kind of person you should drunkenly mention after leaving campus: “Remember Lu Zhaoshen? The one with good grades and good looks. I had a crush on him for a long time, but I don’t know where he is now.”
The days ahead were filled with daily trivialities, and romance became a luxury. But with the existence of such a person, it seemed that he could grasp youth again through time.
Lu Zhaoshen couldn’t deny it in his heart. Meeting Xu Xingzhe was a stroke of luck. No one loved more than Xu Xingzhe, and no one deserved to be loved more than Xu Xingzhe.
Xu Xingzhe didn’t play mind games or speculate on the give and take. He just charged forward with a sincere heart.
Lu Zhaoshen stood there for a long time, and when he snapped out of it, it was almost midnight.
He took out his phone, hesitating whether to call Xu Xingzhe, but Xu Xingzhe was already calling him.
“Hello, Lu Zhaoshen—”
Xu Xingzhe’s voice trailed off, sounding somewhat aggrieved and tired.
“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Lu Zhaoshen asked.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Xu Xingzhe appeared to be rolling over while mumbling, “Lu Zhaoshen, why didn’t you tell me before coming out of the closet? You scared me.”
He still spoke in a coquettish tone, concealing his dissatisfaction and blame. “Turns out my dad has known about us for a while now. Did he say something bad to you? Is that why you suddenly ignored me in the second half of our third high school year?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize, really.”
Lu Zhaoshen tried to hold back his tears and asked, “How do you feel now?”
Xu Xingzhe suddenly fell silent. Lu Zhaoshen could hear his light breathing over the phone. Lu Zhaoshen became concerned, “Xingzhe?”
“Um, Lu Zhaoshen, I’m a bit hungry,” he regained his previous mood and spoke cheerfully, his tone was relaxed as if he was discussing someone else’s business, “I’m on a hunger strike with my dad, but don’t worry, I have cookies in my room, enough to last for two days.”
Lu Zhaoshen’s tears slid down his cheeks without warning.
“My dad wants me to see a psychologist. The appointment is scheduled for the day after tomorrow.”
Xu Xingzhe turned over again and looked up at the ceiling. “Lu Zhaoshen, are you scared?”
“I am.”
Xu Xingzhe didn’t expect Lu Zhaoshen to be so honest. He joked, “What will you do if the psychologist turns me straight?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“I’ll pursue you step by step, just like you pursued me.”
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Oe Itjbrtfc gfwjlcfv rlifca. We Wlcuhtf mbcalcefv olcvlcu tjqqlcfrr lc atf reoofglcu, “Ymabyfg 2cv, 202W, We Wlcuhtf’r ilmxlcu vbu vljgs. Kbvjs! P mjwf bea bo atf mibrfa! Ciatbeut la tjqqfcfv revvfcis, la’r cba atja tjgv ab jmmfqa. P rjlv P kbeiv rajs klat Oe Itjbrtfc obg atf gfra bo ws ilof, yea ws vjv vlvc’a yfilfnf wf. Lf rjlv bcis qfbqif beg juf kbeiv rjs remt mtlivlrt atlcur. Tfjt, la lr lcvffv mtlivlrt. Dea lo kf vbc’a fnfc vjgf ab yfilfnf, tbk mjc kf ajix jybea atf oeaegf? Ccskjs, P’nf rfa j ubji. P tbqf Oe Itjbrtfc klii kbgx tjgv jcv cba ub yjmx bc tlr kbgv.”
Lu Zhaoshen said earnestly, “Okay, I’ll work hard.”
Xu Xingzhe chuckled softly. Lu Zhaoshen heard him chewing cookies.
Suddenly, Lu Zhaoshen missed him.
“Wu, Lu Zhaoshen, I’m so thirsty,” Xu Xingzhe whimpered while munching on the cookies. After complaining for a while, he suddenly exclaimed, “These cookies have expired!”
Just as Xu Xingzhe finished speaking, the call was hung up. Xu Xingzhe stared blankly at the gray phone screen, not understanding what had happened. It took him a while to realize what had occurred. A sense of injustice welled up in his heart, and tears streamed down his face, sliding to his lips and mixing with the cookie crumbs.
It was too much. He had been locked up and hungry for more than a day, yet he was pretending to be strong to cheer Lu Zhaoshen up. How could Lu Zhaoshen not show any sympathy for him?
The anger helped alleviate some of the hunger. Xu Xingzhe pulled the blanket over himself and cried softly.
As he drifted off to sleep, he heard rustling noises outside the window. He froze. He lifted the covers and pricked up his ears to listen.
The sound came again. It was like someone tapping a finger on the glass.
Xu Xingzhe abruptly turned around and looked out the window. When he saw the figure clinging outside of the window, his eyes widened.
He rushed over and opened the window. The tears that had just stopped flowed again as Lu Zhaoshen propped himself up on the window sill with his arms. The moment Xu Xingzhe opened the window, Lu Zhaoshen used all his strength and raised his right arm to throw something in, then regained his balance without falling. He must have been standing on a stone on the ledge of the first-floor window. However, since the stone was small, he had no place to put his strength and had to rely solely on his arms.
Xu Xingzhe had never seen Lu Zhaoshen in such a mess before. Lu Zhaoshen was always calm and unruffled.
Xu Xingzhe cried and pulled Lu Zhaoshen into the room. “Quick, come in. Don’t fall, don’t fall.”
Lu Zhaoshen refused, “It’s too late. I couldn’t find the ones you like to eat. They only had bread and milk. Just make do with it for tonight. Whatever you want to eat, I’ll bring it to you tomorrow.”
“You mustn’t fall,” Xu Xingzhe was only concerned about Lu Zhaoshen’s safety.
Lu Zhaoshen looked at Xu Xingzhe and said each word slowly, “Xingxing, I’ll keep every promise I’ve made to you. Just hold on a little longer.”
Xu Xingzhe nodded frantically.
*
On the fourth day, Xu Chengshan came to Xu Xingzhe’s room and stood at the doorway, watching Xu Xingzhe sitting on the bed and hugging his knees in a daze.
The psychologist told Xu Chengshan before leaving, “This isn’t a problem that can be solved by counseling. Homosexuality isn’t a mental illness. There weren’t any external influences such as violence or abuse during his upbringing. As he said himself, maybe he was born this way. He’s very firm about his sexual orientation, without hesitation or doubt. He mentioned that this determination is partly due to his feelings for someone.”
It took Xu Chengshan a long time before he spoke, “There’s no other way?”
Xu Xingzhe was also troubled, “I… I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong, Dad. I know this is cruel to both of you, but I really can’t change.”
Xu Chengshan stormed out, slamming the door behind him.
That evening, Xu Xingzhe had a long phone call with Lu Zhaoshen. He told him how the psychologist had interrogated him and tried to redirect his interest to the opposite sex. “But I’m firm as a rock, I won’t budge!”
“When I go back to school—”
Xu Xingzhe cleared his throat and teased, “What about you? What will you reward me with?”
Lu Zhaoshen chuckled and whispered, “Xingxing, I miss you.”
Xu Xingzhe was taken aback by Lu Zhaoshen’s sudden romantic words. He blushed over the phone and wrapped himself in the covers, mumbling, “Really?”
“Do you still have those 53 minutes you were talking about? Send it to me.” Lu Zhaoshen said seriously, his tone light as if he wanted to borrow notes from Xu Xingzhe.
“What?!” Xu Xingzhe’s jaw dropped in shock, “What do y-y-you want to do?”
Lu Zhaoshen replied simply, “I miss you.”
“…”
Xu Xingzhe seriously suspected that Lu Zhaoshen had been possessed by some dreadful monster.
“I won’t send it to you.”
“Why not? Or did you never have it in the first place and were just pretending to threaten me?”
Xu Xingzhe stuttered for a while, but he couldn’t outwit Lu Zhaoshen. Eventually, he gave up, “Just… just… there’s actually nothing on that video.”
“It doesn’t matter, I just want to see the high school version of you.”
A series of sugar-coated words bombarded Xu Xingzhe. He dizzily opened the files on his phone, found the encrypted one buried deep inside, and nervously sent it to Lu Zhaoshen, “I sent it. Don’t laugh at me.”
Lu Zhaoshen hadn’t found anything funny about it until he received the file and realized something was amiss.
It wasn’t a video at all; it was an audio clip that was less than a minute long.
Lu Zhaoshen was puzzled and clicked on it. After a few seconds of static, he heard Xu Xingzhe mumbling. Xu Xingzhe rolled over and sounded exhausted as if he was so tired that he could barely move. Then he seemed to curl up like a cub in Lu Zhaoshen’s arms.
Just when Lu Zhaoshen thought that the entire sound was Xu Xingzhe’s humming, Xu Xingzhe suddenly spoke.
“Lu Zhaoshen, Lu Zhaoshen—”
Xu Xingzhe whispered his name in the audio clip, as if he was afraid to wake him up, but also wanted to test if he was asleep.
“Falling asleep so quickly while I’m the one who’s the most exhausted,” Xu Xingzhe complained in a muffled voice, “I didn’t actually want to go to bed today. I just wanted you to hold me, but you thought I was trying to seduce you again. Your eyes were so cold, it made me angry all of a sudden, so I just gave up.”
“Tch, what are you pretending for? Once we’re in bed, you’re as eager as ever.”
“Actually, it hurts every time.”
“But as soon as you kiss me, I forget the pain.”
“Lu Zhaoshen, I don’t like our current relationship. You’re always hot and cold and have no patience with me at all.”
“I’m not a little pervert who thinks about these things all the time. I just want to have a relationship with you.”
Xu Xingzhe paused, then suddenly asked in frustration, “Would you be my boyfriend?”
Of course, Lu Zhaoshen didn’t respond; he had fallen asleep. Xu Xingzhe asked again, this time with a slightly rising tone, his sadness gone in an instant.
“Well then, I’ll ask you one last time,” Xu Xingzhe amused himself and talked to his phone in all seriousness, “If you don’t answer, I’ll take it as a yes.”
Three seconds later, Xu Xingzhe concluded, “Alright, you agree.”
He kissed Lu Zhaoshen’s face twice and exclaimed joyfully, “Boyfriend, good night.”
The progress bar of the audio clip reached its end at the end of Xu Xingzhe’s monologue. Xu Xingzhe flooded Lu Zhaoshen with messages on WeChat, asking if he had listened and warning him not to make fun of him even after he had listened.
Lu Zhaoshen remained quiet for a while before calling Xu Xingzhe. He said, “Xingxing, can you ask that question again? This time, I’m not asleep.”
Xu Xingzhe’s heart raced and he covered his chest. He pretended to refuse, “I don’t want to. You’re just teasing me.”
“No, I’m not. Ask. I won’t tease you.”
“Then… Lu Zhaoshen, would you like to be my boyfriend?”
Just as Xu Xingzhe finished speaking, Lu Zhaoshen rushed to answer, “Yes, I would.”
Xu Xingzhe was bubbling with sweetness and buried his face in his pillow.
“I’m screwed.”
Xu Xingzhe continued to pester Lu Zhaoshen until midnight, compelling him to say all sorts of mushy love words. Lu Zhaoshen, with his excellent temper, didn’t get angry and let him have his way. Only when it was too late did he gently coax Xu Xingzhe to go to sleep.
The next morning, Xu Xingzhe was awakened by a knock at the door. He opened his eyes still half asleep. Xu Chengshan pushed the door open and told him to come downstairs for breakfast.
Xu Xingzhe froze, it took him a long time to take it in.
Xu Chengshan had forgiven him.
Even though Xu Chengshan still believed that homosexuality was a disease, still believed that two men couldn’t have a future, and still worried that Xu Xingzhe would end up alone after his death, he still chose to forgive.
He hoped that Xu Xingzhe would always smile as happily as he did last night.
t/n: they’re finally officially boyfriends!! 🥰 (and Papa Xu is gradually redeeming himself)
Modern life romeo and juliet 😭😭 i thought wrong about lu zhaoshen, sorry my boy 😔 anyone would feel so helpless if in his position TT
Thank You for the new chapter (ෆ❛ัᵌ❛ัෆ)°
( ⸝⸝¯ ⁸ ¯⸝⸝ ) happiness is on the way!