chapter 2
“What do you think I should do?” When he arrived at work, You Zhengping pulled together the brothers under his unit and wouldn’t stop talking. He talked about everything, from when Yu Hua lost his job to this morning when he didn’t even get a good morning kiss. Finally, he sadly requested for their help.
You Zhengping’s number one younger brother, Cen Xiao yawned. He took out a bottle of cola from the beverage case piled up in the corner. Glug, glug, glug. He drank half of the bottle in one breath and then let out a burp. He said slowly, “Just wait a couple of days for him to find a job.”
“That’s right, that’s right,” Younger brother Shi Yongfu nodded dispiritedly. “Anyway, you guys are the type to fight getting into bed and make-up before falling asleep. Just ask him to give you a goodnight kiss when you get home.”
“Are you guys my brothers or not!” You Zhengping smashed the table in anger. “My life is going through an unprecedented crisis!”
All the younger brothers looked at Cen Xiao in unison. They motioned to Cen Xiao with their eyes, asking him to placate You Zhengping.
Cen Xiao drank the remaining half bottle of cola. The stimulating taste made him clear-headed. He threw the soda can into the trash can and walked to You Zhengping. “First off, control your strength. Do you remember how the last table was scrapped?”
You Zhengping was the type to bluster and make a fuss. When he was still single, it was still fine. He didn’t easily flip out. But after he met Yu Hua, he’d blow up practically everyday. From Yu Hua cooking a meal for him to Yu Hua having such a such a good figure to…cough cough, we can’t talk about that next one. In any case, whenever there was a rustle in the leaves, You Zhengping would be unable to control his power and he’d destroy the tables and chairs around him.
In the beginning, Cen Xiao and the others just let You Zhengping be. It was normal for someone in love to be on cloud nine.
However, You Zhengping’s has been up there for three years. Every minute and every second, he was still passionately in love. Moreover, regardless whether he was in cloud nine or in the depths of hell, the people around him would suffer a calamity.
He’d smashed his own table, Cen Xiao’s table, Shi Yongfu’s table, everyone’s table, the table they moved out of the warehouse, old tables others weren’t using anymore…
“You really can’t smash anymore,” Cen Xiao said earnestly, “This table now was already pieced together from the remains of the table that had been broken before. The higher ups aren’t allowing us to apply for any more office furnishings. So learn to save a bit!”
“That’s right! That’s right!” Shi Yongfu carried a bag of instant noodles in his hand and ate with a ‘slurp’, “Boss, look at me.You smashed my stainless steel lunch box and now I’m reduced to using the instant noodles packaging pouch to cook my noodles. Do you think this is easy for me? Please control it. Can we talk about a normal relationship?”
While talking, Shi Yongfu finished off the hot soup in the packaging pack in one breath and threw the disposable chopsticks and packaging bag into the sorted trash can.
You Zhengping looked at him suspiciously. “Aren’t you just using the instant noodles pouch because you don’t want to wash your lunch box?”
“…” Shi Yongfu hurriedly changed the subject, “That’s not important. Let’s talk about Yu Hua.”
When You Zhengping heard the words “Yu Hua”, he forgot all about being too lazy to clean lunch boxes. He sighed, “You guys tell me. Is it because I earn so little? I’m putting him under so much pressure that it’s created an emotional crisis? Does he want to get a divorce?”
Cen Xiao, who had drank cola on an empty stomach, massaged his temples helplessly. From the very beginning, he never should have gotten involved in You Zhengping’s matters. At the time, he was only trying to help a good brother get rid of his elders’ insistence that he get married. When did things start to turn out like this?
About four years ago, You Zhengping was only 21 years old. He was getting by free and easy, living wantonly and recklessly. When he had time, he’d take his brothers to challenge various extreme sports. The young him was living the life everyone wanted.
The boys admired You Zhengping but his family was anxious. This youngster’s temper still hasn’t settled down. It didn’t matter that he hankered after fun and games. But could You Zhengping play a little bit safer, a bit more normally? Every time he does extreme sports, his elders would be worried to death.
At this time, an elder, one of You Zhengping’s distant relatives, pointed out that this child has never dated in all his 21 years. Boys, when they fall in love, become more stable. A girlfriend would be a lot more useful than old foggies like themselves.
As a result, his family began to frantically introduce potential girlfriends to You Zhengping. You Zhengping was immediately flabbergasted. He had always pursued a free life and he protested, “I’m not even old enough yet to get married. What’s all the rush?”
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You Zhengping was instantly alarmed. He couldn’t imagine anyone from that group of boys he had abused during training becoming his partner. He shook his head like a rattle-drum. “No, no, no. I haven’t met anyone I like yet!”
Elders: “You can’t meet any good people when you go to those terrible extreme sports every day. We’ll introduce people to you.”
The elders refused to let him off. They’d taken the stance that even if he’d said he didn’t like humans, they’d find something for him.
You Zhengping knew fully well that he wasn’t going to be able to get out of going to blind dates. He then had a brilliant idea. He couldn’t refuse his elders but he can get his blind dates to look down on him!
And so You Zhengping said critically, “The type I like is… the exact opposite of my group of bad friends. Someone educated, handsomer than me, likes to wear suits, speak at least five foreign languages, preferably a graduate of a project 985 or project 211 university. A little older than me but not too much older. He can’t be within the system. He has to have career advancement prospects in private enterprise. His monthly salary must be able to support me in the future. A social elite at first glance!”
As expected, the harsh requirements made it difficult for his family. Just when You Zhengping was radiant with delight and was about to ‘click the like button’ on his quick thinking, his father, You Guodong, considered it and said, “I have an old army buddy. He started his own business after he retired from the military. He knows quite a lot of people from big companies. I’ll ask him to help introduce someone.”
You Zhengping: “…”
You Guodong said in a dignified tone of voice, “You are so demanding. I will pull down my old face and introduce you to someone who meets your conditions. When the time comes, if you dare not go…hmph!”
With a cold snort, You Guodong crushed the two walnuts in his hand.
You Zhengping gulped, silently endured and said, “Go. If you can find me someone who’s exactly my type, of course I’ll go. But then, there’s no telling whether they’d like me.”
He then fled in defeat. He gathered together the boys and discussed what he should do next.
Four years ago, Cen Xiao was just a brainless follower. He had yet to experience human hypocrisy and the impermanence of love. He and his brothers racked their brains to help out You Zhengping.
You Guodong was very efficient. By the next day, he had already found someone and asked You Zhengping to go on a blind date that weekend. Further more, he said that he and his old army buddy would be accompanying them as their matchmaker.
“That won’t do!” You Zhengping, who’d been planning to have this blind date fail, said hurriedly, “If you go, when the time comes, will it even be my blind date or you and your army buddy’s blind date! If you’re coming with me, then I’m not going!”
He was very resolute. You Guodong had no choice. He could only repeatedly urge You Zhengping that he must not be late.
On the day of the blind date, You Zhengping arrived in the vicinity of the venue an hour in advance. He used a pair of binocular to observe the people who were entering and leaving the restaurant.
“Boss, you’ve been looking for a long time. Did you see something?” younger brother Shi Yongfu asked.
“I’m trying to see how classy this restaurant is,” You Zhengping explained in a low voice in Cen Xiao’s off-road vehicle. “This is a very stylish Chinese restaurant. Choosing this restaurant means that my blind date must have really good taste. I’ll need to act exactly the opposite of his preferences so that he’ll reject me. It’s not my fault if he looks down on me, hahahahaha!”
Cen Xiao said, “Boss, if you want him to reject you, it’s simple. We’ll just chase him into a corner and beat him up. We’ll teach that toad not to lust after a swan’s flesh. It’ll also send a message to the head of your family that he can’t go around social climbing. Right?”
“Did you think my dad wasn’t expecting that?” You Zhengping gritted his teeth. “He was afraid I’d block the person somehow so he didn’t even give me his picture! He only told me the restaurant room number. I’ll only know who my blind date is once I go! ”
Now the boys were left with no ideas and they looked at You Zhengping anxiously.
You Zhengping said, “It doesn’t matter. I have a pretty good guess of this person’s tastes. I’ll dress a little more non-mainstream, and behave a bit more vulgar and he’ll definitely look down on me.”
With that plan in mind, they took out their mobile phones and searched the Internet for non-mainstream shamate styles. After looking through a few photos, the boys loudly offered You Zhengping advice on how to change his style——
“You have to wear clothes with holes. I’ll go to the store next door and buy a pair of scissors. We’ll cut your pants and clothes into a beggar’s outfit.”
“Your hair needs to be styled and dyed into all sorts of colors. Your hair’s too short. There’s no way we’ll be able to style it. But dying it different colors seems possible. I’ll go to the barber’s and buy some spray-on hair dye.”
“Smack your lips when you eat. Chew gum when you talk. I’ll buy gum.”
“Also wear flip-flops and scratch your belly! I’ll buy flip-flops and a backscratcher.”
“…”
“…”
The boys got out of the car one by one to buy the necessary items, leaving You Zhengping alone in the car, absolutely stupefied. What will his group of stupid boys make him look like?
The boys came back to transform You Zhengping with their favorite props. With kind smiles on their faces and eyes filled with sincerity, they tried their best to use their knowledge to help You Zhengping.
“F*ck, are you guys trying to mess me up on purpose? Cen Xiao, put down that spray dye. If you dare touch my hair, I’m going to kill you!” You Zhengping shouted helplessly under the siege of the boys.
“Isn’t the backscratcher a prop for when I’m waiting for my blind date? Why are you scratching the soles of my feet?”
You Zhengping struggled fiercely. The off-road vehicle parked on the side of the road shook violently from all their efforts.
At this moment, You Zhengping realized that his group of little brothers weren’t trying to help him at all. Rather, they were taking this opportunity to make fun of him! You Zhengping charged to the car door helplessly. At this time, Cen Xiao said, “I had the car door welded shut already. You Zhengping isn’t getting out of this car today. Hehehe, Boss, we’re all doing this for your sake!”
The door was locked tightly. You Zhengping struggled to open the window, trying to escape through it.
As soon as his head came out of the car window, Shi Yongfu at the back used scissors to cut his newly bought pair of pants. You Zhengping shouted, “Are you a human? These are new pants! I only wore them for the first time today! Take it easy. My thighs are bleeding! Help!”
You Zhengping tried desperately to climb out the car window, trying to escape the clutches of his younger brothers. At this moment, a tall figure stood in front of the car window. He held up his mobile phone and said to the in-distress You Zhengping, “Do you need help?”
Instantly, there was absolute silence in the car.
The person outside the car looked through the car window and saw that You Zhengping was being held down by two people. Of the remaining two, one was scratching the soles of his feet while the other was cutting his pants with scissors.
“Please stop. Otherwise, I will have to call the police.” The outsider turned the phone over, letting everyone see the ‘110’ displayed on the screen.
You Zhengping opened his mouth wide and stared stupidly at the man’s handsome and righteous appearance. His mind had gone blank. He could only see that pair of sexy lips open and close but he couldn’t hear what the man was saying.
“We-we-we’re just joking,” Cen Xiao said hurriedly, “We’re brothers, he…he lost in truth or dare and is being punished.”
“Is that true?” The person outside the car asked You Zhengping solemnly.
“Hehe,” You Zhengping giggled, “What’s your name?”
“My name is Yu Hua. Is what they’re saying true? If they’re threatening you, there’s no need to be afraid, I’ll help you.” Yu Hua looked at You Zhengping with his deep eyes, giving him endless courage.
“Threaten, my ass!” Cen Xiao said, at the point of collapse, “He bullies us every day and we finally got the chance to get back at him. And now we’re being regarded as lawbreakers!”
In order to prove his innocence, Cen Xiao took out his phone and opened the photo album. There were countless photos of You Zhengping stepping on them. Cen Xiao showed them to Yu Hua one by one, proving that they were indeed a group of bad friends.
Yu Hua nodded hesitantly and said, embarrassed, “I’m sorry, I misunderstood. Only that…jokes are jokes but try not to use any lethal weapons. You might accidentally injure him while he’s struggling.”
Shi Yongfu threw the scissors in his hand aside, raised his hands and said, “I swear from now on, I will only use the backscratcher.”
“Sorry to have disturbed you.” From outside the car, Yu Hua apologized to them. After getting everyone’s understanding, he walked away from beside the car.
You Zhengping’s neck moved along with Yu Hua. When he had half his body leaning out the window, he was dragged back into the car by his group of disreputable friends.
Cen Xiao said weakly, “We finally found a chance to teach you a lesson but I’ve been taken for some lawbreaker. Now, it’s just boring.”
The other boys also put down their tools in frustration.
You Zhengping was dazed for a while. “Haha” he giggled and patted Cen Xiao’s, who was sitting on the driver’s seat, shoulder. “You’ve got that hair dye? Give me a spray.”
Cen Xiao’s eyes widened, “Didn’t you say you’d rather break your head than mess with your hair?”
“But I…” You Zhengping glanced out of the car window again, “I seem to have fallen in love at first sight… No, I must ruin this blind date. After today’s meal, you guys help me find that person just now!”
Due to their boss falling in love at first sight with a passerby, they decided to definitely make this blind date a failure. His younger brothers worked together to make You Zhengping a non-mainstream shamate.
Sporting a head of very colorful hair, You Zhengping walked slovenly to the appointed room. He was dressed in a hole-filled outfit, with flipflops on his feet, chewing gum and scratching his abdominal muscles.
In order to pretend that he had absolutely no class, he blew a huge bubble just as he entered the door. The bubble blocked his vision and You Zhengping didn’t see who was waiting in the room.
But this wasn’t important. No matter who his blind date was, You Zhengping was going to make the other party completely dissatisfied with him.
With a bubblegum bubble in his mouth, he stepped one foot on the table.
“Bang!” Reaching as big as it would go, the bubble burst. You Zhengping chewed the gum back into his mouth, and said to his blind date, “You must be Laozi’s…”
“Hic!” Seeing the other’s face, You Zhengping sucked in a sharp breath. The chewing gum immediately got stuck in his throat.
“Are you okay?” His blind date hurriedly passed over a glass of water.
His caring eyes were the same as when he asked You Zhengping if he needed help from outside the car — gentle and brave, filled with the light of righteousness.
“Cough, cough, cough!” You Zhengping, coughing violently, finally managed to spit out the gum.
He stared at Yu Hua, gasped and stretched out five fingers. He said, “Forget everything that happened after I walked in. Give me five minutes!”
After that, You Zhengping ran out of the box in embarrassment. As he left the room, he was in so much of a hurry, that his flip flops twisted. He dragged his sprained leg and limped towards the bathroom.
Yu Hua looked at his receding back. He sat back down. Recalling what had happened just now, he couldn’t help but laugh.
The author has something to say: I digress but I think that noodles cooked in the instant noodles pack tastes the best!!!
thanks for the chapter 🥰
This was cute. I hope more people pick this up.
Now I’m curious about how those noodles taste
It’s a strange show…the most important thing I learned there, besides the fact that you can cook noodles in the package, is ‘mis en place’. (Prepping all ingredients before any of the cooking stars, so you don’t forget anything. It’s the best tip ever!)
Thanks for the chapter! (≧▽≦)
I also kind of want to try eating noodles like that know. But omggg this was so cute!! You Zhengping really fell at first sight, huh xD
Thanks for the chapter! 🙂
Omg I’m dying too funny 😂
Thanks for the great translation ♥️
Thank you for the chapter ☺️☺️ And cook ramen in instant packaging is good but be careful not to burn your hands. It’s better crush the noodles before the water. Source: poor college student that was too lazy to bother with dishware
Thanks! I was wondering how it was managed without burning yourself 😆
Ahh what a cute first meeting!! 😆😁
Thank you for the chapter ❤
So many hidden details between them. They’re both strong and tough, the only thing they will hurt is the furniture xD
Thanks for the chapter ❤
Awwwww, this is so cute! I’m excited to read a new story ^^
Oof… My kokoro… 💘
Thanks for the chapter~
So cute. So sweet. Thank you for your hard work! ♡
oh my god I can’t this novel is fucking hilarious 😂
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA my baby is so cute
JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJA QUE BELLO 😍🥰💕
Holy shiiiiittttttt! They are hilarious And that shamate hairstyle and noodles 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 i am going to die of laughter