“I’ve never seen it as something amusing. I know it’s hard to think that way. I didn’t intend to deceive, but it ended up like this. I’m sorry. No, even saying sorry so easily might sound insincere to you, I know that… But still, Yigyeom, I’ve never found your feelings amusing.”
Observing Yigyeom’s reaction, whenever he jokingly referred to myself as a gangster, as Yigyeom misunderstood and teased me, his response was cute and charming, but never once did it seem amusing to me. Despite Yigyeom saying he disliked gangsters, it was endearing and pleasant how he showed exceptions in his feelings toward me.
“Let’s at least eat this for now. If I start talking again, you might not eat at all. I’ll be outside, not making you uncomfortable. Eat slowly, and when you’re done, call me.”
“…”
“Don’t cry. It’ll be a big problem if you get a fever again.”
It was pitiful to see his gaze that briefly touched his face but soon dropped weakly downwards. Kwon Taejung stood up from his seat to leave the bedroom, not to disturb Yigyeom’s meal.
The guilt that hadn’t even crossed his mind when he was in the news as a retaliatory driver now slowly spread through his heart. No, this was the first time in his 32 years of life that he felt this way. He desperately wanted to somehow unravel Yigyeom’s feelings. He felt like he’d go crazy if he didn’t properly hear those words saying he liked him.
‘…That I like you… That I’ve come to like you… Even though you knew all of that…’
Seated on the couch, Kwon Taejung kept repeating Yigyeom’s words. The situation was bad, but it was the first time Yigyeom had honestly spoken his heart.
He naturally knew that Yigyeom liked him. He couldn’t help but notice how Yigyeom couldn’t take his eyes off him, how he blushed everywhere when their eyes met. How could he not know that Yigyeom’s heart was drawn closer to his when he seemed to want his touch a little more, when his breath caught as his lips closed?
Of course, that was the problem. He knew Yigyeom’s feelings too well. If he hadn’t known, he might have made excuses, saying he was oblivious, but knowing all that and still deceiving Yigyeom was his mistake. Kwon Taejung let out a sigh, crumbling under the overwhelming self-reproach.
A few days ago, when Yigyeom was worried about him getting into trouble and he didn’t tell him the truth, he truly had nothing to say now. No, he was a scoundrel who shouldn’t make excuses or speak at all.
But even so, he couldn’t afford to lose Yigyeom like this. He still liked him, and knowing that Yigyeom still liked him, he desperately wanted to turn things around, even if it meant sacrificing everything he had.
Amidst the complex thoughts filling his mind, he heard footsteps. Kwon Taejung was taken aback, standing up as Yigyeom appeared with a tray from the room.
“You called?”
“…I’m fine now.”
Although the amount of porridge hadn’t decreased much, it was fortunate that he seemed to have eaten a bit. Seeing the empty container of medicine, Kwon Taejung took the tray and placed it on the dining table, looking at Yigyeom.
“Are you going now?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“…Yes.”
“Jtjcuf sbeg mibatfr olgra.”
“Dea ws ieuujuf…”
“P’ii ajxf mjgf bo la rfqjgjafis jcv yglcu la ab sbe. Yg lo sbe kjca, P mjc ajxf la cbk, jcv kf mjc ub obg vlccfg.”
“…P’ii ifjnf ws ieuujuf ab sbe.”
Ktbrf kbgvr rbecvfv ilxf j gfoerji ab rajs jcs ibcufg. Bkbc Kjfpecu cbvvfv gfiemajcais. Coafg mbcolgwlcu atf gfrqbcrf, jr Tlusfbw kfca yjmx lcab atf gbbw, Bkbc Kjfpecu fztjifv rboais, rlaalcu yjmx jcv reqqgfrrlcu tlr rlut, offilcu jczlber klatbea j mifjg nlfk jtfjv.
***
The car ride back home was silent. There were many things he wanted to say, and he could have been audacious and talked more, but he didn’t want to add more resentment when Yigyeom was already disappointed and shocked by him. He just stayed quiet.
He’d arrive at the redevelopment area in about ten minutes. If Yigyeom got off without looking back and went inside, he wouldn’t even have a moment to speak. Kwon Taejung glanced briefly at Yigyeom, checking his reaction while driving.
“Are you sure it’s okay to be alone?”
“…Yes. I’ll get used to it as I stay.”
“If you’re scared, tell me. I’ll come right away.”
“…”
It was disheartening that even a small response like before wasn’t forthcoming, but there was nothing he could do. Even if he didn’t answer, he mentally promised that he’d keep an eye on whether he was in danger or not, that he wouldn’t ignore it, that he wouldn’t drift away from his side. Turning onto a main road, Kwon Taejung took the last road to the area. They’d arrive at Yigyeom’s alley in about five minutes.
And those five minutes passed faster than expected. Kwon Taejung passed the irritatingly familiar red container in the dismantling village, feeling annoyed even more today. He parked under the familiar street lamp, turned off the ignition, and heard the sound of Yigyeom unfastening the seatbelt from the passenger seat.
Thud. Kwon Taejung’s entire focus snapped at the small sound. He couldn’t grasp whether he should start the unfinished conversation now, ask for more explanations, or hold on. The confusion made his head ache.
“…I… I’m going back to work.”
It was Yigyeom who broke the silence. Kwon Taejung was glad that, regardless of the content, Yigyeom was the one initiating the conversation.
“And I’ll start by returning whatever money is left. Please let me know where I should send it…”
“Strictly speaking, that money is payment for our agreement. I bought your time with that money, so there’s no need to return it. Instead, you should pay the remaining value for the time you spent with me afterward.”
“…”
“I coerced you, bought your time with force, and you received compensation just for being dragged along by the current. Therefore, there’s no need to return it. Even if you were to give it back to me, I can’t… return your time.”
Coercion, force, dragged along by the current. As Yigyeom heard Kwon Taejung’s words, a pang hit his heart, and he let out a quiet breath. It hurt to know that he wasn’t coerced or forced into anything.
He had thought of Kwon Taejung as odd, sometimes even a bit scary, but the time spent with him was much more affectionate and warm than he’d anticipated. Why was Kwon Taejung being this kind to him, way beyond what was strange? And beyond that thought, it grew to a point of fondness.
“If you want to work again, do it. You can do anything you want. You can resent me, hate me. You can curse at me or even hit me.”
“…”
“But one thing.”
This might be his last chance, Yigyeom thought, Kwon Taejung’s last chance to listen to him. Kwon Taejung turned his head to meet Yigyeom’s gaze at his final words. The emotions in those eyes were just as tender as they were not long ago.
“We’ve been together for a month and a half. As a resident of the area and a gangster. Of course, there were your misunderstandings and my lies. There were things that couldn’t be easily forgotten.”
Yigyeom recalled every moment spent with Kwon Taejung. Not a single moment was easily forgettable. When had everything taken on such significance? Yigyeom wanted to cry.
“And we still have a month and a half left.”
“…”
“I said let’s have fun until this place crumbles. We’re only halfway through those three months… Don’t avoid me. Meet me.”
Kwon Taejung’s words weren’t light at all. They couldn’t be brushed off as a joke or teasing. They were heavy, and Kwon Taejung was dead serious.
“…It’ll be uncomfortable to meet. For both the chief and… me…”
“Yeah. It’ll be hard to be as comfortable as a few days ago. Because of what I did. But I’ll make it like that again. I still have time left. There’s enough time for the amount that made you like me and for me to like you.”
“…”
“Don’t avoid me. If I haven’t really become unbearable.”
Yigyeom knew that saying he hated it, that he didn’t want to see him anymore, would end everything.
If only he hadn’t known, hadn’t realized that a single word could end their relationship, if he hadn’t known that the words “I hate you” and “there’s no meaning in the remaining month and a half” could be said, Yigyeom would have voiced his feelings. He was afraid that all the time spent with Kwon Taejung would end right here.
“If you say you hate me, then I’ll really coerce you. After all, our agreed time was three months. Whether I’m liked or disliked, the agreement should be kept.”
Kwon Taejung tilted his head slowly at his somewhat audacious words, looking at Yigyeom with a hint of dissatisfaction.
“Frankly, I was careless. When I heard you saying you wouldn’t like a thug, I thought it was okay because I’m not a gangster.”
“…”
“I thought once you knew who I was, you’d feel relieved. Because I’m not the kind of gangster you dislike. I thought it might just pass as a happening.”
“…”
“Nothing’s changed. I’ve just stopped being the gangster you knew. I still like you and will take responsibility.”
Yigyeom bit his lip inwardly at Kwon Taejung’s words. He remembered Kwon Taejung mentioning why he hadn’t honestly revealed who he was.
It seemed that what I was thinking and what Kwon Taejung was thinking were different. Discussing the same thing but seeing each other differently, there was a strange discrepancy in how we were perceiving things.
“…Things have changed.”
“…”
“…I… Even though the chief was a gangster, it was so hard, but still… still, I thought it might be okay. Because I trusted you that much.”
“…”
“But now I really don’t know who the chief is… and even your talk about responsibility… I really don’t understand anymore.”
The sorrow that seemed impossible to contain surged in his heart. The emotions, swaying as if they could overflow at any moment, began to trickle from the eyes that had already shed tears.
😭