Translator: White Lotus
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Kiyoi received countless text messages from Hira. All of which were apologies and were completely off-the-mark.
Hira probably didn’t even consider himself to be the one who ditched Kiyoi. Well, that was fine. He could keep blindly chasing the ideal Kiyoi he shaped in his mind without ever paying attention to the real Kiyoi.
While contemplating this, another thought came to his mind.
Even though he was subjected to teasing that was close to bullying, or even though he was used as a gofer, Hira, like a fool, always kept his focus solely on Kiyoi. Unlike those people who flattered Kiyoi on the surface but would turn their backs when circumstances changed, Hira was the only one who remained the same even when Kiyoi was in a humiliating situation.
If he had just given a little more time, maybe things could have worked out somehow.
Maybe he was too impatient.
Whenever Kiyoi was idle, such weak thoughts would inadvertently cross his mind, but then he would immediately dismiss them, and in order to forcibly forget about that repulsive guy, Kiyoi tried to keep himself as busy as possible so as to have no time to spare. He diligently attended his university and got his work done. For Kiyoi, it was fortunate that he could devote himself to rehearsals every day because the premiere day of the stage play was quickly approaching.
However, when he returned to his apartment, where he lived alone, it became a different tale. Every time Kiyoi took a bath, ate a meal, or even at random moments, Hira’s figure would appear out of nowhere in his thoughts, leaving him with an agonizing feeling of powerlessness. Even worse, he ended up calling his parents’ home without any apparent purpose, which surprised his mother, who received the call.
‘Did something happen? I can’t believe Sou took the initiative to call me.’
“Nothing special.”
‘More rice, please――’ a gruff voice came from the other end of the line. When Kiyoi asked who it was, he was surprised to be told that it was his younger brother, who was in junior high school. Recently, his brother seemed to have entered the voice-change stage, and hearing his mother’s voice happily talking about these things gradually began to irritate Kiyoi. Interrupting his mother in the middle of the conversation, Kiyoi hung up the phone and became even more depressed.
―― Kiyoi is the person I love the most in the world.
――This is a home prepared for Kiyoi. I want to put Kiyoi first.
Recalling Hira’s words, Kiyoi wondered what he was doing at this moment. Perhaps Koyama’s younger brother had gone to look for him. At the thought of intimate interaction between the two men, Kiyoi became irrationally annoyed, and he pulled the quilt over his head, sulking, before wrapping himself in it to sleep.
The stage show was a success. On the last performance of the fourth day, the audience even gave a standing ovation, and the small theater that could only accommodate a hundred people was filled with applause. Kiyoi, who had more lines than initially, also managed to handle them well, and the president of the agency, who came to watch the show since he just so happened to be free, was surprised after seeing Kiyoi’s performance.
“The movements on stage were spot on, and your voice projected well, so I could tell you spent a lot of time rehearsing. I didn’t expect you to be so devoted to the stage play. It looks like we can assign you some more similar-type work.”
“Really?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“However, it’ll be tough. Compared to modeling, the performance fee is low, and the hierarchical relationship here is very strict, so you have to pay more attention to etiquette than you do now.”
“Ah—isn’t that what I’m worst at?”
“I guess so. Kiyoi-kun naturally possesses an assertive attitude.”
Unable to deny the president’s words, Kiyoi could only try to gloss over them with a laugh. He played it cool, though. As he bowed his head, saying, “Please take care of me, president,” the president finally nodded his head in agreement and added, “Let’s give it a try then.”
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After finishing exchanging pleasantries with the others and the stage set having been dismantled, Kiyoi, who was about to go to the afterparty, walked through the exit and suddenly stopped in his tracks. Hira was standing by the exit. Kiyoi hurriedly averted his gaze. He intended to completely ignore Hira and tried to walk past him while pretending to be talking to other people.
“Ki-Kiyo-i, Ki-ki-Ki――”
Everyone turned around in surprise.
“Kiyoi-kun, is he someone of your acquaintance?”
Kiyoi cursed in his mind. But there was nothing that could be done about it. He asked everyone else to go ahead first, and once the two of them were alone, Hira gingerly held out a paper bag.
“…… Your stuff.”
The paper bag contained things like Kiyoi’s shirts, toothbrush, and other items. Kiyoi couldn’t believe he actually brought these things. How insensitive he could be! In order not to let the other party notice how hurt he was feeling, Kiyoi swiftly seized the bag from him as if robbing it away.
“Thanks. Bye!”
Kiyoi immediately turned around and prepared to leave.
“Wait ……”
“Is there anything else?”
Kiyoi turned around to face Hira with a disdainful look.
“If I did something wrong to upset you, I’ll apologize――”
“No need to apologize. Just stop following me around. It’s really annoying and creepy.”
Hira hung his head and had a distorted expression on his face that looked like he was about to burst into tears. Just when Kiyoi thought it was over between them,
“…… That’s what I wanted to do, too. But…”
Hira raised his head.
“I thought I could give up and forget everything, like I did back then when I graduated high school. But I couldn’t. We ate together, talked, and became so close that, even after being suddenly told goodbye, I can’t just forget, even if I want to.”
That was what Kiyoi wanted to say, but he held back the words that came to his throat.
“But I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore. Don’t text me. Don’t call me. Don’t wait for me outside to show up, either. Don’t even come to my stage show. I don’t want to see you in my line of sight.”
Kiyoi obviously wanted to forget, but if Hira kept appearing around him in this way, it would be impossible.
“Bye. Don’t ever hang around me again.”
Just as Kiyoi was about to leave, Hira grabbed Kiyoi’s wrist.
“At least tell me exactly why you’re so mad at me. I’ll change; I’ll fix all the things that Kiyoi doesn’t like about me in the way you want, please.”
“Since we won’t see each other anymore, it’s the same whether you know or not.”
“Even if we don’t see each other again, I don’t want to do the things that Kiyoi hates.”
Hira stared at Kiyoi with a desperate expression. His eyes were like those of a dog about to be abandoned by its master. It was this gaze that once overpowered him. And that was why he ended up in this situation. Now he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Let go of me!”
Kiyoi forcefully shook himself free.
“No matter how desperate you pretend to be, you probably don’t even see the real me. I’ve had enough of playing along with your ideal idol game.”
“Idol game?”
“Isn’t that right!”
Kiyoi threw the paper bag at Hira with all his strength. The hair products, the toothbrush, clothes, and other items inside were scattered all over the floor. Fortunately, this was the narrow alleyway at the back of the building, and there were no pedestrians passing by.
“What you like is just the ideal version of me that you’ve created in your mind. And what’s with this ‘king’ thing? What a joke. I’m not like that at all. I’m merely a normal guy. I want to be with the person I like, touch them, be touched by them, and even go on dates, just like any other ordinary guy.”
“…… Kiyoi, do you have someone you like?”
Seeing the shocked expression on Hira’s face, Kiyoi felt like crying.
“It’s you! How do you still ask me that at this point!”
The expression on Hira’s face at that moment was something that Kiyoi would probably never be able to forget.
A blank, dumbfounded look on his face, to the point it was almost comical.
“……You’re lying, right?”
“Why would I lie about something like that?”
“Or, are you teasing me?”
For a moment, Kiyoi felt a strong desire to beat him up.
“I’m not idle enough to tease an annoying guy like you.”
“But ……”
“On the day of our graduation ceremony, I kissed you, didn’t I? I didn’t realize it myself, but I’ve actually liked you all along. That was why I’d been waiting for you to contact me, and do you have any idea how I felt when I found out you changed your number? Despite the fact that you kept repeating to me that you like me, I honestly don’t get it. Later, through Koyama-san, I found out that you and Koyama-san’s younger brother were dating, and at that time, I was so furious that I wanted to beat you up. I was also the one who set up the arrangements to make you come watch the stage play I was performing in.”
Again, it was simply too awful for him to put these things into words on his own. But Kiyoi could no longer stop himself.
“…… How can Kiyoi like someone like me?”
“That’s what I want to know too!”
Kiyoi really wanted to know. Why would one like such a repulsive guy? He wished he could travel back in time to his high school days right now and warn his past self never to get involved with this guy.
“I really don’t understand. You were the one who said you liked me in the first place, so why has it turned out to be like this? Knowing that you’re very close with Koyama-san’s younger brother made me so annoyed, and I wondered if it was my fault—maybe because my attitude toward you was too harsh, so I tried to treat you as gently as possible with a creepy smile and even took the initiative to approach you.”
As he lowered his head, the view of the ground at the tips of his toes gradually became blurred.
“Even though we kissed and did something more in-depth, you still said we would never be a couple—do you understand how it feels to be told that? Hira, stop messing around with me. Just go die!”
“…… Kiyoi.”
A hand reached over warily, but Kiyoi swatted it away.
“Don’t pester me anymore. You can pursue the ideal me that you’ve shaped in your mind however you want. But just leave the real me alone. Honestly, I’ve had enough. I’m trying to forget you, but if you keep appearing in my sight insensitively like this, I can’t forget even if I want to.”
Unable to hold back any longer, tears finally began to trickle down from Kiyoi’s eyes onto his feet. He never imagined that one day he would cry and beg Hira. However, he surrendered. It was okay if it was his loss; he just didn’t want to get involved with Hira anymore.
“…… Yeah, you’re right, someone like me doesn’t really understand how Kiyoi feels.”
A murmured response. Kiyoi looked up to give the insensitive guy a glare, wondering what kind of words he was talking about, but was taken aback to see Hira angry instead.
“But Kiyoi doesn’t know how I feel either.”
Hira narrowed his eyes slightly as he spoke. This was the first time Kiyoi had seen Hira like this.
“The moment I opened my mouth, I was made fun of because of my dysphemia, trampled on at the bottom of the pyramid; when the news of suicide due to bullying would broadcast on TV while having dinner together with my family, I would find myself to feel tremendously identified with those news, which would cause me to get panicked to the point where I wanted to flee in dread before I hurriedly had to pull myself back from that edge, and these feelings of mine are something Kiyoi would never understand.”
Kiyoi was at a loss for words. For a time, he felt a pang of heartache as he recalled what he had done to Hira in the past. As if feeling the same pain, Hira tightly gripped his own shirt around his chest.
“To me, Kiyoi is the embodiment of my admiration. You may not be kind at all, not a good-natured person either, but rather one who is self-centered; however, despite possessing all of that, Kiyoi saved me.”
“……Saved you?”
“Do you remember the time I beat up Shirota? I’d always been located at the bottom of the pyramid, alone, but I escaped reality by laughing at myself every time and letting everything go like it was someone else’s business. Just like Captain Duck, who doesn’t flinch no matter how dirty the place it’s thrown into, just letting itself go with the flow……..Beating up Shirota was my first act of resistance. At that time, I felt like I had finally saved myself. And it was all thanks to Kiyoi.”
Kiyoi didn’t quite understand what Hira was talking about. In the past, Kiyoi had only ever done what he felt like doing, and he didn’t recall him doing anything great enough for someone to claim that they were “saved” by him. Such things, in his opinion, could only be done out of goodwill or kindness. However, Hira’s world didn’t seem to revolve around these easy-to-understand rules.
“I love everything about Kiyoi; I love you so much it hurts. You’re like a god to me. It never crossed my mind that someone who I think of in such a way would be within my reach.”
Ah, when Hira put it that way, Kiyoi gradually understood. Even he himself didn’t think he could become friends with Christ or Buddha. Maybe that was what this guy meant.
“…… But, I’m not a god.”
Hearing Kiyoi’s words, Hira nodded slowly. Hmm hmm. He nodded his head over and over again, making a complex expression as if he were confirming something or enduring something. Then he looked at Kiyoi.
“…… Can I touch Kiyoi?”
Hira asked, still sounding anxious.
“Unless anything has changed, then no.”
When Kiyoi said that, Hira’s countenance began to slowly soften.
“If Kiyoi is okay with it, I want to touch you like a lover.”
Kiyoi’s nose turned sour. The tears that had just stopped were about to fall again.
“If that’s the case, then okay……”
All Kiyoi could do after responding was sniffle. Not wanting Hira to see his crying face, he lowered his head. He could feel Hira’s hand tentatively extend out toward him. His trembling fingertips touched Kiyoi’s shirt, then he slowly embraced Kiyoi. This was the first time Hira had taken the initiative to hug him, and that was all it took for Kiyoi to experience immense happiness to the point where his head went numb, which he found irritating.
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Translator’s Note: The “Utsukushii Kare Eternal movie” has been fantranslated in English by Kaya from Twitter. Kaya Subs can be accessed by clicking on this Twitter link . A link to the Carrd is present there, so click it to access it. Search for their Carrd page directly if you don’t have Twitter. Then simply click on “Utsukushii Kare Eternal” in the Carrd, and it will lead you to watch the movie on YouTube. It’s not permitted to share the movie’s direct YouTube link. Those who are unaware of the live-action adaptation of the “Utsukushii Kare” novel must first watch the series (season 1& 2) before watching the movie. I’m sharing the Lollipop fansub (personal favorite that’s why). Here’s the link
Thank you sooooo much Beyonces3kwig, Ambers79, Ruby, Una, Ain for the kofis. (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡
i don’t know why, but i love them so muchhhhhh. they are so cute.
Kiyoi’s mother is irritating me; I cannot forgive parents ignoring their kid’s emotional needs for new spouse and their kids.
In my eyes, Kiyoi’s tears are his repentance, selfish or not. I forgive him after this chapter for hurting Hira. By the way, their dialogues are happening in alley? No wonder, Hira could only hug him there, couldn’t kiss him as a “lover”.
Thanks White Lotus for your efforts and commitment. 🤩
Ahhhh they are finally lovers (sort of) I’m loving this development
Thanks for the chapter 💕
Kiyoi’s mother is irritating me; I cannot forget parents ignoring their kid’s emotional needs for new spouse and their kids.
I m sorry, I am new to this site. I was posting general comment, I dunno why my comments are going in their as reply to other comments. I am not getting button to delete them .☺
Haha it’s alright it happens, I’ve done that several times too. Welcome to CG btw. 💕
Thank you very much for the update 🙏🙏🤍🤍
Thank you for the new chapter!
AHHHH I LOVE THEMM!!! THEY FINALLY SETTLED THEIR CONFLICTS 🥹🥹🥹
Thanks for the time and effort you put in