When Shi Wuduan was young, he’d mistakenly drank Liufeng Dew, and nearly lost his life because of it. Later, perhaps because he was destined to commit dastardly deeds, he accidentally came back to life, albeit, with the problem that he was extremely sensitive to cold. When winter came, he was easily susceptible to colds and coughs.
Then, he grew up and did so many bad things that he got struck by lightning, almost losing his little life again. Perhaps, because he was still destined to be a disaster, he accidentally came back to life again. He’d swiped a root of the divine tree from the sect master and gotten himself a new body. From then onwards, he was afraid of both cold and heat. He pretty much turned into a real plant, never leaving his house in the hottest days of summer or the coldest days of winter.
Bai Li was once very concerned about him, and had specially made a trip to Bodhi Mountain and carefully observed the divine Bodhi tree. He found that the tree wasn’t scared of cold nor heat. In the summer, it flourished just the same as any other plant, its leaves lush and fragrant. In the winter, even when the mountain was sealed by snow, it was still lively and green.
Thus, he was extremely confused and asked the sect master what was going on, “Why is it that in winter he’s always very cold?”
The sect master replied, “When it’s winter, you’ll feel very cold as well.”
Thus Bai Li asked, “Then why is it that he’s so lethargic in the summer?”
The sect master replied, “People are just lethargic in the summer.”
Bai Li thought for a moment, and decided that it made sense. But he still had misgivings and said, “But he wasn’t this delicate before.”
The sect master replied succinctly, “Three days without a beating and they’ll start untiling your roof.”
Bai Li glanced at him, then thought of his advice last time to weave a straw doll, and determined that the only thing this old coot knew how to do was con people and talk out of his ass, so he left.
Before, it couldn’t be said that Shi Wuduan had a lot of freedom, but now that he was finally free, he wasn’t scampering about to the ends of the earth as one might expect of him. On the contrary, he started living like a shut-in. When it was cold, he’d stay inside; when it was hot he’d stay inside. If it was rainy or windy, he’d stay inside. It had to be a calm, sunny day, and the sun couldn’t be too harsh, before he’d lazily creep out of his courtyard halfway up the mountain like a shell-less turtle(王八) and take a stroll around the back mountain.
As if to him, “freedom” was no more than a type of feeling.
In his own words, it’d be, “Well it’s like this, if I was locked in a room, I might risk my life every day thinking of ways to escape, preferring to risk it all if it meant getting out. But if it’s like this, where I can go wherever I want to, I might just think about it, and when I’m done thinking, I’ll take a look around, see that it’s too hot out, and get too lazy.”
As said those words, he laid side-by-side with Bai Li on the roof, a round moon hanging above their heads and a half-finished pot of wine between them. It was mostly being hogged by Bai Li, but Shi Wuduan didn’t quibble with him over it. At any rate, it was mild, and hardly intoxicating.
After hearing his words, Bai Li said, “Then, move over a bit.”
Shi Wuduan turned his head to look at him. Bai Li flipped over on his side, reached out, and looped an arm around his waist. Then, as if he was playing coy, nudged up against him. Then, he frowned and mumbled, “Mmnn.”
Shi Wuduan asked, “What is it?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Bai Li said vexedly, “What you said sounds reasonable, but it isn’t like that in reality.”
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Shi Wuduan grabbed his wrist and asked, “Are you in heat or something?”
Bai Li said openly, “I want to do it every night when I sleep beside you, but you fall asleep too early and I didn’t want to wake you, so I held it in.”
If anyone else were there, Bai Li would consider his words, after all, he had to leave Shi Wuduan some face. If he was too lazy to, then he just wouldn’t say anything. But they were the only people on the mountain, and Shi Wuduan wouldn’t normally get embarrassed by just a few words, so he spoke whatever was on his mind.
He said very seriously, “The two of us are so close, and living together. Are we never going to do this type of thing?”
Shi Wuduan mulled over, thinking that what he said made sense. He was also beginning to find his wandering hands a bit hard to bear, so pressing his elbows against the roof, he flipped over on top of Bai Li then grabbed his wrist and raised it up a bit, tickling Bai Li’s palm slightly. He grinned and said, “All right, then I’ll wait upon you, Lord Bai.”
Bai Li’s throat bobbed as Shi Wuduan lowered his head and casually licked the corner of his mouth, unflustered as a rampant playboy. Seeing his face come near, Bai Li closed his eyes, then immediately opened them again, as if he couldn’t bear to not see him for even a second.
Later…
Later, Bai Li suddenly flipped over and pressed Shi Wuduan’s hand down, “Why are you so clumsy?”
Shi Wuduan patiently explained, “Wifey, your husband isn’t being clumsy, it’s called copping a feel.”
Bai Li said bluntly, “You’re pretending to cop a feel, but really, you don’t even know where to put your hands right?”
Shi Wuduan pushed him aside and pinned his leg under his knee, “I do know!”
Bai Li threw himself at him, “You know shit.”
Shi Wuduan retorted, “Are you saying you know then? Who’s the one who made me get a fever for so many days last time?”
Bai Li paused as if he was just recalling that old affair. He did feel rather apologetic about it, and in his moment of inattention, Shi Wuduan had pressed him down with brute force already.
Thus, Bai Li said softly, “I know… that last time I injured you. Later on, I bought a few books.”
As if he hadn’t heard clearly, Shi Wuduan said in shock, “You bought what?”
“A few booklets from the marketplace,” Bai Li replied, as if it wasn’t vulgar in the least. He said unabashedly, “It teaches what people who are together should do. There’s pictures for every step. I memorized them all.”
…. As if what he read wasn’t something like “Longyang(龙阳) Eighteen Positions,” but some kind of secret martial arts manual!
Shi Wuduan had nothing to say… he really hadn’t read anything like that before.
His eyes were open wide, glimmering brightly as they looked to and fro. His eyelashes flickered up and down, as if in rhythm with his breath. Perhaps remembering the contents of that little book, Bai Li felt a heat in his chest. His hands slithered down Shi Wuduan’s back, all the way down to his thighs…
Yet Shi Wuduan suddenly said, “Wait no, you’re just an armchair strategist(纸上谈兵).”
Thus the two started tussling, rolling back and forth on the roof. They both ended up rolling off.
Bai Li held on to him, nimbly oriented himself in mid-air, and landed easily on the ground. But the moment his feet ended up in the vegetable garden, he heard a faint sound and a burst of white mist emerged.
Bai Li had an ominous feeling —
The vegetable garden wasn’t used to plant vegetables. It was used by Shi Wuduan when he was bored to mess around with various arrays.
Shi Wuduan felt the arms encircling him loosen. If it weren’t for his quick reflexes, he’d have fallen to the ground. Then, he turned around… and saw that Bai Li had one foot in a small array of pebbles. He’d turned into a child of about ten years of age, sporting a grown-up’s bun, and a pair of fox ears had popped out on his head. He was currently staring at him expressionlessly.
Shi Wuduan tried to hold it in, looking down, then up, then finally couldn’t help it anymore. He took two steps back and burst into guffaws.
Bai Li said angrily, “What’re you laughing….”
He instantly shut his mouth. The sound that came out of his mouth was soft as a child’s and sounded like he was acting spoiled.
He took a deep breath and tried his hardest to lower his pitch, “What is this damn thing? Hurry up and release it.”
Shi Wuduan squatted on the ground, propping his chin in his hand as he looked him over, “This… is the immortal-binding array. No matter how powerful you are, once you step in, you’ll lose your cultivation for at least two hours. As for yao, they’ll be forced into their original form. I guess that means you can’t turn into a little fox, you can only become a little kid with fox ears.”
Then, he reached out and petted Bai Li’s ears, squishing and pinching at them. Bai Li’s face instantly reddened, he yelled weakly, “Stop touching it!”
“Aiya, I can’t touch?” The more Bai Li ducked away, the more vigorously Shi Wuduan went at it.
The vegetable garden was full of traps that this man whose balls were sore from boredom had set up. Even Bai Li didn’t dare to move carelessly, so he could only shrink into a ball and endure his teasing. When Shi Wuduan had finally had his fill, he bent down and carried Bai Li out of the vegetable garden. Seeing that he was staring unblinkingly at his steps, he said lazily, “No need to look, it changes every day. You wouldn’t understand with that brain of yours that struggles with the bill when buying groceries.”
Bai Li shifted around and chomped him on the neck.
It didn’t hurt, so Shi Wuduan just patted him on the back, “Wife, don’t be in a rush. Even though you’ve looked charming ever since you were young, but I really won’t do anything so beastly.”
Bai Li ignored him, faintly getting a sense of the force suppressing his power, and started focusing his attention on shrugging it off.
Shi Wuduan hadn’t the slightest sense of danger as he carried Bai Li in, then set him down on the bed. The sight of his short legs dangling above the floor was hilarious no matter how he looked at it, so he lowered his head again and secretly laughed for quite a while. He got a bowl of water and grinned as he coaxed, “Good boy, wash your face and daddy will help you undress.”
Bai Li’s clothes were far too large on him in his current form; they were already dragging on the floor.
When Shi Wuduan turned away, Bai Li was staring intently at his sleeve. It trembled slightly, then shrank bit by bit until it fit him.
Bai Li didn’t say anything, but he grinned. When Shi Wuduan turned back around, the sleeve was back to its original shape.
He sat there solemnly like a little child pretending to be an adult.
When Shi Wuduan finished washing his face like he was fiddling with a doll and was about to remove his clothes. Bai Li grabbed his hand and said, “You first.”
Shi Wuduan raised a brow and smiled, “You’re already like this, and you still want to do something?”
Bai Li ignored him as he jumped at him and started undoing his belt. Shi Wuduan let him fuss around like he was indulging a child’s antics. Seeing that Bai Li was determined to strip him bare, he said slowly, “Alright, alright, leave me a layer. It’s cold at night.”
Before he finished, his vision flashed, and Bai Li, who was kneeling on top of him, had grown quite a lot heavier. Shi Wuduan hadn’t been able to react yet when he was pinned to the bed by his shoulders. Bai Li, who’d returned to his normal appearance smirked, “Your little tricks might be able to bind others for two hours, but can it really bind me?”
Shi Wuduan “ahh’d” then instantly went with the flow, quicker than when he was getting a beating when he was young, and said, “I was wrong, I was wrong, ah… wife stop stripping me, it’s cold… wait, wait!”
As for afterwards… well, Bai Li made sure he wasn’t chilly. You all understand, don’t look when it’s impolite.
Thank you for your amazing translation. Your dedication and hard work translating this novel is much appreciated.
Priest is one of my favorite authors. And I’m always biased towards her. Her works deserves amazing translations and I got that from here. Thank you so much!😭😭
I’m gonna go and reread this entire thing all over again. I haven’t read the new updates, I’ll read it in one go. 😍😍😍😍
Thank you so much. Your work was so consistent and pleasant to read.
Finally, some fun after so many chapters of ❤️🩹
Thank you 🙏👏❤️💐🧨🦋
The novel was sooooooooooo good i cant believe im almos done reading im cryinggg
Finally some sweet moments!
Thank you for your brilliant translation..
Finally some dog food 😋
Thank you for the translation!