“Twitter, twitter”
I wake to the twittering of birds and the warmth of a patch of sunlight falling on my face. With a yawn, I stretch and habitually roll over to wake up further. Instead of rolling across my full sized bed, my body unceremoniously makes intimate contact with the floor with a resounding thump. I scrunch up my face against the fuzzy carpet before slowly sitting up. Bilking, I discover the reason for my face plant. I slept on the couch. Why did I sleep on the couch?
Then, the flood gates open and the memories of the previous evening fill my mind. I pinch the bridge of my nose and burry my head in the fluffy cushion. Well now you’ve gone and done it Ram. You idiot. Why the hell did you get drunk and just blurt everything out like that? You idiot, idiot, idiot, idio-
“Awake?” I pause, then look up. I blink. It’s Chen. However, he’s in a nicely pressed suit and wearing a…space themed tie? Hmm?
“I cleaned everything up but um I left you on the couch because I couldn’t really lift you…” His voice gets smaller and smaller with each word and he turns away, ears burning. “Anyway, are you feeling better?” I’m in no mood to appreciate his embarrassment, feeling more than enough of my own.
“Uh yeah, thanks.” There’s silence. “You going somewhere?” I ask. His face alights.
“Ah, yes. I’m speaking at an elementary and middle school.”
“Speaking?”
“I’m a guest speaker, as a visiting novelist.” He’s smiling shyly, revealing a single dimple.
“Oh, cool.” I stretch with another yawn. Then I notice him fidgeting.
“Is something up?”
“Um…do you have anything today?”
“Today?” I think for a moment. “No.”
“Would you like to come with me?”
“To the school?”
“Yes, to see my speech.”
And that’s how I find myself, here seated in an auditorium behind a bunch of little twerps. The adults in the audience are at the back behind the sea of little faces, picking their noses, scratching their heads, pulling pigtails,…etc. I’ve glanced up at the stage several times since I sat here however I haven’t seen Chen, he disappeared after dropping me off. I’m still not sure what I’m doing here. Moral support? The chatter and nose picking continues until a bald, spectacled man comes to the front. Then, it slowly dies down thanks to a handful of hardworking little tykes shushing everyone else.
With my chin resting on my hand and eye drooping, I gaze up at the bald guy – I assume he’s the principal – as he gathers everyone’s attention and starts introducing the school’s history of inviting a speaker. I feel my eyes droop and head sink lower and lower. Then, he starts to introduce Chen.
“Mr. Wong is the author of three novels, one of which is a bestseller. He…” I keep my ears pricked, trying to listen attentively but most of it’s stuff I already know. My head gives a twinge. Ah, hangover. Ugh. And it doesn’t help that the guy’s voice is as monotone as a foghorn.
“Well, then let’s give it up for Mr. Chen Wong!” The room bursts into applause and I fight back a smirk. Is this enthusiastic applause because of Chen’s arrival or because the principal is finally done? However, my wandering mind quickly returns to earth as Chen steps onto the stage in the wake of the applause. He’s here.
“Thank you!” He smiles widely and there’s a warmth in his gaze. He must like kids. “Thank you everyone! Well, how is everyone doing today?” A handful of students here and there respond with a vague, disjointed, and fairly disinterested “good”. In response Chen cups his ear and asks “I couldn’t hear you. Could you say it louder?” I hold back a smile. What is he, the Pirate in Sponge Bob? This time there’s a little more attention however the response is still soft. So he cups his ear again.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“Well, to answer these questions I need to start with a story, since I am a storyteller after all. Have all of you heard of the Ugly Duckling?”
“Yes!” The kids chorus.
“Well what happens in the Ugly Duckling? Can anyone tell me the story?” Several kids raise their hands. Chen selects a chubby girl with a ponytail.
“There was a duck and everyone didn’t like him because he was ugly. But then he became a swan and everyone liked him!”
“Right!” Chen responds. “His parents all wanted him to be a duck, right? However, he was a swan so he couldn’t be a duck no matter how hard he tried.” He pauses.
“Now are you guys wondering why I told you that story? Well, here’s why: when I was growing up, my parents wanted me to be an engineer. Does anyone know what an engineer does?”
A few kids raise their hands. He selects an Asian kid in glasses.
“They-they build and design buildings and other stuff.”
Chen responds with a smile. “Close, they use math and science to fix things and solve problems. Doesn’t that sound cool?”
Several students fervently nod.
“Well when I was younger I wasn’t like you all. I found math and science really hard and I wasn’t as interested in it. Instead, I loved to read. I was reading in the bedroom, living room, during meals in the kitchen, even in the bathroom.” Several kids exclaim in surprise and mock disgust at this last location. I listen with rapt attention. This is the first time I’ve heard Chen really describe his past.
“I read all kinds of books but I especially loved fiction, or stories I suppose. I loved fantasy like Harry Potter, mythology like Percy Jackson, dystopian like Divergent. I’m sure many of you guys have read those, if you have raise your hand!” A surprising number do.
“I loved the stories, their plots, the characters’ feelings and actions. But what I loved most about each of the stories was the characters’ dreams, or search for identity you could say. Harry Potter started out unhappy as a neglected child only to discover he was actually a wizard in another world with many new friends and acquaintances who cared about him. Percy Jackson sheds the identity of a struggling teen with ADHD when he discovers that he’s actually a demigod and finds a place to belong at Camp Half-Blood. Finally, Tris discovers that she doesn’t have to belong to any one of the factions that dictate your personality, she can be two, three, all; she can be herself. Now then, who here has read my books?” About a third of the kids raise their hand.
“Who here has read my newest one, Siren’s Song?” A fourth raise their hands.
“Like in the other novels I’ve mentioned, in Siren Song Bai discovers her true self through a magical piano that can transform into a guqin. Each one of these characters finds themselves stuck in a place where they’re told to be a certain thing however, they’re more, they’re far more…” Chen’s face is aglow with a fierce light I’ve never seen in him before. His large eyes are like miniature suns, impassioned and aflame.
“…just like the ugly duckling and just like me.” His gazes down for a minute before lifting it again, the flame is slightly smaller but no less intense.
“My parents wanted me to be an engineer, they wanted me to follow a certain path. However, I couldn’t abandon my stories, my characters, and the dreams they had to fulfill. So I had to become an author…” He looks at the audience, his gaze illuminating a path through the now, captivated, kids. Wow. “I had to do it, there was no other choice. So I left home. I left everything behind to follow my dream, to do what I was meant to do. So my advice to you is find whatever you truly love, whatever you truly want to do or even want, and capture it, hold it as tight as you can.”
My eyes trace his outline as he speaks. He’s glowing, he’s quite literally glowing. My gaze is glued to him and I can’t look away. However some part of me can’t help thinking Chen is following his dreams with a ferocity I can’t even imagine…so what am I doing? My mind flickers to the conversation we had when we first met.
“Eventually I just found myself naturally going into business. So I just decided to do that along with computer science. “Since,” I chuckle, “as my parents continually remind me, it’s where the money’s at right?”
I close my eyes but the words keep ringing, mockingly. “Eventually I just found myself…” “So I just decided to do that…” “It’s where the money’s at right?” The voice taunts me, repeating that same line: “it’s where the money’s at right?” I forcefully pinch the bridge of my nose. Come on Ram. Get a grip. This is Chen’s moment. Don’t ruin it for him by distracting him or something. Focus. I forcefully clear my mind, open my eyes, and turn my gaze back to the stage.
Thirty minutes later the talk ends and Chen and I walk side by side to the car. “How was it?” His eager gaze locks on to me. He’s almost like a puppy asking for praise… I feel my heart warm.
“Great, really great. Those kids were eating it up.”
“Thanks!” His face blossoms into a smile. “I really love kids, they’re so adorable.”
“Want any of your own?” I ask, glancing at him through the corner of my eyes.
“Huh? Well, I don’t know. I mean, not biologically since I’m, you know, gay. But maybe I’ll adopt one. Who knows what could happen!” He shrugs. “Anyway, did you think that what I said about math and science was okay? Like, I was just trying to say that not everything is for everyone. I didn’t mean that like STEM is bad or anything. Oh I hope I didn’t dissuade anyone from going into STEM or anything!” His feet tap the floor agitatedly.
“You were fine. They’re kids. Don’t overthink it.”
“And do you think the ugly duckling comparison was okay? There were some middle schoolers there along with the elementary school kids so I wasn’t sure about that one. It wasn’t too childish?”
“It’s was fine.” A sudden thought hits me. “So you compared yourself to the ugly duckling?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah.”
“So that means you’re now a swan? Are you praising yourself?” I grin.
“What? No! I didn’t mean it like-I mean, I just meant that I couldn’t fit the mold my parents had for me I didn’t mean-“
“Okay swan Chen.”
“Stop! I was just using it as a comparison. Anyway, are you sure it was okay???”
“It was fine.”
“You’re just being perfunctory!” He pinches my arm.
“Well what do you want me to say?” I ask as I make a turn. “I already said it was great.”
“Fine.” He pouts, crosses his arms, and leans back in his seat. He’s silent for a few minutes. Then “are you sure it was-” I burst into laughter.
We reach home and Chen heads straight for his room, I assume to work on his story. I walk into my room, there’s a couple assignments I still have to finish. I pull out the chair and sit in front of the desk. It’s empty except for my laptop and looks neat but the minute I switch on the laptop my 50 or so tabs jump out at me. I get started on them, responding to emails, crunching numbers, recording data, writing, filling out applications.
Now it’s just me alone in this room with the tablet containing a seemingly unending set of assignments to finish off. Now the thoughts that I’d deliberately suppressed earlier start creeping into my mind.
Why am I doing this? Why am I in business and computer science? Chen has this amazing life story, a reason behind everything while I seem to have just fallen into it. I’m good at it, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten hired by a top firm so fast but…when did I first think of pursuing this?
A mental image pops into my head of my parents surrounding me at 13.
“Ramakrishnan, if you choose a profession it should be in math or science okay?”
“Ramakrishnan all the jobs are going to those with computer skills.”
“Ramakrishnan, the highest paying jobs are all in Stem.”
“Ramakrishnan-
Bzzz. Bzzzz. My phone buzzes from within my pocket and I fish it out. Speak of the devil, I sigh and answer it.
“…Hello Appa?”
“Ah, Ramakrishnan. How are your studi-“
“I know Amma asked you to call again. What is it?”
“Well…”
“Appa what is it?”
“Your Amma has arranged for you to meet a friend’s daughter.” Silence. Seriously? Now she’s not even going to ask, she’s going to just set it up?
“Appa-“
“Ram, your Amma is really worried about your Patti. Please try to understand. She just wants you to try this out to give Patti some peace of mind-“
“Fine.” I massage my brows.
“and you-what?”
“I said fine.”
“You…really?” Then, fearing I may change my mind, he quickly adds. “It’s this Sunday. You’re usually free on Sundays right? I’ll send you the details.” Click. He quickly hangs up before I’m able to say anything further. I place the phone down, then heavily lean my forehead against the wall.
Oof Ram… no… dont do that
Thanks for the chapter € ^ *^)/// ~~ ♡♡♡♡♡
As a STEM student, that really hit me hard ah, but it’s true though 😃