I have fought with friends since elementary school, and whenever that happened, I would get a fever and lie in bed. During middle school, having a fever during exam periods became a daily routine. My grandfather, who used to insist on making and giving me herbal medicine every holiday, warned me after I was discharged from the military.
“Yeah, he was unnecessarily sensitive like a girl from a young age.”
Fortunately, I became much healthier after serving in the military. After returning to school, I had to work part-time relentlessly to pay rent and living expenses. If I stayed in bed sick, I would have nothing to eat. After becoming independent from my parents, I had no one to take care of me, and I couldn’t afford to take a day off when I was sick.
I realized, like a lie, that once the fever was gone, it was all just an act. It wasn’t just about enduring for those who could endure; the situation requiring endurance was itself the ability to endure.
However, after the second Saturday spent with him, when I returned home on Sunday morning, my fever rose to 39 degrees. I vomited stomach acid even though I hadn’t eaten anything, and eventually, I wrapped myself in a blanket and lay down on the bathroom floor. My body trembled. Although the swelling in my buttocks had largely subsided, I couldn’t sit or lie down. I was afraid to look at my reddened bruises, even when changing clothes, and I couldn’t use the ointment I had brought.
When I had a fever, my mother appeared in my dream for the first time in a long time. She touched my forehead, hot with fever, with her cold and neat hand.
“Mom.”
When I called her silently, my mother covered me up to my chin with the blanket and smiled with a tired face. “It’s okay to sleep more,” she said quietly. If you sleep and wake up, the fever will be gone. You took the medicine. You need to rest deeply to get up again tomorrow… As she whispered, the gap between her lips slowly widened. The black emptiness rapidly engulfed her face. The hastily stretched arm penetrated through the hole in my mother’s face.
When I opened my eyes, I was crouching on the cold bathroom floor. I breathed, shivering with a hot forehead. Darkness stood thickly against the window.
My swollen throat hurt. Tears that had welled up in my eyes slowly flowed down and gathered on the floor.
Where was I going? What had I been striving for? Perhaps what I was looking for had long been lost, or perhaps it never existed in the first place. Now, coming this far, I finally had such thoughts. Like someone who had reached the end of a dead-end road waiting from the beginning.
“Why does your face look like that?”
It was the third person. Even Deputy Kwon, who usually passed by me like a non-existent person, asked with a curious gaze as soon as he entered the conference room. I covered my mouth and smiled faintly.
“I’m feeling a bit unwell this weekend.”
“Why does your voice sound like that? If you’re really not well, take a break. Why did you come out?”
“It’s not as bad as it looks, I’m sorry.”
The conference room was in full swing preparing for the morning meeting. Deputy Park, who was absentmindedly organizing scattered documents on the adjacent desk, seemed to have overheard the conversation and glanced in my direction.
Seeming like he wanted to say something but hesitated, he stared right through my face.
“Are your lips injured? Both corners?”
“Uh…”
I quickly covered the torn corner of my mouth with my hand.
“Just, somehow… you know…”
The words got stuck in my throat, and I couldn’t say more. My face turned crimson. Fortunately, he seemed to lose interest quickly, and no further questions came my way.
I lowered my head and stared through the pile of documents on my desk. I repeated the same sentence in my mind several times. Manager Kim, who had gone to the bathroom, was wandering around with her chair, and the only vacant seat was that of Han Team Leader.
Deputy Park, who had finished preparing to move towards the conference table, hesitated before sitting back down in his chair. Glancing at his watch, he stretched his neck towards the half-open door of the meeting room. The atmosphere was tense. The usual starting time for the meeting had already passed by five minutes.
“Where did Han Team Leader go?”
As Manager Kwon placed documents on the table and asked, Deputy Park fixed his gaze on the door gap and made a long, awkward sound.
“He got called upstairs since this morning.”
“What, again?”
“That’s right.”
Manager Kwon clicked his tongue. In a hushed voice, he asked, “Is it possible we won’t make it to the presentation this year?” Deputy Park mumbled in response, “That’s right.”
The nearby conversation and the document I had been reading since earlier were all smeared in black, making nothing discernible. Deputy Park absentmindedly kicked the leg of the desk with the tip of his shoe. I covered the documents and stood up abruptly.
“I’ll go to the restroom.”
“Now? We don’t know when Han Team Leader will come.”
Although Deputy Kwon protested, Deputy Park shook his head dismissively.
“It looks like he’ll be a while. Well, while I’m at it, can I make you coffee too?”
“Oh, please do that for me too.”
Manager Kim’s head popped up above the partition. I nodded, supporting myself by grabbing the desk. My back was damp with cold sweat.
“I’ll be back.”
But I couldn’t even make it to the restroom. Just as I was about to leave the conference room, Han Team Leader opened the door and briskly walked in. He swung open the folder he was carrying onto the table and sharply called out my name, of all things.
“Lee Seodan. Where did the proposal you were supposed to revise by Friday night go?”
“What?”
The conference room fell silent in an instant. Deputy Yoon, who was reading materials at the round table, took a few hesitant steps backward. The man in front of me, his body and voice. My heart pounded as if it would break. I opened my mouth, then closed it again.
“Well, on Friday… I left it on Han Team Leader’s desk…”
Then it hit me. On Friday, not finishing the work and being dragged into the after-work gathering, I had barely completed the proposal and left it on his desk. Planning to check it again and submit it early on Saturday morning. However, even though I was behind on work, I ended up not coming to work on Saturday. I had completely forgotten due to the overwhelming hangover and the thought of seeing him in the evening.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
I couldn’t bear to look at Han Team Leader’s face, so I gradually stepped back. My parched lips stung.
“P jqbibulhf. Vlcmf la kjr bc ws vfrx, P klii reywla la gluta jkjs.”
“Qts lr la bc ws vfrx lcrafjv bo sbegr? Pa rffwr atfgf’r cb vloofgfcmf obg Off Vfbvjc yfakffc Mglvjs cluta bg Zbcvjs wbgclcu, lr atfgf?”
“…P’w rbggs. P obguba…”
Llr abcf kjr wbgf ylalcu atjc ereji. Po rbwfbcf firf tjv wjvf tlw ecmbwobgajyif, jcv lo P tjvc’a wfa tlw bc Vjaegvjs fnfclcu, P wluta tjnf mjrejiis bnfgibbxfv la jr rbwfatlcu ab yf qjrrfv klatbea wemt atbeuta. Po P tjvc’a yffc atf ajgufa bo tlr jcufg gluta cbk.
“So, have you finished everything assigned to you last week except for that?”
“…Most of it.”
“Then why didn’t you come to work on Saturday? Or Sunday? Even if you can’t finish all the work, do you think it’s better to take a break and relax to relieve stress?”
“No. I was planning to work from home-.”
“How many times have I told you not to take work home? That’s why I-.”
He abruptly cut off his words. Manager Kim shouted in a small voice. Something hung on my chin, then dropped down. When I absentmindedly touched it, I felt a warm liquid.
“Stop it, Team Leader.”
Deputy Park rushed over from the side and stood in front of me, blocking his line of sight as he stared at my face.
“Lee Seodan was unwell over the weekend. Look at his pale face.”
“No, I…”
He awkwardly interrupted himself. Meanwhile, I continued to shed silent tears. My vision blurred, and I couldn’t see him anymore. Deputy Park turned around, looked at me, and then hugged my shoulders to lead me away.
“I’ll take him out for a moment…”
As I leaned on his comforting arm, being led away, Han Team Leader, who seemed like he might yield, reached out his arm and forcefully pushed the door closed. The exit disappeared right in front of my nose.
“Where are you going?”
“Team Leader, just a few minutes.”
Deputy Park spoke quickly in a hushed voice. A quiet dispute ensued. I stood there dazed, gazing at the floor.
I couldn’t understand why I was doing this to myself. The team members, who looked at me belatedly with mouths agape, caught my eye. Deputy Kwon, who openly wrinkled his forehead, was also there. Come to think of it, the start of the meeting, already delayed because of me, was still not happening. Deciding I needed to leave, I hurried toward the door, but Han Team Leader turned his hand behind his back, gripped the handle tightly, and forcefully shut the door.
“That’s something I’ll take care of.”
“Still.”
“Enough.”
Deputy Park closed his mouth at the stern voice. In the face of Han Team Leader’s assertiveness, he retreated silently, his expression drained of energy. Han Team Leader turned back to me.
“Lee Seodan, let’s have a brief chat.”
“Team Leader.”
Deputy Park tried to dissuade him once again, but it was in vain. Han Team Leader, without looking back, firmly grabbed my wrist and pulled me along.
“What are you doing? Continue with the meeting. Deputy Park, please proceed with the meeting.”
“Yes? Yes.”
The team members, now alert, took out pens and folders and approached the meeting table. With that scene as the last, the door slammed shut. I was being dragged out by Han Team Leader, leaving us alone in the deserted company corridor. Han Team Leader pushed me against a wall, his face stern, and spoke in a firm tone.
“Are you out of your mind?”
“…I, just give me a moment…”
I needed to be alone for a while, anywhere. I needed time to calm my emotions. He stared at me with an irritated expression from head to toe. Even though I twisted my body, he didn’t release my wrist. Weak tears welled up and streamed down again. My cheeks grew warm.
“If you give me some time… I’ll go back soon. I’m sorry.”
“Lee Seodan, you did something wrong, didn’t you?”
He grabbed my shoulders and fixed them in place. He persistently locked eyes with me.
“I don’t understand. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I seem to be tormenting Lee Seodan for no reason. Did I do something wrong?”
“…No, sir.”
“Is this your first scolding from a superior? I scolded you a lot last week too. Why are you crying, exactly?”
“……”
I bit my trembling lips hard. Even though I tried not to blink, the painful tears kept welling up and crawling down. He looked at my crying face and let out a sigh as if amazed.
“If I spoke so harshly, I apologize.”
“…No, that’s…”
“Even so. Is this a university club here? Is it your first time at the company, Lee Seodan? If you cry in the meeting room, what will the rest of the team think?”
“…I’m sorry.”
He suddenly released my shoulders. I felt my body relax, almost causing me to sit down.
“Are you unwell?”
I thought he would leave me and go into the meeting room, but unexpectedly, he stepped back and asked. Wiping my eyes with trembling hands, I stopped breathing for a moment.
“Were you unwell yesterday?”
Avoiding his gaze, which seemed to be checking me, I lowered my head. My chest tightened as if someone had opened a window. He persisted.
“For what reason? Because of me?”
“……”
I couldn’t bear it any longer and pushed him away. Stepping back, he furrowed his brow.
“Team Leader, please…we’re in the company.”
“Who told anyone to make such a distinction between construction sites? Even if it’s okay in bed, if you cry in the meeting room, what am I supposed to do about it? Speak up.”
I was horrified. Beyond the thin wall, Director Ahn and the team members were all there.
Team Leader, please, later, not here.
Pouring out tangled words, he finally stepped back and sighed.
“Understood. I get it for now, so let’s talk after work today. I can’t just let it go without hearing the proper reason.”
“…Today, I…”
“What?”
“Today, I was planning to work overtime…”
When he took a few steps back, he could finally calm his shaky breath. He listened and then laughed as if amused.
“Who doesn’t work overtime? Make time during dinner. Let’s have a meal together.”
“That’s…”
“Until then, it would be good for you to come prepared with an explanation that I can understand. You don’t need to join the meeting; just go, calm your mind, and leave the revised proposal on my desk by the afternoon.”
“No, I’ll go in right away. Just wait a moment…”
“Do as you wish.”
He left me behind and briskly opened the meeting room door. The noise from the meeting seeped through the gap in the door before it closed again. I stood in the hallway, shoulders trembling, swallowing back tears. My head was pounding. I should have just taken the day off, regardless of the scolding I would receive later. Everything was a mess. Once a crack appeared, it felt like everything was collapsing uncontrollably.
After washing my face, I opened the meeting room door and entered. The team members, though they glanced at my reddened eyes, didn’t say anything. He, holding a marker, continued discussing the agenda on the whiteboard without looking at me.
“So, anyway, this part should be handled by multiple people rather than one…”
Ignoring the low-toned voice, I leaned on the table for support. It was fortunate that the meeting was conducted standing up. My buttocks ached sharply every time I exerted force. The traces of Saturday still lingered in my body. It seemed like I was being punished to ensure I wouldn’t dismiss the past events as if they never happened.
***
Of all days, Deputy Park, who usually participated in the overtime routine, left work before five due to some urgent matter. When Manager Kwon left work around six-thirty, the remaining team members followed suit. Deputy Kim, holding the door, turned around and asked, “If you’re not feeling well, why are you going in?”
Both Deputy Park and the others had been observing me like detectives all day. Acting as if nothing had happened seemed to have backfired, and no one had given me any advice, from suggesting a visit to the medical room to leaving work early. Suppressing a sigh that naturally escaped, I raised my head and smiled.
“I have something to confirm with Han Team Leader when he returns. I’ll leave work soon too.”
“Okay then.”
With a look that seemed to have more to say, Deputy Kim fiddled with the doorknob and left the meeting room. The space behind the partition of Team Leader, whom I glanced at, was still empty. Since his clothes were left behind, it probably wasn’t the end of his workday. If only he hadn’t scolded me for taking work home in the morning, I might have left work before he returned. The desire to leave early intensified before his return.
After the morning meeting, he mercilessly marked up and returned the proposal we submitted within an hour. A yellow post-it note on top read, ‘Today.’ At a glance, the neatly printed square and orderly font looked almost like something printed.
Blinking my tired eyes, I scrolled down the screen. There wasn’t much left, and if I managed well, I might finish before he returned. If I printed it out quickly and left it on his desk, could I get through the day without seeing his face? The fingers tapping on the keyboard gained momentum. In the end, engrossed in the screen, I didn’t notice any signs.
“You made a spelling mistake.”
He was suddenly standing behind me. His fingers, reaching over my shoulder, tapped the screen. I froze in place, only blinking my eyes.
“Here. Is making stupid mistakes your hobby?”
“Uh…”
The faint scent of winter wind mixed with the cologne hanging on his coat. It was a fragrance I had become familiar with. I stared ahead, and with a blinking mouse cursor, I brought it to the misspelled word he pointed out. Watching me correct it, he straightened his bent upper body.
“Let’s go.”
“Where…”
“Eat dinner and come back. I won’t keep you for long.”
He looked tired. Twirling the key hanging on his finger, he gestured towards the door with a chin nod. After hesitating, I lowered my eyes.
“I… I’m not hungry, so I’ll just stay here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t feel well. I don’t think I can digest anything. If it’s okay with you, maybe next time…”
“Are you serious?”
Annoyance flickered across his face. I held my ground, choosing silence over surrender.
“I’m not calling you out to feed you right now. Don’t you have something to say to me?”
“In the future, there won’t be such incidents like today. It was a mistake due to not feeling well. To the team members, tomorrow…”
“Aren’t you saying you don’t even want to sit and eat with me.”
His voice lowered. Seeing his genuinely upset face, I closed my mouth for now. If I wanted to deny it, now was the time, but I had nothing to say. Keeping silent seemed to make it a fact. Indeed, it was a fact. Clutching the car keys, he sighed.
“Let’s not eat, then. Is there any reason why I should stop you from starving, Lee Seodan?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Come with me for a moment. It’s not something to discuss here.”
“Okay.”
“Since we’re not going anywhere fancy, just tag along. You are annoying me to death here.”
He said it through gritted teeth, as if he was snapping something off. He turned around and took a few steps away. I turned off the monitor and stood up.
I wondered if we would end up on the rooftop, but he pressed the underground floor button in the elevator. It was the parking lot. Considering his personality, he might forcibly push me into the car and take me to eat. Just thinking about it made me feel nauseous. Although I hadn’t eaten since yesterday, it was true that my stomach wasn’t feeling well. I had no intention of sitting across from him and eating anything.
When I didn’t get off the elevator and resisted, he blocked the door and stood there grinding his teeth. I thought he might lose his temper and hit me, but surprisingly, he laughed. It was a smirk that seemed to have crossed the threshold of patience.
“Let’s just get in the car. You can leave the door open.”
“….”
“I’m about to beg you, you know.”
I nodded my head reluctantly. His car, parked in a corner, was a large silver Audi. He opened the door with a button and got into the driver’s seat. I slowly opened the passenger door. The faint scent of leather mixed with a citrusy air freshener wafted through. I settled onto the light brown leather seat and gently closed the door. The spacious door didn’t close completely, just as he said.
He didn’t glance at me and kept staring ahead. He reached into his pocket, took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, and lit it. There was a confident leisure in his skilled movements, resembling a predator. He flicked the ashes out of the open window. The smoke blowing in my direction made my nose itch.
“So.”
After a while, he opened his mouth slowly.
“Why did you cry?”
“…”
I opened my mouth and then closed it. It was an expected question, but my tongue stiffened nonetheless. He still kept his gaze beyond the front windshield as he spoke.
“I need to know this to understand the situation. The project is far from over, and reducing potential variables is also my responsibility. If the issues from the weekend start affecting the remaining tasks, it will be troublesome.”
“…”
“Anyway, since you were chosen, you should fulfill your part. I’m well aware of the dissatisfaction towards Lee Seodan among the team members. Making a commotion like this morning, which affects not only you but the entire team, won’t be good for you.”
I thought he would express anger, but his voice remained calm. His calmly spoken words were reasonable and logical, to the point where I momentarily misconstrued this relationship as remarkably sensible.
“Why did you cry?”
It echoed the previous question. I sucked in air through parted lips.
“I don’t know.”
“Take a guess. Aren’t those your own eyes?”
“…There wasn’t any particular reason. I just had a fever yesterday, was distracted, and… because I’ve been crying a lot recently, the tears just…”
After saying it, I realized that wasn’t what I intended to say. He subtly lifted the corner of his mouth.
“So, crying a lot recently, is that still because of me?”
“…”
“Am I Pavlov, then? Does Lee Seodan become a bastard?”
“That’s not it. It’s not to that extent.”
My voice cracked. I took a deep breath and turned my gaze to the glass window. Beyond his faintly smiling face, the cold light of the parking lot illuminated the empty space like a morgue. It was a light reminiscent of a mortuary. White breath turned into frosty mist, permeating into the empty air.
“Why were you in pain yesterday? Was it because of me, too?”
“Sometimes, it is. Not because of you, Team Leader, but…”
He turned his face with the cigarette still in his mouth. There was no anger in his languid expression from earlier. I regretted not bringing my coat. My fingertips froze from the cold. So, reaching for the door with my arms extended, the car interior instantly became a sealed space.
The Team Leader is kind of a prick.
Thank you for the chapter!
you’re welcome! thank you for reading and happy new years to you too!
Ehmmn. .. I’m with the ML in this story as each chapter unfolds .. the MC just won’t communicate and hopes everyone will magically mind read. I’ve worked with people like this and it just makes everything harder. They won’t pause and reflect because that’s “uncomfortable” … Well guess what we all have had a tough life… Nobody has a Monopoly on pain. Those that succeed figure out themselves and learn to manage themselves and their needs.
Wow this story is triggering me but not the way I expected.
god mc is just like me fr
thanks for the chapter <3