Trigger Warnings
Self mutilation, extreme gender dysphoria
Lin Xiang: [Xia Bai, do you see that? Blood is starting to spill from his mouth.]
Lin Xiang: [What should we do? At this rate, Brother Hua’s teeth and stomach will be ruined.]
Hua Haoming dug another stone from the ground, shoving it into his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten for days.
Xia Bai, whose breathing had become more labored while watching the morgue, slapped himself on the head. He looked around and picked up a large stone nearby, aiming it at Hua Haoming’s nape.
Lin Xiang: “…”
Xia Bai’s strength wasn’t small. Neither was the rock he raised. With great speed and force, he hurled it over, to no avail. Just as the stone was about to hit Hua Haoming’s nape, the latter swiftly turned, his arm reaching out to shatter the stone. His eyes, now a fierce shade of crimson, stared menacingly at Xia Bai.
Swallowing hard, Xia Bai said, “Eat this larger one instead.”
Hua Haoming seemed to understand, his gaze shifting to the shattered stones.
“Bang!”
From behind Hua Haoming, Lin Xiang struck him on the nape with another stone.
Hua Haoming showed no sign of flinching and turned to stare at Lin Xiang.
Lin Xiang: “…You can eat this one too.”
“…”
Hua Haoming kept his eyes on him, blood steadily oozing from the corners of his mouth, his eyes, seemingly stained red, emitted a bloody glow.
Lin Xiang, on the verge of tears, exclaimed, “Xia Bai, Xia Bai, I feel like he wants to eat me! What do we do?”
Xia Bai glanced at him, and in unspoken agreement, they both shouted, “Run!”
In a flash, they disappeared into the night.
Xia Bai scrambled up a nearby tree while Lin Xiang dashed towards the artificial lake. Initially, Lin Xiang wanted to climb a tree with Xia Bai but remembered he couldn’t. However, he could swim, so he instinctively headed for the lake.
From his perch, Xia Bai could vaguely see Hua Haoming’s figure as he crouched down to nibble on something again.
Lin Xiang: [We can’t possibly fight him off. What now?]
Xia Bai: [First, we need to figure out what kind of fixation he has.]
Lin Xiang: [It seems a bit like pica.]
Xia Bai: [Pica? Like the historical case whereby someone was obsessed with eating scabs?]
Lin Xiang: […Huh?]
Feeling dizzy and drawn inexplicably towards the morgue, Xia Bai clutched his family register to his chest. He struggled to suppress the urge, focusing instead on resolving the situation with Hua Haoming, and in a daze, continued typing to Lin Xiang.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Xia Bai: [There was a historical figure who had a peculiar penchant for consuming scabs from human wounds. He would often torture his subordinates and consume the scabs that formed from their injuries. He would feel at ease only after eating them. Should we find some scabs for Hua Haoming to eat?]
Lin Xiang: [It doesn’t necessarily have to be scabs. Hair might also work.]
Olc Wljcu xcfk bo qlmj atgbeut rbwfatlcu mjiifv atf Ejqechfi Vscvgbwf. Lf kbeiv boafc fjnfrvgbq bc tlr wbatfg jcv tfg mlgmif bo filaf oglfcvr ubrrlqlcu. Ycmf, tf bnfgtfjgv j mbcnfgrjalbc jybea rbwfbcf’r vjeutafg reoofglcu ogbw atf Ejqechfi Vscvgbwf, mbcrajcais qeiilcu jcv fjalcu tfg bkc tjlg. Llr wbatfg fzqijlcfv atja atf rscvgbwf kjr j obgw bo qlmj.
Lin Xiang: [There’s also dirt, paint, and the like.]
Xia Bai: [Paint is not an option, but dirt and hair are less harmful than stones. We’ll find those for him to eat.]
Lin Xiang: [Alright!]
Xia Bai: [You dig up some wet soil from the artificial lake, and I’ll dig around the corner of the morgue.]
Lin Xiang: [ok]
Finding hair on short notice was tricky, but soil was easy. Worried that Hua Haoming would consume too many stones, they hurriedly gathered the soil. To make it easier for him to eat, Xia Bai mixed the dry soil he had dug with the wet mud from Lin Xiang, molding it into a shape resembling a sausage before tossing it to Hua Haoming.
Hua Haoming eyed the mud sausage but continued to show preference for the stones.
Xia Bai forcefully threw another mud sausage at his mouth. Hua Haoming coincidentally had his mouth open. Upon tasting the earthy flavor, he finally started to gulp it down.
Both sighed in relief. But their respite was short-lived. After consuming just one mud sausage, he stopped and again turned to the stones.
Lin Xiang glanced at Xia Bai. Xia Bai was indeed strikingly handsome. The kind of beauty that was delightful to behold even in the dim light of a sinister night.
How did that saying go? It was neither too much nor too little. His appearance made one reluctant to harm even a single strand of his hair.
With a silent scream in his heart, Lin Xiang thought, ‘Brother Hua, I’ve sacrificed so much for you.’
Holding back tears, he yanked a handful of his own hair out.
Xia Bai: “…”
As Lin Xiang was about to continue, Xia Bai stopped him. Wrapping the hair Lin Xiang had pulled out around a mud sausage, he threw it to Hua Haoming.
Having ruined his meticulously styled hair, Lin Xiang was just grateful Hua Haoming didn’t waste his efforts. He ate it.
However, one hair-wrapped mud sausage wasn’t enough. Just as Xia Bai was about to pluck his own hair, Lin Xiang stopped him. With tears in his eyes, he yanked out another handful, muttering, “My hairstyle is already ruined anyway.”
Finally, Hua Haoming was sated.
Lin Xiang was left with half of his hair gone.
He slumped beneath a tree, leaning against its trunk and gazing skyward, looking utterly desolate.
“I despise pica the most,” he murmured. “And I resent Brother Hua too. Why didn’t he warn us earlier?”
Xia Bai: “He probably never realized he had pica. Otherwise, he would’ve let us know.”
Lin Xiang suddenly thought and asked, “What about Wen Dong? What’s his fixation?”
Recalling the scene he had witnessed when leaving the dormitory, Xia Bai responded, “He might have a cross-dressing fixation.”
After Xia Bai ran out of the dormitory, Meng Tianyou had cautiously followed him for a bit.
He thought Xia Bai had mutated too. Seeing him jump out of a first-floor window only confirmed his suspicions. He just couldn’t figure out which particular fixation would make someone run out in the middle of the night.
However, after watching Xia Bai leave, he didn’t pursue any further.
He had promised Wen Qiu that he would keep an eye on Wen Dong and inform her if anything happened. He had already sent her a message and she should be arriving soon.
The two met at the staircase.
In a hushed voice, Wen Qiu urgently asked, “Why did you come out? How is Wen Dong?”
“When I left, he was using makeup he had stolen from the girls’ dorm. Nothing seemed amiss,” he whispered back.
Also in a subdued tone, Meng Tianyou shared, “I saw Xia Bai running out and wanted to determine the nature of his mutation.”
“Did you figure it out?” Wen Qiu pressed, “And what about Hua Haoming? Has he shown any signs? What’s his fixation?”
If both Hua Haoming and Xia Bai had transformed, then in just another day, no one would be competing with them for the game reward. Wen Qiu’s voice was understandably agitated as she halted to look at Meng Tianyou.
Meng Tianyou responded, “I couldn’t figure out Xia Bai’s issue, and I didn’t hear anything from Hua Haoming. They probably went to find Xia Bai.”
Wen Qiu frowned, “Did Hua Haoming not transform? Does he have a solution after all?”
She cast a glance at him. Under the dim light, his expression was inscrutable. “Didn’t you leave him alone in the dorm?”
A frown appeared on Meng Tianyou’s face too. “Is this really the time to discuss that? Let’s go.”
Suspicion towards Wen Qiu crept in his mind. She didn’t seem to genuinely worry about her brother. He led the way back to the dormitory, but paused at the door, waiting for Wen Qiu to unlock it with him.
The scene he had witnessed earlier in the dorm had sent chills down his spine, even with the knowledge that players’ fixations would be infinitely distorted under the influence of the game. If he hadn’t known, he would’ve thought that Wen Dong had been possessed by a female ghost.
Truth be told, that was still a possibility.
Wen Qiu hesitated before entering, first shining her phone’s flashlight through the door crack. She saw Wen Dong lying on the floor and Song Mingliang bound by Hua Haoming’s soft sword. Only then did she open the door to room 312.
In that moment, they both realized the situation was graver than it seemed, as the stench of blood hit their nostrils. However, the source of the smell wasn’t immediately obvious.
Their eyes eventually settled on the red dress Wen Dong wore.
Lying flat on the floor, Wen Dong had makeup on, just as Meng Tianyou had claimed. He sported delicately penciled eyebrows and lips painted red as if with blood. He was undeniably handsome and had even once considered being an idol prior to pursuing medicine.
The makeup made him eerily beautiful, especially when paired with the long red dress he was wearing. Blood seeped out from beneath.
In the dim light, he looked like a decaying red rose.
He stared at his sister through soulless eyes, their depths hollow yet oddly satisfied.
Meng Tianyou uttered in disbelief, “D-does he have a cross-dressing fixation?”
Cross-dressing fetish? Cross-dressing?
Wen Qiu suddenly recalled that Wen Dong had indeed dressed in women’s clothing before.
Wen Qiu was five years older than Wen Dong. Up until she was five, she believed she was the little princess of the family. Everyone pampered her, giving her the best of everything, including love.
Then Wen Dong was born.
At first, she didn’t notice anything amiss. Wen Dong was a little shadow, always trotting behind her no matter where she went. With his endearing looks, he would peek out from behind her, his eyes curved sweetly as he called out to her, “Sis.” Back then, their relationship was good. One could even call them close.
Then, one spring day, as she was planting flower saplings in the garden, she overheard her father’s conversation with a friend in the study.
The friend asked, “Director Wen, why did you have a son? Didn’t you say having a little princess was enough?”
Her father replied, “A daughter is ultimately a girl. For such a vast family business, we need a son.”
The friend chuckled, “I told you so! Now you understand.”
They laughed. It was hard to pinpoint what that laughter meant.
They didn’t know the impact their words had on her. The sapling she was planting slowly wilted without ever touching the soil.
From then on, Wen Qiu began comparing the little details. Time after time, through these meticulous comparisons, she came to a realization: her family treated Wen Dong better than her.
They regarded Wen Dong as the heir, no matter how hard she tried, even if she was far more outstanding than Wen Dong.
She began to chide and express her discontent towards Wen Dong, who always trailed after her.
At the age of eleven, on the first fall day, she finally had an emotional outburst. She stabbed an accusing finger in Wen Dong’s direction and sobbed loudly, confronting her family, “Is it just because I’m a girl and he’s a boy?”
It was a huge fight. Afterwards, she sat in her room, crying for a long time, refusing to come out for dinner.
The door was gently pushed open. A little head peeked in, murmuring, “Sis… Look.”
Six-year-old Wen Dong, with red-painted lips and drawn eyebrows, was dressed in a red velvet dress with Mary Jane shoes. He trotted up to her and said, “I’m a girl too! Just like Sis.”
The purity and innocence in his eyes stung her; he didn’t understand anything.
Of course, he wouldn’t. As a boy, he benefited from their family’s prejudices.
She angrily sent him out of her room.
His small figure lingered outside her door for a long time. She had long forgotten when he finally left.
She vaguely remembered how, much later, a housemaid cleaning Wen Dong’s room had found that red dress. It was something she had worn as a child, and Wen Dong had kept it all this time.
Meng Tianyou pondered, “If it’s a cross-dressing fixation, how would it distort? Do those with this fixation have psychological distress? Do they actually want to be girls? So, Wen Dong, he…”
Their gaze once again shifted to the blood beneath him, most of which was concentrated on his lower half.
“I’m a girl too, just like Sis.”
The author has something to say:
Lin Xiang: It’s fine if my hair’s gone, but my hairstyle mustn’t be messed up. Xia Bai mustn’t be ugly, Brother Hua musn’t die QAQ
TN: Here’s a compilation of resources from my friends and me. If someone you know is also struggling with gender dysphoria, some of these websites might help: Transgender Resources | GLAAD, Resources for Transgender, Non-Binary, and Gender Non-Conforming People – Unity, National Center for Transgender Equality, Transgender Resources, Trans Lifeline, master list of trans health citations, The Gender Dysphoria Bible
oh damn, poor wen dong. dysphoria is a horrible b*tch, I would wish it to absolutely no one.
Thanks for the chapter
Ooh gosh that lost part really scared me 😭 I hope Wen Dong is okay somehow
Also the scab thing is so gross 😭😭
Oh no…
I hope Wen dong survives and is able to get support later, dysphoria sucks, even when the people around you support you, let alone without it
I hope wen dong survives and gets a skill/ game gift that helps with his dysphoria
Wow…I didn’t see total chaps and was hoping to binge read it for a while….nd suddenly the next button disappeared 😭….hope it’s updated soon….thanks for tl✨
Sorry!…didn’t mean to send the reply to you😅
❤
I hoped this wouldn’t be the case… These poor kids. Their parents choked out any chance for them to have a healthy self-image and or relationship with each other.
Oh sweetie… You can be a girl too, you could’ve done it a lot saftely… I’m so sorry you felt trapped… Sister I’ll give you a hug, you’ll be okay!!! QAQ
that- that- he… he d- didn’t… did he? T- that thing beneath…. Is it gone…?