Author: aji (あじ)
Translator: sleepingjay
Although I went to sleep in a good mood, tonight still turned out to be a dismal night.
Ever since that day, I had been plagued by bad dreams and hadn’t been able to get a good night’s sleep. Tonight as well, I wandered about inside my dozing consciousness. When I encountered her madness-dyed face, I jumped in shock and ended up awake.
(Lilius?)
When I opened my eyes, an anxious voice came from the flock of water spirits sitting on my forehead.
I shook them off with a hand, then got off the bed.
(Kyaa!)
(Again!)
(So fun!)
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Qtfc P rtbbx atf rqlglar boo, atflg alcs ybvlfr gbiifv gbecv jcv gbecv lc atf jlg. Coafg atfs ribkfv vbkc, atfs mjwf yjmx ab ws rlvf bcmf jujlc.
P tfiv bea ws olcufgalqr, qijmlcu atf kjafg rqlglar bc atfw, jcv atfc P oilmxfv ws olcufgr. Cujlc, atfs oifk bea gbiilcu. Coafg j rlvfibcu uijcmf ja atfw, P tfjvfv abkjgvr atf ijxf liiewlcjafv ys atf yfjealoei oeii wbbc.
I took off every piece of clothing, untied my hair, and then jumped into the lake, right into the oversized reflection of the moon.
Around me, sheets of water sprayed up into the night air, glittering and lingering. This was my favorite moment: floating in the water absent-mindedly, without thinking about anything at all.
I was comfortably enveloped by the cold water. Beneath my closed eyelids, I could faintly feel the shining moonlight.
An unknown amount of time passed as I lay there like that. My body grew cold and goosebumps appeared on my skin. When I opened my eyes, there were countless stars around the unchanging moon, emitting their tiny lights, as if to protect the moon.
Just looking at this beautifully vast night sky, my heart was struck by a thorny loneliness. I suddenly felt like a lost, homeless child.
“…… Just what should I have done?”
Solitude.
Even before I had chosen myself and fell, I had been isolated. I couldn’t do anything except sneer at myself. Everything I had done was done half-cocked, so who the hell would even remain?
“Looks like I made a mistake, huh.”
Who was the one actually left behind? Seira’s hatred towards me on that day seemed to contain the cries of all the people.
Being by myself was cold, picking up the discarded affection was saddening, but then, even after running away and being freed from that residence, I was still alone.
—Perhaps this was my punishment, as intended by the gods.
Continuing to wait for an answer for this unanswerable question was foolishness.
And yet, I insisted on this question as a means to bury my loneliness at being by my lonesome self. I knew this was selfish of me in all respects.
I wasn’t really alone. I was the one who threw everything away.
These thorny shields kept up my fragile mask of strength. I wondered if I had even changed at all since that day.
Restless, I kept repeating these questions in my mind.
I expelled everything from my mind, and inhaled a deep, long breath. Then, as if to cut myself off from the world, I closed my eyes. Enveloped by tranquil darkness, I let myself sink into the water.
In the world of water blanketed by the dark stillness, Jill’s smiling face from that day surfaced.
“Thank you for being alive.”
Remembering those words, my nose felt sore.
That was the first time such words were said to me.
I hadn’t thought that a person that would feel grateful about me being alive could exist in this world.
Even if that day’s words were lies, from now on I would treasure them and live on.
I hadn’t realised what a comfort it was to be in someone’s arms. It had been painfully warm. From deep inside, my chest trembled. I embraced myself, as if to keep from losing that precious treasure.
TN note:
Next week’s update is gonna be late because I have a uni submission deadline on Tuesday. It’ll probably be out on the weekend.
Thanks for the update! I hope everything goes well on your uni submission!
I think Lilius is slowly realising that being alone isn’t good for him, the nightmares and all. The small spirits are cute but the sweet buns waiting for him are cuter and their dad is the best of all. Hopefully Lilius will go back soon.
Thank you for the chapter!!! 😍 I’ll patiently wait for the next update! Good luck with your submissions! 👍😉
Good luck with your submission!
Lily can’t be alone but he can’t be with People either… So many have Hurt him in the past.
Thanks for the chapter!
Thanks for the chapter! ^ ^
Thanks for the chapter😍
When will he realize he is more lonely and is wishing for Jill’s warmth and his children’s attention.when will he go back to them? It’s so sad seeing him like this. 😭
Thank you for your hard work! I wish you and your loved ones well, too!
thanks for the chapter!