The Demon King picked up the box and showed it to his fans on livestream. He gaped for a moment, showing his fake fangs. “What kind of punishment is this?!” he said, bewildered.
The fans gave their input at once.
“He’s trying to kill you with garlic ‘cause you dressed up like a vampire!”
“Hahahahaha that makes sense!”
“Daddy Chenfei is sentencing you to death!”
The Demon King confirmed with the admin jiejie that Zhang Chenfei had really called in personally to ask them to give him sweet pickled garlic. He picked up a piece of garlic with a pained expression. It gave off a fragrance that was both sweet and vinegary at once, the kind of smell that immediately made one have an appetite.
“What did I do to deserve a death sentence? Is it because I asked my boss for 2 RMB? Do poor people not have rights?!” the Demon King said, looking forlorn as he pulled off the two fake fangs. He bit down hard on the garlic, then said a line from the hugely popular palace drama called “Demon Queen: The Empire’s Fall”. “Empress niangniang, Lao Chen has been greatly wronged!”
The fans laughed fit to kill themselves, and the screen was filled with the limited edition gift’s special effect poster.
Art Demon King has received ‘Support for Old Comrades’ x 3. Sound effect: “It has nothing to do with this lady comrade!”
Daddy Jiao’s severe expression was all over the screen, and animated flower petals floated down in front of it. The combined visual and aural effect of the tagline playing repeatedly was hilarious, and no one had time to care about whether the young vampire lived or died. The whole screen was full of people’s comments going “HAHAHAHAHAHA!”.
Ah, the mortal world was truly cold-blooded!
The sweet and sour pickled garlic was perfect when eaten with zhajiang noodles. The Demon King took a bite of pickled garlic, then slurped up a mouthful of noodles noisily. His in-game character wasn’t fighting at this time, and was farming conscientiously in the garden.
All of the equipment in the Shifei Games Testing Centre was top-notch, and that included the microphones. The sound of the Demon King eating his meal was captured clearly by the microphone and transmitted to the viewers tuning in to the livestream. The soft chewing sounds made when he chewed on the springy noodles, the crisp crunching sounds made when he bit into the pickled garlic, and the gurgling sounds made when he drank the iced lemon tea all made the audience start to feel hungry themselves.
“God Art makes the food he’s eating look really delicious”
“Excuse me, I just joined, but can I ask, is this a mukbang?”
“Spot on, this is the Foodie King Art’s livestream mukbang!”
Jiao Qi suddenly felt rather hungry himself as he watched the Demon King chomp down his food with gusto.
Zhang Chenfei saw his little wife swallow hard. He thought that he had succeeded in scaring him and proudly shut off the livestream. The rest of it would be too gory for his little wife to watch.
He didn’t want to scare his bloodslave too much. He just wanted to make sure his little wife understood how mighty the great Vampire Lord Dior Nicholas Zhang was. The Vampire King lowered his head and nuzzled against his little sacrificial lamb’s soft lips. “Remember, nobody can disobey the Vampire King’s orders. Not even you,” he said.
“I also want to eat zhajiang noodles and pickled garlic,” the little wife said. He had no sense of danger whatsoever!
“Have you conveniently forgotten that you’re my bloodslave?” Mr Dior said, smiling faintly as he held his little wife’s chin and fixed him with an icy stare. “You eating garlic – are you trying to assassinate yours truly?”
“… …”
“You’re so disobedient. You leave me no choice but to suck you dry.”
“Hey! You asshole… mmph…”
Half an hour later, the little bloodslave had been sucked dry by the Vampire Lord, and he lay on the couch in a foetal position. The cruel Vampire Lord was at this moment busy in the kitchen, noisily chopping up a yellow melon. Very shortly after, steaming hot zhajiang noodles were served, paired with a plate of vinegared yellow melon slices. Since he couldn’t let his little bloodslave eat pickled garlic, he gave him a similar substitute.
The little sacrificial lamb had paid a very high price, but still managed to eat the zhajiang noodles he had been craving. He also forced the great Vampire Lord to drink a pot of cooling tea.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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“Today’s Friday. Where are we going back to this evening?” Jiao Qi asked, turning to look at him. If they were going back to the villa, he’d instruct Ah Yi to just bring Guangzong there as well to save them a trip.
“I’ll bring you to my ancient castle,” Mr Vampire said, turning to look at him. “I’ll rob you of your chastity in a bed strewn with rose petals.”
“My chastity is long gone,” Jiao Qi said, rolling his eyes. He sent a message to Ah Yi, then looked up at the relentless autumn rain, and down again at his IntelliBrain. He asked Anne to confirm the date.
Anne: That’s right, it’s tomorrow. Do you need me to order some flowers for you?
“No need,” Jiao Qi said. He sent a message to their butler, then turned to look at Mr Vampire, who was still wearing his bowler hat. He sighed softly.
The chill and cold brought on by the first rains of autumn were a good thing for the strong and virile Big Cock Zhang, but was a real calamity for people with weaker constitutions.
“The pickled garlic you bought for Demon King went viral again. Little Jasmine is preparing to add in some new events that have to do with pickled garlic… ah choo!” The male secretary suddenly turned away and sneezed as he was giving Zhang Chenfei his run-down.
“Caught a cold?” Jiao Qi asked, looking up. He was sitting at the desk next to Zhang Chenfei’s.
“So sorry,” the secretary said, taking out a piece of tissue.
“A lot of people in the company have caught colds,” the female secretary Su Su said, taking out the employee attendance schedule. “It’s particularly bad in the Operations Team – seven programmers are on medical leave.”
The programmers in the Operations Team who worked at night and slept in the day had the weakest constitutions. Shifei Tech had been trying to encourage them to work in the day instead, and had even put in a gym in the office building to get them to improve their health. However, these efforts had not produced any real results, and whenever it was flu season, the Operations Team was always the first to fall.
“Humans really have weak bodies,” Zhang Chenfei said, chuckling as he jeered at these frail little mortals.
“Yes,” Su Su said, not realising what Zhang Chenfei was really saying. “I must have a word with the Admin Department – I’ll get them to buy some banlangen for everyone to drink.”
“You drink some too,” the Vampire Lord said, looking in the direction of his weak and frail little wife.
“No need. I haven’t caught a flu in years now,” Jiao Qi said, shaking his head. He didn’t want to drink the sort of thing that was usually fed to children.
“Shh.” Mr Vampire suddenly slunk over to his little bloodslave’s side and pressed a long, slender finger against his soft lips, stopping him from speaking further. “You shouldn’t say this sort of thing, or evil demons will hear you and curse you.”
The older generation used to say that you shouldn’t boast about how the children in your family had not fallen sick recently, or they would fall sick that very night.
The two secretaries gaped at their CEO’s disgustingly cheesy public display of affection. They were so grossed out that their hands and legs trembled a bit as they walked off.
Some time later, in the Shifei employees’ group chat.
Secretary Su Su: Guys, don’t go near the CEO’s office these few days if you can. It’s practically a single dog abattoir in there. You won’t come out alive…
It transpired that the Vampire Lord’s old-fashioned worries were not unfounded. At night, when they returned to the villa, Jiao Qi’s voice started sounding very nasal, and his head started to hurt after eating dinner.
“I’ll be right as rain after taking some flu medicine,” Jiao Qi said, instructing their butler to get some for him from the medicine cabinet.
“Absolutely not! You can’t just eat medicine randomly. How are you so sure that it’s a flu?” Mr Vampire said. He didn’t trust human judgment on this at all, and insisted on calling Que De over.
As such, the Imperial Physician Que De was summoned by the overbearing Vampire King to attend to Jiao Qi on this rainy autumn night, with strict instructions to attend within the hour.
“Look at the situation on the roads today. Even if you gave me five times my usual rate, there’s no way I can make it in an hour! If it’s really a matter of life and death, then call the hospital to send a helicopter over,” Dr Que said. The roads were always badly jammed on rainy days, and it was dangerous to drive at high speeds even if the roads were clear because they were wet and slippery. Que De did his best, and arrived at Lord Nicholas’ ancient castle in about an hour and a half.
He checked Jiao Qi over quickly. His diagnosis was that it was just an ordinary flu.
“If you feel awful, then take 2 tablets of the flu medication. If you feel alright, then there’s no need to. You’ll be better in seven days,” Que De said.
Zhang Chenfei didn’t believe this one bit. “He was all good this morning. Was this sudden onset of flu caused by losing too much blood?” he asked.
“Huh? Losing too much blood? How did he lose blood?” Dr Que asked, stunned. He was in the midst of keeping his medical equipment, and his tone became concerned as he continued. “If the patient has suffered severe blood loss, it will indeed cause his body to become weak and more susceptible to infections.”
“That’s it, then. Ten drops of blood make one drop of… mmph…”
Jiao Qi quickly covered Big Cock Zhang’s mouth with his hand and glanced outside the bedroom. The butler and the other servants were all not present. Jiao Qi heaved a sigh of relief. “Don’t listen to him. He’s still in character,” he explained.
As the only other person who knew about Zhang Chenfei’s illness, Que De nodded his head, indicating that he understood.
Zhang Chenfei struggled out of his little wife’s grasp, then leapt up and caught hold of Que De’s collar, forcing him against the wall. “Can you guarantee that what he’s got is a regular flu? Look carefully at him before you answer. If you’ve misdiagnosed him, I’ll cut off your head and dip my french fries in your blood,” he said menacingly.
Que De blinked. “Dip your french fries in my blood? You’re now in the character of a vampire? Cool!” he said. Dr Que got it immediately. He loved vampire stories, and his eyes shone with excitement.
“Alright, stop messing around now,” Jiao Qi said, rubbing his throbbing temples. He pulled his Laogong off the doctor and walked Que De out personally, taking the opportunity to ask him if there were any developments on his professor’s side.
“None at this time. He wants to come to Chyna for an academic exchange, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to find an opportunity for you to meet him them,” Que De said, shrugging.
Jiao Qi wasn’t particularly interested in meeting Que De’s professor. This wasn’t a medical issue; it was a technical one. Zhang Chenfei had contacted the professor when he was sober, and he asked him to contact the anti-IntelliBrain organisation in Amirica to see if he could somehow get the IntelliBrain core data from the company there that made it.
What he needed to see was the data. He didn’t need to see an old man.
Jiao Qi nursed a worsening headache as he headed up the stairs and snuggled into his blankets. This flu was a fierce one. Jiao Qi couldn’t help suspecting whether his illness was due to his weak urinary system. It hadn’t gotten a rest since Big Cock Zhang fell ill, after all.
“The human body is much too weak,” the great Vampire Lord said, sighing as he pulled his drooping little sacrificial lamb into his arms. He was a mere sacrifice offered to him by mortals, a sweet little dessert of no real importance. However, his icy heart, which had not felt warmth in a thousand years, ached painfully at the thought that this little creature would die one day.
Jiao Qi was totally out of it after taking the flu medication and didn’t hear what his Laogong said. He buried his face in Zhang Chenfei’s chest, nuzzled him, then drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Meanwhile, Zhang Chenfei kept awake for about half the night, holding his little wife and observing him to make sure his condition didn’t worsen. After confirming that Jiao Qi didn’t start running a fever and that his heart didn’t stop beating, he finally closed his eyes and slept for a while.
The next day was a Saturday. It was raining as usual, and the world outside was completely wet.
The butler came in carrying a stalk of white chrysanthemum that had beads of water clinging to its petals. He greeted his two employers who had just arisen from bed. “Breakfast is ready. Will you be driving today?” he asked.
Jiao Qi felt much better after a night’s rest, even though his nose was still a little stuffy. “I think we’ll have the chauffeur send us there. I don’t want to drive today,” he said.
“Certainly,” the butler said, nodding in acknowledgment. He turned to make the arrangements.
The black Maybach wound steadily up the mountain roads. Because it was raining, the mountain looked particularly green and lush. Pretty yellow leaves were strewn all over the winding asphalt road, and because the rain had stuck them flat onto the floor, they looked as if they were printed on the road itself.
Mr Vampire was unusually quiet today. He didn’t ask where they were headed at all. He opened his big black umbrella once he got off the car, and held his little wife’s waist as they walked slowly into the cemetery.
Today was Zhang Chenfei’s mother’s death anniversary.
A picture of a young woman was embedded in the black headstone. She had a lovely face that wasn’t just pretty, but had character, and her smile in the photograph was joyful. Zhang Chenfei’s eyes looked very much like his mother’s.
Jiao Qi put the white chrysanthemum in his hand in front of the gravestone, then took out a handkerchief to wipe the photograph. “Mother, we’re here to see you again,” he said quietly.
Mummy Zhang passed away when Zhang Chenfei was in lower middle school. She was very young then, and had died of a sudden illness.
Zhang Chenfei held the umbrella and stood behind his little wife. He looked silently at the photograph in the headstone, then looked up and discovered that there was a patch of pink hidden behind the headstone itself.
“Wait,” the Vampire Lord said, pulling at his little wife. He thrust the umbrella in Jiao Qi’s hand, then stepped forward to retrieve the pink roses behind the gravestone in one quick motion.
The fresh pink roses were arranged into a heart-shaped bouquet, and tied together with a silk ribbon.
“Chenfei…” Jiao Qi was unable to stop him in time, and Zhang Chenfei threw the flowers roughly onto the floor.
“The flowers of mere commoners aren’t fit to be given to her,” Mr Dior said, his voice cold. Jiao Qi wasn’t sure if he was speaking as his vampire character or not. His black leather shoes stamped down hard on the delicate flowers, grinding them into the mud beneath.
Jiao Qi sighed. If he wasn’t wrong, these flowers were sent by Zhang Chenfei’s father. After all these years, he still hadn’t been able to forgive his father.
Visiting a cemetery in the rain was not in the least bit beneficial to someone with a cold, and Jiao Qi couldn’t stop sneezing after he got back to their villa. He only felt a bit better after taking a hot shower. He slept the day away again, and started running a slight fever that night.
Meanwhile, the Vampire Lord’s mood had worsened considerably since coming back from visiting his mother’s grave, and it remained that way even until the next day. He watched over his little wife like a hawk, following him even when he went to the bathroom.
“What I’ve got is a flu; I’m in no danger of being kidnapped. What, are you expecting me to fly away when you’re not watching?” Jiao Qi asked in an exasperated voice as he sat on the toilet bowl. He was much better now – he wasn’t running a fever or having a headache.
“I have something important to say to you. I’ll be waiting outside,” the vampire said, elegantly bending over to kiss the corner of his little wife’s mouth. As he walked out, he closed the door behind him in a most gentlemanly fashion.
After Jiao Qi had finished washing up, he came out to see a bed full of flower petals, and a Vampire Lord dangling a long-stemmed rose from his mouth.
The towel that Jiao Qi had been using to dry his hair fell to the ground with a soft thud. Big Cock Zhang was leaning like a casanova against the bedframe, and Jiao Qi looked at him in bewilderment. “What on earth…”
Jiao Qi suddenly found himself picked up in Big Cock Zhang’s arms and placed on the petal-strewn bed. The flower petals immediately stuck to his wet hair, and he struggled to get up.
The scarlet rose petals contrasted beautifully against his little bloodslave’s fair skin, and he looked incredibly delicious. Mr Dior licked his lips, then stepped toward the bed like a ballroom dancer, climbing onto the bed following the same rhythm. Jiao Qi was trying to escape, and the great Vampire Lord pulled the little fellow back. He traced Jiao Qi’s pale-coloured lips with a finger, then brushed the rose across his lips. “O beauteous youth… the Gods above must have cursed me a thousand years before, or I would not be this besotted with thee; mine heart and mind are no longer my own,” the great Lord said in an impassioned voice.
“Speak English.” The rose brushing against Jiao Qi’s lips was very ticklish, and he couldn’t help wrinkling his nose.
“Your body is much too weak. Let me Embrace you, and turn you into a vampire. You and I will then have eternal life,” the Vampire King said, his voice thick with emotion. He tossed aside the rose and gathered his little bloodslave into his arms.
Jiao Qi knew what the Embrace was. In vampiric lore, high-level vampires could turn ordinary humans into vampires by sucking them dry, then letting them drink the vampire’s blood.
“You… how are you intending to do that?” Jiao Qi asked uncertainly, pushing him aside a bit.
“I’ll first suck your essence, and when you’re at your weakest and about to die, I’ll fill you up with my essence, sending it into the deepest recesses of your body. If you’re able to endure this, we will have succeeded,” Mr Vampire said.
This didn’t accord with any of the legends Jiao Qi had ever heard of. In fact, it sounded incredibly odd.
Jiao Qi was silent for a moment. “So, basically, you’re saying you don’t want to wear a condom?”
“Mm… you could say that.”
Aha hahahahah vampire zhang is funny 😆 😄
Ty for the update
So you don’t want to wear comdom? LOL….
I wasn’t expecting that!
Hahahahahha 😳😳
all those long nonsense paragraphs is just for… snu snu without cndm? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love this novel so damn much!
LOOOLLLLLL
you sure always can make a good reason for full fill your desire Mr Dior… poor little wife,, he will be drain tonight
Hahaha how funny, jiao qi just let lord Dior Nicholas turn you into vampire 😜😅..
Thanks for the chapter ♥️♥️
That’s hot! I want to roll play like this..
Aiyaaa this Lord Vampire is a clown. I just can’t help laughing🤦♂️🤣
I don’t know why but every word Vampire Zhang Da Diao said is so romantic 😍🥰
a high sounding way of saying “I want to have sex without condoms” 😏😏