But perhaps because he was harboring concerns in his mind, Ji Shuyan couldn’t sleep soundly and kept having strange dreams. When he woke up from his dream, he picked up his phone and found that it was only three o’clock in the middle of the night. He had slept for less than four hours.
He tossed and turned on the bed for a while, only to find that he couldn’t sleep anymore. He looked at his phone for a while but it was useless, so he simply got up and decided to go sit in the courtyard for a while.
It was an autumn night that day, it was quiet and pleasant outside, and the weather wasn’t too cold. He thought maybe walking around would tire him out and help him fall asleep.
He put on an outer robe, and walked out of the bedroom lightly.
But just as he reached the glass door on the first floor, before he could even push the door open, there was only a slight crack when he found that there was already someone in the yard.
At three o’clock in the middle of the night, the courtyard was covered in thick darkness, with only a few warm yellow street lamps dotting the grass, emitting a faint light on this foggy night, by the way illuminating the lone figure sitting on the sofa by the wall in the courtyard.
Duan Zhi was still wearing the black and gold patterned bathrobe, with one hand resting on the armrest, holding a half-lit cigarette. His fingers were slender and strong, with well-defined joints. His other hand was holding a mobile phone. Don’t know who he was calling.
Ji Shuyan was taken aback, and the hand that was pushing the door stopped. He didn’t know whether he should go out or not, but before he could make up his mind, he heard Duan Zhi laugh coldly.
“You need to accept that there are some things that you cannot change. Whether you hate me or accept me, I’ll always be like this,” Duan Zhi’s tone was very light, “I just like men, and I can’t change it. You can beat me to death if you want but if you want me to bow my head and admit that I’m wrong, it’s not possible.”
Fuck.
Ji Shuyan almost slammed his head on the door, and hurriedly covered his mouth.
Did he just bump into Duan Zhi’s coming out scene? His tone sounded like he was on the phone with his family.
He immediately regretted coming out for a stroll. He didn’t like to meddle in other people’s private affairs, and Duan Zhi had a strong sense of self-esteem. It would be very uncomfortable for Duan Zhi to be bumped into such a humiliating scene by him.
He gently let go of the doorknob, ready to leave, but just as he loosened his fingertips, he heard Duan Zhi outside the door talk again.
“Yes, I have someone I like. But don’t worry, there aren’t so many perverts in the world. He doesn’t like me.”
Ji Shuyan couldn’t help but be startled.
He couldn’t tell whether Duan Zhi was sad or not, but he felt that the words were extremely cold, without any ups and downs, flat and calm, as if he was just stating a fact that he had long accepted.
He felt a little sad when he heard it.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
He didn’t know if the other side said anything else, but Duan Zhi had already hung up the phone, “Trying to persuade me is meaningless, goodbye.”
Ji Shuyan panicked, afraid of being discovered by Duan Zhi, he quickly prepared to run away, but in his haste, he bumped into the heavy curtain next to him, and the curtain pendant under it slammed onto the glass door, making a clear and audible bang in the middle of the night.
If Duan Zhi didn’t hear that, he would be deaf.
Duan Zhi turned around in the courtyard with a cigarette still dangling from his mouth, his brows slightly furrowed, his eyes that carried a bit of irritation that hadn’t dissipated yet collided with Ji Shuyan’s through the glass door.
The air became quiet in an instant.
The two people looked at each other, only the sweet and distant fragrance of osmanthus flowers melted in the air. When the wind blew, it stuck to people’s hair and eyebrows.
.
Since he had already been discovered, there was no need to hide.
Ji Shuyan broke the jar, opened the glass door, and greeted Duan Zhi hesitantly, “Good evening?”
Duan Zhi raised his eyebrows and let out a snort. He was sitting on a long sofa by the edge of the courtyard, he patted the cushion casually, “Want to come over and have a seat?”
Ji Shuyan thought for a while, and walked over. When he got closer, he realized that there were several cans of beer on the table in front of Duan Zhi. He had already drunk two cans, and there was a faint aroma of malt in the air.
Duan Zhi asked him, “Are you unable to sleep?”
“Well,” Ji Shuyan said, “I originally wanted to come out for a walk, but I didn’t expect you to be here too.”
Duan Zhi smiled, knowing that Ji Shuyan had more or less heard what he had just said, he didn’t feel too uncomfortable. Anyway, he had long been unclear in Ji Shuyan’s heart, but he just had a fight with his grandfather and aunt, and he couldn’t describe how much his heart hurt , so he picked up the beer and took a sip.
“How much did you hear?” He asked Ji Shuyan casually.
Ji Shuyan hesitated, “I didn’t hear much. I didn’t mean to listen, I just heard the last two sentences.”
But those two sentences were quite informative.
He looked at Duan Zhi’s sharp and cold eyebrows under the soft moonlight, and asked again, “Did you fight with your family over coming out?”
Duan Zhi gave a “hmm”.
He looked at the sweet-scented osmanthus tree in the yard, and remembered that there was such an osmanthus tree in the yard of his own house, which bloomed outside his study door, from spring to winter, in all seasons. He wondered if the tree was still blooming now.
He could feel that Ji Shuyan beside him wished to say something, as if he wanted to comfort him but couldn’t organize his words well. He smiled and took the initiative to open his mouth, “There’s no need to comfort me. Since I chose to come out of the closet to my family, I was mentally prepared. All of this is within my tolerance,” He turned his head to look at Ji Shuyan, “Actually, this is a little better than I thought. I had a showdown with my family during the summer vacation, because they were busy trying to set me up with someone. At the family gathering, I directly said that I like men, which drove my grandfather crazy with anger. He started beating me with his walking stick. My uncle wanted me to admit I was wrong to my grandfather while my aunt was reluctant to scold me and kept crying. The whole family was messed up by me. They didn’t contact me again for several months. Until just now, my grandfather suddenly called me out of the blue and asked me if I had changed.”
He answered no.
He couldn’t be changed, not in this life.
He took another sip of beer. Seeing Ji Shuyan’s grave expression, he joked, “Uncle Ji, why are you so serious? Do you think I’m being ridiculous?”
For a person like Ji Shuyan who has been self-restrained and disciplined all his life, and took taking care of his family as his own responsibility, his behaviour was probably enough to be called frivolous and willful.
Obviously there was a better way to solve the problem, he could have dragged it out and slowly softened the blow, but he chose this method that left no way out. But it was his nature.
Ji Shuyan stared at the two empty cans of beer on the table, but what he was thinking about was another question.
In the passage just now, Duan Zhi never mentioned his parents’ attitude. He mentioned his grandfather, uncle, and aunt, but his parents seemed to have disappeared as if they had never shown up from the beginning to the end.
He knew that Duan Zhi’s parents had divorced, and were not close to Duan Zhi, but it was impossible for his parents to be ignorant of such a big matter, let alone not say a word about it.
It’s just that it was not suitable to get to the bottom of this question tonight. Duan Zhi wouldn’t want him to ask, so he wouldn’t ask.
But when he looked at Duan Zhi’s carelessly smiling face, his heart was filled with panic.
He thought, it wasn’t that Duan Zhi wasn’t sad. This young man always had a cynical look. He was arrogant and indifferent even when he came out of the closet.
But he knew that Duan Zhi was not as cold-hearted as he appeared.
He sighed, and gently stroked Duan Zhi’s head, “Although it’s not my place to say this, I don’t think you’re wrong.”
There was affection in his action. It was similar to when he was comforting a young Ji Yuan who had failed his exam.
He was also a parent. Although he is a little younger, Ji Yuan was brought up by him alone. He loved his child very much, and couldn’t ever bear to let Ji Yuan suffer even a little grievance, so he couldn’t understand what kind of deep hatred there was that one would kick their own child out.
He whispered, “Parents and you don’t always see eye to eye. Even Ji Yuan and I can’t always agree with each other, but I love him, so we tolerate each other, because no matter what he does, I can’t afford to not want him. Your parents cannot understand you for the time being, that’s because their thinking is more stubborn and they grew up in a different environment, it is understandable. But you, as the later generation, don’t need to obey us forever. The fact that you didn’t run away or hurt anyone because of your sexuality is already braver than a lot of people. You don’t need to apologize.”
He didn’t know if Duan Zhi’s parents would reconcile with him one day, but on this intoxicating autumn night with the fragrance of sweet-scented osmanthus flowers, all he could do was tell Duan Zhi – you’re not wrong.
Duan Zhi looked at him blankly.
The moon and stars were sparse, Ji Shuyan was wearing a blue-gray outer robe, revealing his swan-like neck and pale, thin hands. Bathed in the moonlight, he looked like an eminent monk practicing Taoism in an ancient temple, gentle and compassionate.
However, Duan Zhi only felt like a fire was burning in his heart, raging. It was about to involve Ji Shuyan as well and together they would fall to the end of the earth.
He really couldn’t understand Ji Shuyan, he thought he was frivolous and dissolute, said that he was unreliable and always causing trouble, but it was also Ji Shuyan, who had never really rejected him, he made exceptions for him time and time again. Even tonight, he was trying to comfort him to the best of his ability.
He had only one heart, and he had already completely surrendered it over to Ji Shuyan. He really doesn’t know how else to love him.
He smiled, his nose felt a little sore for no reason, the cigarette in his hand had already burned out, and the end of the cigarette accidentally burned his hand, but he didn’t feel any pain.
“Uncle Ji,” he looked at Ji Shuyan with a complicated expression, “If it wasn’t me but someone else sitting here today, would you also comfort him like this?”
Ji Shuyan didn’t anticipate this question.
He thought about it seriously, “No, I know you, but I’m not familiar with anyone else, so why would I open my mouth?”
He spoke with confidence, without even a hint of the Cihang Pudu look he had just moments earlier.
Duan Zhi laughed even harder.
He threw a can of beer to Ji Shuyan, “Neither of us can sleep anyway, why don’t we have a drink together?”
Ji Shuyan stared at the beer for a while. Since the last time he was drugged in a bar, he had hardly touched alcohol.
But looking at Duan Zhi beside him, he still nodded, “Okay.”
Their relationship is slowly progressing.
Thank you for the chapter!
Thank you for your translation 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
Thank You for the new chapter ʚ♡⃛ɞ(ू•ᴗ•ू❁)
I’ll never understand how a family/friend can reject a loved one simply bc of their sexual preferences etc. I feel so much sadness for ppl like duan zhi.
Ayo can’t wait for the shocking revelation for uncle ji~ ☺