Tang Qingshan’s eyes were opened, a heavy light within them. There was an air of darkness coming from him, a pain that still lingered. As he sat down in the tent, he looked over a map, his other hand gently tapping the table, creating a continuous sound.
He was very quiet. Tang Qingshan’s focus was on the map, so much so that it looked as if he was truly attentive. But no one knew better than himself that while he looked at the map, his heart was somewhere far away, other thoughts running through his mind. In fact, his hand even gripped onto the map harder.
Within his heart, the chaos and turmoil from before had not yet faded. Even as the rebellion came, while Tang Qingshan tried his best, his focus was also somewhere far away at the same time.
Why? Obviously, Xu Weiyuan had returned already, yet why did he continue to think about Lu Fengmian? It felt as if claws were digging deep into his heart.
Something had changed between them, Tang Qingshan knew it. Even as he continued to treat Xu Weiyuan the same, there was an empty feeling in his heart, even recalling a familiar figure from before. When realizing, Tang Qingshan didn’t know what to do. How could he?
He was a married man. To say that he had now fallen in love with someone else, how could he ever do that? Tang Qingshan knew that he couldn’t do that to Xu Weiyuan, not to the man who had willingly been by his side for so long. But yet, the relationship between them wasn’t the same anymore.
There was a coldness between them. After Lu Fengmian left and Tang Qingshan found out the truth, there was now something between them that couldn’t be fixed. And Tang Qingshan hated himself. How can he say that he loves Lu Fengmian, when between them, only ashes remained? How could he tell Xu Weiyuan that he now had another man in his heart?
Tang Qingshan’s face remained the same, cold. He… had thought it through. He couldn’t blame Lu Fengmian. He was a fox demon but everything between them was true, it wasn’t fake. Lu Fengmian couldn’t have known the truth, not when he treated him like so. Even if Tang Qingshan tried, he couldn’t bring himself to hate that beautiful and gentle man, that man who radiated like the sun itself.
But, they now fought on different sides. Yet even so, Tang Qingshan found himself aching. There was an empty spot by his side, for the person who once stood by him was gone. While he yearned for Lu Fengmian like so, he also couldn’t bring himself to face Xu Weiyuan. He understood just how cruel he was being, that he was a scum deep within.
His fingers that tapped the table slowly stopped and Tang Qingshan couldn’t help but glance at his hands. His hands were not pretty, they held calluses from his years of wielding a sword. Staring at them, he balled his hand into a fist.
Tang Qingshan knew that by now, maybe Lu Fengmian had already changed. Tang Qingshan knew all too well that if he were the same as before, he would’ve stopped at nothing to get revenge, but Lu Fengmian was now his weakness. Even if he wanted to, Tang Qingshan could no longer bring himself to even think about causing him harm.
Tang Qingshan looked down at the map. He wanted to meet him. He wanted to see him at least once. Tang Qingshan wanted to meet Lu Fengmian once more before he loses the chance to.
Tang Qingshan already knew. Mo Chou was fighting a losing war. Mo Shen had took them by surprise, and even though they had known, they had underestimated Mo Shen. Tang Qingshan knew that soon, his life would also end. At least, he wanted to meet Lu Fengmian once more.
Tang Qingshan stood up, fixing his armor as he prepared to step out.
From outside the tent, a small print was left on the ground. Small and delicate, there was even a strand of white hair there.
–
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Mo Chou looked at Qi Longhai. Standing across from each other, even as Mo Chou’s eyes softened, pain overtaking, he did not step closer.
“How,” Mo Chou found it hard to continue on. “How have you been?” His voice was gentle, his blue eyes held great warmth within them.
But even so, Qi Longhai’s face remained cold. “This official has been well, Your Majesty.” There was no feelings in his words, merely replying back without a care.
But this answer was able to bring relief to Mo Chou’s heart. “I see.” The memories of them back in the past was stabbing deep into Mo Chou’s heart. But he did not speak, understanding all too well that while Qi Meizhen had done her wrongs, he was also at fault.
Qi Longhai was taking it better than he thought. He had thought that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back, that he would recklessly cause a fight, but he didn’t. In fact, Qi Longhai didn’t feel any pain, as if the man standing before him wasn’t the man he had loved with all his life before. Something had changed, and Qi Longhai liked this change.
“Qi Meizhen has killed herself. She had consumed a poison before the guards were able to stop her.” Mo Chou didn’t dive deeper. The past was simply the past now. Why talk about it?
Mo Chou had already been selfish, greedy for too long. If he brought it up now, it would only hurt the both of them more.
Mo Chou knew that they couldn’t return back to the past. He had already hurt Qi Longhai enough, how could he hurt him more? When the man was finally beginning to heal, Mo Chou knew that he should also stop.
And so, Mo Chou merely smiled lightly. “That is all I called you for. I reckon that Duke Yang shall already be waiting for you, hence I will not take up more of your time.” There was a light pain that stabbed into his heart, but the smile on his face didn’t change. His eyes stung.
Qi Longhai didn’t notice the slight change within Mo Chou, merely cupping his fist as he replied, “Then this official shall take his leave.” With that, Qi Longhai turned his back away from Mo Chou, who watched him with a sorrowful smile.
Li Yu entered. “Your Majesty, is there anything else that you need?”
Mo Chou looked at Li Yu for a long second before he responded, “No. Stand and block anyone from coming in, I wish to be alone for a bit.”
“Of course, Your Majesty.” Li Yu didn’t ask any questions, holding the horsetail whisk in his hand, he turned back to the door, gently closing it.
Now that everyone was gone, Mo Chou’s tired body stood up. He walked over to a small drawer by the window, reaching down to grab a small golden key.
With the key in his hand, Mo Chou walked towards the cabinets of books, lifting a book out of place, revealing a small keyhole. There was a soft sound as the books split apart, revealing another room and Mo Chou entered, the doors closing behind him.
As he stepped into the small room, there was a portrait hung up.
A beautiful man with gray eyes smiled, his eyes warm with a smile that radiated with light. As Mo Chou looked at the painting, his lips lifted into a small smile, his eyes watering. He stepped closer, his trembling fingers softly touching the painting.
Even as he tried, a small tear escaped, running down his face as his smile broke.
“If I could go back to the past, I would’ve changed everything. I wouldn’t have been so selfish, I wouldn’t have gotten drunk that night, I wouldn’t have hurt you. I could’ve prevented everything if only I had not been so greedy.” His blue eyes watered, and Mo Chou’s voice broke.
“Longhai, if I had married you, you would’ve been my Empress. Even if everyone fought against us, I wouldn’t have given you up. Only, I was so greedy and selfish back then, I hadn’t thought about you.” There were streams of tears running down his face, Mo Chou’s expression was deep and sorrowful, an image aching to the soul.
“When you finally left me, I woke up. I realized that I was a fool, that to the only person who loved me with his life, all I gave him was wounds. I realized how much you meant to me only when you left. Because, you only know how much you love someone when they finally leave you.” Mo Chou mustered a smile as he said this, looking at the man who would no longer smile like in the painting ever again.
“I know that I can’t change the past, I can only let you go and find happiness with someone else. I’m too much of a coward. I will never be able to bring up the truth. But it is alright so long as you are happy now.” Mo Chou backed away from the painting.
“I’m greedy and I’m selfish. Even though I was the one who hurt you so, I still love you. These words, I will never be able to say to you in person. But I truly hope that you find happiness.”
Mo Chou wiped away his tears before he reached for the painting, bringing it down. As he rolled the painting up, he put it away in a small chest, and locked it.
“If only the past could be changed, just how many people would go back and fix their mistakes?”
–
Xu Weiyuan looked at the man sitting in front of him. “Brother, were you able to think of anything?”
The older man was very familiar. He was the hunter whom Lu Fengmian and Lu Yingyue had met on the mountain.
Xu Louyan looked at Xu Weiyuan, raising a brow. “About the demons, or Qingshan?” His voice was deep and hoarse.
“The demons.” Xu Weiyuan shook his head.
Xu Louyan’s fingers tapped the table, creating a consistent rhythm. “There’s too many of them. Mo Shen has a few hundreds of thousands of soldiers. If we add in the demons, one fox demon is equivalent to fifty men. Even if we bring in all the members of the sect to help, it won’t be able to do much.” Xu Louyan’s eyes narrowed.
Xu Weiyuan furrowed his brows. “Is that so?” There was a slight nervousness within his tone. “Then, is there any way to fight back against the tide?”
“At the moment, there is none. Many of the troops on our side are losing hope as Mo Chou suffers more and more defeats. Even Tang Qingshan has lost the will to continue battling.”
–
Lu Yingyue smiled as she walked over to Lu Fengmian, adorned in her white armor. “Feng’er!”
Lu Fengmian mustered up a very light smile that did not meet his eyes, “Sister.”
“Another battle has been won. At this rate, it will take a few more weeks before we win the war.” Lu Yingyue took off the top layer of her armor.
At this, Lu Fengmian’s heart was a bit unsettled. He was scared, deep down, he had some fears. But he continued to steel his heart. “I see, how is Daiyu?”
“She wanted to stay at the battlefield for a bit longer so I came back first.” Lu Yingyue followed Lu Fengmian as they entered a tent and she sat down. “How have things been on your side?”
“The same as always. Delun came just earlier today to talk about Mo Chou’s side.” Lu Fengmian pulled up a chair and began explaining everything that had happened earlier.
Lu Yingyue nodded her head as she listened to Lu Fengmian speak, examining his cold face, his otherworldly beauty. While listening, she also thought about Tang Qingshan. Truthfully, she had visited him today too, catching a glimpse of the man but was unable to hear him say a single thing.
Thinking this, Lu Yingyue interrupted Lu Fengmian, “Feng’er, do you still love Qingshan?”
At this sudden question, Lu Fengmian was unable to say a word in reply. He froze, not knowing how to reply. How could he say that even though he had steeled his heart, he still couldn’t help but love him? And so, Lu Fengmian could only bite his lips in silence.
Lu Yingyue scanned Lu Fengmian’s face. She knew that he still loved Tang Qingshan. But Lu Fengmian has been hurt enough.
“Feng’er, you did no wrong falling for him. It is merely that the humans and demons can never coexist together in peace, not when there still exists years of hatred. I merely ask, for fear that you are hurting yourself more by pretending you are alright.” Lu Yingyue’s face turned gentle and consoling, her voice softening.
Lu Fengmian breathed in pain. He couldn’t, he could never bring himself to just forget Tang Qingshan. For lifetimes now, they had spent their lives together. While Lu Fengmian had let go so that the man could live in peace, it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
“The past is the past, sister. No matter what, the bridge has already been burnt.” Lu Fengmian kept his face cold and expressionless.
Yes, he still loved Tang Qingshan. But this world was not meant for the two of them to spend a life together. It still hurts, but Lu Fengmian knew that he would meet him once more.
The many lifetimes Lu Fengmian had spent with Tang Qingshan was enough. Lu Fengmian did not want to be greedy.
.
.
.
Ahh..My heart continues to break. I had truly hoped that Qingshan was not going to be Longwang because I didn’t want to see him break off his actual marriage…What if Xu Weiyuan HAd planned this and impersonated? No.. That seems too far fetched…But I dont want Qingshan to cheat and I know the MC will also not allow it..
Thank You for today’s Chapters!!
My feelings exactly!! 😭
Why can’t everyone be happy dammit.
Another one??
It was just last night that 2 chapters were uploaded. Ah I feel so blessed. Thank you for your hard work.
And OMG I think I’m going to burst.
If Xu Weiyuan is innocent, I hope ML doesn’t cheat on him..
As for the Emperor, even if he was drugged, that happened only once.. Yet he just kept marrying and producing babies.. So, no pity for him at all..
remember when the husband of the ml said they met at the plum blossom tree and that he resembled the mc’s character? what if he had visions of Bai Mengxiang and thought that he loved the husband because of that?