Stunned
Ah Fei had been hiding with his mother since he could remember. They wandered on the border between the foreign snowfields and the northern border, avoiding the fierce and terrifying foreigners as well as the indifferent and iron-blooded Zhou soldiers.
When he was a child, he would always ask his mother.
“Mother, mother, why are my hair and eyes different from yours?”
“……”
The beautiful woman’s face was haggard. Whenever she was asked this question, she would always show a particularly desolate and sad expression. In the long silence, she could only come up with a simple explanation.
“Because… Jianjian is special.”
“Jianjian” is a term of endearment for little boys in the Jiangnan dialect, which sounds similar to “nannan” for girls, just with different characters.
Before the age of five, Ah Fei didn’t have a specific and formal name. He was always called “Jianjian” by his mother.
They once had two relatively peaceful years, during which his mother took him to live in a very dilapidated border village.
For a solitary and weak woman, living with a child who clearly looked like a foreigner, different from the locals, was undoubtedly difficult.
It was very cold there, all year round. Ah Fei’s mother grew up in the Jiangnan region, which was the most beautiful and warm water-bound town. His mother was as beautiful as that water-bound town.
However, excessively beautiful and delicate flowers are not suitable for transplantation in the remote and cold North.
His mother found it difficult to adapt to such excessively cold weather. She seemed to be constantly ill, always coughing. Her frostbitten hands and feet would heal and crack again, and then heal, until they became unrecognizable.
But even so, she was still strong enough to raise a child. Although she had nothing to offer and was physically weak, his mother was very intelligent. She was the kind of person who had seen the world and had great wisdom from reading poetry and books.
She always found many ways to make money, each time just enough to barely cover their monthly living expenses.
In fact, Ah Fei never understood why, with his mother’s abilities, she could earn much more money. She wouldn’t have to cough every day in a dilapidated old house, or mend their clothes every night with frostbitten hands.
And his mother had a very strange rule.
Yes, a rule. It was a rule specifically for Ah Fei. His mother never allowed him to play with other children, under any circumstances, no matter who they were or what the reason was.
Once, a boy from the village came to find Ah Fei, saying that his brother wanted to take them fishing together. They were very experienced and could catch fish by making a hole in the ice.
They asked Ah Fei if he wanted to join them. Maybe they could give him one if they could catch extra fish.
Although Ah Fei was very afraid of his mother, he also wanted to have a fish to make soup for her. His mother’s coughing had worsened recently. He thought that even if he got beaten for it, it would be worth it if she could drink some fish soup.
So he took a tattered little bamboo basket and went along with them.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Rjaegjiis, ktfc tf gfaegcfv, tf kjr yfjafc rfnfgfis. Ktf mbiv kbbvfc ralmx wjvf ibev, rtjgq rbecvr jr la ragemx tlw, yea fnfc atbrf rbecvr mbeivc’a vgbkc bea tlr wbatfg’r mbeutlcu.
Ktja cluta, Ct Mfl ageis ofia atja tlr wbatfg wluta yfja tlw ab vfjat.
Why…?
Lf bcis kjcafv j olrt ab wjxf rbwf rbeq obg tfg.
Did his mother really want to keep him locked up in the house for his entire life? Not interacting with anyone, not meeting anyone, forever confined to this narrow, dark, and dilapidated house?
Why is she doing this?
Was it because she didn’t love him?
Was it because she hated his eyes and hair that didn’t look like hers?
Did she think that if he went out into the world, if people saw him, it would bring shame to her?
But there were many cases of Zhou people intermarrying with foreigners on the border. Those children also had some features of the foreigners.
It was just that Ah Fei was too special, with special eye color and special curly hair.
Was it really just because of this?
Ah Fei didn’t know, but he had a vague feeling that his mother’s strangeness, her abnormal behavior, was not solely due to his eyes and hair.
There was something else.
There were other peculiarities about his body—things that set him apart from normal people—and these made his mother feel fear.
Ah Fei could keenly sense it. When his mother was hysterically beating him with the wooden stick, fear outweighed her anger.
Even when his mother bathed him, her expression would sometimes turn to panic. If there was the slightest sound outside, she would immediately wrap him up in clothes.
——Like a startled bird.
With so many such details, the young boy began to realize that, in his mother’s eyes, his body was ugly, abnormal, and shameful.
It was also… the source of his mother’s pain.
Ah Fei knew that his mother wasn’t originally from this place. He often overheard the villagers gossiping.
They said that his mother should have been a noble lady from a distinguished family, judging by her beautiful appearance, refined manners, and even the way she walked, which was different from the locals.
They said that his mother had been abducted by the foreigners and suffered great humiliation, which led to his birth.
Ah Fei understood.
So, perhaps his mother hated him. Perhaps it was because she hated the blood of another man flowing through his veins.
At that young age, Ah Fei did not fully grasp what was so special about him.
But one day, Ah Fei noticed a few boys sneaking around near his house, hiding and squatting behind the walls.
At that moment, Ah Fei, who was clueless about the differences between boys and girls, finally realized what truly made him different.
The biggest difference wasn’t his hair, his eyes, or even his overly sculpted and refined features due to his foreign lineage. It was below—it was that part that defined gender.
For the first time, the young boy clearly recognized the true abnormality of his body.
But when his mother found him crying in the corner, she didn’t react with the usual hysteria.
She simply comforted him, saying,
“It’s okay, Jianjian. No matter what, you’re always mother’s deeply beloved child.”
However, after comforting him with such gentle words, her expression turned especially serious and heavy, even taking on a kind of excessively fierce look.
“But Jianjian, you mustn’t let anyone discover your difference, understand?”
This was the first time his gentle mother spoke to him in such a harsh tone. Even her eyes, which were usually so soft, now became exceptionally stern.
“You absolutely must not! No matter the time or situation!”
When she said this, she deliberately tightened his waistband with particular force—so much force that Ah Fei felt as if it might cut his waist in two.
Ah Fei still remembered the pain vividly. Even though he no longer recalls his mother’s face, he can still remember the terrifying pain and fear from when she tightened his waistband so fiercely.
But now, his biggest secret, flaw, and abnormality were about to be exposed to the young man he adored.
Would he be rejected again?
Ah Fei felt a fear he had never experienced before. He began to struggle.
“Don’t… please, no, Master. Ah Fei really doesn’t have anything, really.”
Ah Fei frantically tried to push him away, his voice tinged with a slight sob. His curly hair was in disarray, and the corners of his eyes were wet and red, making him look as if he was begging and crying. As if Zhou Huaiyan was really about to do something to him.
The young man finally stopped, not actually conducting a thorough check. However, the damp clothes still revealed enough to confirm that Ah Fei was indeed a boy. Zhou Huaiyan couldn’t understand why Ah Fei was so nervous if there were no real discrepancies.
“Tsk… why are you crying again?”
Seeing the kitten crying in such panic, Zhou Huaiyan suddenly felt a bit unhappy in his heart. This was the first time he had seen such a crybaby. Not even the concubines in the harem could cry as much as this kitten.
But despite his unhappiness, he still reached out to wipe Ah Fei’s tear-streaked face.
“Alright, why do you cry so much? Dianxia promises not to touch you again!”
Not touching again? Then wouldn’t that mean…
Ah Fei panicked again and quickly clung to the young man’s arm.
“No, no…”
No?
Zhou Huaiyan felt that this kitten’s thoughts were even harder to understand than a woman’s, constantly changing.
“Master… do you like women?”
Ah Fei suddenly asked cautiously. This question left Zhou Huaiyan bewildered. He thought carefully and uncertainly replied,
“Pro… probably.”
——After all, he had never really liked anyone before.
This uncertain tone immediately gave Ah Fei a glimmer of hope.
“Then… does the master like men?”
Men?!
Zhou Huaiyan was about to deny it outright, but when he looked into Ah Fei’s watery, pale green eyes, he suddenly remembered his own unspeakable reactions and desires toward Ah Fei just half a month ago.
The words of denial immediately got stuck in his throat——
“May… maybe.”
Another uncertain answer.
When it came to women, his master was unsure.
When it came to men, he was not sure either.
Ah Fei was stunned. A seemingly impossible fantasy arose in his heart.
But even if it seemed impossible, he still wanted to give it a try. One day, his body’s secret would inevitably be revealed to the master. Rather than letting the master remain suspicious and doubtful every day, it would be better to… make it clear.
KEIGHTY: Hi, shameless plug again! For those who are interested to read in advance, please consider joining any of my membership tier on ko-fi. Hehe. Thank youuu! 💐
Oh my, that was stressing.
I didn’t quite get how Ah Fei found out. What were those boys doing ?
Thank you for the chapter.
They were probably peeing against the wall and so you can get how Ah Fei noticed lol
Oh my ! Oh no! Oh my poor baby!