Memories of the PalaceCh21 - Shattered Memories

Outside in the pavilion near his mansion, Jin Xiyan enjoyed the gentle breeze on the surprisingly warm day in spring. It brushed against his cheeks and hair, but it was not enough of a distraction from his assignment. He was copying one of the classic texts thirteen times, and he was on his tenth copy. If he could get it done before dinner time, he could see if maybe his Brother Jin Ai wanted to play with him.

His brush was plucked from his hand by a much smaller one and a giggle echoed in his skull that made his heartbeat quicken. The brush made sure, quick strokes and changed one of the characters into a dirty word. Ink splattered when the brush clattered against the table and droplets fell onto his pristine sleeve. dTQ6ot

Appalled, Jin Xiyan whirled around to look at the offending person, but whoever it was moved in a blur. Another echoing laugh came, and a voice that was familiar but strange at the same time spoke.

“What? You don’t like it?”

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Jin Xiyan turned in the other direction, trying to follow the voice in order to find the person. “I am trying to do work!”

“You can work when you become Emperor,” said the blur that kept shifting just out of his peripheral vision. “I’ll race you to the pond!” C0Ee6W

The impish laugh came from behind and Jin Xiyan turned and finally caught a better glimpse at the person, but the image was blurred like ripples in water. He could only see their back and short braid that danced behind them as they ran away. Their infectious laughter faded the further they were, and Jin Xiyan was compelled to chase after it.

“Wait!” He called out to the figure. Darkness settled over the scenery and the beautiful plum blossom trees melted into the ground and gave way to tall, imposing rock formations that jutted up from the ground like a forest of tall, craggy pillars.

He caught up to the figure, or so he thought before it disappeared around the corner of a rock. Their voice garbled in and out as it echoed, and he could only catch a few words at a time.

“…can’t serve in the Palace for much longer…”

“Where are you?” Jin Xiyan’s heart started to pound and an uneasy feeling circled his heart. A blur rushed past him and he skidded to a halt in order to turn immediately around.

“Maaaarriage?…what about marriage…”

When he caught up again he reached out a hand, but his fingers were just out of reach and another jagged columb of rock shot up from the ground, cutting him off.

“You ssshould piiiiick a smart Wife…you don’t want ssssomeone boring!…” 3Tjku0

Jin Xiyan flinched and snatched his hand back. Panic welled inside him and an overwhelming need to find the person came over him. His heart beat so fast that it felt like it would eventually shatter, and he was sure that if he did not see this person, it absolutely would. He ran around the rock, determined to get to them.

After rounding another corner, Jin Xiyan found the person running away again. The figure turned their head to look over their shoulder, but their face was cast in shadow. They extended their arm behind them, holding their open hand out for Jin Xiyan.

“…–n’t worry you big baby!…Iiiii’ll protect you…”

The columns of rock merged together on either side of them, forming a canyon that reached up into the blank sky. The path he followed the figure began to narrow, the rock walls closing in on them. Jin Xiyan’s chest burned at each panting breath as he ran. His legs felt heavy, and it was harder and harder to push forward. TDl0GO

They came upon a crevice which the figure squeezed through. Jin Xiyan, exhausted from the chase, slowed when he got to it. The slit in the rock was much too narrow for his whole body, but still he tried to wriggle his way through. The figure was safely on the other side, their back to him, but their form was clearer now. They wore the midnight blue uniform of the guards with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. The little skin he could see was as smooth and white as mutton jade and they had hair black as the night with a shine that rivaled the stars.

“Help,” he rasped weakly and stuck out his trembling hand. “Help me!”

The playful giggle reverberated between the never ending crevice and surrounded him. The figure lifted their head like they heard him, they pivoted their body, but his image blurred with his movements. Just as the face turned to him, Jin Xiyan could only get a glimpse of their mischievous smile before they disappeared in a mist and the walls of stone began to crumble. Rocks crashed down on top of him and threatened to crush Jin Xiyan when the floor suddenly gave away and he fell into a pool of water.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

The surface splashed and rippled as he sank like a dead weight was attached to him. No matter how hard he flung his arms, he couldn’t bring himself any closer to escape. He screamed, bubbles rising from his mouth, and could feel the water flood his lungs when he jerked awake in a cold sweat. Jin Xiyan bolted upright, clutching his chest, and looked around his surroundings. He was safely in his room, sitting at his desk, with the dim light of a lamp hanging beside him. Before him were some half-written approvals on appeals with one smudged from his forgotten brush that laid on top of it. His head throbbed and a painful jab came from his temples. wkmvea

“It was a dream,” he whispered to himself and he rested his elbows on his desk. Holding his clammy forehead in his hands, he reassured himself again, “It was only a dream.”

“Y-your Majesty?” Su Ao called out tentatively. Jin Xiyan lifted his head, and Su Ao’s oversized cap poked in around a screen.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

“Yes?”

“His Highness the First Prince is here and wishes to speak to you. Shall I let him in or turn him away?” s93AkJ

Lanhu? Though his headache was strong enough to make even his teeth hurt, he did not want to deny his Eldest Brother. He took a deep breath to collect himself, then let it out in a sigh.

“Let him in.”

Jin Xiyan adjusted his robes and sat up straighter to appear more presentable. His Brother Zhao Lanhu came in with his usual natural grace, but there was a bit of haste in his movements. Zhao Lanhu bowed low before him.

“Your Majesty, please accept my humble appreciation for seeing me at such an hour.” xbEXpF

“Please, we are Family.” Jin Xiyan gestured to the seats in front of him. “There is no need for formalities in private.”

“You are most kind,” Zhao Lanhu smiled, though it did not reach his eyes.

As Zhao Lanhu sat down, Jin Xiyan was struck by how much he took after the former Empress, who was his birth Mother. Though they did not share the same Mother, Jin Xiyan considered all of his siblings as valid members of the household. The likeness that they shared was only the color of their eyes, which they inherited from their Father.

“What is troubling you?” he asked. An2Q8U

“Your Majesty…Xiyan…I know it is not my place to insert myself in your business, but…” Zhao Lanhu’s eyes slid down to his lap where his clasped hands rested. “What I have to say concerns our Family’s Empress.”

Jin Xiyan’s shoulders tensed, which did nothing for his headache. He knew that the two were familiar with one another, so it wasn’t unexpected that his Brother would speak on Li Changyu’s behalf.

“What about him?”

“I know that you are aware of his current behavior. Is there not anything that concerns you?” XKSi0J

“Much of it concerns me,” he admitted and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed two fingers against his left temple. “Could you be more direct? What is it that you want, Brother?”

“Could you…” Zhao Lanhu’s lips pressed together when he paused. “Could you…do something?”

Jin Xiyan snorted. Like I never thought of that before.

“What can I do, Lanhu?” Jin Xiyan waved his other hand. “If I do nothing and give him space, I appear uncaring. If I micromanage him, I am liable to get a shoe thrown at me. I can only protect them by making sure none of it leaks out to the courtiers.” SMhHdE

“But Xiyan,” Zhao Lanhu lifted his gaze and leaned forward. “I feel he is truly suffering. I understand better than anyone that what he done was wrong, but he is young and–”

“Do not try to dismiss his actions as a bout of immaturity.” His stomach soured at the reminder of the miscarriage, and Li Changyu’s names that he picked out nagged at the back of his aching head. He shut his eyes as he continued, “I can tell he is much smarter than he lets others believe. Li Changyu is no fool, which is why I can’t entirely trust that his behavior right now isn’t some act.”

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Zhao Lanhu’s frown deepened, “You truly think that? Do you have no faith in Your Empress?”

Jin Xiyan was unsure how to answer. To him, Li Changyu was just like any other Wife. Yes, there was a certain importance to his position, and all eyes were on him because he could potentially give birth to an heir, but as for his feelings… VcgLQI

There was something that drew him to Li Changyu, that much was certain. Some moments with him felt comfortable, like a warm blanket, and others grated on his nerves. Aside from Qin Yuze, there wasn’t anyone else in the harem that he trusted. His Huang Guifei was there since his childhood, and was there in his recovery after the accident. Qin Yuze was the one that helped him piece together many of his memories, one by one. For that, how could I not trust him?

The truth was that he did not know for certain if he could trust Li Changyu.

“It is not about faith, but all about trust,” explained Jin Xiyan. “I do not know him, and we are still just recently married.”

“I…” His Brother stopped himself and his voice trailed off. He shook his head. “Never mind.” He9WZl

“Please, speak your mind.”

“I was just going to say that at one point, it seemed like the only person you trusted by your side was him.”

Now his frustration grew. Again the fact Li Changyu was some missing part of his fractured mind was thrown in his face. The vein at his temple throbbed, further aggravating him.

“Perhaps if you would enlighten me to our past, I could conjure up some scrap of those supposed feelings.” His words were much harsher than he intended, and he recognized that he snapped at his Eldest Brother, but he was too tired to try and fix it. EdnA2g

“Royal Grandmother and I are in agreement…we are concerned that if we try to press your memory too much, you might remember your attack and suffer shock. Even if it could give us answers as to what happened,” Zhao Lanhu shook his head, “As Emperor, we cannot risk your wellbeing. If you went into a coma again…”

Zhao Lanhu didn’t finish his thought, as it was unnecessary. Without an heir, the risk would be too great. While he could appreciate his Family’s concern, Jin Xiyan was always left with more questions than answers, and more unsolved problems. Scrambling to find some middle ground when it came to Li Changyu, he made a suggestion.

“His Mother already advised that it would take a month for him to recover. I will ask her to do a thorough check and report to me. In the meantime, if you do happen to meet with Li Changyu…” Jin Xiyan opened his eyes and looked into his Brother’s. “May you imply that I am trying to give him space as part of that recovery? Just…ask him to please behave.”

“You are very kind, and I thank you for caring for your Family.” Zhao Lanhu stood and bowed, “It is late, and I will leave first. May you rest well, Brother.” 6ql4e5

Jin Xiyan would have stood but the headache sapped all the energy from him. The second Zhao Lanhu left, Su Ao came in again.

“Your Majesty, it’s–”

“Please, Su Ao, not now.”

Su Ao quickly rushed to speak, “Huang Guifei is here to see Your Majesty.” oayRzH

Qin Yuze? The ache in Jin Xiyan’s chest lightened. “Let him in.”

Qin Yuze glided in wearing a light robe for such a chilly evening. He frowned in concern, and Qin Yuze had a matching expression. His Wife looked to Su Ao, “Mister Eunuch, please fetch His Majesty’s tea and get a physician.”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

“Certainly,” Su Ao bowed low and backed out from the room.

Qin Yuze moved closer and Jin Xiyan was about to stand, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. 5 SrdM

“You do not need to go through so much trouble,” he reassured Qin Yuze, placing his own hand over his Wife’s slender one.

“I can tell with one look when you are unwell.” Qin Yuze spoke in a whisper and slipped behind him. The long fingers of his other hand ran through his hair that hung loose, moving in slow sweeps from root to tip.

A smile came easily to his lips and he gently squeezed Qin Yuze’s hand. “You know me so well.”

Qin Yuze gently pulled his hand away to lay both on the top of his head and he worked his soft fingers in slow circles along the crown. After just a few of these pleasant motions, his pain eased considerably. Qin Yuze’s hands worked their way down his neck and shoulders, expertly massaging them. 6S8mIO

His Wife quietly admonished him, “You are much too tense. Your mind should be at ease during this hour.”

“My Wife is very wise,” he murmured, feeling almost drunk at the soothing touch. “But the burden of ruling a nation never ends.”

Qin Yuze pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “Take a deep breath with me.”

He allowed his Wife to guide him in breathing, which did help. He felt less wound up, and his muscles relaxed. JiezpN

“You should think of pleasant things when you find yourself getting a headache.” Qin Yuze’s lips hovered near his ear, his breath caressing the curve of it. “You should think of that time when we were children and snuck into the cold palace, where we promised to marry one another?”

How can I forget? Though he could only hold onto fragments, he remembered enough of that night. Jin Xiyan leaned back into Qin Yuze’s touch, his head turning towards the sound of his voice. He hummed softly, “Mmm, we were young romantics then, weren’t we?”

“Carving our names onto that tree, and the wine…” He could see Qin Yuze’s smile at the corner of his eye. “You made that night feel magical.”

Su Ao entered quietly, carrying a tray of his medicinal tea. He knew better than to interrupt them, so he set the tray on top of the desk and made himself scarce. Qin Yuze moved away to prepare his tea. 3k2ilF

Such a dutiful Wife…he thought to himself. What did I do to deserve him?

Qin Yuze set the cup in front of Jin Xiyan then knelt down beside him. He placed one hand on Jin Xiyan’s arm, and the other slid up his abdomen until it slipped into Jin Xiyan’s robes. His warm, gentle fingers lightly caressed his chest, sending pleasurable tingles across his skin. Jin Xiyan suppressed a shudder, but a rumble came from deep in his chest. Qin Yuze looked up at him through his long white lashes.

“Tonight, let me pour your tea…” Qin Yuze tilted his head to lean it against Jin Xiyan’s arm as he slid his hand deeper in, dipping it down so his fingers grazed against his abdomen, and inched even lower. “…and let me serve you, my Love.”

—- 2HVO7X

In case it wasn’t clear, yes, it is implying that Qin Yuze has tampered with Jin Xiyan’s memories.

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