Pr/editor: Helen, Agneya
It rained. The sun shied away, hiding behind the clouds. The world around him dimmed and everywhere he looked was devoid of color. Spring, in its full glory, was lost in the chill of the rain.
“Your Majesty, your precious body is getting more haggard.”
Jurgen’s frustration grew at the sight of the unmoving back.
When he arrived at Karel Isaac’s mansion to locate the Emperor’s whereabouts after his sudden disappearance from the hunting grounds, he found him huddled over Rayan’s slumped body. The Emperor’s face was terrifyingly devoid of emotions.
Since then, he became stoic, his face betraying no trace of any emotion.
After returning to the palace with Rayan, the Emperor laid him down on the bed, sat across from him, and stared at him unblinkingly.
“…Your Majesty.”
He refused to eat or drink, kept his eyes open day and night, and turned his back on all matters of state, even the ones he had been previously caught up on.
“Please. He wouldn’t want you to be like this.”
Three days had already passed.
The Emperor’s health was good, but for his own sake, he couldn’t continue to be this broken. The nobles, fearful of the Emperor’s temper, would not dare to harbor any wayward thoughts. But it would do him no good to disseminate the rumor that he had abandoned the state because he was heartbroken over his lover’s death.
“Jurgen.”
As if in response to an appeal, the Emperor called Jurgen’s name. His voice, which he hadn’t heard in days, sounded hoarse.
“Do you know why I overthrew the Emperor and usurped the throne?”
“This…”
Jurgen hesitated. It was not possible to say that it was because the previous emperor killed Olivia and used her as bait to kill his son, who was the child of prophecy.
“To live.”
Considering life as merely something to survive since he was born, waiting for his death to get closer day by day, Ryan gave him a reason to live.
“Because of him, I wanted to live. That’s why I fought for this position.”
After erasing Rayan from his memory, he lost sight of the real reason for wanting to live, and was driven only by the need to seize the throne from his hateful father.
“And then I forgot him.”
How foolish to have a life that had been erased.
“All of me.”
“…”
“My world.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
He wiped it clean. Three whole years of languishing in the margins of his memory, and he still couldn’t remember him. Not even in the moment of their re-encounter.
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Erhart could barely breathe whenever he thought of what he had done to Rayan. The world went black, and his breathing worsened rapidly.
What was even more miserable was the fact that Rayan had never resented him for a single moment. He hadn’t told him he loved him once, hadn’t called him Erich, but he knew now that it was all love in the end.
It’s just that he couldn’t call Erhart ‘Erich’ when he himself didn’t remember anything.
“My world is dead.”
Why did the sun still rise, why could the moon still rise, why did the rain still fall, why did life still bloom and then wither. Why did the pendulum of time not stop?
Why…
Erhart cursed everything that was alive and wished to raze it to the ground, so that in the end the flames would consume him whole until there was nothing left of him.
Erhart gasped, desperately clutching the completely wrecked artifacts and pearls as he’d shatter at the slightest touch. His Majesty. Perhaps his condition seemed too unusual causing Jurgen to come a step closer and call Erhart.
‘You promised… didn’t you?’
The voice came back. He pressed down on the surging magic, and a reflex kicked in. His stomach twisted at the backlash of energy.
Erhart looked up, barely swallowing the lump in his throat. The corners of his mouth were smeared with the blood he hadn’t swallowed, and he wiped it away, his eyes widening as he looked at Rayan.
“Rayan. Right now, I even want to blame you.”
For he had taken everything and left him alone, that he could not even allow himself to die. Erhart would now have to live the rest of his life with a terrible longing that would slowly rip him asunder.
No, it wasn’t like that.
He had brought this upon himself. Yes, he had brought this upon himself. How dare he blame Rayan. How dare he harbor such bitter feelings for him, even for a moment.
“Your Majesty.”
He heard voices calling for him from outside.
“I will go out and tell them to stand down.”
Jurgen glanced at Erhart and shuffled his feet to keep the outsiders away. Erhart tore his attention away from the sound of distant footsteps and looked at Rayan in disbelief.
He’d cleaned Rayan’s wounds and changed him into clean clothes, and his eyes were closed so peacefully that he looked as if he’d fallen into a deep sleep. Normally, if he scratched his palm, he would squirm and whine that it tickles, and if he intertwined his fingers with his, he would clutch them tightly and laugh. For the last three days however, he hadn’t opened his eyes.
He put his finger under his nose and couldn’t feel even the faintest breath. It was as if he had been taxidermied into this state.
Still, Erhart held on to the tiniest bit of hope. Unlike Asha, who had scattered into ashes and vanished, Rayan’s eyes were closed as if he had fallen asleep… A plea that had perhaps gone unheeded.
“Your Majesty. I’m afraid I must apologize.”
“…”
“Well, Viscount Isaac in the dungeons has confessed.”
Even as he listened to Jurgen’s words, Erhart still didn’t take his eyes off Rayan.
Viscount Karel Isaac had been thrown into the dungeons, accused of plotting against the Emperor. He denied it all, saying it was all Asha’s fault, that he’d never tried to kill the Emperor, that he only wanted to be loved by him, but the torture didn’t last long.
“He then immediately attempted suicide…”
Karel was right, he was manipulated by Asha. But even knowing that, Erhart could not forgive Karel. He should rather have shot himself. If Karel had shot him, if the life he had taken had been his own, Erhart would have been more forgiving. But it was Rayan who had been at the mouth of his gun.
“A sinner bringing death upon himself, I cannot be so lenient. He has confessed his crime, so execute him without delay.”
“Yes.”
But did Karel realize that someone else envied the death granted to him, longing for it.
“…Jurgen. Please leave. I wish to be alone.”
“Your Majesty.”
“Only for today… only for today.”
He knew better than anyone that he couldn’t stay in this manner like this forever; if he was going to fulfill that damned promise, Erhart had to really live.
Jurgen finally gave in and backed away.
***
Raindrops pounded against the window. In the silence, with the pouring rain as the only noise, Erhart stroked Rayan’s hand and thought of his promise. He regretted the moment when he hadn’t been able to read his intentions, when he had retorted back so lightly.
“To use your help for a human, not yourself.”
He felt a chill in the air, a foreign sensation.
“Foolish, I should say.”
“…”
“Or perhaps I should say it was the behavior of a child.”
Erhart spun in the direction of the sound, then stiffened. It was a woman with waist-length black hair, cool green eyes, and… a striking resemblance to Rayan, albeit with a different temperament.
Instinctively, he knew who she was.
The one who bore him.
The king who ruled the unbelievably vast blue ocean.
And perhaps the one who had caused him to call himself a flaw.
“…Why have you come?”
She was Rayan’s birth mother, but the fact that she constantly made him feel dejected was enough for Erhart to not feel favorable towards him.
“To take what was mine for a while.”
She held out her hand.
The trident, gleaming sharply with silver, was snatched from his hand. Holding the trident in one hand, her icy gaze soon turned to Erhart, and then to Rayan behind him.
“And to bring him back to our world.”
“He is my lover.”
“He is my son.”
“…”
“It is in our world, not this one, that my heir should be laid to rest.”
Her voice was stern, but firm.
“Human, do you wish to see Rayan never rest in peace?”
For a moment, the barrier trembled. Erhart’s gaze snapped to Rayan.
“…”
Losing Rayan would be terrible. But to think that his lover might never be laid to rest because he was chained here was an even worse nightmare.
In this strange land, on this earth with nothing to fall back on, Rayan had been lonely for a long time, or perhaps he had been betrayed and hurt by a human. What right did he have to disturb his rest?
The king took a step forward.
Erhart staggered back half a step, pleading.
“…Wait.”
“…”
“Let me say goodbye.”
Erhart turned around and gazed at Rayan. He stroked his fingers through his hair, kissed every strand of it, imprinted his face in his memory so he would never forget it again, and whispered endlessly in his ear, even though he couldn’t hear him, that he loved him.
“…”
He pulled away.
When he turned again to look at the bed where Rayan lay, he was no longer there.
‘You have to live.’ Rayan’s voice cracked. ‘Please, let him live.’
He had been so cruel to him. Why on earth would he grant him the mercy of death. Erhart stroked his hand across the bed where he lay.
Rayan’s scent was fading away rapidly.
The rain that had been pounding on the window also began to dwindle. In this living hell, Erhart rested his eyes and slowly pried them back open. His steps were heavy as he turned his back on the bed that had lost its owner.
….
I’m sure it won’t end like this, but I’m still upset…
Thanks for the update 🌹
I also wonder why Asha shattered but Rayan didn’t.
Thx for the ch (ㅅ˘ㅂ˘)