459
I groggily fell asleep, and at some time or other, I flipped over. Like being struck by lightning, the pain instantly woke me up.
I shouted, pulling out my pitiful paw from beneath me. Blood had already seeped out. It was unbearably painful.
I reckon that the wound could have split open from my weight.
Gdi, Mo Shuyao, were you born in the zodiac year of the pig?
460
After lying dazed in bed for a while, I then thought that it’d probably be better to get Jiang Ran to help with this.
At the moment that I got off the bed, shivering, there was only one thing on my mind—
If a tiger went down to a treeless plain, it would be bullied by dogs;
Even a man who loses position and influence may be subjected to indignity.
461
However, what I didn’t expect was that before I walked to the door, Jiang Ran had already come knocking.
“Why did you come?”
“I heard you shout just now, you sounded in pain.”
Blastoise. Jiang Ran, did you install a bug in my room? How can you hear even this little bit of sound?
Then how is laozi supposed to make parody mashups of you in the future?
His gaze lowered onto my hand. When he saw the blood covering it, his expression immediately turned stern.
“What happened? Did your wound split open?”
I helplessly nodded.
Jiang Ran tch’ed. “You were so reluctant to stay at the hospital, now look at what trouble you’ve brought on yourself.”
Tsk tsk, this old fogey tone of voice; you’ve learnt to parent others at such a young age.
I huffily sat back in bed. Jiang Ran took out his phone, seemingly calling over a personal doctor for me.
462
I listened to his whole spiel of nagging in silence.
“About that thing that I’m Mo Ji, is there any way to salvage it?”
“I’m afraid not. You’ve already topped the hot search, and it isn’t that easy to fool the netizens.” After hanging up, he looked calmly at me. “Brother Cheng still hasn’t posted any Weibo explaining this for you yet. Do you want to do it yourself?”
Do it myself… like real!
The most ridiculous thing in the world is me acting in a crispy duck that I personally wrote; the greatest scandal of the literature and showbiz.
I ground my molars. “My hand hurts.”
Jiang Ran frowned at this. His voice still sounded schooling. “You even know that your hand is hurting? If you didn’t insist on putting on a strong front earlier, you wouldn’t have been exposed so abruptly.”
Bloody, hell. I hatefully squeezed out a curse word from between my gritted teeth.
I was once a happy 2D ape with a beautiful vest covering me, letting me surf the internet through all obstacles. Alas, I didn’t cherish it…
It’d be great if I could go back in a time-traveling machine.
Unfortunately, I don’t even have such gadgets in my dreams.
463
In truth, because this sort of thing topped the hot search, I felt like my heart was grafted out. Grief pierced through my soul.
However…
I suddenly thought of something.
“Jiang Ran, bring my phone over for me.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Lw?” Aljcu Ejc qjrrfv la bnfg, atfc rja vbkc bc atf rlvf bo atf yfv. “Glvc’a sbe rjs atja sbe kbc’a yf qbralcu la qfgrbcjiis?”
P vlvc’a ybatfg gfrqbcvlcu ab tlw, ajqqlcu lcab atf ygbxfc qijaobgw.
Vegf fcbeut, atf ktbif ogluulcu tbwfqjuf kjr vfvlmjafv ab qjgbvs wjrteqr bo wf.
Isn’t the hand speed of grannies too fast these days?
And now thanks to the serious injury to my hand and the devastating blow to my vigour, it would probably be difficult for me to stage a comeback in the future.
[life isn’t easy, mo shuyao sigh.jpg]
464
I clicked into a few videos.
Only to see the handsome and suave me repeatedly going in and out of the Shrödinger’s police station, telling the oh so familiar lines to the raucously laughing policemen; Adolf Hitler, who spends the whole day fucking up Billy and making dishes for Stalin, also came, spitting out a whirlwind of Chinese, expressing the reader’s rage…
There was even someone who did a full 10-minute video, using classical Chinese to bemoan my cuckoo actions.
I heard him say—there was once a scholar of days old, draping furs to write literature. His novels, The Golden Lotus, was marvellously realistic. Later generations pored over it. There were millions upon millions of theories; no one knew who was beneath the skins, but his name was carved in history forever. In the present, there is also a male, known as Mo Ji to everyone across the four seas, a roasted crispy duck writer, dominating the market for female literature. His readers look at the text, the fascinating twists and turns, the splendorous haze of spring throes, matching up to the celebrated author of Golden Lotus. Oh, what must this lady have seen to produce such literature! But when the readers called out in marvel at it, he actually retreated into obscurity, hastily leaving a lousy ending, never rewriting it. His readers cried, tossed and turned, and couldn’t sleep at night. Little did they know that the author had transformed into the protagonist, rubbing the gun and shooting fire for the old husband gong, leaving everyone hanging! Alas! Oh, the sorrow…
465
The room was silent for a time. Jiang Ran asked, “What app is that? Why are its videos so interesting?”
“The broken platform, haven’t you heard of it? The little broken platform of the internet.” I rolled my eyes at him. “This is the dominion of parody mashups, the source of delight for the masses.”
“Do you also upload videos that you make?”
“Of course.” I proudly puffed up my chest. “I even cut a video for you, of course I know how to make spoofs.”
Jiang Ran turned his head towards me, laughing quietly. “Then can I watch a video you’ve made?”
“……”
I thought of my main account that was still confined in the little black room from turning Jiang Ran into a parody mashup, as well as the recent three that I made of Jiang Ran on my alt accounts, and tactically kept silent.
Jiang Ran didn’t let up, blinking owlishly at me. “The videos you make must be more interesting, right?”
Pls, laozi is the number 1 parody mashup bro. Can anyone match up to my glorious track record?
If it weren’t for your bastard fans reporting laozi’s video…
My anger flared at the thought of this. A few seconds later, I coldly tossed him a sentence.
“My account has been suspended.”
Jiang Ran also fell silent.
466
The doctor swiftly came over.
He helped me disinfect the wound and even took my temperature.
Burnt up to 38°C. I actually didn’t even realise it myself.
The doctor gave some advice before leaving, telling me to take my medication on time and that my temperature might rise further in the afternoon. Most importantly, just lie in bed and don’t do anything out of the norm.
Jiang Ran thanked the doctor and sent him out.
467
When he turned back, his expression was visibly grimmer.
“Why didn’t you realise that you’re having a fever? How do you still have the energy to look at these messy videos.”
Only now did I feel my temples begin to throb slightly. “Maybe the low-grade fever from before never went away so I just got used to the feverish feeling.”
Jiang Ran’s brows creased. He poured water for me, then brought the pills next to my mouth. “Eat your medicine first.”
He’s actually feeding me medicine?
Even my own dad and mom never treated me so well.
I blinked. If it weren’t for both my hands being injured, who’d want a bastard like him to take care of me like this?
But I could only obediently listen to him now.
He brought the water next to my mouth, feeding it to me at a very calm and steady rate so I could swallow the medicine.
And somehow, the rims of my eyes… started to prickle with heat.
468
After making me take my medicine, Jiang Ran reached out to help me lay down.
However, as soon as his hand touched my shoulder, his brows knitted. “Mo Shutao, why are your clothes drenched? You’ve sweated so much…”
I tutted. “From the fever, probably.”
“It’s not good for you to let your sweat chill like that. Take your clothes off, I’ll wipe the sweat dry and help you change to another set.”
“What??” Hearing this, I almost ricocheted off the bed.
A strange look appeared on Jiang Ran’s face. “We’re both men, it shouldn’t matter, no?”
I hugged myself tightly in distress.
469
If his agent were present now, he’d definitely say, ‘You should be honoured that the noble Film Emperor Jiang is personally attending to you!”
And I do know that Jiang Ran only means well for me.
But if this goes on, I’m really going to become bent…
AHHHHHH!
Despicable forces of gay, paperclip sorcery, mosquito coil killing move!
470
However, by then, Jiang Ran had already carried over a basin of warm water. Following which, he picked a set of pyjamas with Nyanko-sensei prints from my pile of otaku pyjamas.
I actually really wanted to wear my Luo Jiang merch pyjamas.
“Why did you pick that fat cat.”
“You don’t look good wearing pyjamas with young ladies printed on it.”
He spoke coldly, then walked next to me and pulled up the hem of my shirt. “Lift your arms slightly.”
The feeling of being unable to take care of yourself is too painful.
It’s really like being in a PvE scenario.
471
In a flash, my upper body was stripped completely bare, and the gaze that Jiang Ran had on me also paused slightly.
I was so frightened my shoulders shrunk inwards.
As an otaku that holed up at home without seeing the sun or exercise all year, my skin was fair and my build on the scrawnier side.
But why is he looking at me like that?
Ugh, he isn’t thinking of how to fuck me at night is he?
Is this a joke? Laozi screws heaven and earth upside down, even if I turn bent I’d be a gong.
Further, how can I give up my arms and surrender just because Jiang Ran showed me that tiny little bit of kindness?
I’m a Yama Rabbit-boosted Horai Steel Bar, the type that is both sturdy and straight!
472
Jiang Ran wrung a towel and wiped my back.
I turned my head to the side, glancing over out of the corner of my eye, then realising that he was wearing a suit today.
The vest was vintage brown and the clothes were particularly well-fitting, wrapping around the elegant musculature of his upper arms.
Purely from an admirative, aesthetic standpoint, he is indeed impeccable in all aspects.
473
Perhaps perceiving the subtle awkwardness in the atmosphere, he asked me, “What made you start writing novels?”
“Literature and arts are all interconnected anyway, when I get bored of screenplays I play around with novels for fun.”
I’d rather take to my grave than admit it was because I had lost my job.
Yet, the motions of his hands stopped for a while. Then, he asked again, “Then what made you start writing about two men in love?”
Fuck. Jiang Ran, doesn’t your face turn red when asking this?
474
I hesitated for a few seconds. Jiang Ran leaned forward to help me wipe the sweat on my front.
“Because I don’t really know how to mould female characters…”
Before I finished speaking, Jiang Ran’s hand touched my chest.
He wiped me gently with the towel.
My heart began to jump wildly without warning.
“…Mmf.” I bit my lips, narrowly stopping the sound from escaping.
“Why? Does it hurt here?”
He supported my shoulder, tossing the towel aside and pressing my chest a few times.
My brain instantly blanked. I only felt like there was something frantically surging in my chest.
“D-Don’t touch. I-I’m fine… Just don’t touch…” Even my words had gotten all muddled.
“Alright. Make sure you let me know if you’re feeling uncomfortable.” He let me go, helping me put on the clothes.
475
…I can’t look straight at my madly leaping puny little heart anymore.
Is my illustrious screenwriting career really not going to have any successors??
476
I reined in my emotions, affecting composure as I said, “Okay, you can leave now then.”
“Okay.” He started to tidy up the stuff. “Rest well. I’ll bring you dinner in a while.”
After that, he even placed my phone by my hand. “You can call me if you’re feeling uncomfortable.”
477
His attentiveness is like the devil to me.
Back when laozi was in university, there were many girls chasing me, but none had caught my eye.
At that time, I didn’t think there was any issue with it at all.
For an excellent specimen like me, of course I would only want the best.
But now…
AHHHH—may I ask, where can I take a test for sexual orientation?
[your father is weeping.jpg]
According to my gay radar you are 📈📈📈📈📈📈🌋
finally! shuyao’s questioning his sexuality!
yesssss 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
thanks for the chapter ♡
ohh, so people know natsume yuujinchou as a really pretty anime. i just know it as the manga that i wished was gayer
those excuses for writing crispy duck actually sound really plausible?? while in reality he wrote it because he was broke??
The “I don’t know how to mold female characters,” part might be true. After all he could have written bg novels instead.
You’re gay my dear.
Thank you for the chapter 🤍
How horrible were his parents that even feeding him medicine when sick didn’t happen?
Thanks for the chapter <3
Ambiguous indeed. Thank you for the update ❤️
(If it weren’t for both my hands being injured, who’d want a bastard like him to take care of me like this?) hey MS I can’t see any bastard in this story except you, TBH with you your character is unlikable so far try to change
O0O. Oh no, he’s been gaslit he now believes it.
Your sister is weeping for you…… weeping tears of joy that is lol
Finally some self awareness. Lol.