Anton Sorel, leading some of the knights and investigating the training grounds and resting areas, let out a weary sigh. Despite trying to avoid regretting his decision, as the day dawned, he couldn’t help but blame himself for his actions the previous night.
It was an unmistakable and irredeemable mistake. On the night of the grand and festive banquet, hiding behind a shabby carriage, he had observed the accusatory gaze as if catching a lifeline, much like a sinner hiding in the shadows. He shouldn’t have made such a hasty judgment, but he had fallen into the trap of impulsiveness.
“We couldn’t find any specific clues. Only things like these….”
As expected, within the knight order, Rensley Maelrosen had left nothing significant. In the personal luggage compartment in the training ground, there were only a few insignias, spare clothes, and a whetstone.
“Commander, is something wrong with Ren? There were rumors that he encountered a monster in the forest and couldn’t return. Is it true?”
Rumors spread faster than lightning. The ominous atmosphere, whose origin was unknown, seemed to have already spread throughout. Anton clenched his jaw, his face stiff.
“Don’t blabber like the common rabble.”
“I apologize.”
Although the subordinates quickly bowed their heads, Anton knew that the reason he became sensitive was not because of them.
“I will report to His Grace and come back. Investigate whether Rensley left any other messages for the remaining members.”
“Understood.”
As soon as Gezell returned, he confined himself to the greenhouse. A while ago, Lady Samlet had came with a melancholic expression, asking him to relay the message to the Commander to come and see her, as His Grace had neither eaten nor come out, showing signs of distress.
Could someone like a clumsy outsider who lacked the skills that a lady-in-waiting with practical experience possessed calm people down? Anton knocked on the door with a headache.
“Your Grace, it’s Anton. I came to report as you seemed to be waiting.”
The voice of acceptance came from beyond the glass door. Anton cautiously opened the door. Although more than half a day had passed since the return of the Grand Duke, and the short day of Aldrant had already tilted far to the west, the greenhouse, full of light, was still bright. Anton took a moment to catch his breath in the unfamiliar scent of rich soil and grass. He had only been here a couple of times, but it felt like an alien space, as if someone had detached a part of another world and placed it here.
Even though Anton had entered, Gezell merely glanced at him as if flickering his gaze for a moment, then immediately diverted his gaze to the table. Rather than a greenhouse where crops were grown, it resembled the appearance of a king commonly seen in a library or laboratory, unfamiliar and distant.
If there was a difference from usual, it was that, instead of a quiet curiosity on his face, there was something dark, like a long-standing cobweb of despair, entwined. Nevertheless, Anton had to bring up a difficult topic.
“I apologize, but no special clues were found in the knight order’s training grounds and other locations. We’ve instructed to investigate all remaining members, so if you wait a little longer, there might be another clue.”
Silence filled the room.
The king, who usually gave orders mechanically, quickly and decisively, didn’t seem to be paying much attention to Anton’s words today. Anton raised his voice a bit.
“Your Grace, I understand that you must be uncomfortable, but you need to preserve your well-being. For now, please return to the tower….”
“Did he really fall off the cliff?”
Gezell’s voice, which had lowered suddenly, unexpectedly interrupted him. Anton firmly closed his mouth, then nodded. Denying Rensley Maelrosen’s death was not only meant to console the ruler.
“We cannot be certain yet. Specialized agents are conducting a search. No body has been found, and not even a single piece of clothing or personal belonging. Please refrain from jumping to conclusions and wait patiently.”
Only then did a notebook spread out on the table come into Anton’s view. The cover, drawn with a firm line, seemed quite chaotic at first glance, as it covered the written contents.
Gezell raised his head, locking eyes with Anton. Unintentionally, Anton cleared his throat, swallowing his surprise.
For the past few years, Anton, one of those who had been closest to the king, was not exaggerating. Duke Gezell had an expression on his face that had never been seen in front of him.
No, the term “expression” wasn’t appropriate. It seemed like he wasn’t thinking at all about what emotions his face might be revealing.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
The atmosphere was so tense it felt almost withered. Gezell’s deep voice, calm yet authoritative, and eyes that did not betray desire—all these elements were not only natural traits of Gezell Jivendad but also products acquired through education and upbringing as a Duke.
A tower of pieces that had been making a young man, now over twenty, seemed to be swaying precariously as if it might collapse at any moment.
“If he wanted to leave that badly… I thought it was a matter we could have discussed again. I clearly said that as long as he returns, everything will be fine. There was no need for him to run away as if he needed to escape, leaving nothing but a mocking note… I believed in him, and he should have believed in me to this extent.”
“Your Grace.”
“I thought so.”
Gezell interrupted and glanced briefly at the vegetable garden. Anton also turned his head to follow him.
In the window, there were slender plants with fresh leaves and unidentified red fruits. A sigh-like voice followed.
“I seem to have believed him without a second thought.”
“It wasn’t his intention to deceive Your Grace.”
“I’ve never taken people’s words at face value. During court affairs, I always scrutinize the hidden meanings behind words. But for some reason, I couldn’t sense any hidden intentions in Rensley’s words.”
It didn’t seem like he was specifically seeking an answer. Anton waited without interfering in the Duke’s rare complaint.
“When he came here not long ago, there was a heavy rain.”
Winter in Aldrant rarely had rain. Therefore, Anton also remembered the last time it rained. It was a night when thunder and lightning continued until late at night, and everyone was relieved and fell asleep.
Now it seemed like a long time ago. It was about two weeks after Rensley Maelrosen came to Aldrant for the marriage ceremony. At that time, no one expected such a situation. He was quietly wearing the fake Duchess’s mask and was sent to another location, with no news or updates afterward.
“That day, Samlet told me to let the Grand Duchess’s face be seen in the Duke’s room. She said that Rensley wouldn’t be able to endure being alone in his room without meeting anyone and would find it boring. At first, I thought it was just a matter of allowing an outing from the tower, but it was a different story. Rensley wasn’t someone who could be satisfied just by reading books in the room, like me.”
“…I understand since he’s such an energetic person.”
“Due to circumstances, I had no choice but to accept it. Anyway, it was my guest who received it. Feeling that I had been too neglectful in my hospitality, I decided to visit the Grand Duchess’s room for the first time in a long while. However, it was too quiet. The curtains around the bed were all closed, so I thought he was sleeping.”
Unless there was an agreement, Rensley Maelrosen had decided to stay only in the Grand Duchess’s bedroom without revealing his identity elsewhere. The last day when it rained was known even without an agreement. Anton remembered that night when thunder and lightning continued late into the night, and everyone could finally sleep in peace.
“However, suddenly he fell from one side of the wall.”
…It wasn’t surprising, but it was difficult to understand the meaning at once. However, in an atmosphere where it was impossible to question the meaning, Anton silently stared at him, and Gezell continued the story.
“He used to sneak out of the bedroom, mingle with people, and come back through the window, pretending to climb the wall. I remember being surprised at that time. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there watching. He got up, soaking wet from the rain, staggering as he tried to get up, then froze like ice when he saw me.”
Gezell, having spoken in this manner, seemed to lift the corners of his mouth as if recalling that moment, or maybe just suggesting it.
Anton, hoping that this sudden and unexpected story could momentarily distract the Duke from the current melancholy, had been observing a faint smile occasionally appearing on Gezell’s face.
“It was a day when the rain was falling, and it was already evening. The bedroom was darker than outside because I didn’t light all the candles.”
“…”
“But in that moment, I didn’t feel any darkness at all. I thought the sun, which should be in the sky, had fallen in front of me.”
Gezell’s gaze, which had been fixed on the window sill, turned back to Anton. Similar to a confession, the Knight Commander couldn’t hide his bewilderment, his lips tightly sealed.
The pace of Gezell’s speech accelerated as if he were asking questions or arguing against a lecture, like when questioning something with a scholar or professor.
“We can’t tie the sun under the shadow. You said that to me before. Imprisoning someone is like imprisoning a prisoner because humans, when confined, feel miserable. If he were a creature that could be imprisoned, imprisonment would not be a punishment. What does it mean to become a Duchess and be part of the Jivendad family in this northern land?”
“Your Grace, please forgive my lack of conviction. I dared to make a presumptuous judgment, and I distorted the situation.”
Anton immediately lowered his head and knelt down on one knee. However, Gezell didn’t say whether he would punish or forgive him. He continued his story without looking at Anton.
“But I am satisfied with my current life. I know that among the reasons people praise me, this satisfaction is also included. However, a life satisfied only by reading books in front of the fire and researching interests cannot be the life for everyone. Especially for him, I didn’t think that would be enough.”
“…”
“So I told Sir Maelrosen that what I needed for my marriage was not affection or liking but simply understanding. He, who is free, doesn’t need to be bound by this contract.”
Gezell’s head, which was propped up by the tight lines on the densely filled notebook, drooped as if wilting.
“…But looking back, I think I left only an understanding relationship with Maelrosen. I have been too neglectful to leave everything as it is.”
A moment of silence passed. Anton, looking down at the soil beneath his feet, was now immersed in deep self-blame.
He couldn’t assure himself that there was no, that there was no compassion for himself in the back of the worry that cared for him more than for the lord. Perhaps, because of the clumsy sympathy, Rensley Maelrosen had become someone not of this world.
If the mistake this time wasn’t just a simple problem of expressing regrets for losing a beloved subordinate over his own heart as a lord that he should have prioritized, but if he had failed as a Knight Commander, it wasn’t just a simple issue.
However, he tried to defend himself alone. Gezell’s innermost thoughts were as unexpected to him as to Gezell himself. Having observed both of them closely, he believed that the budding affection that seemed to have just started burning was reciprocal. If Rensley’s heart was affection, then the Duke’s heart would be no more than a favor or response worthy of a higher being.
If he had known that the Duke felt the same way, he wouldn’t have let Sir Maelrosen go so easily. That was the only excuse he could make.
As Gezell, still sitting, leaned slightly forward towards him, Anton raised his head. The young Duke’s face was pale and expressionless, but his eyes were more urgent than ever with profound questions.
“You divorced Lady Freida.”
“…”
“I thought that incident might have influenced this judgment. So, I want to ask.”
“…Please ask anything, Your Grace.”
“I wondered if I had answered that I also loved him, would he not have left? Anton, should I have said that?”
Gezell Jivendad seemed to be saying that if he hadn’t mistaken the sun-like light that surprised him, he didn’t want to see it extinguished in one place, and if the one who left returned, he didn’t want to be wrong this time. If Anton hadn’t misunderstood, Gezell Jivendad was speaking in such a way.
However, Anton also couldn’t readily answer. While the silence that confined the two men solidified like a mold, the sunlight that had filled the greenhouse was now cooling, and the dark blue evening was approaching. Anton carefully pondered what to ask and how to respond, then slowly opened his mouth.
“So, are you implying that you are willing to formally accept Sir Maelrosen as the Grand Duchess?”
Gezell nodded his head with the same gloomy expression. However, after the nods subsided, his expression became even more perplexed, and he once again wrapped himself in the unjust look he had shown last night.
“But Sir Maelrosen himself did not want the position of the Grand Duchess. He felt uncomfortable, saying it didn’t suit him. I agree. Even now, Sir Maelrosen has a temperament that is not suitable for living as the Grand Duchess of this country.”
“Even if he doesn’t want to be the Grand Duchess, Your Grace, you can still cherish him.”
“I also believed that I could sufficiently cherish him without making him the Grand Duchess, so I asked him to stay by my side.”
Gezell closed the notebook he had spread out in front of him. His sharp profile seemed more somber than usual, wrapped in sorrow.
“Now it seems there’s no difference with that and telling Sir Maelrosen to take on the role of a mistress.”
Only now did Anton realize that the notes he had been reading were items left by Rensley Maelrosen. Were they records or diaries that he left behind? What was written on them that caused the Duke to be so dejected?
“Your Grace, excuse me for being presumptuous, but I am aware that you and Sir Maelrosen have already shared the same bedroom. Did you plan to continue this relationship after welcoming the new Grand Duchess?”
“Nonsense. A married person has an obligation to refrain from physical relations with others.”
“Can you continue living with Sir Maelrosen by your side as you have until now?”
“There’s no reason I can’t. I thought it was a problem that I alone could endure.”
“What if Sir Maelrosen finds someone else in the future? What if he spends the night with someone else, expresses affection for someone else? Could you endure that? Was that within your capacity for patience?”
Suddenly, as if a brake had been applied, Gezell’s response disappeared. Anton sighed quietly, realizing that Gezell was not going to catch on. A bitter smile tinged with pity followed.
Could he have come up with such a method by truly possessing the ability to endure? There are times when one feigns hope with an innocent arrogance, thinking that what one is saying is something that can be done, without knowing what the truth is. The time when people can create dazzling illusions for others is short and limited.
“Your Grace, it seems you cannot yet imagine that Sir Maelrosen may love someone else.”
“That’s not true.”
“Or perhaps you promised yourself not to let it happen. Do you think you can keep everything about Sir Maelrosen unchanged as it is now?”
“…”
“It’s not strange. When someone first falls in love and feels a connection, it often feels like both the person and the other will never change forever. Even without the constraints or promises created by society, it is often perceived as if such magical things can happen. Your Grace may actually be able to make it happen. However, consider the anxiety that Sir Maelrosen may have. Please think about the unease he might feel if you are going to bind him to your heart.”
If the long exposition was wrong, the normally quick-tempered Duke would have immediately denied it. But this time, Gezell remained silent, and so Anton could console him.
The usual warmth in the Knight Commander’s voice, buried in anxiety and emptiness, returned.
“Please forgive me for interfering in what you two need to resolve. However, Your Grace, rest assured that I am doing everything I can to find him. You will surely meet again. At that time, talk to Sir Maelrosen about what you are thinking now. He is a discerning person who will surely understand Your Grace’s intentions. So, I request you to return to the palace for now. If Your Grace harms yourself, nothing will be accomplished.”
Gezell surveyed the greenhouse, which was almost about to turn dark. As the sunlight receded, the earthy scent, starting to absorb moisture, became noticeably stronger. The fragrance of life pulsating in the familiar man accustomed to the scent of dry firewood and the icy wind was as intense and vivid as it was violent.
“If only you are still out there, alive…”
Feeling dizzy, as if squinting his eyes, Gezell threw repeated glances at the ripening fruits. Like a pledge muttered to himself.
“I’ll do anything if I can find him again.”
His voice left a thick trace like a sunset and gradually faded. Today, the place where the sun was setting felt like the end of the world.
Gezell, who had been staring into the distance, coughed abruptly, a short cough. Seeing a sudden trickle of blood under the dry lips, Anton immediately got up.
“Your Grace!”
It was an unexpected hemorrhage. The king spitting blood was a fatal sign. Various ominous words such as lung disease, poisoning, curses, quickly flashed through Anton’s mind.
However, Gezell raised his hand to stop his anxiousness. After roughly wiping away the blood with the back of his hand, he mumbled as if the blood had tired him.
“Don’t worry. It’s just the consequence of using a simple black magic in the morning.”
“Simple black magic?”
Anton fixed his eyes in amazement at the explanation that sounded nothing short of swallowing hot ice. But Gezell still had a sinking gaze and just sighed.
“Don’t bother. It’s just the consequence of using a simple black magic before wanting to summon a demon.”
The Duke’s casual mention of forbidden practices made Anton feel a cold sweat. Their Duke was still young and had age-appropriate unexpected flaws, but he was by no means a person who spoke empty words.
Thank you!
Good for you Gezell for having Anton with a little bit of emotional brain … Seriously mistress?! 😠
hopefully Gezell will learn from this experience and will treasure Rensley for the rest of their lives~😖💛