When Ruzen woke up, he found himself sticking close to his king, who was right next to him, holding a scroll in his hands. Whether he was reading something important or not was not something Ruzen couldn tell, he just looked on, staring at the King who buried himself in his work.
Ruzen felt strangely connected with the King, it could be a possible outcome after their recent entanglement.
“You received a herbal plant as a gift during your travel, We have given it to your master.”
Ruzen blinked, remembering in embarrassment that he forgot all about the plant. He had given it to one of the helpers when they entered the main city. “T-Thank you my king, I honestly forgot about it… it was a thoughtful gift.”
“Indeed… hungry?”
Ruzen shook his head, feeling his sore muscles and joints aching as he moved to sit up. “My King… I have something to ask you…”
“Mn?”
Ruzen leaned against the sturdy chest as he looked up at the king, who was watching him again, giving the attention he needed. “I don’t recall my full name, I… I seem to have forgotten it.”
Eyebrows furrowing, the King hummed, looking at Ruzen’s pale body that leaned against his. After some thought, he cupped Ruzen’s chin and tilted his face upwards to meet his eyes, “How much of your previous life do you recall? Do you remember your parent’s name? Friends?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Ruzen shook his head, “Aside from my family’s surname, I remember everything, even my friends’ and teachers’, I also remember every other detail.”
“Did you have any mishap with this Al’Bae again?”
Ruzen frowned, “Not really, since that time when you came to pick me up, I didn’t get into contact with anything that could relate to Al’Bae, ah, except for that strange woman who was targeting me during the exam.”
“We had started to search about this Al’Bae previously because of your concerns,” The king answered, as he combed his fingers through Ruzen’s hair, “We did find some trace of this name, but the lead ended up confusing Us more than anything else. It could be said that these trails were deliberately tampered with, so We couldn’t find anything worth mentioning to you.”
Ruzen shivered, “Is it really Al’Bae’s fault? Or am I just forgetting things because I transmigrated here from a different world?”
The King seemed to think about it, his eyes focusing on Ruzen again, “We are not sure, but We will find more about this matter as soon as we can. Ruzen doesn’t need to fear anymore, this matter can be resolved quickly with our strength and reach.”
Breathing in deep, Ruzen nodded, closing his eyes to calm himself down, now that the matter had been relayed to the King, there must be a solution to it all. Despite his inner fears, Ruzen tried his best not to panic. “I just fear forgetting everything about my previous life. It scares me to think about it.”
In the silence of the night, Ruzen’s breathing became the only source of sound. Right then the King spoke again, his tone of voice more soothing, as if he was codling Ruzen, “If you want, We can remember your past for you. Ruzen just needs to tell Us things he values the most. We won’t let you forget.”
The sentiment reached Ruzen as he shifted with a flushed smile on his face, his eyes opening to take a good look at the King who was being so considerate to him. “Then… I will start with my parents…” he mumbled, hiding his face as he tried to recall everything, a slow smile spreading on his face, “they were good people, always looking after me, taking care of me, even if I got a cold, they would take me to our family’s doctor. They always listened to my wishes, fulfilling whatever my desire was. There was a time when I used to get emotional over every little thing, but they still tolerated me…. Not like they didn’t have faults… I think their greatest fault was also their nature. You know, they believed in virginity before marriage, family of 4, boys are always better, same gender love is taboo… they believed God would punish them if they deviated from what they thought the society believed in… even still, I think they weren’t bad people, just lost… maybe…“
The Ghost King listened on, not interrupting Ruzen.
“Now that I am in this world, I think I was kind of annoying in my previous world. I wouldn’t go out to dinner with friends because I always remembered how my parents feared me getting into bad things, like drinking or smoking, drugs…” Ruzen didn’t think his King would understand, but he said all this to remember his life, to remember how much had changed, to recall all the things in a different light. “I never went far from home because my mother feared me getting into an accident, she didn’t want to lose me just like my brother. So even if I wished to become an artist, I think because of what had happened with my brother, even I feared going outside, out and about in the open. Mother also praised me when I came back to her on time. She liked that I didn’t go too far from home. And my father… he always wanted me to enjoy the world, but…” Ruzen chuckled, feeling something unknown as he went back in the past, shuffling through each memory, “it is funny how both of them never thought about letting me go my way. I think I chose art as my career choice because I wanted more freedom, away from my family, away from their expectations of me, away from all the judgement. I felt sick when I did something other than what my parents wanted.”
His King rubbed his back as Ruzen fell silent again, thinking.
“When I came to this world, I was so frightened, even if I believed that I wasn’t. I believed that I could uphold what my parents taught me so that if I ever went back, they won’t be disappointed… I didn’t want to change… it was the only thing that made me who I was, how can I change when I felt so estranged from reality…”
“When my brother died, I was in coma, in a state of deep sleep, but after waking up, I always had nightmares, most of the time. It got settled after a while, I made friends, my parents also got much better, they missed my brother less and less as they invested time in taking care of me… I might have been selfish when I saw them always crying about my brother, who was no longer around, they neglected my outbursts, my mother even more so. It wasn’t until I became their perfect son that she started to pamper me with more thought towards me… but it got frightening when I failed their expectations, they would be disappointed in me… it got frustrating to see their eyes go cold…”
“But they loved you?”
Ruzen nodded, feeling his eyes becoming heavier the more he thought about it, “Their love was bitter sweet. They loved me to a frightening degree, but they also became my shackles. Until now, I had a lot of time to think about all this matter. I now understand where I went wrong… but change is not always easy… You are the same gender my King… imagine how much I had to think about when you first made your intensions known…”
“Are you still thinking about it?” His Ghost King asked softly, as Ruzen also wondered about it. “When I came to this world… I started to change… I don’t know when, but I felt it was annoying to think about gender and what not. I felt it was not really strange to have a relationship with the same gender, what was so bad about it? And why can’t people be as they want to be, why go with what the society wants…”
Ruzen laughed softly, snuggling into his beloved King, “I feel happy now, even if I miss my parents, when I think about you, my King, I feel that everything will be all right, you give me hope… you make me feel that even if I make a mistake, you won’t hate me for it. Will you?”
The king shook his head, it was an answer enough, but he also continued to reply, “Ruzen is Our Keeper, We won’t judge your opinion, or your choices until and unless it would harm your life… We believe that you have room for improvement, and you are are doing your best. We aren’t worried.”
Ruzen blinked, keeping back a single tear. Even his parents never believed in him as much as his King does. His parents had raised him, fed him, given him every materialistic thing, but they never gave him a choice in anything. The more he adhered to their ideal son, the more they loved him. He hurt for them, he never understood them, had he just been a substitute for his brother, had they ever cared about what he really wanted? He planned far ahead in order to become a well known artist, so maybe one day, he would finally be able to have a sense of gravity, a presence in this world.
“I was a coward, always hiding from everyone, I always wanted protection, shelter, a sense of attachment… I still want them all… I still feel that I am not ready for anything… the mere thought of doing something different makes me feel detached from everything… but I think I will be better with time. Will you give me time my King, I will improve, even if I can’t handle court matters or your expectations right now, I will do my best trying. Maybe you feel I am not ambitious enough… does that bother you?”
There was a calm silence as no one spoke for a while.
“As We have said earlier, We believe in you Ruzen, We know you, We feel you, We wouldn’t have taken you in if We didn’t have any expectations.”
Ruzen nodded, fluttering his eyes to shed away the tears that had started to gather, he felt very naked, in soul and body, he felt fragile, but also stronger than before. “I have started to see things differently now, I have started to realize my short comings, I believe in myself too, but I will take my time to grow out of my insecurities. Please wait for me.”
[A/N – Thank you danmeiaddictedrita and Gofa!! This chapter is powered by you. I am glad you folks enjoy this story! Here’s a different cut to Ruzen’s past!
Please note that this story is fictional. Ruzen’s parent have their own character views, those views are not my own views and Ruzen’s development was shaped by his parent’s rigid perspective of society, some thoughts of his parents also stem from losing their first child and Ruzen himself is not totally right in his thought patterns, he also needs time to change into a more positive person.
If anyone was offended, please note that I didn’t mean to make any statements, it is a plot device that corelates to a few perspectives from reality. I am a believer of God, I am a law abiding citizen, I love equality, I have faith in society, I love positive change, I support lgbtq and I also love freedom of thought and speech.]
Thank you for the chapter!
I think Ruzen’s family is perfect in the way that it is portrayed, it’s more real than most portrayals of family I’ve read. At least to me, it hit real close to home, with the love and care being precious and also suffocating. Especially the expectations part. I love him finding solace and the will to grow out of the ‘perfect son’ shell.
+1
Thanks for the nice comment 😀
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🥺🥺🥺 this chapter was beautiful the others are too but this one sparks 💖💖
Someone in a past chp. talked about how Ruzen’s past life was boring and didn’t view him in a good manner just because he was sheltered away from the world despite having a group of friends and being boen in a wealthy family. Atleast his character and personality are shaped well even if his parents were strict. Maybe they should have read till this part. Thanks for the backstory part of Ruzen, Author. It’s done well.
Thank you for all your comments!! I will update soon ❤️🧡