At this time, there was still hope in his heart. Right now, the only thing that can be proved was that the female ghost gave birth to a child for that heavenly demonic beast while she was alive. It didn’t actually prove that the child was related to Wen Xuan at all. Even if Chu Lian brought him back to the Water Cloud Sect around 50 years ago, even if she displayed that kind of regret, it could be a coincidence. Perhaps she recognized the wrong person.
This was the last saving straw that Wen Xuan could grab on to, even if he was very likely only lying to himself.
After he returned from his thoughts, Wen Xuan already walked into that mountain once more. He needed to find the whereabouts of that child, in order to obtain the final answer.
But it wasn’t until he saw the snow that was already starting to melt under his feet that he discovered, actually he didn’t even know where to start searching. He even forgot to ask where her body was found back then.
Without any direction, Wen Xuan stood where he was for a while before picking up his feet again and wandering around this mountain aimlessly.
After walking in a daze for some unknown amount of time, he finally returned to that cave again.
This was the cave where he found the heavenly demonic beast’s horn, where he found the hope to cure Murong Feng’s fire poison. The joy and delight seemed still close at hand. Yet this was also the cave where he encountered that female ghost and, for the first time, grew suspicious of his own birth history, searching and investigating, and falling into this kind of dazed and helpless circumstances in the end.
He didn’t even know how to describe his current mood, practically beside himself.
The cold air inside the cave already solidified, accumulating into small puddles all over the floor.
Wen Xuan walked in front of a small puddle, crouched down and looked in. His figure was reflected clearly by the water’s surface. He looked at it blankly, not knowing what he was trying to see.
He stood up and walked around randomly in this cave. He looked at the deep hole left behind from taking out the horn of the heavenly demonic beast. He walked to the place where he confronted that female ghost. He walked to the edge of the cave and used his hand to touch the dark colored stone wall there, wondering how much of it was the remnants of blood. Finally, he stopped in front of the water puddle again and looked at the reflection within it.
Wen Xuan suddenly understood what he was trying to see.
He was looking at his own face, looking at these exceptionally familiar facial features.
As he looked at his own face, he recalled the female ghost he encountered, remembering the other’s every expression, remembering every change on the other’s face. Gradually, he found the two faces started overlapping.
Of course, there were plenty of areas where his face didn’t match hers. But the more he looked, the more he had to admit, in the corner of his eyes and the tip of his brows, in places unnoticeable at first glance, there really were areas that were undeniably similar between the two of them.
Wen Xuan remembered the two rows of tears she wept in the end, that expression superimposed on his face, making him think that perhaps he was crying as well.
It wasn’t until he touched his eyes with his own two hands that he finally realized that it was a misconception, that he wasn’t actually crying.
But he might as well be.
Shaking his head, Wen Xuan backed away from that water puddle in panic.
He can no longer deny, no longer have any hope, and no longer lie to himself. What’s funny was that the last piece of evidence that he was looking for– that ironclad proof, was actually already on his face. It was this face of his.
What resemblance. He and that female ghost, no, at this time he couldn’t deny any longer. That was his mother. The mother that he’s only seen once since his birth!
Wen Xuan sat kneeling in the corner, gradually curling up into a ball, shoulders uncontrollably trembling.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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Sorrow, indignance, shame, panic, incredulousness, self hatred.
Wen Xuan couldn’t distinguish which of these emotions he felt more at this moment. More and more emotions erupted from the bottom of his heart, utterly uncontrollable, completely mixing together, practically driving him crazy.
The shock that this truth brought him was really too much. All of these emotions gushing out of his heart, all negative without exception, made him unable to hold on.
No. It shouldn’t be like this.
Wen Xuan told himself. Actually, he should be happy. At least there was one thing that was worthy of rejoicing. He saw his mother.
According to what old man Qian said, his mother protected him while she was alive. Even though she has died for over 50 years, she still remained in this world, yearning until earlier this morning, when he arrived here and let his mother find him, and let his mother know he had grown up healthy and strong. That’s why his mother was so excited. That’s why she rushed at him desperately. It was all just so she could hug her already grown up child for a moment.
Having her long-cherished wish fulfilled, mother must have passed peacefully, right? He couldn’t find her anywhere now. She finally found release from such a tragic life, without any regrets.
This was indeed something that was worth rejoicing.
But… but, from now on, he won’t be able to see her again.
He finally saw his mother for the first time, yet it was already the last time. He even used his defensive spiritual energy to harm her!
Wen Xuan attempted to find a strand of light in the completely negative emotions in his heart. He wanted to use that tiny bit of happiness to suppress all of his other emotions. He wanted to stop himself from crumbling to pieces, but he failed. The anguish that came with seeing his mother for the first and last time far surpassed the happiness.
He recalled the questions he asked old man Zhao before. The reason why old man Zhao was unwilling to tell Wen Xuan the truth was because he remembered their childhood friendship and wanted to protect his mother’s honor.
Because the biggest stain in his mother’s life was only giving birth to him.
Wen Xuan covered his head with both hands, even his teeth were chattering.
After some unknown time later, he finally loosened his arms. Placing a palm on the wall as support, he stood up with difficulty. Right now, he really needed support. He was like a person standing at the edge of the cliff, on the verge of going over, yet still unwilling to fall and desperately grabbing onto a piece of rope. But when he looked towards the stone wall and withdrew his hand, he looked at his palm and only felt like it was covered in bloodstains.
“That monster snatched all of the townspeople over, ripped them apart, and stuffed them into that cave. Half of the cave was stuffed full, blood and flesh mixing together.” “It wanted to feed its kid! That woman gave it a kid!”
No.
No!
Wen Xuan backed far away from the wall, desperately trying to get away from it. In his panic, he stumbled to the ground. Yet, he didn’t even bother getting up, just flipped over and knelt there, grasping at his own throat with his fingers.
Did he eat it?
When he was just born, during that period of time he couldn’t remember at all, did he eat it before?
Wen Xuan felt his stomach churn. He desperately wanted to spit something out, but could only dry heave nonstop.
Regardless of whether he ate it or not, there were all those people who died because of him, their corpses ending up in such tragic states.
He remembered that when he was younger, he would always have the same nightmare. At that time, he didn’t know where he was and could only touch the things beside him. It was hard to describe the texture of what he was touching. It was also mixed with a liquid that was both thick and warm, as well as a putrid smell.
Now Wen Xuan knew. That was a memory not long after he was born. It was those innocent people’s flesh and blood.
So much, so much……
Wen Xuan slammed his fist harshly on the ground to stop the trembling all over his body. He did his best to get up. He did his best to stand. But when he lifted his gaze and saw the inside of the cave, he only felt like he was seeing a pile of bloody body parts.
He has never detested himself like this before.
He was finally forced to insanity by all of this. Howling sharply, he ran from this place, stumbling and rushing to the exit.
He couldn’t stay in this cave any longer. But even if he left, where would he go? Was he going to return to that town? Of course, he needed to return to that town, but he didn’t know how to face the people in that town anymore.
Between the limitless heaven and earth, he suddenly felt like he didn’t belong anywhere.
As he escaped out of the cave’s exit, Wen Xuan tripped over something and fell forward unexpectedly. He watched himself tilt face forward into the snowy ground, but he didn’t even have the desire to struggle.
What exactly was he? The blood of a monster flowed in his body. The 50 years that he spent before, in face of this indisputable truth, felt frail like a piece of paper.
Yet at this time, someone gave him a tug.
In the end, Wen Xuan didn’t fall directly into the snow. A person walked out of the snowy landscape, appearing before him just in the nick of time, and caught him.
“Shixiong.” The other person called softly next to his ear.
Wen Xuan froze for a whole moment. With this soft call, he remembered who he was. He remembered that he wasn’t only a demon spawn left behind by a monster. Then, he slowly lifted his head in the other’s arms and refocused his view. After looking for a while, he finally recognized this person: “Jian……shidi?”
“It’s me.” Jian Yi patted him lightly on the back: “Shixiong, it’s me.”
When Wen Xuan recognized Jian Yi, his first reaction was to look at the color of the sky. The sky was already dark, covered with shining stars. It was already in the middle of the night, a time where youths of Jian Yi’s age should be resting for the sake of their health.
Yet, Jian Yi appeared here. At this time, why would Jian Yi appear in a place like this?
This question just rose and Wen Xuan was just getting ready to scold when he thought of the only possible answer.
Naturally, Jian Yi came searching for him specifically.
“Sorry.” Swallowing his reprimand back into his stomach, Wen Xuan wanted to struggle out of Jian Yi’s arms: “Did I worry you?”
Yet Jian Yi increased his strength and pressed Wen Xuan into his embrace a little harder.
This position was somewhat funny. It also can’t be called comfortable. Jian Yi wasn’t actually taller than Wen Xuan. At this moment, Wen Xuan fell in Jian Yi’s arms, in the same posture as when he pitched forward into the ground. His back was all bent.
Yet the warmth transmitted from Jian Yi’s chest made Wen Xuan feel calm again. He leaned quietly against the other just like this.
“Jian shidi,” Wen Xuan remembered one thing: “You know everything about me, right?”
Jian Yi nodded: “Of course.”
“Including……” Wen Xuan took a deep breath: “The fact that I’m not completely human?”
Jian Yi squeezed him tighter: “I said I know everything, that means I know everything.”
“Really?……” Wen Xuan lowered his eyes.
That’s right. He should have remembered earlier. He had this kind of person beside him. Someone who knew everything about him. Someone who already knew about this ugly side of him. Yet this person beside him, even after knowing all of this, still treated Wen Xuan like Wen Xuan.
Wen Xuan gradually relaxed and separated himself from the panic of feeling like he didn’t belong anywhere.
“Shixiong,” Jian Yi clearly already knew what happened just now and asked him quietly: “Do you want to cry?”
The corners of Wen Xuan’s mouth curved: “A little.”
“Then go ahead and cry.” Jian Yi pressed down on the back of Wen Xuan’s head and caressed the hair there: “Leave all of your anguish here. When you leave from here, you’re still you.” He said these words solemnly and earnestly, then added: “I can lend my shoulder to you.”
Hearing these last words on this terrible matter, Wen Xuan kind of wanted to laugh.
“Jian shidi,” He remained leaning on Jian Yi’s shoulder: “You’re so wonderful.” Saying this, he hugged Jian Yi’s waist with both hands.
“I know.” Jian Yi was a little smug.
He knew, his presence here was the best help to Wen Xuan.
Jian Yi stroked his fingers through Wen Xuan’s jet-black hair, from the back of his head down his back, like petting a cat.
He knew, only he would stand behind Wen Xuan until the very end. In the future, as long as he was here, Wen Xuan would always have someone supporting him.
“If you’re tired,” Jian Yi said: “Then just lean on me.”
Thank You for the chapter ♡♡+.ﾟ(￫ε￩*)ﾟ+.ﾟ
I know it’s sad but that last line reminds me of the song Lean On by Major Lazer.
“All we need is somebody to lean on”
I love this song~
Me too ♥️
Fiquei emocionada 🤧🤧♥️🛐esperei tanto o Jian aparecer pra confortar o Wen
😧😟😩😭☝️
I’m not crying 🥺
I tried pretty hard not to but I couldn’t fight it. This really explains why his shift dislikes him and why the sect turned against him. Fear and disgust bc of his origins which really sucks bc it’s the one thing we as I individuals have no control over. He prob feels even more empathetic to that half demon baby he saved.
Aww this is just so beautiful
Having just one person who would accept all of you unconditionally
Gurl and here I thought I was prepared for the angst😕💔