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The peaceful and relaxed day passed like water. At some point, the sound of crickets crying was heard instead of cicadas. At the boundary between late summer and early autumn, when the heat had broken and the cool breeze had begun to blow in the morning and evening, red dragon flies flew over the grass.
“Mreow!”
Nabi slapped the dried salmon Lee Juwon held out with its front paw. The crumbling salmon fell to the ground. Until last week, he would’ve shouted, “Say you don’t want to eat it!” because it was expensive and he felt it was unfair, but now his worry took the lead.
“Why doesn’t it eat at all these days?”
Kang Inheon, who was watching, said as if it were natural, “Because it’s not snack time.”
“It sleeps during snack time.”
Nabi had been sleeping a lot lately. It slept more than twenty hours a day. Cats were supposed to sleep a lot, but he thought it was sleeping too much, so he had it take a medical exam at the hospital but was told there was nothing wrong with its health. He went to another hospital and was told the same thing. They said there was nothing wrong with its body, so there was nothing to treat.
However, its waking hours became shorter and shorter. Yesterday and today, it seemed like it was awake for less than an hour. At the slightest touch, it would run away and go back to sleep in the corner.
“Let it sleep. Its food and water are constantly dwindling.”
“Still, we should go to a different hospital.”
“Maoww!” No matter how much they called Nabi, it ignored them for the most part, but somehow recognized the word hospital and cried out in a high-pitched tone before running into a room.
“Sigh…”
Kang Inheon shook his head as he watched Lee Juwon sweep up the salmon crumbs that Nabi had stepped on.
“…Of all things, why do you like cats so much?” Kang Inheon looked at the room Nabi entered with dissatisfaction and murmured, “The cat won’t move as I want…”
“Huh?”
“What should we eat?”
“Let me just throw this away.”
While Lee Juwon shook the salmon crumbs from his hands into the trash can and washed his hands, Kang Inheon packed some light snacks. It was a nice day, so they thought it would be okay to eat outside, and grabbed a mat and went out.
The intense humidity had subsided, so it wasn’t too hot to sit in the shade under the trees. They set up the mat by the river, ate some cheap mini kimbaps and the last batch of grapes of the season, and spent a leisurely time enjoying the river breeze.
That was all there was to it; nothing particularly exciting or special happened, and yet the time passed quickly. At some point, between the green fields and above the flowing river, a ruddy sun was setting.
“Mm…”
After falling asleep for a moment, Kang Inheon drowsily opened his eyes, and they made eye contact. After blinking a few times with his sleepy eyes, Kang Inheon grinned for no reason, as if recognizing Lee Juwon. Lee Juwon gently fanned his forehead with the book he was reading and said, “Why are you so tired nowadays?”
“…It’s because the seasons are changing.”
Kang Inheon quickly rolled over and wrapped his arms around the waist of Lee Juwon, who was sitting. Being suddenly hugged by a large frame, he felt the heavy weight on his leg. Kang Inheon murmured, “It’ll all be fine after this time passes.”
He thought it was surprising that Kang Inheon would follow the seasons, but since he was a person too, he thought that was also possible. He stroked the back of his head, and unlike his stone-like back, the soft hair curled between his fingers. Lee Juwon said, “Let’s go inside now.”
“…Already?”
“Nabi might be awake.”
Nabi was his only worry in his calm daily life. Kang Inheon sat up straight and spoke in a hoarse voice, “Do you want bulgogi or braised spicy chicken for dinner?”
“…Anything.”
Thinking about Nabi, he had no appetite. His heart felt heavy because he couldn’t figure out what the hell the problem was. Kang Inheon muttered as he watched the ruddy sunset sink into the high-raised sky, “..There’s not much left.”
“What?”
Kang Inheon stretched and got up. “Bulgogi. I’ll just make braised spicy chicken.”
“Will Nabi have dinner…?”
Lee Juwon also got up, holding his book and a bottle of water.
Swaaaa, there was a sound of leaves being swept by the wind. Whoosh, the handkerchief that had been placed under the frozen water bottle flew in the wind. Lee Juwon reached out to grab it, but his hand couldn’t catch it, and he narrowly missed it. It fluttered like a butterfly before falling some distance away.
Kang Inheon, who wore his slippers on his bare feet, slowly walked in the direction of the handkerchief. Watching his back nonchalantly, Lee Juwon set his luggage down on the grass and folded the mat spread out on the ground. Tak, tak, he lifted it vertically and shook off the sand before aligning each corner and cleanly folding it four times.
Raising his head absentmindedly, Lee Juwon dropped the mat he was holding. He opened his mouth to speak, but like a man who had lost his voice, only the sound of gasping escaped his throat.
“……!”
The handkerchief, flying after being carried by the wind again, landed on the surface of the river, glistening in the sunset. Wearing wide shorts and slippers, Kang Inheon waded into the shallow river just like that. It was a stream where even the deepest point couldn’t even reach his thighs. There was nothing special or dangerous about it.
“Ga, gasp…!”
But Lee Juwon ran towards Kang Inheon like a madman. His rough movements caused his slippers to fall off and tumble into the area he had just passed. He felt no pain even as he stepped on jagged stones with his bare feet.
The river’s water splashed. The shallow river that splashed at his calves felt like a swamp of unknown depth. Like mire, it seemed to sink his feet in and eventually swallow him whole.
He hugged Kang Inheon tightly from behind. His back was as hot as ever as he wrapped his arms around his firm waist. But just that wasn’t enough.
Kang Inheon, clutching a wet handkerchief, turned around with a puzzled look on his face. Lee Juwon touched his face with trembling fingertips. Smooth, warm skin touched his fingertips. He could clearly feel the warm breath on the tip of his chiselled nose and flushed lips. Still, he was not reassured.
It wasn’t just his body that was stiff. His thought circuits were not working properly either. His head felt blank, and his vision turned white, as if his brain had stopped functioning.
“…Why are you crying?”
Kang Inheon’s low voice rang in his ears, but he couldn’t understand its meaning. He just swept his thick arms, shoulders, and back, then hugged him tightly again.
“…I asked, why are you crying?”
“…Huh?”
A hoarse voice that didn’t seem to belong to him flowed out. Tears that didn’t seem to belong to him rode down his cheeks and fell.
Lee Juwon looked up at the sky. He wondered if another shower had come down at the end of summer. But the sunset sky was just filled with iridescent clouds, not rain clouds. Nevertheless, every time he closed and opened his eyes, the tears that had accumulated in the corners of his eyes dripped into the river. Lee Juwon stared at the sky and muttered blankly, “Why…?”
It was strange. There was no reason for the tears. The sky was clear. He couldn’t figure out the reason why, and his head throbbed with a headache when he felt a sudden surge of vomit.
“Ugh..! Ungh…!”
His stomach felt nauseous as if it were being turned over, and he wanted to vomit it all out, but he couldn’t even do that. He put his hands on his knees and leaned down, gagging for a long time, but only the tears and saliva he couldn’t stop dripped into the river. Exhausted, Lee Juwon staggered to his feet only after a while.
Kang Inheon looked at Lee Juwon with an expression he’d never seen before. Not even knowing what he himself was saying, Lee Juwon muttered as if mesmerized, “I told you not to go to the river…”
Perhaps because he had dry heaved for a long time, the pit of his stomach ached. It felt like there was a thorn in his chest, so he hit it a couple of times, but there was no improvement. Strangely, the tears just kept coming nonstop. Kang Inheon could only vacantly stare down at Lee Juwon.
After a while, he said in a calm tone, as if exchanging everyday conversations, “There were old ladies clapping and giggling at the market at dawn. There wasn’t anything going on at the marketplace, though… I asked them what was so amusing, and they said it was just a health exercise.”
Kang Inheon wrapped both hands around Lee Juwon’s cheeks. He wiped away the tears with his fingertips. His fingertips trailed down his cheeks, forcing the corners of Lee Juwon’s mouth up.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“The brain can’t tell the difference between real and fake anyway.”
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Kang Inheon cut a slit in the trimmed chicken and boiled it in hot water. While blanching the raw chicken, he minced garlic with the tip of his knife handle and made a sauce by adding gochujang, starch syrup, and clear rice wine by eyeballing it. He sliced a fist-sized potato into four pieces, held the blade up to trim the corners, and said, “The old ladies say that if you trim the ends of the potatoes round, they won’t fall apart when boiled. It’s common sense, but why didn’t I know? You can chop up the remaining pieces and freeze them to use when you make fried rice.”
“……”
“Should we have fried rice tomorrow? How about kimchi fried rice?”
“……”
“But do we have any leftover ripe kimchi…?”
Kang Inheon continued to speak quietly as he cooked. He placed the halved green onions cut long and slanted, the wide and flat glass noodles, the sauce mix he made just now, and the chicken that had just been washed in cold water into a small pressure cooker and turned the heat up. It wasn’t long before the pendulum of the pressure cooker began to turn around and around.
Lee Juwon sat at the table and just looked at Nabi. Nabi’s back rose and fell slightly as it slept curled up under the sofa.
Pshhh–.
At some point, the spicy braised chicken was finished cooking, and there was the sound of steam leaving the cooker.
“It’s all done.”
Kang Inheon put on a pair of large kitchen gloves and set the pot down on the table. Tak, he unlocked it, lifted the silver lid, and white steam rose. It smelled both sweet and spicy.
The homemade red broth was still bubbling and boiling. Sprinkling sesame seeds on top, Kang Inheon sat down opposite him at the table.
“It tastes much better if you marinate it in milk, but I was in a hurry since I was afraid you’d be hungry.” Kang Inheon handed Lee Juwon his cutlery and added playfully, “I’ll give you both chicken legs. You know how deep my love is.”
Lee Juwon took the spoon and chopsticks and tak, set them down on the table. Staring at the scarlet shade of the braised spicy chicken, Kang Inheon scratched his cheek with his index finger. “Should I have gone with bulgogi?”
“What are you?”
There was a moment of silence in the kitchen, which had been bustling with the sound of ingredients being prepared and Kang Inheon’s words. The only sound was that of the red soup inside the pressure cooker bubbling away.
The silence was brief. Kang Inheon burst out laughing and asked back, “What do you mean?”
“You’re not Kang Inheon.”
Lee Juwon stared at the thing that had become Kang Inheon but wasn’t Kang Inheon. They made eye contact for the first time since they arrived home. Kang Inheon’s eyes curved, smiling beautifully.
“Do you want to do some other kind of play again?”
It was a smile like a colourful lollipop that caught the attention of children. A voice as soft and sweet as cotton candy.
“Or did you really want bulgogi that badly? I’m sorry…”
Moving to sit next to Lee Juwon, Kang Inheon tried to kiss him lightly, but Lee Juwon turned his head to avoid it. He wanted to melt into the normal routine, wanted to pretend that nothing had happened, wanted to ignore the disharmony that flooded into him at every moment, but he couldn’t.
By the river, Kang Inheon was wearing a light short-sleeved t-shirt, but the image of him wearing a black suit overlapped. He remembered that image like a flash, and he couldn’t forget it as if it were engraved into his mind. He tried to ignore his hands turning white, his parents’ invisible faces, and Nabi, who kept falling asleep, but strangely enough, he just couldn’t move past that scene.
Lee Juwon looked the being sitting next to him in the eye and said, “Where are we?”
“This is our house, you know.”
Laughing as if it were ridiculous, Kang Inheon tried to stroke Lee Juwon’s cheek, but Lee Juwon swatted his hand away. Looking at his hand, which had lost its path and stayed in the air for a moment, Kang Inheon let out a sigh and said, “Why are you being strange again?”
“No… You’re the one that’s strange.”
The thing in front of him wasn’t Kang Inheon. Kang Inheon wasn’t the type to smile like that, to whisper like that, to kiss like that… No, he might be, but towards him only, he…
He didn’t know when he realized it or if he realized it from the beginning. But he tried to ignore the disharmony that came from his appearance, which was so different, and tried to fit in. because he wanted it to be that way now. Because he wanted to live that way.
The smile slowly disappeared from Kang Inheon’s face, who was sitting loosely. His expressionless face was cold, but his voice was calm, “I’m strange?”
Despite his nonchalant tone, his eyes shook.
“But, does it matter?”
“…What?”
“You’re happy right now.”
‘Right?’ Asking again if he was happy, his eyes were desperate. Lee Juwon was momentarily speechless. He couldn’t say no. It was true that he was happy at every moment. As if reading his mind, Kang Inheon whispered, “What if you don’t know if the butterfly is me or if I’m the butterfly? If you believe it’s real, it becomes real.”
Kang Inheon stroked Lee Juwon’s hand, which was white as if it were bleached. When he tried to pull his hand away, he squeezed it tighter. His fingers felt like they would break under the strong grip.
“Were you happy back then?”
“…What?”
Kang Inheon said, turning the ring Lee Juwon was wearing around and around with his thumb, “Do you want to go back?”
“Ugh!”
Lee Juwon squeezed his eyes shut at the sudden foreign sensation, as if a long thread was rolling through his eyeballs. The long threads dug into his eyes as if they were alive.
“Argh…!”
He rubbed his eyes with the thick underside of his palm and barely managed to open them. As his dispersed vision overlapped into one, he realised where he was. He was in a fast-moving car. Snow was falling hard outside on the black road.
“Gasp…!”
Only then did Lee Juwon tightly grip the steering wheel and slam on the brakes frantically, but instead of stopping, the car spun hard with a screeching sound.
“N-No…!”
And with the force of the turn, it slammed hard into a street tree.
Kwang!
“Gasp!”
The front bumper blown off on impact, the bonnet bent like tinfoil, the front wheels spinning around and around high in the air, the sagging airbag… Everything was the same as then.
The pain was the same. Glass shattered into pieces, and shards of metal pierced his body. The pain of being bounced around inside the car, his flesh tearing, and his bones breaking into pieces was vivid. His organs tore, and the rushing pain surged through him. Far from getting used to it after having experienced it once, it dug sharper into his flesh.
“Ugh!”
When Lee Juwon opened his eyes once more, he was sitting in the kitchen again, as if he had just had a brief nightmare.
“Haa… haa…”
His body tingled with the aftershocks of the pain. His pores were open and sweat was pouring out, but it was still too cold. A chill rushed through him, as if he had fallen into a frozen river in the winter and had barely been rescued. Lee Juwon gathered his knees and curled up, shaking.
“Haa…”
There was the sound of his teeth hitting against each other. He was sick of being cold. He buried his head in his knees, hoping to find even the slightest warmth. But it was no use. His surroundings were silent, and he felt like he was buried alone in a field of snow.
Then, a warm hand touched his back.
“Ah…”
Lee Juwon looked up and saw the identity of the warmth. It was Kang Inheon. Kang Inheon was by his side.
Lee Juwon desperately embraced Kang Inheon. He grabbed and hugged him as if he were a vine caught in his hands as he plummeted down a cliff, and only he was the lifeline. His strong arms wrapped around Lee Juwon’s body, which dug into his embrace with equal firmness.
A kind hand gently patted his still-trembling back. His rough panting calmed down little by little.
There was a warm smell coming from Kang Inheon. A deep sense of relief washed over him, as if he had been lost in a blizzard and had found shelter with a burning heater. Only then did the tension in his body melt away and the strength left his whole body.
His voice, as warm as his embrace, rang in his ears. “Stay here with me.”
At the warmth of his voice, his stiff muscles relaxed, and his eyes closed tiredly.
“It’ll be Chuseok soon.”
“……”
“We have to go buy presents and say hello to your parents. We’ll watch the full moon and make wishes, too.”
“……”
“Nabi will also change when autumn comes. It’ll sleep less and eat better then.”
“……”
“Now that the seasons have changed, let’s go shopping for clothes. I want to see you in a trench coat.”
“……”
“…Don’t you have anything you want to do here with me?”
“……”
“…I…”
Lee Juwon burrowed into Kang Inheon’s arms. He was still thirsty for warmth.
“…I wonder what it would taste like to marinate chicken in milk…”
Kang Inheon’s light laugh was conveyed through their embrace and echoed.
It’s not a hard thing to do.
You wanted to forget it all, erase it all, and live again. Let’s stay here in comfort and peace.
Sleep soundly, and when you wake up, you’ll forget all about it. Then the seasons will pass, and nothing will confuse you after that.
Lee Juwon nodded his head.
He had nothing but happy memories of the early to late summer he spent here. It was like a paradise with a flowery lover, loving parents, a lovable cat, and friendly people. The autumn and winter that were soon to come would be the same. Truthfully, there were countless things he wanted to do together here.
They could sit side by side and watch a film, and if their mouths felt bored, they could make tteokbokki together and eat it, and if it got cold, they could have fish cake soup, hot pot, or shabu-shabu…
He wanted to surrender himself to the soft, warm hands stroking his back. Like he said, he would fall asleep deeply and wake up, and everything would seem to return to normal and usual after that.
In winter, they would go buy a cashmere coat. On snowy Christmases, they’d put sparkly tinsel on a rubber tree and turn on the fairy lights. Eat fluffy sweet potato cake together and…
His consciousness slowly settled. Memories jumbled together on the edge of unconsciousness, where it was hard to tell what was wishful thinking and what was not.
But why, why do I feel like I’ve already done these things with you?
Making tteokbokki together and eating it—red rice cakes bubbling in a square iron pot. Warm fish cake soup, white steam rising from the fishcakes impaled on wooden sticks. The daily drama that flowed from a small cathode ray tube television and a red heater under the chairs that warmed their calves.
Colourful post-its were stuck to the walls under the incandescent bulbs hanging from the ceiling. Sitting across from each other, they wrote their guest books with thick sharpies on yellow and blue post-its and stuck them side by side.
The only guest book he had ever written until then had been his name in hanja at a government-sponsored luncheon, so he used the words on a heart-shaped post-it note in front of him as a reference.
With the person next to me>>>
Please let me spend
The next white Christmas together too*^^*
Even if it was because you thought it was ridiculous, I wanted to see you laugh, but back then, your expression…
Ah… so that’s why you asked that. With a voice that was neither as kind nor sweet as now.
‘Did you know it’s snowing this Christmas?’
You weren’t being pathetic; you were being sad…
Because you remember everything, and yet I forgot it all…
It was the first snowy Christmas in 18 years; large snowflakes were falling heavily outside the window, and the night sky was brilliantly sparkling. Equally sparkling was the plum seed-shaped mana stone that rolled across his desk.
‘The exclusive contract is terminated. You can claim whatever penalty fee you want.’
Even while you gave up and turned away
‘Is that all you have to say?’
You didn’t give up on me until the end
‘Just go home without causing trouble, it’s snowing too much.’
You worried about me until the end, and…
He couldn’t guess how many of those moments there were. His ribs were stiff and felt tight, and his chest felt numb. Swallowing his dry saliva, he tasted blood coming from his throat.
But how do you remember? How do you know? This is just a dungeon I’m trapped in… in a dungeon…?
“Ah…”
Lee Juwon was in the moment when the car crashed once more.
Kwang!
What he struck was neither a street tree nor a stray dog, but a Gareum. A monster with two elongated horns, the guide of Gnipahellir.
‘Lee Juwon…?’
The voice on the other end of his phone faded away. A dim light streamed through the inky darkness.
His eyelids lifted.
The red braised spicy chicken was still bubbling on the paulownia wood table.
A bottle of nutritional supplements sat on one side of the table, and there was a cutting board, a kitchen knife, and dirty dishes piled up in the sink. Round drops of water formed on the silver faucet and dripped down.
Lee Juwon touched his cheek. It was stained with dripping water.
The thing that took the form of Kang Inheon was still hugging him. When he pushed his palm against its chest, it was easily pushed away by his light touch. His arms were warm, but that was just a dream. He still didn’t know what Kang Inheon’s arms felt like in real life.
Tears streamed down his face nonstop. Its face contorted as it stared at him, as if it were overcome with emotions it didn’t recognize.
If he lived again, if he could live again, different from before, he wanted to live like this, but not here. He couldn’t live in a sweet illusion where he forgot and erased everything.
He’s looking for me.
Even in this moment when I burrow into a sweet illusion
You’re looking for me.
To save me and to get me out of here
You’re calling my name…
“I have to go…”
He was in a hurry. His mouth burned with nervousness and desperation, making it hard to swallow.
“I have to go back,” Lee Juwon muttered urgently, and it shook its head.
“No…”
It grabbed Lee Juwon.
“Don’t do that… You said you wanted to start over.” It begged, not hugging him as tightly as before but holding onto the ends of his sleeves.
“You liked it too. Weren’t you happy? I can give you anything… Whether it’s your parents, the cat, anything… I can even make everyone in the world like you.”
“……”
“I… want to stay with you…”
“……”
“C-choose me, okay? I said it was my wish… I was the one who won!”
Lee Juwon staggered to his feet. There was only one thought in his dizzy head. I have to wake up, I have to go back.
Even his cuffs were shaken off, and it had a despairing expression. Its voice gradually lowered.
“What’s the difference between me and that thing? We look the same, we have the same powers, why him and not me?”
Its eyes flashed blue.
“Won’t you regret it if you go back? It’s your future to be trapped somewhere and die a miserable death of broken flesh and bone! All I did was try to stop it!”
It now yelled in anger, “You can’t go back, you can’t go anywhere! Forever and never!”
Lee Juwon walked to the sink, swaying as if he had lost his sense of direction. He grasped the black handle of the kitchen knife in his hand. The damp iron blade glinted in the electric light. He knew the surest way to wake up from an illusion. Through accumulated experience.
Its gaze shifted with Lee Juwon’s movements. Its following stare was hot like the blade of a knife, but he didn’t look back. His grip on the hilt tightened, and its face turned pale as if it had been forced to swallow bitter medicine.
He had never actually stabbed anyone, monster or human, but the principle was simple. If he cuts the carotid artery, a lethal dose of blood will spill out, cutting off the blood flow to his brain, and he’ll stop breathing. Then he could wake up from this dream.
I have to go, I have to go see the real you, because I’m the only one who can end your waiting.
Without hesitation, Lee Juwon put the knife under his lower jaw. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed in. He clenched his molars, and a blood vessel stood on his neck.
The tip of the blade dug into his pulsating vein. Red blood trickled down the nape of his neck.
It’s here, his hand tightened on the blade.
“……?”
But something was strange.
He didn’t feel any more pain than heat.
His eyes fluttered open. He was still in the warm, cozy house. At some point, it had gone from sitting on a chair at the table to standing in front of Lee Juwon.
The hilt of the knife in Lee Juwon’s hand changed direction. The blade pressed against the throat of the illusion in the form of Kang Inheon. Embarrassed, Lee Juwon’s pupils greatly widened.
“…Even so, it was just going to repeat forever.”
“…What?”
“Last time I gave you a mana stone, and it caused another problem…”
Its large hand wrapped around Lee Juwon’s, holding the hilt of the knife.
“So this time, I even held back all the gifts I wanted to give you…”
And with that, it plunged the blade into its own neck. Before Lee Juwon could even do anything, blue blood splashed across his face.
“Gasp…!”
Blue blood gurgled from its neck, soaking its grey t-shirt. Lee Juwon shouted, “Wha… what are you doing?”
“To break the illusion, you must get rid of the caster with your own hands…”
It, which had taken Kang Inheon’s form, even copied his ability. It froze time and turned the blade towards itself. Lee Juwon withdrew his grabbed hand and released the knife, but the blade was still deeply embedded in its neck.
“Haa, haa…!”
Lee Juwon leaned against the sink and slumped down. Even if it was a monster, he didn’t want to see it like this as long as it was in Kang Inheon’s form.
His mind was confused, as if he had been given an anaesthetic or trapped in a fog. He couldn’t understand the situation in front of him because his memory wasn’t complete. Wasn’t that something else, just taking Kang Inheon’s form?
“Why… why?”
“Yeah… I wonder why…”
It gurgled and coughed up blood. The deep blue blood dripping from its lips was unreal. As if to tell him this was clearly an illusion.
Even though he wasn’t the one who was stabbed, Lee Juwon’s breathing became laboured. Uneven breathing leaked out of his throat, and his heartbeat quickened to the point of pain.
“I need to make up for this failure… and start over again, but…”
“……”
“So that in front of my eyes, again, you won’t…”
It smiled tiredly, its teeth covered in blue blood.
“I wish I could have torn your wings off and kept you locked up, but…”
Its voice didn’t fit the laughter; it was cracked and hoarse, and it made a husky sound.
“Truthfully, I wanted to see you fly free too, didn’t I?”
It knelt down in front of Lee Juwon and sat. It reached out its hand and stroked the corner of Lee Juwon’s eye.
Lee Juwon couldn’t tell if its hand was trembling or if he himself was trembling. He couldn’t tell if it was its hand that was wet with blood or if his own face was wet with water.
“So don’t cry…”
Even though it was clearly smiling, it had a pained expression, as if its neck were being strangled. It didn’t seem to know what kind of expression its rigid face was making. The involuntary muscles in its body twitched uncontrollably.
It gasped for breath and grabbed Lee Juwon’s hand. It lifted his hand and made him hold the hilt of the knife embedded in its neck. Lee Juwon tried to pull his hand away from the knife, but he couldn’t escape its grip.
“Go see the real one…”
Lee Juwon’s lips and jaw quivered, and his throat tightened, making it difficult for him to spit out proper words. Instead of words, he heaved, “N… n-no…”
It plunged the blade deeper into its throat. Its eyes, unfocused as if it had lost its vision, glowed black with moisture.
At that moment, bright light flooded in. He had no choice but to squeeze his eyes shut against the blinding flash.
Thousands of butterflies that had clustered together in the form of a human scattered, spreading out in all directions. In an instant, his surroundings were filled with countless butterfly shapes.
Shimmering butterflies settled on Lee Juwon’s head, shoulders, and the back of his hands, then fluttered away again. A faint, trembling voice drifted through the air, inaudible unless you listened closely.
“I… wanted to be your real one, too…”
His vision faded from pale red to violet to darkness.
Why is it so cold? Why does it hurt so much? His body felt like it was frozen solid before breaking and shattering into pieces.
“Argh…”
Beep beep beep beep beep beep– Beep beep beep beep beep beep– Beep beep beep beep beep beep–
The vibration buzzed in his hand, and a familiar alarm sounded.
Lee Juwon quickly opened his eyes. But even with his eyes open, he saw nothing but darkness around him. The only faint light in the darkness was the smartphone in his hand. A large white number appeared on the black screen.
[23:50:13]
The numbers indicating the seconds ticked up one by one from 14, 15, and 16. When he was first trapped in Gnipahellir, a timer was set to go off ten minutes before the 24-hour mark.
He was here again, he was still in the dungeon.
“Ugh, ah… agh…”
Even breathing was a struggle. Every inhale and exhale of cold air felt like it was tearing his lungs apart. His body, which had been fine earlier, was covered in injuries. His ankle was twisted and broken, sending sharp pain through his brain at the slightest movement.
He was back.
His vision was blurred by the uncontrollable tears that began flowing at a moment he was unaware of. His heart was pounding at an abnormally fast rate. He felt nauseous, and acid reflux rose in his throat. His body temperature rapidly fell, and the chill returned.
But his mind was clearer than ever. All his senses were sharp like a knife, unlike before, when his head felt cloudy and muddled as if a corner had been paralyzed. Memories that had melted and blended into a jumble were now clear enough for him to think straight.
He now had a clearer picture of the situation and what that thing was.
It was a wicked gift, a prank, and a test gifted by the Gnipahellir dungeon. It had given him both a suspicious situation and a loving lover, just to see which side the pendulum would tilt towards more.
But no matter what he chose, the result was the same. No matter what he chose, his body would remain trapped here, forever in an illusion. The only difference was whether the illusion would repeat or continue.
Its identity was the Psyche. It was a monster that bewitched humans trapped in Gnipahellir with illusions. A butterfly that replicated itself in the form of the most suitable opponent to entice the human.
It was so rare that its existence was not even certain, and its grade could not be classified because it wasn’t strictly a real monster. It had no corporealism and varied in form, ability, and personality. It was created on the basis of the target it copied, and like flowing water, it took the form of the bowl it was poured into and even contained the same feelings.
Therefore, the behaviour and illusions it exhibited could not escape the unconsciousness of the body it copied.
Just as he could not see his parents’ faces, no matter how beautiful something was or how desperately he wanted it, it could not properly show an impossible illusion. Because it was an illusion that could only express what was possible in reality under the subconscious of the object it copied, Kang Inheon. It reflected the subconscious of the real Kang Inheon and couldn’t go beyond his mind.
So it showed my parents, because I wanted to see them again, even if their appearance was suspicious and sloppy…
So it raised a cat, even if it couldn’t control it, because I liked it…
So it loved me, because you love me…
His whole body hurt, but his heart hurt the most, like a knife had been plunged into it. He could hardly breathe, as if his chest were being crushed.
Because even the illusory you put me before yourself.
Because even the illusory you loves me.
orcinus rambling:
extra long chapter… update schedule might slow down a bit, i’m no longer as free as before unfortunately but i’ll still try to keep this fast-paced schedule. ah, i had to hold myself back every part from professing my intense love for the psyche, but i’m finally free to say ASIHDIUDSHAUHDSAIUUEWF PSYCHEEE 😭😭😭
in fact, a lot of korean readers cried for psyche in the reviews, the second male lead(?) syndrome really came out of nowhere and hit me hard personally. i really didn’t like this chapter the first time i read yess & yes, but i’ve begun to appreciate it when i read the end. really, i dont buy it that the psyche only loved juwon because it copied inheon, maybe juwon is just being delusional as always (or im the delulu one here 💀💀)
really, this chapter had a lot of moments i liked, such as every single time inheon(psyche?) told juwon not to cry… wait no im starting to see a pattern in my taste
anyway, cheers, we’ll see the real inheon soon in the next volume 
Man, I swear I’m such a sucker for second
male leads, even if they are a monster that want to trap you in a illusion forever. Why do they have such a sincere love.
Why was there such a big space in between??? 😭
YESSSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔 MY HEART HURTSS FOR THEM
the last time I’m like this was with a firefly… and now my heart hurts for a butterfly! 🥲
….. what the real Kang Inheon ! CHOOSE HIM!!!! 😭😭😭
F-CK* the real Kang Inheon*
I was not expecting this chap to make me sympathetic to the psyche??? I’m so sad now 😭😭
I hate this story sm (affectionately) I can’t wait for yhem to be happy 😭
Don’t mind me I’m just over here crying nonstop when I’m supposed to be working. Been a minute since a book made me cry this much. But it’s really beautiful.
I somehow got second mal lead syndrome as well.🥹 But I think maybe psyche really fell in love after experiencing how sweet it is to love and be loved back. I mean they were so sweet together, even though it wasn’t real. 🥲 Buuuut I’m sooooo excited to finally get to see the real couple reunited soon. 😖🥳
I think the psyche never had to make such a sweet illusion and fell in its own trap. Which hurts. Very bad. Yeah second male lead syndrome damn.
i. damn. okay. (←not okay)
are we not gonna talk about how even an illusion cant control what a cat does 😂
but yeah, gonna miss you illusion Inheon, you were so sweet.
I’m crying wtffff ㅠㅠㅠㅠ
Everybody just legit flipped over their tables and screamed “F**K YOUR BELOVED INHEON, WE NOW BELIEVE IN PSYCHE!”
Anyway, I think the second-lead syndrome is getting to me too.
😂
I didn’t expect such emotions from psyche omygodddd, inheon loves juwon in every form
Tengo emociones encontradas😭
Y ahora que hago con todos mis sentimientos ¡Buaaaaaaaaa!
😫
sh*t no 🥲 another illusion and still trapped in the dungeon! Goodluck Lee Juwon
Don’t mind me, I’m not crying.. It’s just the onions 😭
Wow, what a plot twist in the end, made the whole chapter so much better and so much more heartwrenching
Ahhhhh I’m screaming and crying bcs of that rn and I don’t have any more tissues 😭😭
Can’t… stop… crying…. ahhhhhhh bring back psyche please can’t you keep both wuwuwu 😭😭😭😭😭
IT HURTSSSS
Wow. Am I the only one who hated the psychy and felt bad for Inheon everytime they got close? I didn’t like this illusion arc as well because it broke my heart for our ML. But I kinda get it but still I think the story could go without this arc as it’s just painful
it may not seem so at first, but this arc was indeed important to the story like every other arc was to juwons development, there are things juwon wouldnt have realized if it werent for psyche
Yeah after finishing the story I loved this arc and Psychy😢 I love this thing now. Waiting patiently for the side stories.
It copied Kang Inheon and also fell in love with Lee Juwon 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
ok 🤣🤣🤣 (author why did u do this to me)
im legit abt to cry FUCK
thanks tho for the translations 🙁💗
I loved Psyche, esp its last moments. Made me so emotional 😭💔
But yah, mc needs to wake up to the cold reality and go back to the one who’s always been beside him and waiting for him.
Bit funny that we’re feeling a 2nd male syndrome with Psyche even though it copied our male lead 😭😂 but yah, that’s how captivating honey is //sobs
Congrats for mc for finally getting back on track again in the dungeon
“So don’t cry…”
“Go see the real one.”
“I… wanted to be your real one, too…”
—I’m just saying that JW is much strong-willed than I am. I’ll prolly stay with Psyche. Not only that I love butterflies, but his words will totally get me!!! I’ll be trapped in his arms for as long as I can’t realize shit lol! /cries/
Because even the illusory you put me before yourself.
Because even the illusory you loves me.
STOP CUTTING ONIONS 😭
PSYCHEEEEE 😭 I can’t stop crying reading Psyche’s final words. It lay down the illusion but it was them who was fallen in the trap ; ; I think it really do love him because it let Juwon go
The Psyche was a pitiful one. QuQ
Wow! What beautiful writing! The shifting scenes, the oscillating confusion, the beautiful details of the home, the flowers, the water, the cat, the novel, the day of the middleschool aged Kang Inheon and Lee Juwon, the horrible damp apartment, the loving parents, the happy and popular Lee Juwon before his world fell apart…
This novel has really surprised me. Once again – thanks for translating. This is a great book. I’ve been deeply immersed in the illusions of the Gnipahellir.
I’m not ashamed to say that I actually shed tears for the Psyche creature. Especially that last scene of it.. was so heart wrenching.
This was so heart wrenching