Fei Li dreamt of when he was a child. He had ran up to his mother who had been sitting in the warm sunshine of the courtyard. He didn’t even reach her hips in height at the time. He’d clung to her skirts with a smile still filled with the innocence only a child could have. “Mummy, Mummy. Will you tell me that story again? The one you told me when you tucked me in last night.”
She had smiled gently at him, scooping him up to sit in her lap. “Of course. When I was young, I met a hero,” She began, gazing down tenderly at the child who sat so obediently still and quiet in her arms, eyes bright with excitement. “He was going to save the country. Long ago, but also not very long ago, the North and South were one. Everyone got along and it was peaceful. But the South didn’t understand how good this was, they let poor feelings fester in their hearts and turned against their own, demanding to be separate. That is like cutting a heart in two, but they couldn’t see that. They ignorantly destroyed the peace and harmony. With the seeds of chaos planted, there can never be a lasting peace.”
Little Fei Li didn’t seem to understand, he had tilted his head to one side as he asked “Why can’t there be peace?”
His mother was patient in her explanations. “It’s like two siblings. They will fight and bicker with one another, but luckily, their mother will be able settle their fights and keep the peace. Now that the South is seperate from the North, they are like siblings without a mother. They are bound to fight and there will be no one to settle them.”
Fei Xin frowned. “But I don’t want us to fight. Why can’t we get along?”
His mother had smiled brightly hearing that, lovingly stroking her child’s head. “You’re so good, my child. That’s exactly why the hero was going to unite the lands, he dreamed of bringing lasting peace so there would be no fights.”
Fei Li was quick to smile once more. “That’s great, isn’t it Mummy?”
His mother’s gaze dimmed, her mind seeming elsewhere as she continued to speak in a softer voice. “It would have been. He was going to bring peace and glory, and when he returned home, we were going to marry. That is the man that should have been your father. But his fate was cut short. He never came home from the battlefield.”
Fei Li frowned again, his brows tightly knit as he tried to ponder it, asking with concern, “Then… what will happen now? There’s no one to unite the North and South…”
Her smile returned and her gaze was bright once more as she looked deeply at the child in her arms. “There is. You will unite them, that is your fate. You’re going to be a hero when you grow up.”
Fei Li looked up at her with wide eyes before he smiled a big smile. “Really? I’ll be a hero like the one in your story?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
She nodded confidently, pulling her child onto her knees and leaning forward to wrap her arms around him, her chin resting on top of his head. “You will. Your duty will be hard but you will do it. You’ll win over the South, unite the lands and bring peace to everyone. You’ll be my little hero, you’ll be everyone’s hero. That is what your life is meant for.”
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Fei Li seemed confused at that. “Father isn’t dead.”
“Fei Jin… You may have been born from his blood but he isn’t your true father. Still, he will take care of us and teach you well. Be sure to listen to him.”
“Yes Mummy.” Fei Li responded obediently.
“Good boy,” she hummed, pulling out one of the candies she kept on her to give to him. He grinned happily as he chewed the candy.
—
Fei Li stared blankly at the fabric of the tent above his head, the memories that resurfaced in his dream, and what came after those memories, still tumbling about in his head even though he had been lying awake for a short while now. He figured being reminded of these memories was a punishment for having wavered.
After that, his mother began to ask him what his duty was. Fei Li would always brightly respond with things like “Unite the North and South”, “Be a hero!”, “To win over the South”, “To bring peace for everyone!”. This always pleased his mother and she would reward him, patting his head and giving him a treat. It was almost like a game. Over the years, as Fei Li grew and his father began his training for the army, this slowly narrowed until there was only one correct response: “To become a general.” As he began climbing the ranks and his mission became clearer and closer, this became “To win the war.” This ingrainment was so deep that Fei Li had long been able to respond to his mother’s question without hesitation, without thought.
His life’s purpose had been made clear to him many years ago. From when he was little and burst into tears in distress, his mother would bend over and hold him softly, rubbing his back as she coaxed, “There, there, my little Xin. You mustn’t cry in front of others anymore. You’ll be a general one day so you must be brave.” And so Fei Li had rubbed at the tears on his face, full of sniffles but he learnt not to cry in front of others. He learnt a general was always calm and indifferent, so he must be too. He was told a general must be able to harden his heart, to do what he must, so Fei Li tried to learn to do that too. To put strategy first above all else. But he was just a person, a young one at that, who didn’t know enough, hadn’t experienced enough. His teachings slipped when he made his first friends after entering the army. When he became a squad leader, working under the Captain of Squad 12. When he became more than friends with Meng Yichen. When he suffered his first betrayal. And now he had nearly wavered again, hesitating, doubting. He was so close now and yet his resolve had slipped for a moment.
“General? Are you awake?” Xi Ming was calling for him from outside. The sun had risen yet Fei Li hadn’t come out yet. It wasn’t like him. Xi Ming must have gotten concerned and come to fetch him.
Fei Li sighed as he pushed himself up, rubbing at his temple as he felt the slight edge of a headache coming on. “I am. I’ll be out in a moment.”
—
“I don’t mean to question you General Fei, it’s just… if this doesn’t go how we expect, our men will be in a poor position. Our losses would be great.”
It had taken some time for Xi Ming to feel more comfortable voicing his opinion, even if it’s what he had been promoted to do. Even now, he still raised his thoughts uncertainly, despite how Fei Li considered his points respectfully each time. Fei Li gave him a short nod. “We’re too evenly matched. Considering our previous losses, we won’t hold evenly for much longer. We need to take the risk.” Fei Li had his head rested against his hand. He pressed his empty ear lobe between his fingers as he spoke. “Based on General Lu’s character, he isn’t likely to act cruelly to soldiers already fallen or critically injured. As long as our soldiers seem either dead or too injured to fight, his guard will lower. When they sweep the area, that will be our chance.”
Xi Ming frowned slightly. “These are enemy soldiers though. If he decides to ensure their death instead of aiming to take prisoners, our men won’t be in the position to defend themselves.”
“He won’t.”
With Fei Li’s reassurance, Xi Ming nodded to him. “I’ll see to the preparations.”
—
“General, it was a sound victory.”
“Mm.” Lu Qinyi responded vaguely, his gaze looking over the field of fallen and bloody men that stretched out before him, his soldiers picking their way through them. Night had fallen so he had to narrow his eyes to make out the forms lying across the ground.
“Something doesn’t seem right.” Yang Xun commented at his side. The two were overseeing securing the area post battle while Zhao Mei remained behind, attending to things back at the camp.
“There’s a large amount of bodies this time. Our strength is much the same as the North’s, normally the amount of soldiers we lose are around the same. Although it was a hard battle, our casualties weren’t that high. For so many of the North’s men to fall…” Lu Qinyi trailed off, his frown deepening.
“His men are strong fighters and even stronger willed. They don’t go down easily. Something isn’t right.”
“Soldiers, keep your guard up. Stab your swords into the arms of the injured before capturing them so they cannot wield a weapon.” As soon as Lu Qinyi’s order sounded out, the previously ‘severely wounded’ soldiers immediately leapt up and turned on their captors, lashing out viciously, without hesitation. Blood marred the earth below, that metallic smell rising in the air.
“Move back! Regroup and fight them together! This time, leave none alive!” Lu Qinyi ordered immediately, jumping into the nearest fight with blade in hand. But his soldiers were already separated and surrounded, with the darkness further hindering their movements.
“General, they’ve already pressed in on us. We’re losing our soldiers, we can’t fight like this!” Yang Xun called out, his sword similarly slashing at the attackers before bending over to pull the arm of one of their own recently injured soldier’s over his neck, supporting them as he withdrew.
Lu Qinyi gritted his teeth but he too could see they were already at a loss here. The North had them cornered. While ever they tried to fight like this, who knows how many had already fallen to the surprise attack.
“All soldiers withdraw!”
Author’s notes:
We get to see more of how Fei Li ended up the way he is! Fei Li’s got mummy issues. I wouldn’t recommend raising a child to be a general for the sake of fulfilling your dead lover’s wish. Fei Li was such a sweet, good child too.
I also spent a while debating on whether I wanted to use the english word for mother and father, or the chinese ones.
Awww poor Fei Li, I know what it’s like to grow up under expectations 🙁 I wonder how LQ will respond to the war tactic this time. Thanks for the chapter!
Also writer-sama, I think using the English word for father and mother is fine?? Keep it that way!
Thank you! I’ll keep it as is then ^^
I’m sorry to hear that, it’s an all too real family trauma unfortunately, and its a hidden, damaging one.
Thank for continuing to follow along with the story still! And for the commenting, I truly love comments 💕
Sometimes I can’t help but feel that Fei Li will lose the war, a small part of me is even hoping for it. It’d be really interesting to see how Fei Li handles the loss and how it’d affect his relationship with his mother.
Thanks for the chapter, author.
Sometimes I can’t help but feel that Fei Li will lose the war, a small part of me is even hoping for it. It’d be really interesting to see how Fei Li handles the loss and how it’d affect his relationship with his mother.
Thanks for the chapter, author.
Very nice spotting! You’ve got a good eye for detail~ Xi Ming does treat Fei Li differently. Xi Ming’s also got a complicated character like they all do, with a very strong but strange sense of good from bad.
I’m so glad you’re interested in the story!! Fei Li is definitely in for a hard time if he loses.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Its so interesting to see what you think of the characters and plot as they unfold.
You’re most welcome 💕