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Even though I was an outcast, I was quick on the uptake concerning the rumours in S.E. During breaks between training sessions, I had to sit alone in a daze, which allowed me to overhear all sorts of conversations around me. People would gather together in twos and threes, as if it were some kind of deformed army, and they’d talk about trivial things while smoking. I seemed to be the only non-smoker. It was fortunate I didn’t smoke. I couldn’t even afford to buy a pack of cigarettes.
With my salary reduced by 100%, I was truly penniless now. Since I couldn’t go out, I couldn’t even try to earn money elsewhere. However, I didn’t want to call my father to ask him for money. I had given him a call last week, but before I could even ask about his wellbeing, he said he was busy, as always, and hung up first. His secretary called me shortly after, but I didn’t really want to talk anymore, so I just said I was doing fine and hung up.
Whoever, whenever, and wherever they gathered, the protagonist that would always appear in their conversations was Jung Haekyung. They said that Jung Haekyung, who was sent to a border area in order to suppress some terrorists, had wiped out all the reactionaries in just one month, as if he were mocking all those who expected it to take at least half a year, and was soon dispatched on another mission. I couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly assigned to a terrorism unit. Had he been assigned to a terrorism unit because, out of genuine regret, he had assisted me in escaping? But, like a moron, I was apprehended by the police in just one day… Well, Jung Haekyung probably didn’t expect me to be such an idiot. Anyhow, I was an ability user as well, so he must’ve thought I’d somehow be able to do well if I left S.E.
It was said that Jung Haekyung was inhumanly strong, inhumanly beautiful, and inhumanly cruel. With that level of description, I just came to the conclusion that he wasn’t human. I could acknowledge his beauty and strength, but I couldn’t agree with the fact that he was cruel just yet. I recalled the image of Jung Haekyung disposing of bank robbers. He certainly wasn’t merciful. However, wasn’t that just how ability users were?
Looking at the recruits who were ostracising me, I thought that the beings that were ability users might have weaker mental states than I had initially thought. Even while they openly disliked and avoided me, they never laid a finger on me. If the first stage of being an outcast was being ignored, then the next stage would be abusive language and violence. Strangely, it didn’t progress beyond that. Should I say that, since it was only to this extent, they were kin… der than civilians? In the first place, ostracising people wasn’t kind, was it?
I’d rather someone curse me instead. Besides a few words with Director Baek over the weekends, I couldn’t remember the last time I had a proper conversation with anyone else. When I was alone in the laboratory or research room, it was slightly better since there was no one else around, but this was driving me crazy because I was all alone in a place with so many people.
So, I just drowned myself in training. It was the only thing I could do. Still, the instructors would say a few words to me if I performed well in marksmanship. I could only respond with “Thank you” or “Yes” and “No,” but I wanted to hear something and respond with something, so I shot the centre of the concentric circles as best as I could.
I wished time could fly as quickly as the bullets I shot, but each day felt so long. Such long and dragging days, even longer weeks, and the month that felt longer than the time I’ve been alive passed by twice.
On that day, too, I rented a table and ate my lunch. The western-style menu today was tomato pasta, avocado salad, and apple carrot juice… It was a very refreshing meal, but my mood was still gloomy. Then the dining hall suddenly became noisy.
“Jung Haekyung! You’re back?”
“How’d you become even paler when you were rolling around on the battlefield?”
“I heard that you set a new record this time? I knew it, SS-classes are different, aren’t they?”
The protagonist of the commotion could be guessed. I took a brief glance at the entrance of the dining hall and picked up the avocado with my fork again. The protagonist, who used to overflow with presence even when he was absent from S.E., was here, but it had nothing to do with me. Although Jung Haekyung helped me… the result was even more horrendous. I no longer had any intentions of blaming Jung Haekyung, but I wasn’t really thrilled to see him either. However, someone approached my empty table. As a shadow stretched over the table, I looked up to see Jung Haekyung. He still looked pretty, but slightly thinner. Jung Haekyung, who, as someone had said, had a paler face than before, looked at me and smiled. “It’s been a while.”
I nodded half-heartedly. Jung Haekyung placed his tray in front of me. He pulled out a chair and sat down, and even that short movement seemed uncomfortable for his legs. As I gave him a blank stare, he said, “I got a bit injured.”
As Jung Haekyung sat in front of me, other people rushed to sit next to him. They had avoided me like the plague before, but unhesitantly sat by my side as if Jung Haekyung were some kind of vaccine. Jung Haekyung looked into my eyes as if there was no one else around us and said, “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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I lost my appetite, so I put down my fork and took a sip of water. The people around us started naturally chatting with Jung Haekyung. It looked like I was the only one feeling awkward sitting between them.
“You got so injured your leg’s even limping, are those bastards really that strong?”
“I wanted to get back quickly, so I kind of overdid it.”
“You’ll need the white snake’s care.”
“Oh, she’ll use the excuse of treating injuries to do her experiments again.”
White snake. I nodded subconsciously, very familiar with Director Baek’s behaviour. This weekend, she said she needed to fix my eyes and even shoved a needle into my cornea. I had no fucking clue what that experiment was for. What was so special about my corneas? Of course they’d tear up if they got stabbed by a needle.
I looked at Jung Haekyung again. He uselessly tried to help me escape, got kicked out to a border area as if he were being exiled, and even injured his leg, and as soon as he came back, he had to be harassed by Director Baek again. Still, it was a relief that his face was unharmed. Then, Jung Haekyung asked me, “Have you been doing well?”
His voice was sweeter than the candied strawberry I had eaten earlier. For some reason, I felt like I was going to cry. No, I haven’t been doing fucking well. I could write a hundred-page thesis on all the unfair things I’ve suffered. However, I had enough patience not to cry here, enough not to blabber out such things. I nodded again, unenthusiastically. “Hm, I’ve been doing well, I guess?”
For some reason, our surroundings turned quiet. Those noisy people suddenly had nothing to say. What? Can’t I be doing well? Jung Haekyung said, breaking the silence, “Euijin-ah. Kim Euijin, right? Sorry for dragging you here without your permission. I apologised last time too, but… I wanted to give you a formal apology.”
He had said with a serious face. It was an apology no one other than Jung Haekyung had given me. I halfheartedly nodded, like earlier. The awkward atmosphere felt burdensome, and I had already decided not to blame him anymore. Jung Haekyung smiled brightly and said, “Are you accepting my apology?”
Was that so important? Anyhow, my forgiveness didn’t have any use here. Even the word apology was much too grandiose. Still, Jung Haekyung was happy. Seeing him like that, I nodded my head with a bit more sincerity.
“That’s a relief. Euijin-ah, do you know my name?”
Bewitched by the smile that made me feel like I was going to melt, I answered, “Jung Haekyung…”
“That’s right. I’m happy. You even know my name.”
He held out his hand. Shaking hands after reconciling was a very awkward ritual. Did guys our age usually greet each other like this? The white hand he held out in front of me was still as pretty as it was last time, but somehow I felt embarrassed. However, I couldn’t ignore him, so I just grabbed his hand. My hand was stiff, cold, and hard from tension, but Jung Haekyung’s hand was very warm. For a moment, I was surprised by that warmth and tried to pull my hand away, but he tightly gripped it and exaggeratedly shook it in a playful manner.
“Euijin-ah, let’s get along well from now on.”
They were cliche words that sounded like they came out of an elementary school textbook, but perhaps because of the face of the person saying them, I nodded my head and responded with a yeah.
∞
I was sitting in the shade of a tree during my training break, as I usually do. I felt so bored that I could even pick up a branch and draw something on the ground. A sigh escaped me as I imagined myself sitting alone and doing so. The only people who would care to share more than three words with me were Director Baek and Jung Haekyung, but even in a situation like this, I didn’t feel like having a long conversation with Director Baek. The only person who would approach and talk to me, even if it was only sometimes, was Jung Haekyung.
However, he wasn’t a recruit, so his line of movement was completely different from mine. I could only briefly see him two or three times a week. On those occasions, Jung Haekyung would approach me with a smile and strike up a conversation. When Jung Haekyung spoke to me, the people around us wouldn’t act wary of me. Could those bastards be any more childish? Even power dynamics had its limits. Seeing how cheap they were being, I no longer wanted to approach them either.
I subconsciously picked up a stone and was about to draw something on the ground when I quickly stopped myself. No matter how much of an outcast I was, there was no need for me to do things that made me look even more like one. I threw the stone in my hand. The stone rolled a bit before stopping at someone’s feet. I looked up to see Jung Haekyung.
“Euijin-ah, what are you doing?”
Jung Haekyung’s brown hair shimmered in the sunlight, making it look lighter than it was. Perhaps because the days were slowly getting hotter, the sleeves of his military uniform were rolled up, and even the shape of the solid muscles on his arms looked pretty. When worn by Jung Haekyung, even the somber military uniform looked endlessly refreshing.
As I blankly stared at him, he locked eyes with me and slowly bent down. My gaze, which had been raised towards him for quite some time, followed his movements and lowered a bit as well. When our eye levels were roughly the same, Jung Haekyung grinned. His clear brown eyes seemed glossier than usual in the light. Wondering if I’d been staring too much, I shifted my focus to the ground and replied, “Just sitting here.”
“Are you bored?”
“Not really.”
Jung Haekyung flopped down next to me, not saying much. Cicadas filled the air with their buzz. A few rays of sunshine pierced through the dense leaves, and they rustled with the wind. A leisurely early summer day, passing the time slowly beneath the shade of a tree.
“Want a smoke?” Jung Haekyung asked as he took out a cigarette pack. He placed a cigarette in his mouth first before taking another one halfway out of the box and extending it towards me. I said, not accepting it, “No.”
“Why?”
“I don’t smoke.”
“You don’t smoke anything other than Marlboro Red?”
Jung Haekyung cracked an unfunny joke and laughed. He fished out a clear, green plastic lighter, igniting the end of the cigarette between his lips. When he looked down, his long eyelashes made a slow, fluttering movement. Why was someone who could melt a wall using a lighter? I watched as Jung Haekyung lit his cigarette, thinking of some useless questions as I had already seen some ability users light a fire with the tips of their fingers several times now. He turned his head to the side, exhaling a puff of smoke, then turned back to me with a smile. I stared at the white cigarette nestled between his long fingers and said, “I don’t smoke in the first place.”
“Then, do you want to learn from me?”
“…No.”
“It’s okay.”
I wasn’t sure what exactly he meant by “okay,” but Jung Haekyung gently pushed the cigarette he’d been smoking between my lips. It was something that had touched his lips. Embarrassed, I took the cigarette out of my mouth.
“Why, is it dirty?” Jung Haekyung said. It was a jest he made while still smiling, but afraid that he might misunderstand, I mumbled an excuse, “No, it’s not that…”
“No?”
Having nothing else to say, I awkwardly put the cigarette from my hand back into my mouth and took a drag. As the acrid smoke spread inside my mouth, I almost started coughing, but I held it in. I didn’t want to make it obvious that it was my first time smoking in front of Jung Haekyung.
However, since I was forcing myself to hold in my cough, I could feel my tightly shut mouth wriggle and distort on its own. Perhaps my expression was worse than what I was feeling because Jung Haekyung laughed out loud when he saw my face. His husky, deep laughter oddly suited his pretty face and was a pleasant sound to the ears. I stopped trying to hold in my cough as it was useless and let it out before laughing along with him, but then my throat felt itchy again and I coughed once more. He continued to laugh for a while, and when the end of my cigarette was burning out, he pulled out a portable ashtray from his pocket.
“Flick it here.”
I didn’t really want to flick the ash off onto the ground, so I accepted the portable ashtray. Then, from a distance, someone called out Jung Haekyung’s name. He even handed me a lighter as I turned back a bit. I accepted it in the confusion of the moment, and he brushed off his legs as he got up, saying, “Consider it a gift.”
I tried to tell him that it was fine, but my voice still wouldn’t come out properly. Hearing my slightly hoarse voice, Jung Haekyung laughed again. He laughed a lot. So, I just decided to accept the lighter and ashtray. Even though I didn’t have any cigarettes, nor did I have the money for cigarettes.
“See you later.”
As I watched his back, I repeated the words he had left behind inside my mouth. See you later.
orcinus comments:
usually i like to write comments in the chapters of novels i translate, but i feel like everything that comes out of my mouth concerning this one is a spoiler
nervously waiting for the other shoe to drop
Same ಥ‿ಥ