Tn warning: Readers have notified me that I should add some trigger warnings for mindset on disability that is potentially harmful/triggering for some (I’m not quite sure how to label it, though I hope this suffices–skip ahead if you find this wordy and unnecessary, I just figure it’s better to say more then not enough here)
The mindset is that ‘death is better than being ill/disabled’.
ofc, the author is not promoting it in the writing, it is just present (just thought to highlight that). XN, the mc, very much does not agree with this mindset (that the ill/disabled person is a bother and it is not worth it to undergo care or keep loving/caring for them even if they stay ill/disabled). The person themselves thinks this because the family is not well-off, and cannot afford the costs of treatment/etc, and is thinking this for the sake of their child.
The first thing that Xu Nian did after being accepted into university, was to sell his old family home to scrounge up enough money to take his ill mother, Li Fang, to B city with him. In the past two years, Li Fang’s health had been deteriorating and was continuously quite bad. The illness, uremia, had basically destroyed her spirit, so that her entire person seemed sickly and could only weakly rest on the train seat.
“Mom.” Xu Nian timidly and carefully held out a water thermos. “Drink some water.”
Li Fang turned her head away. Before she was tricked onto the train by her son she had been planning to run away from home and commit suicide by jumping into the river. But in the end, Xu Nian knew her better than she thought, so that even though she had struggled for half a year she still hadn’t successfully gone to see King Yama.
Her son being good and showing filial piety was a good thing, but Li Fang didn’t want to be such a bother. She’d already been sick for two years, and the insurance money gotten after her husband had died in an accident was already almost all used up. Her son had gotten accepted into a university through much effort, and would be needing money as well. She thought that if she were to die, then if their house was sold then her son would have enough to go to the big city and study at university, then get a job and become successful in life. That way, even if she was in the gloomy ground where the sun could never touch, she would still be so happy as to laugh out loud. That way, she wouldn’t be like she was now, someone with half a foot in the grave, a medicine burner that needed money thrown in, yet that money didn't even make a splash, like a bottomless pit.
Xu Nian held out the thermos for a while, but after seeing his mother make no move to drink, he smiled and held her hand. “Don’t think too much about it. The level of healthcare in the big city is so high, why, you might be cured in no time once we get there.”
Li Fang grimaced. When she had been young she’d been a great beauty, so that even in her current state there were glimmers of her past splendor even now. “You’re just humouring this old lady, aren’t you.”
Xu Nian replied, “How am I humouring you? Just trust me on this.”
Li Fang stopped speaking. Her smile was a little bitter, and she leaned on her son’s shoulder as if she had used up all her energy. “As if I’ll believe you, you little punk. I really should have just jumped onto the train tracks before getting on the train, if I was crushed to death then there would be no more problems.”
Xu Nian didn’t say anything to that. He smoothed his mother’s hair, which had originally been full and healthy, but now was thin and brittle.
In the end Li Fang fell asleep leaning on Xu Nian’s shoulder. Tears stained her face and dampened a patch of her son’s shirt.
The university that Xu Nian got accepted into was one of the best in B city, and adding in the fact that it was in the capital, getting in was already a tremendously honorable and outstanding accomplishment by his hometown’s standards. It was just unfortunate that behind the glory there lay darkness and despair that everyone understood.
Although, no matter how difficult it was, he had never thought of not going to university.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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The attending doctor’s last name was Yan. Even if he’d long since been accustomed to life and death, when he saw Xu Nian he still felt unbearably sad and compassionate, and when he spoke to him even his voice was a lot gentler than usual.
“Your mother’s state is still stable, don’t be too pessimistic.” Doctor Yan patted the young man on his shoulders in an attempt of encouragement, his shoulders that could not be considered wide or strong.
Xu Nian warmly yet faintly smiled and said, “I know. Thank you, doctor.”
The hospital room that Li Fang was in was a normal three-person one, so Xu Nian had set up a small bed in the corner–he planned to make do for a night there. He went to the hospital cafeteria and borrowed a stovetop to cook his mother some porridge, and as for his own dinner, he went to a random place across the road from the hospital and bought two white flour mantouto solve the matter of food for the day.
Li Fang didn’t have much of an appetite, so Xu Nian tricked and cajoled her one spoonful by spoonful. When she had finished about half of the porridge, sounds of something falling suddenly sounded by the hallway, mixed with some sounds of a woman crying in fright.
“The neighbors are acting up again, this is already I don’t know what number time this has happened~” The old lady in the neighboring bed explained. She’d been in the hospital for about half a year already, and was noticeably already used to this. “The VIP hospital rooms are realllly far away from us, there’s a ‘heaven’s bridge’ separating us, after all. There’s not much people there though, so it’s hard to cause a ruckus. That woman is pretty incredible actually, every time she manages to get all the way over here before being done. She should really take a good look at what she is.”
Xu Nian blinked. Li Fang furrowed her brows, she’d never had much of an interest for gossip, and after falling ill she cared for these things even less, but since the other party saw that she was new it was obvious that they would want to fill her in on all the tea.
Apart from the old lady, there was also a middle-aged house-wife who had just undergone a genital tumour removal surgery in this hospital room. It seemed she knew even more about the situation that the old lady. She said, face full of smugness and disgust, “What’s the use in getting with someone rich? When they don’t want you they’ll get rid of you, what’s the use in ?” After she finished speaking, she swept a glance at Li Fang, then covered her mouth and smiled. “In the end, a son is the most dependable, isn’t that right? They’ll work hard and are so very sweet and considerate.”
Li Fang smiled without saying anything. She patted her son’s hand, which was still holding the spoon, indicating that she wasn’t eating anymore and lightly said, “You eat by yourself now, Mom’s a little tired, so I’m going to go and sleep a little.”
Xu Nian hummed in affirmation around the spoon in his mouth. He tucked Li Fang in, then finished the rest of the porridge.
When he woke up in the middle of the night, Xu Nian was still a bit woozy. He shook his head to clear it, felt around for the hot water bottle and brought it out with him to fill it. The corridor was empty, and there was only a row of lights. Only after walking for a while did he realize that he had gone in the wrong direction, and when he wanted to turn around and go back, he suddenly saw the glass bridge that connected the two buildings together.
The woman wearing the hospital gown had half her body outside of the window she was sitting on. In front of her stood a man, who seemed to have not a wit of desire to pull her back.
Xu Nian was pretty close to them, so he could hear their conversation quite clearly.
The man first spoke. His voice was calm and civil, and you could hear, a little, that he wanted to persuade the other in earnest. “Don’t think too much and get stuck in this. The situation is already like this, even if you jumped down from here he still won’t come and see you. What’s the use in this?”
The woman’s voice was thick with emotion, and seemed near to tears. The words she spoke were almost incoherent. “Was I not good somehow?! I love him so much! I’ll change, I’ll change! Help me beg him, please……..I beg him!”
The man felt a bit helpless and awkward. He pushed up his glasses, then at last sighed. “Say it, how much money do you want, exactly?”
The woman choked, then abruptly covered her face with her hands and started crying.
The man watched her cry for a while, then finally became a bit impatient. “If you’re not going to say it then I’ll be going back. Before I already gave you the check. That’s the final amount. It’s all up to you.” When he finished, he turned around and started to leave. The woman who had just been crying stopped in the next second, jumped down from the window, then went and held onto the man’s pant leg.
“Don’t! Don’t leave!” The woman was crying so hard that she was having difficulty breathing. The man calmly looked down at the woman, then after a while unhurriedly said, “Have you made up your mind?”
“Let me m-meet him…..” The woman had tears streaming down her face, and her expression was filled with real despair and sorrow. “Just once…..”
The man pondered the matter for a long time, then gravely said, “Then it’d be better if you just jumped down.”
Xu Nian couldn’t help it. “Pfft!”
The woman：“……”
Xu Nian made placating gestures with his hands, his shoulders shaking. “Sorry, sorry……you guys can continue, continue.”
At noon time of the next day, Xu Nian recounted what had happened as a joke to his mother. Li Fang was drinking water at the time, and almost choked. The two neighboring ladies had their ears perked up as well, and started chattering after listening.
“That woman just wanted to get more money.” The middle-aged woman had on an expression that said ‘I know everything’, “I hear that each month she got this much.” She mysteriously made a ten with her hands.
Li Fang knit her eyebrows. “That much?”
The other replied, voice sour with envy, “Right?…….although I’m not sure what that woman does exactly, that sugar daddy has a lot of money and power.”
Xu Nian went silent for a beat, then suddenly smiled and lightly said, “Being kept as a sugar baby isn’t that bad, huh.”
During the next few days Xu Nian didn’t see that woman who had been making a scene. Everyday he’d hurry to the hospital after his classes and stay by his mother’s side as she underwent dialysis, get medicine for her, get and prepare food, and help her wipe down as she couldn’t take a proper bath. In the hospital hallways, the most often seen sight was his figure darting about. Money was being used like water flowed, yet he didn’t even have the time to feel bad or regretful about it.
Even so, Li Fang’s health was still in the same state. Even Doctor Yan didn’t know how to comfort Xu Nian like this.
“Although this medicine is a bit more expensive, its results are much better than the one from before……” Doctor Yan suddenly paused. He looked a bit disapprovingly as Xu Nian brought out two mantou. “Are you only eating that for the whole day?”
Xu Nian took a bite, and with an innocent expression, said, “Well, it fills my stomach…..no wait, what medicine did you just say had to be switched?”
“……” Doctor Yan took a deep breath, then took out some money from his pocket. “Go and get a side of meat, when you come back I’ll tell you the details.”
Xu Nian hesitated for a second, then smiled in gratitude. In the end he accepted and took the money that the doctor offered.
Rinrin: Hi everyone!!! This short story was chosen to go first in my list by popular vote (though the name was tweaked a bit)
Once again, this is a free short story, and you can support the author Jing Shui Bian, by commenting and interacting with the original if you can!
The first chapter is the most serious and heavy, from here on out it’ll get funnier and sweeter!
Nian Nian Jiayou!! Fighto!
P.S. I’m bringing this up because I feel like it’s false advertising, but you can skip if you didn’t come here from NU.
The current cover art on NU (with the hot pink font and 1 blond in a cap + 1 black haired dude in a suit) is not actually a good image for the novel (I believe the art is of an entirely another couple–the visuals are too different for this to have been commisioned for Cheng Chen and Xu Nian….unless there was a massive failure in communication with the artist). I do acknowledge that it was used for one of the audio dramas, but that doesn’t mean it’s accurate or official. I have shared art that is actually for this novel and put it in the chapters related to the images.
Thanks for the chapter ♥️♥️ looking forward for the next ones
Thank you for sharing this novel ❤️
Thanks for the chapter! ❤
Poor Xu Nian… But he’s so nice with his mother. I hope he can solve all of his problems.
Thanks for your Hard work!!
thanks for the chapter~
thanks for the chapter! <3
Why is it tagged as audio?
Do you mean on NU? It’s ‘Adapted to Audio drama/Drama CD’, because there is 2 audio drama’s made about it (both complete), that’s why.
No, here in CG, It is tagged Audio, Short~
I thought, damn, CG is upping their game, subbing Audio Dramas~
I hope the mother will survive in the end
Hi, Apologies but I think this really needs a content/trigger warning at the top of the page because of the harmful “Better dead than disabled” view that the mother has. It’s really hard to read if you’re actually chronically ill and disabled (like myself) and may send people back to a bad place (I didn’t expect to be thrown for a loop back into the early days while reading what looked like a fluffy BL). But this is a fantastic translation, I hope I can enjoy the rest of the story and I really appreciate the translation team!
Thank you so much
hmm i think this is interesting huh~ thank u for the chapter!!
Xu Nian is such a sweet son … Nian nian, jiayou!
If it’s gonna be as I think it’s gonna be and that’ll be great
Typo
Li Fang turned her head away. Before she was tricked onto the train by her son she had been planning to run away from home and commit suicide by jumpling [jumping] into the river.
Already loves XN. Nice translation
Hi! Thank you for sharing this novel. I red this long time ago and come back to reread it because the story is cute. I really want to retranslate it into Indonesian, I wonder if I can have your permission? Of course I’ll drop the link.
First chapter and the MC has already captured my heart.
I actually share the same sentiment (about dying is better than being severely ill) because we’re one illness away from bankruptcy.
And if i ever got pregnant knowing that my kid would be disabled or ill when born, I’d rather abort. They can call me evil, murderer or whatever. But i can never handle seeing my child grow up being bullied and discriminated because of their disability. It will break me everyday
Thank you for your work translating!