“I–I’m fine now! Let’s go… What should we have for dinner?”
Hurriedly, Yuwon opened the emergency exit door and was met with the chilly evening breeze. Facing the outside air, his mind cleared up instantly.
Am I crazy? What was I trying to do just now? Hyun Gyujin couldn’t have noticed, right… What was he thinking? Why did I suddenly act like that? Maybe I should just think of it as my body leaning forward due to exhaustion from the short time. His mind was filled with countless unorganized thoughts. Yuwon soon followed, grabbing his backpack and looking back at Hyun Gyujin.
“How about we go have some grilled meat for dinner? Remember how delicious the ribs were last time after the exams?”
“Oh… Yeah. Let’s go there… Talking about ribs suddenly made me hungry.”
As they crossed the pedestrian crossing again, Yuwon secretly glanced at Hyun Gyujin’s face. Seeing that there was no difference from usual and that he didn’t ask about what happened just now, it seemed he hadn’t thought anything strange either. Really, it was such a relief. Yuwon let out a sigh of relief and interlocked their fingers, pressing his nails into the skin slightly.
“…”
Suppressing the desire to bury his feelings deeper for Hyun Gyujin, who was now running even more vigorously.
***
On the day when he leaned in a bit closer with the thought of wanting to kiss Hyun Gyujin, Yuwon dreamed of climbing onto him first and kissing his face and lips. It was a complete reversal of their usual roles.
Thinking that it couldn’t go on like this, Yuwon left home earlier than usual. Leaving a short text to Hyun Gyujin saying he was going to school first.
Yesterday’s incident ended with a barely noticeable misstep on Hyun Gyujin’s part, but he didn’t know if he would commit an even more obvious impulsive act next time. What if the sound of the door opening hadn’t occurred yesterday? If that hadn’t happened, I would have gone all the way and kissed Hyun Gyujin for real. If that had happened… If I had messed up like that, how would Hyun Gyujin have reacted?
He would have been furious. He might have said he’s crazy and dirty and pushed him away. Their 18-year friendship would have completely shattered just because of that one kiss. Thinking of all the terrifying possibilities, Yuwon shuddered. He felt like he should find and thank the person who made the door sound.
[Gyujin: ?]
[Gyujin: Why are you already at school?]
[Gyujin: What is it?]
As he was about to arrive at school, texts came one after another. Yuwon walked across the schoolyard, unable to find any words to reply with.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
It was the same situation as yesterday. The situation where he hesitated to answer Hyun Gyujin’s invitation to dinner, acting like a fool, was repeating itself. If he had hesitated like a fool and got caught by Hyun Gyujin again, he didn’t even want to think about what even worse situation he might have caused. Yuwon shook his head, thinking about it, and looked down at his phone.
[I have a lot of homework at the academy]
[I keep feeling sleepy and can’t concentrate at home]
Pa kjr agef atja atfgf kjr j iba bo tbwfkbgx ja atf jmjvfws, jcv la kjr jirb agef atja tf mbeivc’a mbcmfcagjaf ja tbwf. Dea atja kjrc’a atf bcis gfjrbc. Pa kjr j ylu qgbyifw atja la kjrc’a atf bcis gfjrbc.
[Gyujin: Then let’s go early together.]
[I’m sorry for rushing…]
[Gyujin: No need to apologize]
[Gyujin: See you later]
Vfflcu atf afza wfrrjuf atja fcvfv klatbea jcs agbeyif, Tekbc ygfjatfv j rlut bo gfilfo. Po tf mbcalcefv ab xffq tlr vlrajcmf ogbw Lsec Xseplc bcf rafq ja j alwf ilxf atlr, atf jmalnlalfr atfs vlv abufatfg kbeiv vfmgfjrf, jcv cjaegjiis, tlr bkc offilcur kbeiv rfaaif vbkc. Vqfcvlcu alwf abufatfg kbeiv gfvemf atf fzmlafwfca, joafg jii.
“…”
I can do it. I can go back to being just friends. With a determined expression, Yuwon tightly bit his lips and slowly climbed the stairs.
***
Avoiding Hyun Gyujin, who was in the same class, was extremely difficult. If he were just a casual friend, it might have been a little easier, but escaping from Hyun Gyujin’s watchful eyes, who always put him first and cared for him, was not easy.
Even though he’s told that if he acts faster, it might be okay, Hyun Gyujin’s actions are so quick that he often fails before he can even avoid them. Trying to avoid going to the store together, he ends up being grabbed and going down the stairs together, or even when he thinks it would be better to go home separately and goes out with his bag, he is caught by Hyun Gyujin and ends up going home together. Such things keep happening over and over again.
Although it seemed natural and obvious to spend time together with Hyun Gyujin, Yuwon couldn’t enjoy his time properly.
The arms wrapping around his shoulders, the fingertips breaking the straw, the hand throwing away the empty can into the trash, the loosely tied necktie, the white shirt worn under the unbuttoned school uniform shirt, and even the small earring placed on his earlobe kept bothering him every minute, every second, making him uncomfortable.
He should fold his heart away, but it keeps getting better. It was so difficult because even the smallest things that didn’t catch his eye before suddenly became reasons for trembling.
“…Um, I don’t think we can have dinner together today. I’ll eat at home before my tutoring starts…”
“Why?”
“My academy friend said he’s buying dinner for us, so I agreed to eat with him…”
“Academy friend? Who? Lee Yoon Sung?”
“No… I have another friend from a different school.”
“Then who?”
“You don’t know him… I’ll see you before my tutoring starts. I’ll go first. Bye.”
Awkwardly waving his hand in farewell, Yuwon pretended to be nonchalant as he quickly left the classroom. He felt Hyun Gyujin’s gaze on his back, but he didn’t turn around.
“… …”
It wasn’t a lie that his academy friend was buying dinner. He had helped a kid named Park Seung-jun during a level test, and in gratitude, he had offered to buy him dinner today. Of course, even though he had decided to avoid having dinner with Hyun Gyujin today to avoid feeling guilty, he hadn’t done anything wrong. But still, his heart felt uneasy. The image of Hyun Gyujin looking down at him with a gaze full of concern kept coming back to him. Yuwon shook his head, trying to clear his mind, as he walked into the crowded schoolyard. Walking alone instead of with Hyun Gyujin still didn’t feel familiar.
***
The tteokbokki he had with Park Seung-jun was tastier than he expected. With lots of toppings piled on top, it was fun to eat various things, and even though Yuwon couldn’t handle spicy food well, it was quite delicious.
While eating, they talked about school and shared stories about kids they knew from the same middle school, and before they knew it, time flew by. They hadn’t been that close until they studied together for the level test, but after eating and even having dessert together, they felt much closer. At least, the awkwardness they felt when they went into the tteokbokki restaurant together at the academy was no longer there.
But even as he chatted with Park Seung-jun, Hyun Gyujin kept coming to mind. Even when he thought the tteokbokki was delicious, he thought about wanting to eat it with Hyun Gyujin, and even when they went to a cafe together and Hyun Gyujin ordered his favorite mango yogurt smoothie for him, he briefly spaced out, thinking about it.
And now, as he headed home alone, it was the same. Most of the time, the path from the academy to home was always walked with Hyun Gyujin, except for once or twice out of a hundred times. They would drink bubble tea together under the bright streetlights, and sometimes they would eat fish-shaped buns or waffles sold on the street.
“… …”
Eventually, Yuwon, who found himself lost in thoughts of Hyun Gyujin again, let out a deep sigh. Would avoiding Hyun Gyujin and having dinner with someone else really be effective? Lost in thought, he crossed the street and soon saw his apartment building. Yuwon crossed the street and headed towards the entrance of the apartment building, determined to firm up his resolve once again.
With 15 minutes before his tutoring session started, if he went home, changed clothes, brushed his teeth, poured three cups of juice, and prepared the cookies his dad bought, he figured he would be able to make it on time. Thinking he should have come home a little earlier, Yuwon pressed the button for the elevator and stepped out into the hallway. Leaning against the emergency stairwell entrance was Hyun Gyujin.
“Hurry up and go.”
“…What are you doing here?”
“I’m waiting for you.”
“…I’m going in.”
“Why go in when no one’s here?”
With trembling fingers, Yuwon entered the passcode. He heard Hyun Gyujin moving closer, and his attention kept getting drawn behind him.
“…I’ll go change clothes and come back.”
As Yuwon entered the lobby, he stole a glance at Hyun Gyujin. Unable to meet his eyes, Yuwon focused on Hyun Gyujin’s fingers instead.
“What did you eat for dinner?”
“…Tteokbokki. There’s a new place near the academy. The one we saw last time. They have a lot of toppings. Let’s…together…”
Thinking about it unnecessarily, Yuwon closed the door and walked to his room through the corridor. Hyun Gyujin followed him, standing outside the door. Yuwon looked up at him.
“Together…What?”
“……”
“If you’re going to start, you should speak properly. Why do you keep hesitating? Why have you been like this lately?”
“…Let’s go together next time.”
Under the gaze that fell heavily on his face, Yuwon’s hand gripping the door handle tightened. Without a word, Yuwon watched as Hyun Gyujin pulled the door closed from the outside and soon found himself staring at the closed door.
