It snowed.
The sky is white, quiet, all sounds absorbed into the atmosphere. There’s no trace of blue up above, but it’s not completely dark. Sunlight peaks out from in between layers of clouds, tiny rays of light reaching outwards.
It seems like a perfect day for an “anniversary.”
Chen Xingze, just turned ten not long ago, stands at the school gates, peering through the iron bars into the school—
At the boy, dressed in a short, black down coat with a scarf wrapped around him, revealing only half of a pale face that is white as snow. He has a bulging backpack behind him and a pile of books in his arms. It looks heavy, but his back is straight.
Chen Xingze notices that the boy has no mittens.
“Another one?”
He turns to Li Ji behind him; Li Ji, his classmate and partner-in-crime, both of them perpetually late for class or playing hooky together.
Li Ji yawns. “Class 4 has more people now, let’s ask them to play ball with us next time. I’m sick of the boys in Class 2 and 3.”
Chen Xingze keeps his eyes on the boy. He looks cold, rubbing his hands together beneath the books in his arms. For some reason, Chen Xingze wants to go help him. He takes a step, but then a headmaster appears from within the school building.
“You Xiaolin, over here!”
His eyes follow the boy’s disappearing back as he leaves. Unconsciously, his mouth moves.
“What did you say?” Li Ji scoots over.
“The boy’s name is You Xiaolin,” says Chen Xingze.
Li Ji only listens half-heartedly before freaking out. “Let’s hurry,” he urges. “First period is nearly over, Old Zhang is going to kill us!”
Chen Xingze follows behind him, taking his time. Each step he takes leaves behind one shallow footprint. Right before entering the school, he raises his head and looks up at the sky. Layers of clouds have separated, revealing a small opening where a tiny sliver of sunlight pours out like the yolk of a poached egg. All of a sudden, he is struck by an inexplicable lightheartedness.
It seems like the perfect kind of weather for an “anniversary.”
Huiyang Primary, where Chen Xingze goes to school, was originally a public school that later turned private. There are three classes in his year, but students kept transferring in until the school decided to open a fourth class. A myriad of students transferred in this year and were welcomed with open arms by the current students, especially since the constant stream of transfers meant something new was happening every day.
Chen Xingze never bothered paying attention to every new transfer that came to their school, but it’s as if You Xiaolin tricked him into drinking an addictive ambrosia so that after every class period, he has to wander out into the hallways. Class 4 is around the corner from the stairs, and Chen Xingze climbs endlessly up and down the stairs just to catch a passing glimpse of him through the classroom door.
You Xiaolin is a cooperative subject; he never participates in any activities and just sits at his desk, buried in his books.
One time, Li Ji is with Chen Xingze when they pass Class 4 and happens to see You Xiaolin still rooted at his desk. “Don’t they have gym next? Isn’t he afraid of reading so much that his brain turns to mush?”
Chen Xingze replies, “Don’t you think he’s great?”
“In what way?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“He’s just great.”
“P mjc’a afii, tf’r rb ybglcu.”
Yo mbegrf sbe mjc’a afii, klat atja ygjlc bo sbegr, Jtfc Wlcuhf atlcxr ab tlwrfio.
Dea atja’r cba ojlg ab Ol Al, yfmjerf la’r cba pera tlw. Snfgsbcf atlcxr bo Tbe Wljbilc atja kjs—j gfrfgnfv, jerafgf cfgv.
Llr cjwf qgfaas wemt cfnfg qbqr eq fzmfqa joafg fzjwr.
You Xiaolin is an excellent student. He doesn’t rank first every time, but he’s always one of the best. Unfortunately, the time for middle school entrance exams has passed. No one is spending a lot of time on their studies and good grades are no longer a source of social capital. As such, You Xiaolin doesn’t have many friends.
The bell rings. Chen Xingze takes his time getting back to his class; by the time he arrives, the homeroom teacher is in the midst of telling their English teacher that next period’s class has moved to tomorrow afternoon and that they’ll have an independent revision period instead.
This is an opportune moment for Chen Xingze, who runs off to Class 4 and peers through the door. You Xiaolin’s seat is empty.
Is he in gym class?
Chen Xingze walks to the main hall of the building and looks out the window. As expected, Class 4’s students are in the middle of their warm-up exercises. His eyes zero in on You Xiaolin’s silhouette immediately, standing at the back of the group, following the teacher’s instructions to the tee.
So pretty.
Chen Xingze rests his head gently against the glass of the window pane. He suspects he’s been poisoned, and You Xiaolin is the sole antidote.
He watches them, but then freezes.
After warming up, the teacher orders everyone to get into pairs to practise ball passing. Everyone else pairs up immediately, leaving only You Xiaolin standing by himself. Chen Xingze counts the heads and finds that Class 4 has an odd number of students.
You Xiaolin receives a ball, but while the others start their practising, he just stands there without moving, ball in hand. The gym teacher’s attention is drawn away by a group of rowdy students, leaving You Xiaolin alone in his corner, not knowing what to do.
The sight frustrates Chen Xingze; he runs back to his classroom to grab his coat.
“Oi! Where are you going? We’re supposed to be revising!” Li Ji’s voice fades into the distance. Chen Xingze whips around the corner and zooms down the stairs in hurried steps.
Cold wind bites at his face. The sun is especially radiant up in the sky.
An ounce of apprehension strikes him when he arrives in the area where Class 4’s gym class is ongoing and he starts pacing aimlessly back and forth. You Xiaolin is still holding the ball, standing by himself. He’s more slender and quieter than the other students, which only makes him appear more forlorn. The more Chen Xingze watches, the more his heart hurts, until finally, concern wins over his nervousness and he psyches himself up to call out the other boy’s name.
“You Xiaolin.”
The person in question jumps, startled at the sound of his name spoken out loud. The ball falls to the ground and cartwheels and turns until it rolls near Chen Xingze’s feet. He steps over it and stops its trajectory.
“How about I be on your team?”
You Xiaolin is still stunned. It occurs to Chen Xingze that this is his first time speaking to You Xiaolin, and his first time seeing his face up close.
Class 4 must be blind, to not befriend this person.
“Here, catch!” Chen Xingze passes the ball to him, deliberately choosing a straightforward angle, but regardless, the ball slips through You Xiaolin’s feet. He watches the other boy scurry off trying to pick the ball up and says, “Kick it, don’t pick it up! It’s not like this is basketball.”
You Xiaolin puts the ball down in embarrassment and kicks it back towards Chen Xingze.
He really doesn’t know what he’s doing, using the tip of his shoe which results in the weakest kicks. The ball veers off in a significantly wayward direction. Chen Xingze trots after it easily, catching it with his feet.
“Try using the arch of your foot or the top. If you use your toes, you might even break your toenails.”
You Xiaolin nods seriously, “Mm.”
Ah…
How obedient.
He loves the way You Xiaolin concentrates.
“How do you know my name?” You Xiaolin suddenly asks, bringing Chen Xingze out of his thoughts. He sounds how he looks; clean and crisp, a perfect match for the cold, wintry day.
“Of course I know. Number one in our year, our homeroom teacher always brings you up.”
“It’s not that impressive, I’m not always number one.”
“Your standards are too high, I’m happy if I end up somewhere in the middle.”
You Xiaolin glances over between ball passes. “What’s your name?”
“Chen Xingze.”
Ball passing practice ends too soon. Chen Xingze curses the gym teacher internally when he calls for Class 4 to gather around. Before he leaves, You Xiaolin stops him.
“Thank you.”
Chen Xingze thinks his life is complete.
When the bell rings, he flies back into the classroom where Li Ji is busy chatting with his deskmates. He wraps his arms around Li Ji and lands a huge, smacking kiss on his cheek, which seems to startle the daylights out of the latter.
Li Ji leaps up from his chair, rubbing his face fervently with a hand, all the while cursing, “Chen Xingze you bastard! Psycho! You’re so gross!”
Chen Xingze bursts out laughing uproariously.
___
From then on, You Xiaolin greets Chen Xingze every time they see each other. But unfortunately, they aren’t in the same class and You Xiaolin isn’t the type of kid who enjoys playing outside, so they don’t run into each other often. Chen Xingze takes advantage of every minute and every second to learn more about him. He figures out You Xiaolin’s habits, even memorises his timetables, just for the opportunity to spend more time with him.
Even the air is sweet when he is with You Xiaolin.
At his young age, Chen Xingze doesn’t yet understand this feeling. The only thing he’s sure of is that nothing in the world can compare to how much he likes You Xiaolin. It’s the kind of feeling that becomes more potent and powerful as time drags on, like a slowly growing magic fruit that fills him with sensations of sweet and sour and bitter and spice.
He is a naturally blessed child with a stable family; a civil servant father and a pianist mother, both of whom who dote on him, giving him plenty to eat and wear. All his relatives like to say that he flawlessly inherited his mother’s looks and his father’s laidback personality. People wanted to be his friend even if he did nothing to warrant their affections, and so when he actually set his heart on gaining someone’s favour, he usually did.
Eventually, he becomes the anti-social You Xiaolin’s only friend.
“Friend,” however, is a title that doesn’t come with much leeway when it comes to You Xiaolin. It’s a miracle whenever Chen Xingze manages to get him to come out and play, which happens about one out of ten times. Sometimes, Chen Xingze sulks because he’s used to people asking him to play, not the other way around, and whenever he does ask people out, they usually don’t turn him down.
One day, Class 1 and Class 4’s recess period ends up falling in the same period and Chen Xingze goes happily off to seek You Xiaolin out, but the latter shuts him down in an instant, saying he has to memorise vocabulary words.
“You memorise them every day, just one period won’t kill you. Our recess periods are never together.”
“I can’t, I’m not done memorising.”
“We’ll just go for a quick walk outside, you can be back in ten minutes.”
“I can’t.”
“Then bring your book down with you, you can just memorise out on the lawn, I won’t bother you.”
“I can’t.”
No matter what Chen Xingze says, You Xiaolin’s response is a curt “I can’t.” In the end, Chen Xingze loses his temper.
“I can’t even beat a few vocabulary words?” You Xiaolin looks up at him. The slightly puzzled look in his eyes pisses Chen Xingze off even more.
A few boys on cleaning duty nearby hear the commotion and they laugh. “He’s a nerd, what does he know besides studying?”
For once, Chen Xingze doesn’t leap up to You Xiaolin’s defence. He gives the table a fierce slam. “Just keep memorising your words then!”
He charges off, seething. As soon as he’s out the door, his footsteps slow. He wishes You Xiaolin would chase after him, that he would say, “You’re more important than the vocabulary words,” or, “I’ll go look for you after I’m done,” or even “Don’t be mad.”
However, nothing happens and this disappoints Chen Xingze further.
By the time he arrives outside, he’s not in the mood to play anymore. He plops down on the stairs miserably, feeling wronged. He did so much, but it was all in vain. He doesn’t have much of a presence in You Xiaolin’s heart.
The more Chen Xingze thinks about this, the more upset he feels, until suddenly, his eyes burn and he feels on the verge of tears. Afraid that someone will notice, he sneaks off to the toilet and stands there in front of the sink staring into the mirror. His reflection looks more pitiful the longer he stares. His tears are going to spill over at this rate.
And then he thinks, Then I’ll just cry. Who says I’m not allowed?
He locks himself in the bathroom and bawls for a good long while. Afterwards, he washes his face and prepares to head back to the classroom to accompany You Xiaolin in his studying.
When he reaches Class 4 however, he sees the boys on clean-up duty from before crowded around You Xiaolin’s desk, cackling and sweeping rubbish at him. You Xiaolin’s head is still buried in his book, but his face is a shade paler.
It takes a while for Chen Xingze to react, but when he realises what is happening, he explodes.
Translator:
This isn’t a “love at first sight” or “unrequited love” novel. Unrequited love tends to be a part of real life coming-of-age though, so it’s an element in the story while we are in Chen Xingze’s childhood.
I find myself sad towards the end.. it’s super sweet though, for the most part.
I like that it says the feelings are rooted in reality, I like that.
thanks for the chapter <3
This Puppy love is cute.
Chen Xingze shouldn’t get mad. He doesn’t know If You Xiaolin’s parents are too strict.
Thanks for the chapter!
This is too cute 🥰
this story seems very youthful and tender even in the sadder scenes, im really looking forward to reading more
thank you for the chapter <3