After finishing dinner, Tong Xiaoyan instructed her mother, “You stay at home alone. I’ll take Xiaosong up the mountain and be back soon.”
Tong’s mother smiled, “I won’t be alone. Look, I have someone to accompany me.”
Tong Xiaosong’s face turned pale, and he looked around nervously.
Tong Xiaoyan sighed and locked the door, “Don’t worry about it. When you’re not at home, Mom’s condition gets worse. It’s my fault, keeping her locked up in the dark room all the time, sigh…”
Hearing this, Tong Xiaosong quickly shook his head, “No, it’s not your fault! It’s me, if only I…”
“Xiaosong!” Tong Xiaoyan knocked on her brother’s head, scolding with a smile, “Your academic success is the greatest help.”
Tong Xiaosong lowered his head and remained silent.
It was his own incompetence that made life difficult for his sister and mother.
Compared to that, the hardships he endured at school were nothing.
He wasn’t confined to a dark room all day, nor did he carry things on his shoulders all day under the scorching sun.
***
The two siblings walked into the mountains, and the path was still difficult, covered with wildly growing weeds and trees everywhere. The ground beneath their feet was wet, soft, and sticky, making it hard to distinguish between decaying leaves and other substances.
The leaves overhead blocked the sunlight, and the wind that blew through was chilling.
Finally, they reached their father’s grave.
As there was no ancestral grave, the solitary grave looked especially lonely.
This wasn’t the best burial ground in the village, but it was chosen for its proximity and convenience.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Kbcu Wljbsjc kfca obgkjgv ab alvs eq atf kliv ugjrr bc atf ugjnf, jcv Kbcu Wljbrbcu rdejaafv vbkc ab tfiq.
Fcali ybat bo atfw tjv wev-mbnfgfv tjcvr jcv jii atf kffvr bc atf ugjnf kfgf mifjgfv jkjs, gfnfjilcu atf rbli.
Ktfs rja bc j rabcf, offilcu atf ygffhf, jcv Kbcu Wljbsjc jrxfv rboais, “P tfjgv sbe’nf yffc yeiilfv ja rmtbbi?”
Tong Xiaosong took a deep breath, and the inevitable conversation finally arrived.
He lowered his head and whispered, “Not bullied, just not very sociable. I’ll get used to it. The principal is a good person. Worried about me being scared after all the school incidents, he said he’d change my dormitory. He even paid for my train ticket when I left and gave me 3,000 yuan. He said when I go back, he’ll help me apply for school subsidies so I can have some money.”
He smiled, “With that, sis, you don’t have to send me money anymore. I can manage with the subsidies at school.”
Tong Xiaoyan looked at her brother’s face with that poignant smile, and her eyes instantly welled up with tears.
The last time her younger brother came home, he still had some flesh on him. This time, he looked even skinnier, a bit alarming, especially at this age when he should be growing. It was pitiful to see.
Seeing her sister’s eyes welling up, Tong Xiaosong couldn’t control himself, and his eyes also turned red. He quickly lowered his head, pretending to be nonchalant, “Don’t be like this. I’m better off outside than you at home.”
Tong Xiaoyan sniffed and smiled bitterly, “Xiaosong, no need to comfort me. I know, it’s hard outside too, maybe even harder than at home. At least at home, you have your sister looking out for you, making sure you’re not bullied. Outside, it’s not guaranteed.”
“No,” Tong Xiaosong whispered, “Don’t think too much.”
Tong Xiaoyan took a deep breath, tilted her head back to hold back the tears, and spoke resolutely, “But Xiaosong, you’re different from others. If you want to live well, this is the only path you have. I can’t protect you forever. While I’m alive, I can only send you to a better place. It might be tough outside, but you have to be strong. I’m not asking you to endure being bullied.”
Tong Xiaoyan looked into the distance and reminisced, “I remember when we were kids, someone bullied me and Mom. You were only eight or nine years old, so young. You went out with a sickle, and that person still has a scar on their leg. You’re not timid. I know you’re not timid; you have courage.”
Unable to hold back her tears, Tong Xiaoyan wiped the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand.
“I know why you’re bullied at school. You wear worn-out clothes, don’t dare to spend money, you’re not sociable, and you’re afraid of causing trouble for your sister. You’re afraid that if something happens, I won’t have the money to compensate. I know it all…”
Tong Xiaosong couldn’t find words to say. He kept his head lowered, his semi-long hair covering his face, tears dropping into the mud, but he clenched his teeth and didn’t utter a sound.
Tong Xiaoyan sighed, “But why don’t you think about it? I put in so much effort to send you away because I hope you can have a better life. I didn’t send you out to be bullied. If others bully you, fight back like you did when you were a child. I’ll handle things with the school. If you end up hurting someone and get expelled or face more serious consequences, it’s okay. I can accept that. If you’re afraid of going to jail, I can take your place. Just remember this, Xiaosong, even if I starve to death, I don’t want to see you being bullied, understand?”
Tong Xiaosong sniffled, his eyes wide open, tears dropping into the mud, unable to utter a word.
His sister spread her body under his feet, and he couldn’t bring himself to step on her.
Tong Xiaoyan said, “I hope that the next time the principal calls, even if he says you hurt someone, I don’t want to hear that you were bullied. Can you promise me that?”
Tong Xiaosong nodded vigorously, his face distorted by tears, hidden by his hair.
Tong Xiaoyan continued, “Keep the money the principal gave you. I’ll also give you some. When the subsidies are available, keep that money too. I’ll guard the land here. We won’t lack food. People in the village have similar circumstances. But outside, it’s different. Look at your classmates around you, see what they buy and use, and do the same. If they go out for a meal, go with them. Don’t be afraid to spend money, or else…”
Tong Xiaoyan gritted her teeth, wiped away a tear, and said angrily, “Or else, they’ll look down on you, isn’t that bullying you?”
“Sis, please, don’t say it…” Tong Xiaosong cried out, his body shaking as he choked, “I don’t lack money, and I won’t let them bully me. If you force me to take the money, I won’t go to school. Sis, please don’t push me…”
Tong Xiaoyan also burst into tears, tightly embracing Tong Xiaosong.
“Sis.” Tong Xiaosong cried breathlessly, his eyes blurred by tears, unable to see anything clearly. “Wait for me to graduate from high school and get into college. I’ll bring you and mom out. By then, the academic pressure won’t be as intense, and I can work to earn money. We can work together, make more money than farming!”
“Yes! My brother is right!” Tong Xiaoyan cried and laughed at the same time. “Hard times are only temporary. In the future, you’ll lead us to a good life. We’ll stay in the city and never come back to farm. We’ll live a comfortable life by then.”
The siblings embraced each other and cried for a long time, talking for a long time.
Their father’s grave stood silently nearby, in stillness and silence.
***
In the evening, Tong Xiaosong secretly shed tears under the covers.
He continued to sob until he fell asleep.
In his dream, a brilliant spring scene unfolded, and a man with an unclear face gently asked, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying so pitifully?”
Tong Xiaosong didn’t know who this person was. In his dream, he was defenseless and tearfully said, “My sister is lying. She said she’s waiting for me to lead her and mom to a good life, but she doesn’t really want that. She just wants to send me to the city. She doesn’t expect me to achieve anything significant. She just purely wants to send me away. I’m so useless…”
His eyes were swollen, tears streaming down his face incessantly. His thin and fragile body cried as if it could collapse at any moment. “I’m so useless. Many classmates can work part-time, but I can’t earn a penny. I make my sister worry. I’m not a man. I’m so useless.”
The man with the unclear face sighed lightly, reached out to touch Tong Xiaosong’s hair, and pulled him into an embrace. “Cry if you want to. You’ve been living a tough life, but this kind of life will end soon. In the city, you’ll have a comfortable big house, be able to bring your sister and mom there, and you’ll have plenty of money. You’ll have beautiful clothes, a stylish car—many things that others envy.”
“You’re lying!” Tong Xiaosong clung tightly to the man’s clothes, burying his head in the man’s chest, sobbing, “You’re all lying…”
“I’m not lying to you. Remember my name. I’m called Zhi Xian, Zhi Xian with the meaning of hearing the sound of the string. If I deceive you, then come and settle the score with me, alright?” The man gently laughed.
“Zhi Xian, Zhi Xian…” Tong Xiaosong murmured, trying to etch the name into his memory. Choking back his emotions, he asked, “Am I… so useless?”
Zhi Xian chuckled, “You’re very capable. Your academic foundation is worse than anyone in the school, but you ranked tenth in the last class exam. You’ve already worked hard. The way you strive to grow shines brighter than anyone else.”
“But I can’t do farm work. I’m not as strong as the girls, I’m just a waste,” Tong Xiaosong cried.
“You’re not a waste. Your strength is small because you eat too little. You need to eat more to grow tall and strong, to protect your sister and mom,” Zhi Xian gently stroked Tong Xiaosong’s hair and back, speaking softly, “Don’t be afraid. I’ve always been by your side. You’ll see me soon, and everything you want, I’ll give it to you. You’ll have it all.”
***
Tong Xiaosong opened his eyes; the day had already dawned.
He murmured, “Zhi Xian…”
It turned out to be a dream.
No wonder it was so beautiful.
So he finally said his name. Thanks for the translation MiniPickle !
ˁ•ᴗ•ˀつ～ 💞
I lived there for like 2 years and it was so much better. Of course they had their own issues but for the first time I had people I could talk to. Everyone in the City is just always so busy, I don’t think they ever rest. It takes weeks for my family to just sit together. And even then they are always fighting. Money is everything. In contrast, when I lived in the village. I wasn’t always using my phone. I worked and exercised. Felt happy about myself. I Learned all of my cooking, crochet, knitting, embroidery, sewing everything from there. They feel so much more like skills compared to what I learned in school.
And I don’t know if it is due to difference in location, but men like that don’t exist in our villages. I was once catcalled when walking in the village, my uncle slapped him and he never dared to appear in front of me again. Even if you don’t have relatives, people are really close and some other people in the village help you deal with situations like this. Even if you don’t get along with them, they still help you if some pervert does smth.
There are good and bads like I said. Arranged marriages are the norm. I personally don’t have any problem with arrange marriages but some people hate them. Anyways it really isn’t as bad as it is in this novel.
I understand. Maybe I just feel like there are difficulties in both places but I just prefer the difficulties in the village. Honestly I do feel like this the case where you feel your own problems are bigger than other people’s.
This novel just shows the villages like a place from hell so, I wanted to say something positive. Both have their good and bad. But in this novel, I imagine the village to be a dark place with no light and people like monsters. Which makes me feel a bit weird. Doesn’t feel like a place on earth. Maybe I’m just privileged and don’t know but no matter how bad the people I’ve met have been they were never this bad. Or they were but good people were still around me. I guess I can’t imagine a place, like in this novel, where everyone is just bad for no reason.
P.S. I probably digressed from the topic a bit😅 but you should get an idea of what I’m trying to say. (Wow I just realized that I typed a lot🤯)
I just don’t understand what modernity has got to do with everything. It’s like you’re saying that only modern people can be good and those who are not modern are bad people. I understand if that’s not what you’re trying to say but that’s what I’m getting.
That’s what I am against actually. The believe that modernity makes people good and all that. I prefer backwards believes, I guess. Modernity just makes everyone selfish.
I don’t mind you typing long replies. I get that you are trying to explain your point. Although reading long paragraphs is hard due to my ADHD. 😊
It wasn’t my intention on making a point about modernity making people good I just wanted to make a point about how your experience can be different or similar so someone else’s and some of the things the main character faces in his village actually happen in real life based on different factors, not all the time though.
In my opinion I don’t think people can be completely good or be entirely bad I think we all walk on a gray line.
I hope this is easier for you to read, I tried to make everything short and straight to the point☺️
Gosh, this is too much, making me shed tears so much. I feel so bad for our Xiaosong, but luckily our ML appears now. Just hope our Songsong can be happy now on😭
AAAABSBDND HE TOLD HIS NAMEDD
Is this the same ghost that threatened him the other night with Gu Xuan’s face? 😅