A few days later, Chu Huai suddenly fell into an endless dream.
Chu Huai had many dreams, but most of the time he was not aware that he was dreaming. He was just a participant in the dream, deeply immersed in it, completely unaware of what was about to happen.
But this time, he was an observer of the dream.
In front of Chu Huai was a glass dome. Outside the glass dome was pitch black, and inside the dome was not pleasant either, filled with yellowish-red viscous fluid.
Chu Huai was inexplicably calm. He tentatively walked forward, feeling the warmth coming from the surface of the glass dome. A sense of familiarity and warmth surged into Chu Huai’s heart, and he desperately wanted to embrace this dirty-looking dome.
It was a trembling of the soul, a deep sense of belonging from the universe.
The mist in front of him gradually dissipated, and inside the glass dome, two fetuses connected by the placenta emerged.
Chu Huai was surprised. It was only then that he realized that the glass dome was a uterus.
Chu Huai carefully observed and found that the fetus on the left was obviously larger than the one on the right. He was wondering about this when the blood in the placenta began to flow, and he could clearly see the direction of the blood flow.
The blood flowed from the fetus on the right to the one on the left.
Chu Huai was not clear about what this meant due to his lack of knowledge, but he could vaguely guess the result.
He tried to hit the wall but found it unbreakable, so he could only observe helplessly.
Visible to the naked eye, the blood flow became faster and faster, the fetus on the left became larger and larger, and the one on the right first withered and shrunk, and then… gradually became deformed.
Everything in front of him was like an experimental model, and the entire process of change was displayed rapidly in front of Chu Huai’s eyes.
Chu Huai pursed his lips, clear-headed and calm. The blood flow in the placenta was abnormal. Even if he knew nothing about it, he could still guess that under normal circumstances, the blood flow between the two children should be equal.
But the fact that the blood from the fetus on the right was flowing to the left meant that… the fetus on the left was sucking the blood from the one on the right?
In other words, the child on the right became the nourishment for the child on the left.
Suddenly, footsteps sounded above his head and Chu Huai was startled. His auditory senses had been blocked before, but it seemed to have recovered now.
A stranger’s voice came through: “I’m sorry, one of the children has no more heartbeat.”
Chu Huai listened silently.
“Then… should we try to get the one who died out? But, there’s still another child alive…”
Chu Huai heard his mother’s voice, as if struck by lightning, standing frozen in place, trembling.
It was his mother’s voice, whom he hadn’t seen in over a decade, and perhaps because of that, he was particularly sensitive to her voice.
“Doctor, can the other child survive?” The woman’s voice was meek and helpless, filled with self-blame.
“You don’t need to get the other one out. The one who passed away will become nutrition and gradually be absorbed by the other one. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, the other child is healthy.”
The woman sobbed and thanked the doctor repeatedly.
The doctor sighed and continued to comfort her: “You need to maintain a calm mood. For this kind of disease, you’ve done your best. If you really can’t get over this hurdle in your heart, just think of the child who died in your belly as not really a person. Just think that you’re only pregnant with one, this will make you feel better.”
“I’m only pregnant with one… I’m only pregnant with one…” The woman murmured incoherently, her voice getting weaker and weaker.
Chu Huai’s auditory senses were blocked again.
His heart was in turmoil, and he slowly recovered from his daze, struggling to swallow his saliva.
The last thing his mother said was exactly the same as what his twin brother’s mother said in the alternate reality…
So, all those were hints?
So, he really did have a twin brother. His guess was correct, and the special condition triggered in the alternate reality was having a twin sibling.
But… why has no one ever mentioned this to him before?
Inside the uterus, the child on the right side has become so small that it is almost invisible. Chu Huai watches as his bone and blood melt away, becoming nutrients and waste.
He is the child on the left side. Chu Huai is now certain.
A moment later, a beam of light cracks open the uterus, and dirty fluid rushes out. Chu Huai watches quietly as his newly born self emerges.
He is healthy, chubby, and more beautiful than most babies, with delicate features and a lively spirit.
The baby suddenly opens his eyes and smiles at Chu Huai in the dazzling white light, full of innocence and cheerfulness.
Then Chu Huai hears the nurse’s exclamation and the praise of those around him.
As the light grows brighter and Chu Huai thinks everything is about to disappear, the surroundings darken again.
The glass canopy opens towards Chu Huai, standing about two meters tall. After hesitating for a moment, feeling an inexplicable guidance in his heart, Chu Huai walks inside.
On the inner wall, covered with capillaries, is the face of a baby.
The face sees Chu Huai and gives him a malicious smile, like a virus invading deeper layers of the skin, disappearing from Chu Huai’s sight.
Above his head, Chu Huai hears his father’s voice, weeping with joy and almost hysterical: “It’s finally over, everything is over! We made it!”
Chu Huai smiles and suddenly realizes that everything has only just begun.
He walks out of the uterus and meditates in the darkness.
The identity of the ghost that was parasitic on him has been revealed, it is his twin brother. He has indeed seen his true appearance.
Chu Huai’s mother should have suffered from a certain illness, which caused abnormal blood transfusion during pregnancy. The other child became the blood donor and gradually died out, while he became the recipient and became healthier.
The child who died prematurely became a ghost due to resentment and unwillingness, and initially parasitized on his mother. Therefore, Chu Huai lived a happy and peaceful life before the age of seven.
Chu Huai remembered that his mother was always gloomy in his childhood memories, and she was distant to strangers. But whenever he walked up to her, she would hug him with a forced smile, her movements full of tenderness, but her eyes with a hint of strangeness.
Chu Huai never understood what it was, but now he understands that it was disgust and an almost instinctive aversion towards him, influenced by that little ghost.
No wonder no one told him about his brother, they were likely influenced by the ghost’s control over their minds.
Later, when the ghost saw an opportunity, it parasitized on Chu Huai and sucked up his nutrients as revenge, causing him to sink into an excruciating pain day and night, leading to his demise.
Chu Huai realized all of this and suddenly laughed, putting his hand in his pocket and walking back, away from the womb.
He felt relieved.
He was not guilty.
What Chu Huai feared most was committing unforgivable crimes and then forgetting them, which would make him feel guilty for a lifetime.
But the death of that child was not his fault, it was just causality, and he had paid the price for it with fifteen to sixteen years of isolation and torment, neither human nor ghost. Wasn’t that enough?
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Chu Huai understood his brother’s unwillingness, but if given another chance, he would not give up his chance to live.
Vegnlnji lr lcralcmaeji.
Pc atf ijafg ojlg mbwqfalalbc, atf utbra ibra.
Po tf mbeiv klc bcmf, tf mbeiv klc j rfmbcv alwf.
Ktf qjra yftlcv tlw kjr vjgx, vjwq, jcv fwlaalcu j rbeg jcv gbaafc bvbg, ktlif atf oeaegf lc ogbca bo tlw kjr kjgw jcv ygluta.
Jte Lejl cfnfg lcveiufv lc atf qjra. Lf vlv cba fjrlis obgulnf tlwrfio yea jirb vlv cba jiibk tlwrfio ab rlcx lc uelia.
Because he still had the ability to do something.
Chu Huai heard Jin Tianyi calling him, he smiled and walked out, his thin and cold figure standing straight.
Chu Huai woke up and found himself pinned down on the bed by Jin Tianyi. A sense of shame overwhelmed him: “Fuck! Are you crazy? Get off!”
Jin Tianyi laughed and flipped him over again, playfully kissing him before he could start cursing. He spoke seriously: “I was holding you and sleeping peacefully when I suddenly felt a burning sensation…”
Chu Huai was still stunned, trying to figure out what he meant, when his face suddenly turned red. “I didn’t do anything, you’re slandering me!”
“Well,” Jin Tianyi didn’t argue: “I just thought so at first, and then I realized your back was hot.”
Chu Huai froze for a moment, then realized what was going on and reached to touch his back, his eyes full of panic.
“You still have one tail left,” Jin Tianyi sneered: “I think you got rid of the ghost and the arbitration is over.”
Chu Huai was speechless and a little bewildered. There was still one more Instance, and he was about to leave…?
Jin Tianyi…
Chu Huai was about to say something, when a familiar pain stabbed his brain: [Tasker Chu Huai arbitration is over, entering the final chapter, releasing the Instance -]
[Ultimate Instance: City of Memories.]
[Instance Introduction: To remember or to forget, that is a question.]
[Instance time: In one minute.]
One minute???
Chu Huai widened his eyes: “Are we in a rush to be reincarnated?” And there was so little information.
At the same time Chu Huai received the bloody message, Jin Tianyi, as the guardian, also received it. His expression froze and his eyebrows furrowed.
So fast?
Chu Huai rubbed his hair irritably: “What can we do in one minute?”
Jin Tianyi’s heart sank, but he didn’t want to infect Chu Huai with his worry. He leaned in close, his voice low and alluring: “We can have a goodbye kiss. See you later.”
“Hello, wake up.”
Feeling groggy, struggling for a while, Chu Huai finally woke up and met a pair of fierce copper bell eyes, which startled him.
Standing in front of him was a middle-aged man. The man had a fierce face, a strong build, messy hair, and a beard that was neglected, making him look a bit scruffy. There were obvious dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes were densely covered with bloodshot veins.
This person must have something on his mind, which prevented him from sleeping well, Chu Huai thought to himself.
He got up, looked around, and didn’t see Jin Tianyi. He felt a little disappointed, but also expected it.
The room was relatively clean, a bit like a dormitory, with two beds facing each other, separated by a aisle. The space was narrow and cramped, with simple equipment and no air conditioning. The ceiling fan was creaking.
The bloody words appeared timely –
[All taskers have entered the Memory City. You can leave after 100 days, or choose to stay forever.]
[Whether to happily forget or painfully remember, the choice is in your hands.]
[Finally, I wish every resident can successfully return to reality.]
Chu Huai digested the bloody words and frowned slightly. How could there be residents who chose to stay here forever, knowing that they were in an Instance?
Wei Hu had been observing Chu Huai, seeing his indifferent expression and extraordinary appearance, nodding secretly, feeling that his roommate was reliable and could cooperate when necessary. This was his last Instance.
Wei Hu took the initiative to speak: “I came in ten minutes earlier than you, and I just went out for a walk. The surrounding area is all identical dormitories, with two people in each room.”
“You and I were assigned together, so we are roommates. I don’t know about the others yet. The area is too large and the buildings are basically similar. I haven’t thought of a way to find other people yet. However, the Instance lasts for 100 days, and the first few days are relatively safe, so there is no big problem if we don’t meet.”
Chu Huai nodded.
Just as Chu Huai was about to go out to investigate, the loudspeaker in the room suddenly made a crackling electric sound.
[Attention all residents of C3 dormitory building, tax collection will begin in fifteen minutes. Please do not leave the dormitory building without authorization, and bear the consequences.]
Wei Hu was shocked: “Tax collection? Where do I get the money from?”
He frantically searched his pockets and didn’t find a single coin.
Chu Huai frowned and searched the room: “I can’t find my phone either.”
No phone, no money.
Wei Hu looked serious: “What should we do? What will happen if we don’t pay taxes?”
Chu Huai propped his chin with one hand, thinking, and after a moment said: “Perhaps what we pay… is not money.”
“If it’s not money, then what is it…”
“You’ll find out later,” Chu Huai said as he walked out, looking up at the door number: 428.
Chu Huai wandered around on the fourth floor. The dormitory doors had a transparent upper section, but each room used a cover to conceal the exposed area, so Chu Huai couldn’t see what was inside and if anyone was there.
He stood at the doorway of a dormitory, pondering, and as he looked up, he saw that the cover had been pushed aside, revealing a murky eye staring at him through the dirty glass, with curiosity and hostility.
Chu Huai was initially startled but then pleased. If someone was there, he might be able to obtain some useful information.
Chu Huai humbly knocked on the door, and the person inside hesitated for a while before opening it for him. The room was filled with the smell of instant noodles and a pungent odor of urine.
“Come in,” said the slightly stooped old man coldly.
Chu Huai nodded and was about to enter when he heard a man’s gasping and moaning sounds coming from inside. Chu Huai paused.
The gasps became louder and turned into moans, then into loud moans. Chu Huai’s face turned awkward. “Shall we talk outside? It doesn’t seem convenient inside.”
“It’s okay, come in,” the man insisted.
The man was stubborn, and Chu Huai didn’t want to refuse. Once inside, Chu Huai realized that the young, obese man who was making the sounds was actually in a deep sleep, not doing what he had imagined.
Chu Huai breathed a sigh of relief. “So he’s just having a wet dream.”
“A wet dream?” The old man laughed at the joke, spat a mouthful of phlegm into a spittoon at his feet, then lit a cigarette. “You’ll find out after you’ve been here for a while.”
“This kind of garbage can only find a sense of existence and realize their dreams in this kind of situation.”
The old man spoke loudly, and Chu Huai hesitated. “Won’t we wake him up if we talk like this?”
The old man gave him a sinister smile, mechanically shook his head, and walked towards the still moaning man’s bed.
What he did next stunned Chu Huai.
The old man flicked his cigarette and pressed it onto the man’s hand on the bed. A burnt scar mixed with cigarette ash immediately appeared, but the man seemed to feel no pain and continued his dream.
The old man continued to smoke, his voice sounding like a leaky bellows: “You see, falsehood can deceive people to such an extent that he can’t even feel real pain.”
He stared at Chu Huai, scrutinizing him up and down like a merchant examining goods. He seemed to think of something, then suddenly became irritated and impatiently said: “Do you have any questions? Ask them and then get out of here.”
Chu Huai didn’t care about his temper and stood there calmly like a painting.
“Are you a resident?” Chu Huai asked lightly.
The old man stiffened all over and fell silent. Chu Huai watched as the cigarette grew shorter and shorter, then burned the old man’s finger, but he didn’t seem to notice.
Finally, the old man threw away the cigarette as if trying to conceal something and casually said: “Yes.”
Chu Huai pressed on: “What about the batch from 100 days ago?”
The old man seemed amused and laughed: “100 days?”
Chu Huai didn’t understand his meaning and hesitated: “Was it last year?”
The old man evaded the question and asked back: “How old do you think I am?”
“60?”
“How old are you?” the old man asked, then answered himself: “You can’t be over 30.”
“Listen,” the old man sneered at Chu Huai and joked: “I came in here when I was your age.”
Chu Huai’s expression froze instantly.
Over thirty years ago…?
The old man pulled up his loose pants and walked to the bedside, picking up a picture frame and tossing it to Chu Huai: “This was taken when I arrived.”
Chu Huai took a quick glance, and the man in the picture was handsome and vigorous, with a slightly arrogant gaze that was both outstanding and unforgettable.
Chu Huai found it difficult to connect the noble and elegant man in the picture frame with the ugly, cranky and irritable old man in front of him.
“What’s wrong?” the old man laughed: “Don’t believe I was young and handsome like you once?”
Chu Huai had a lot of questions he wanted to ask, but the broadcast in the old man’s room suddenly sounded.
“[Attention] Chu Huai from Room 2 of Dorm 428, please return to your dorm immediately. You have three minutes.”
The old man smiled and pointed to the broadcast. “That’s for you. Hurry up.”
Chu Huai shook his head. “I’m not going. Although the broadcast says ‘at your own risk,’ it can’t be as serious as death. I want to know. Can you tell me?”
The old man stared at Chu Huai’s shining eyes with a somewhat absent-minded expression, thinking of his past self, just as clever, confident and calm, but he still couldn’t get out of the city of memories.
How pathetic.
“Why get beaten up unnecessarily?” The old man began to cough violently and spit out a lot of blood.
Chu Huai approached with concern, but the old man just shook his head and refused.
“I have nothing to say. I can’t help you. Whether you can get out or not depends entirely on you. It’s all your choice,” the old man’s expression was somewhat desolate. “Of all the tenants I’ve met over the years, there have been over a thousand, maybe even hundreds, and they’ve all stayed. I’ve warned them too, but it really didn’t help.”
“Remember the figure 50%. It took me many years to figure it out.”
“What do you mean?” Chu Huai felt uneasy.
The old man shook his head. “You’re so smart. You’ll know when the time comes.”
Chu Huai heard urgent footsteps coming from the hallway next to the dormitory, and then the old man showed a relieved expression.
“It’s that old stubborn guy from Room 435 again!”
“Why is it so hard for him to pay taxes?”
“But it seems like there’s no tax for him to pay anymore! He’s cleared all his past memories, and I heard he only has a little memory left from some ‘horror world’ he was in before?”
“I’m curious too. Why does he insist on remembering? It’s better to forget. He’s really incorrigible!”
“Did he show you the pictures of when he was young last time you went to see him? Ha, who would believe that!”
The old man sneered and said something that made Chu Huai shudder: “Those people coming up soon were all residents, at least fifth rank.”
He slowly climbed onto the balcony of the hallway, and Chu Huai realized what he was going to do and rushed up to pull him back, but the old man shook off his hand: “If I lose my last bit of memory, I’ll be no different from them. They’re here to force me to give up my last bit, but I don’t want to, so it’s time to end it.”
“You’re the last person I helped. I hope you remember me, but it’s better if you don’t, because I’m too terrible. You can do better than me, but subconsciously, I feel that no one can do it better than me, and I don’t want anyone to prove my failure.”
Chu Huai was stunned. The old man leaped off the balcony, as light as a butterfly that had finally found freedom.
Chu Huai was taken back to 428 by the guards. Wei Hu anxiously watched him.
One of the guards, a burly man, said: “You don’t understand the rules! Running around everywhere! If you don’t listen well, you’ll end up like that old man!”
Just as Wei Hu was afraid that Chu Huai’s stubbornness would anger the guards, Chu Huai suddenly smiled: “Sorry for causing trouble. It’s my first time here, so I didn’t know the rules. I’ll follow them from now on and won’t cause trouble again.”
“You know how to be sensible.” A woman snorted coldly, but when she saw Chu Huai smile warmly at her, she felt her anger dissipate, and even began to blush. She turned and said: “Let’s just forget it this time. Let them pay what they owe, and we’ll be done with this.”
Chu Huai obediently said: “Thank you, big sister.”
The others didn’t have any objections.
Chu Huai asked: “I don’t know how to pay this tax, or what to pay with…”
The guard replied impatiently: “You know where you are, right?”
Chu Huai replied: “Memory City.”
The guard said irritably: “So of course, you have to pay with memory.”
Chu Huai had already figured out the answer through his conversation with the old man, and when the guard said it out loud, he couldn’t help but take a deep breath.
It turned out that memories could really be used to pay taxes.
Wei Hu was trembling with fear and spoke in a flattering tone: “Brother, I want to know how to exchange, how much to exchange, and what to exchange…”
The man ignored him and began to take off his thick coat. As it was cold outside, they were wearing quite a lot.
He opened his shirt and revealed a bulging pocket sewn inside his clothes.
Although Chu Huai was prepared, he was still shocked to see a small head the size of a palm jump out of that pocket.
Rubbing his eyes, Chu Huai saw the small head move again the next second.
The size was similar to that of a doll, but it had no hair. Its eyes were black, shiny, and large, like those of a fly. The nose was tiny, and Chu Huai could only see two black dots. The mouth was the most disgusting part of the creature.
The mouth organ could be called a… mouthpiece, slender and shiny black like the arm of a praying mantis or the leg of a fly. Chu Huai had no doubt it was tough.
The mouthpiece had a faint red color, as if it had been stained by too much blood.
Chu Huai and Wei Hu exchanged glances and guessed that this might be a small ghost that could extract human memories.
But as soon as he thought of the extraction method of such a creature, he felt a chill.
Chu Huai remembered what the old man had said earlier and pointed to the man’s clothes while enduring his disgust: “I seem to have seen a bug. Let me help you take it off, or it will be uncomfortable if it crawls into your clothes.”
He went over there and searched the man’s body while they were still unresponsive. He noticed the celestial mark on the man’s shoulder and was slightly stunned.
With the answer in mind, he put down the man’s clothes, and the man’s face was full of anger: “Where is the bug?”
Chu Huai apologized awkwardly: “I was too nervous and saw it wrong! I’m really sorry!”
“I don’t have time to deal with you. You better be honest! You have to exchange 5%, and whoever goes first. And remember, it must be 5%.”
5%?
Chu Huai’s breathing became stagnant. At this point, he finally understood what the old man meant by 50% before he died.
Was he saying that once you lose more than 50% of your memory, you can never leave this Instance again?
The woman saw Chu Huai’s thoughtful expression and thought he was afraid and weak.
She explained gently: “Don’t be afraid, it doesn’t hurt, and you can decide what to exchange for yourself…”
She went over and spoke in a seductive tone: “Your name is Chu Huai, right? We have your information, and it says that your childhood was very miserable. You could even say that your life before the age of twenty was all gray, and those memories have a very high proportion.”
Chu Huai seemed to be touched and raised her eyes slightly. There was a hint of timidity in her bright deer-like eyes. “So, what do you want to say, sister?”
The woman stared at those deer eyes, feeling more and more reluctant in her heart. “Can’t we just forget about those things? You’re happy, and we’ve completed our mission.”
Chu Huai asked: “Sister, I have a few questions.”
The woman replied: “Go ahead.”
Chu Huai asked: “How often do we pay taxes?”
The man answered impatiently: “Every ten days.”
Wei Hu, who was behind them, had a strange expression since the woman said “You can forget about the dark memories.” It was only now that he snapped out of it, staring wide-eyed and breathing heavily.
If they paid taxes every ten days, they would lose fifty percent of their memories in a hundred days.
What would happen if they lost fifty percent of their memories…?
Chu Huai thought differently from him.
He was a little confused. Since the condition for them to stay was to sell more than fifty percent of their memories and pay taxes every ten days, they could only lose a maximum of fifty percent of their memories. When the time was up, they could leave safely and unharmed, which contradicted what the old man said.
He remembered that the old man said that all the nearly one thousand residents he met had stayed without exception.
So there must be other ways to sell memories.
Chu Huai was also a bit puzzled. If he sold his memories in the Instance and returned to reality smoothly, would his memories be restored…?
This idea made him a little scared.
Where was Jin Tianyi? Was he facing the same situation as him?
Chu Huai needed time to explore and dig out the truth, so he didn’t want to confront these people head-on. He smiled kindly at the woman and said: “I’ll pay.”
The woman breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s good that you can accept it. Besides, you won’t lose anything. As they say, some people spend their whole lives trying to make up for a tragic childhood. Now that you’ve lost some of your desperate memories, it’s also a good thing. You’ll live more easily in the future…”
Chu Huai interrupted her with a strange yet innocent look in his eyes. “I didn’t say I’m going to pay with that part of my memories.”
The woman was shocked: “Why?!”
“It’s nothing,” Chu Huai said lightly, sounding a bit like a spoiled child: “I trade in daily mundane memories.”
Those that can be lost and regained are not unique personal experiences of the past.
The past Chu Huai has made the present Chu Huai, abandoning the past is like abandoning the present and future.
Perhaps the past is truly unpleasant, full of insult, trampling, and physical and spiritual pain, but as long as he doesn’t repeatedly reopen his wounds and feel sorry for himself, those past experiences will only make him cherish the present more.
Forgetting is not a good medicine, and frequent reminiscing is not either.
Chu Huai doesn’t want to become a driftwood without support. Although the land may be poor, it is the place where he grew up.
“Why not trade it in…” the woman was puzzled.
“Don’t waste your breath on him, he trades in whatever he wants!” the man was angry: “Let’s finish up, we still need to prepare for the mating party.”
Chu Huai suddenly heard such a primitive and animalistic term, and for a moment he didn’t react, but seeing the expressions of the others as if it were normal, he was confused.
Chu Huai turned to Wei Hu: “What about you?”
Wei Hu has been absent-minded for a long time, and after hearing Chu Huai’s words, hesitated for a long time, but still nodded, his lips dried up and turned white: “Same as you.”
The little ghost who had been ignored for so long seemed a bit unhappy and let out a sharp and excited scream.
After they finished, Chu Huai touched the blood hole behind his head and thought carefully, he still remembered what chopsticks were, but… he couldn’t remember how to use them.
It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.
The group of people were about to leave, and the woman left a step behind and said to Chu Huai: “You guys can come to the party too, if you want to go, I can take you there.”
I feel like something was missed, no? Where is my adult games?
Thank you so much for your translation 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝
Somehow, this instance is scarier than the previous glore and blood! 😬
Thank you for the update!
I was right about the evil tein thing.
*twin
Waaa 🙁 ;´꒳`;): forgetting memories little by little
This instance is brutal
Slow death and forgetting self