Touma had received Sato’s message and was now waiting for him in the backyard.
The resort they were staying at had an area designed as an open-air garden. This enclosed space allowed people to take a breath of fresh air, while being able to admire nature. Trees, bushes and seasonal flowers were all scattered throughout the entire garden, creating a harmony of colors and scent. It was beautiful and relaxing, regardless of the season or weather.
The young man couldn’t help but recall the few times he and Sato had gone out for walks in places similar to this one. He recalled Sato’s warm hand, his captivating smile and the beautiful spark his eyes always held when he was feeling happy.
Now, he was about to meet the same person, but things were very different from before. How would Sato look at him now? What expression would he show? Would he be angry or repulsed? Or would he simply show indifference?
Touma shook his head, scattering the images and thoughts from his mind. Just then, he noticed Sato walking towards him and his chest tightened. The sight of that man always caused his heart to stir. It was the same even after all this time. Regardless of everything that has happened, his stomach still lurched with emotion as soon as that person was nearby.
‘Stop fawning over him like a young school girl!’ Touma scolded himself bitterly. ‘You’re here to prostrate yourself in front of him and apologize like your life depends on it. Whether he spares your life or executes you, it’s his choice and you just have to accept it.’
In the meantime, Sato had already reached Touma. He was now standing two steps away from him. His clear eyes were carrying a particular determination.
Touma couldn’t help but repress a shiver. He had rarely seen Sato wearing that expression. It was both beautiful and frightening, like the executioner’s sharp blade that glints coldly in the morning sun, right before bringing the sinner’s life to an end.
Touma heard himself inhaling shakily and he instinctively clenched his fists in an attempt to stop his body from trembling. It was no use being scared at this point, right? After all, it was too late to back away now.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
He opened his mouth to speak, but Sato was one step ahead of him.
“P’w rbggs obg mjiilcu sbe bea bc remt rtbga cbalmf. Vlcmf ws ifu lr jiwbra tfjifv, kf klii gfrewf oliwlcu lc j vjs bg akb. Vb, P atbeuta lo kf vbc’a vb la cbk, kf wluta cba ufa jcbatfg mtjcmf ab ajix jcs alwf rbbc.”
Vjab’r nblmf kjr mjiw. Lf aglfv ab xffq la rafjvs, klat cb qjgalmeijg lcoifmalbcr bg yfagjslcu jcs fwbalbcr. Pa jiwbra rffwfv jr atbeut atlr kjr j yerlcfrr wffalcu, gjatfg atjc rfaailcu biv rmbgfr klat j obgwfg ibnfg. Ca ifjra atja kjr ktja tf tbqfv la kbeiv jqqfjg ilxf.
From what Touma could see, Sato wasn’t harboring any feelings towards him and there were no obvious ripples in his emotions.
‘At the very least, he could be angry or upset. But I guess that, in the end, I am not even worth that much, huh?’
When this realization dawned upon him, Touma sensed a painful crack spreading through his heart. He smiled bitterly to himself, and proceeded to speak as calmly as his turbulent emotions allowed him to.
“That’s quite alright. And it’s true. We might not be able to talk like this once the filming resumes.” He paused, then gestured towards a more retreated corner of the garden.
A stone bench was placed between several bushes.
“Why don’t we go over there and sit while we talk?”
Sato glanced in the direction Touma was pointing at and nodded his head. The place was indeed more private, allowing them to talk without the fear of being overheard.
Once they reached the bench, they sat down quietly. Both were careful to leave some distance between them. Then, the silence stretched for some time, until Touma spoke again.
“Sato, first of all I want to apologize about that night. When you came after me, I was too engrossed in my own problems that I couldn’t think of anything else. I was angry and disturbed and seeing you trying so hard to comfort me… I just couldn’t handle that well.” Touma paused, letting out a long breath before continuing. “What happened afterwards, you called it an accident, but I know that wasn’t entirely true.”
“My fall was an accident, Touma.”
“No, I don’t think it really was. It may have started that way, but somewhere along the line I think I began wishing for it to happen.”
Touma bent over and rubbed his face with both hands. He was finding it difficult to find the proper words to explain his thoughts from that time.
“When you grabbed my arm and tried to force me to talk to you, my brain just blanked. The next thing I knew, I brutally shoved you away from me. I was so blinded by my emotions that I didn’t even notice you were standing so close to the steps. By the time I realized, it was already too late. Your body rolled down the stairs like it was a lifeless ragdoll. The image was so disturbing it gave me nightmares for months afterwards. Even now, my heart trembles when I recall the incident.”
“Like I said, it was an accident. You didn’t push me with the intention of hurting me.” Sato spoke calmly. He turned his head to glance at the other man.
“Perhaps. But that doesn’t excuse what I did afterwards.” Touma inhaled deeply, turning to look Sato in the eye.
He tried to hold onto the resolve he had until now, but he was afraid his courage was about to leave him soon. Admitting one’s mistake openly like this wasn’t easy. Especially when the other party was the person whom you loved above all else. Betraying and hurting a person of such importance warrants a one-way ticket to hell.
“When I saw you lying there, unmoving, I was stunned. My brain just couldn’t comprehend what was happening and my body was too afraid to move in order to check whether you were still alive or not. Being torn apart by my agonizing feelings, I ran away. I ran and left you there, Sato.” Touma spoke with anguish.
His voice was getting lower and lower, until only a whisper could be heard coming from him.
“Without even looking back, I put as much distance between me and that place as I possibly could. There was something in my mind shouting urgently at me to stop, to turn back. But I ignored it all the way. I pushed back every feeling of guilt that I had and tried to drown my roaring conscience. I indulged myself in the idea that it couldn’t be helped, that it was all an accident. In truth, it was just pure selfishness. What I needed was the part and, even though I hadn’t planned for things to turn out that way, your injury added to my fortune.”
“Then why did you come to the hospital the next day? If you really had no remorse for what had happened, then why did you try so hard to make me listen to you? You even spent a month chasing after me. Calls, visits, emails… you’ve done everything.”
Sato’s voice trembled ever so slightly. Despite telling himself to keep a calm and steady appearance, he discovered that it was impossible not to become discomposed. The recounter of such distressing events, which caused him many nights of nightmares and torment, rattled him. It made it difficult for him to remain clear-headed. He wasn’t made of stone, after all. It was impossible not to feel anything while hearing the man whom he loved and trusted, speak of that painful incident.
Sensing Sato’s change in disposition, Touma tried to touch his arm gently. But seeing how Sato flinched violently, leaning away from him, he let his hand fall onto his lap.
A bitter taste rose in Touma’s mouth and he tried to swallow a few times. However, no matter how hard he tried, that taste would never go away. It will forever remain embedded in his very soul, an eternal black stain like that of the worst sinner.
A/N: This is it for today’s update.
I know many of you hate Touma profoundly. Honestly, I am not making excuses for him. He was, and forever will be, a sinner in both mine and Sato’s eyes. But, this is the punishment I chose to give him. Having to apologize face to face is ten thousand times more difficult than just regretting or suffering inside your heart. It’s like having to re-open a wound in order to clean it so it won’t continue to fester. That’s what Touma is doing now and it’s not easy. It’s a small price, perhaps, but it’s Sato’s choice 
See you all tomorrow!
wait, didnt he out him?
thanks for the chapter <3
Mh, you’ll find out more about that in the next chapter. It’s what you call the power of tabloids 😅 😣
<333
Thank you for the chapter!
💜💜💜