“And he just left?”
“He just left,” Gui Yin said. He let out a long sigh as he refilled his cup. He looked across the table at Jiu Jingyi as he settled his cheek against the back of his hand. He sighed. “Well, I admire him for being so brave though.”
Jiu Jingyi watched Gui Yin silently until he was finished refilling his cup. “What’s on your mind?”
Gui Yin glanced up at Jiu Jingyi. “Why do you think there’s anything on my mind right now?”
“Gui-shixiong,” Jiu Jingyi smiled as politely as she could, “Do you know how rare it is for you to visit anyone’s peak? The moment you set foot onto a path that doesn’t lead to Shuangye Peak, anyone can tell something is wrong.”
“That is completely untrue. I visit you,” Gui Yin said, “And I visit Sect Master-shixiong all the time as well.”
“You only recently started visiting Sect Master-shixiong,” Jiu Jingyi said with a drawn out sigh. She waved her hand and dragged the subject back before Gui Yin could completely derail the conversation. “When you go to Sect Master-shixiong, it’s because you have an important matter you need advice on; when you go to Ye-shidi, when you want someone to lighten up the situation; and you come to me whenever you have relationship problems. So, what is it? Is it just that you are worried about Li Fangyin or is there something else to this whole…thing?”
Gui Yin shifted uncomfortably. Out of all his martial siblings, Jiu Jingyi was the most astute when it came to his little habits. He softly cleared his throat. “Well…it’s a bit difficult to describe.”
“Take your time. Your family’s Xiao Kui is out having fun with the others, so you don’t have to worry about abandoning him tonight,” Jiu Jingyi said.
“Fangyin showed an aversion to avoiding facing his problems and once Xiao Kui told him that he still had his sister’s body, he found it within himself to stand back on his own two feet,” Gui Yin said. “I found that very admirable.”
“…However…?”
“However, I…it reminded me that I couldn’t do that,” Gui Yin said. He sighed ashamedly and drained his cup. He filled it up again and shook his head. “I said that it was punishment, but wasn’t it just running away? What was I thinking, really?”
“So, you regret it now?” Jiu Jingyi asked.
“I,” Gui Yin’s words stopped short. “I don’t know. I suppose.”
Jiu Jingyi took a deep breath. She watched Gui Yin drain his cup and immediately refilled it. “Gui-shixiong, will you allow me to be impolite for a moment?”
“You’ve never asked before,” Gui Yin said, a bit frightened.
Jiu Jingyi smiled, but continued anyway before Gui Yin could respond. “If, tomorrow, my only disciple, Meng Meng died and it was clearly because I hadn’t been able to protect her, what would you say to me?”
“Why…” Gui Yin frowned. He shook his head. “There is no way you would have refused to save her.”
“I didn’t refuse, I was simply unable to.”
“Then, that isn’t your fault,” Gui Yin said.
“Is that what you would say to me?” Jiu Jingyi asked.
Gui Yin nodded. “Of course. If you were unable to save Meng Meng, then that means that it was an enemy that you wouldn’t be able to defeat. You would have tried your hardest to protect her—I am certain of this.”
“Alright, then, say that is exactly how it went, yet I still blame myself,” Jiu Jingyi said. “I spend a few more years doing what I usually do, but I clearly am no longer myself. It hurts too much to live, even, but I don’t want to die because I know it will hurt you all. I decided to go away to avoid everyone’s pity—it became too much—but I know you’ll be worried if I leave without a word, so I say that I’m going into seclusion. What would you say?”
“It is good that you want to take time for yourself,” Gui Yin said. “It’s better than doing something rash.”
“You don’t think I’m cowardly for not chasing after the person who harmed my disciple?”
“Of course not,” Gui Yin said.
Jiu Jingyi raised a brow. “Then, you don’t think it’s selfish of me to want some time away from everyone?”
“Does that even need to be asked?” Gui Yin frowned. “Everyone deals with grief differently. As long as you aren’t harming yourself, then you’re fine.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“You seem to have a lot to say about people dealing with grief,” Jiu Jingyi said. “But when it comes to yourself, why can’t you extend that same courtesy?”
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“Vlzaffc…?”
“Ccv sbe kfgf klat tlw ecali sbe kfgf lc sbeg ijaf akfcalfr. Ktja’r bnfg j vfmjvf bo tlw wjclqeijalcu sbeg offilcur. Ktfc, bc abq bo atja, tf abbx jkjs sbeg fcalgf ojwlis,” Ale Alcusl rjlv. Vtf kjr ugbklcu wbgf tfjafv jr rtf rqbxf. Vtf abbx j vffq ygfjat jcv rajgafv jujlc. “Cii obg gfnfcuf bc bcf qfgrbc. Lf erfv sbe. Pa kjrc’a sbeg ojeia, yea atf uelia jcv uglfo sbe wera tjnf ofia lr lcmbwqgftfcrlyif ab jcsbcf ktb tjrc’a yffc lc jcsatlcu mibrf ab sbeg qbrlalbc.”
Gui Yin listened wordlessly. It didn’t feel right to interrupt Jiu Jingyi at the moment.
“And if you felt that it was your fault that so many people died, it’s reasonable that someone of your character would want to be punished. And I saw you in the years leading up to when you were completely gone—it wasn’t like you didn’t try different ways to make up for that guilt. You…helped so many people…and even when you were gone, you continued to do so,” Jiu Jingyi said. “That amount of guilt and grief would have been horrible for anyone to experience.”
Jiu Jingyi took a moment to gather her thoughts. Her fingers tapped the surface of the table irritably. A while later, she finally spoke again: “Your situation and Li Fangyin’s is different. Yes, you could say you were running away from your problems, but in reality, your problem was already dealt with. And it’s because of that, that you ended up spiraling. Do I think sending your soul to go through so many trials was a good thing to do? No. But I can see why you thought to do so. And even to this day, after you’ve recovered all your memories, I can see that this still haunts you.”
Gui Yin awkwardly pinched his ear. “It’s not…that—”
“Stop trying to downplay your emotions,” Jiu Jingyi snapped. She took a deep breath. “What else?”
“What?”
“What else is in that stupid brain of yours?” Jiu Jingyi asked.
Gui Yin was shocked, but he still tried to fumble for other words to say. “I feel like I mistreated everyone in the time I was only partially conscious.”
“Are you serious?” Jiu Jingyi tried very hard to not explode at Gui Yin. She schooled her breathing and looked at Gui Yin directly in the eyes. “As someone who was there, you were just as polite as you normally were. Were you distant? Yes. But we knew what you were dealing with and we accepted that this life event had changed you. If you’re worried about your disciples, then don’t be. If you were ever neglectful, do you think they would be as attached to you as they are now?”
Gui Yin could only shrug meekly.
“Maybe you couldn’t offer the same amount of emotional availability that you would have been in the state you are in now,” Jiu Jingyi said, “But there was never a moment where any of us thought you were unworthy of your disciples. This is the singular truth.”
Gui Yin sheepishly poured Jiu Jingyi a cup of wine to soothe her irritation. “Don’t get mad.”
“How can I not get mad at you?” Jiu Jingyi snapped again. She drained the cup in one go. “I didn’t realize such ridiculous things were floating around in that brain of yours. You’re absolutely…”
Gui Yin waited for Jiu Jingyi to continue lecturing him, but instead he felt a sudden warmth blanket his body. His arms remained awkwardly in the air as Jiu Jingyi hugged him tightly. Gui Yin’s expression softened. He hugged Jiu Jingyi back and gently patted her back.
“Thank you.”
“Shut up,” Jiu Jingyi mumbled. “If you don’t believe me, then ask Linghuo or Siyi. You are their most cherished Shizun. Beyond gratitude, you are their family.”
Gui Yin hummed. “I understand.”
But there are many words that people will forever be reluctant to say and Jiu Jingyi knew that Gui Yin would never understand just how much his own disciples cared about him. Jiu Jingyi took a shaky breath and sat back down. She glared at Gui Yin through the tears in her eyes. The look was so childish that it caused Gui Yin to laugh. He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her.
“Don’t cry, don’t cry. You’re going to look ugly if you cry.”
Jiu Jingyi snatched the handkerchief from his hand. “I’m Xinggang City’s number beauty. How could I ever look ugly?”
“Right, right, right. You are the most beautiful,” Gui Yin coaxed. He watched Jiu Jingyi fondly for a moment before laughing.
The laugh wasn’t startling, but it still annoyed Jiu Jingyi. She watched as he laughed until her own mood settled. She sniffled slightly and swatted at him. “Why are you laughing?”
“Nothing,” Gui Yin said. He shook his head. “I just thought that it was funny that you got so angry at me.”
“It’s because you’re always so harsh on yourself that you—” Jiu Jingyi stopped herself. She huffed. “Forget it. I know you’re that type of person.”
“I’ll try to change,” Gui Yin offered.
“Try. And try hard,” Jiu Jingyi said. “I have very little faith that you’d be able to.”
“That’s so harsh,” Gui Yin said with a small pout.
“What was the last promise that you made to us? That you would be careful and you wouldn’t be reckless enough to get hurt?” Jiu Jingyi asked. “Where did that promise go?”
Gui Yin sat in resignation as he listened to Jiu Jingyi. “I’m sorry.”
“Will apologizing get you anywhere?” Jiu Jingyi grumbled. She sighed and glanced at him irritably. She shook her head again to pull herself out of the mindset. “How long are you staying?”
“Just until Er’lang calls for me again,” Gui Yin said. He fiddled with the wine cup for a moment. He met Jiu Jingyi’s gaze again. “I can’t promise anything, but I will at least try to stay alive.”
Jiu Jingyi scoffed. “That’s the only promise I know that you’ll keep.”
Gui Yin smiled softly and offered Jiu Jingyi another cup of wine.
Another week crept past before Gui Linghuo set foot in Shuangye Peak again.
His cheek bones had fleshed out, giving him a healthier glow than he previously sported in his younger years. His long hair was pulled into a ponytail and he wore the standard uniform of Shuangye Peak’s disciples. At his side was his sword and a basket full of goods that Lord Xun had placed onto him when he declared that he would be leaving for a spell.
The moment he saw Gui Yin and Yankui, his eyes lit up. He hurried over and placed the basket of fruit onto the table. He cupped his hands together and bowed.
“This disciple greets Shizun.”
“You’re back?” Gui Yin chuckled. He glanced at Yankui and saw the same excitement in his eyes that Gui Linghuo had. “It’s good that you’re back. You don’t know how much Xiao Kui missed you.”
“I didn’t miss him,” Yankui said. He refilled Gui Yin’s teacup and spoke with an air of indifference, “I was just worried—that’s all.”
Gui Linghuo’s lips twitched into a smile. “Worried about what? Haven’t I been fine for a while?”
“It hasn’t even been half a year. Your situation may have stabilized, but so little time has passed that you can’t afford to not be vigilant,” Yankui said with clear disapproval.
“Xiao Kui is right,” Gui Yin nodded. “However, I trust Huo’er. Since he was a child, he had already been someone of good measure. Xiao Kui, you needn’t worry too much.”
Gui Linghuo sat down beside Yankui. “And I have you by my side to remind me to be careful, right?”
Yankui glanced at him in disapproval. “Before you rely on others, you must rely on yourself.”
Gui Yin watched their back and forth and slowly lowered his gaze. He tried his best to hide his amusement. Today, he was able to see another side to Yankui yet again.
Gui Linghuo pouted, but before he could argue, he felt a light pinch on the back of his hand. He looked at the smaller hand on top of his and glanced at Yankui again. Yankui subtly gestured towards Gui Yin with a clear warning look in his eyes. Gui Linghuo chuckled and folded his other hand over Yankui’s before turning back to Gui Yin.
Yankui slipped his hands from Gui Linghuo’s. “Miss Meng asked me to help her with something today.”
“Today?” Gui Linghuo’s eyes widened. “I’ll come with you.”
Yankui’s eyes asked the question “are you stupid?”. He shook his head. “No, you stay here. Keep Laoshi company.”
Yankui bowed to Gui Yin and departed with a leisurely pace.
Gui Yin finally puffed out a laugh once Yankui had disappeared from their sight. He held a fan over the lower half of his face as Gui Linghuo finally snapped out of his own thoughts and turned to Gui Yin. Confusion was painted in his innocent gaze, making Gui Yin laugh even harder.
“Shizun, don’t laugh at this disciple,” Gui Linghuo mumbled.
“How can I help it? You look like a puppy that just got abandoned by his owner,” Gui Yin said. He snapped his fan shut and leaned forward a little. “You really like him?”
“Of course,” Gui Linghuo said. His answer came quickly without any hesitation. He was silent for a moment before he stood. “Shizun, I still haven’t thanked you for saving him.”
“Ah,” Gui Yin tapped his folding fan against Gui Linghuo’s chest and gently pushed him back. “If you’re going to get on your knees, then stop right there. The only time I want you like that in front of me is if you’re deciding to leave my tutelage.”
Gui Linghuo straightened and gave Gui Yin a helpless expression.
“I only did what I should do,” Gui Yin said. He sighed and flourished his fan. “Besides, Yankui means a lot to you. If we hadn’t brought him back in one piece, I’m afraid you really would have fallen onto the demonic path.”
Gui Linghuo’s smile took on a wistful quality. His gaze drifted downwards as many thoughts ran through his head. He shook his head. “If Shizun hadn’t returned, this disciple wouldn’t have done very well either. I was very close, you know? Every night, I would have a dream and at the end of the dream, the monster that looked exactly like me would eat me whole.”
He fell silent for a moment. “I still have those dreams. This monster stands at a distance now, but I know he’s waiting for another chance to come out.”
“I’m sorry,” Gui Yin said.
His soft voice made Gui Linghuo look up again. Gui Linghuo shook his head. “Please don’t apologize, Shizun. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have had the same fate as A-Kui. The ghost cultivators would have taken me with them or I would have somehow fallen into their hands. Meeting you is my life’s blessing and I don’t think I can ever emphasize that enough to you.”
Gui Yin snapped his fan open and averted his gaze awkwardly. “Why are you so sappy today? You’re making me uncomfortable.”
Gui Linghuo laughed. “I don’t know. I’ve just had to think about these last few years. I realized that meeting new people, whether good or bad, is a great gift. If there is something I want to say, I should say it before they’re gone for good.”
Gui Yin’s jaw clenched slightly. He sighed and snapped his fan shut again. “Huo’er.”
Gui Linghuo straightened upon being directly addressed. “Yes, Shizun?”
“Thank you for lending me your light,” Gui Yin said. His smile became more genuine when he saw Gui Linghuo’s confused expression. He reached over the table and gently rubbed Gui Linghuo’s head, as he had many times when the other man had been a child. “You called me back to this world. If I hadn’t met you, who knows what would have become of me.”
Gui Linghuo’s face flushed. He leaned a little into Gui Yin’s touch but he still attempted to shake his head. “This disciple hasn’t done anything. It was all Shizun.”
“Is that so? But I think you did. Similar to how you believe I saved you, I also believe that you had a hand in saving me,” Gui Yin said. “You as well as your shimei. You are all very, very dear to me. And you all taught me that there was a lot more to live for than what I had initially believed.”
Gui Linghuo stared at Gui Yin wordlessly. His eyes stung slightly and he quickly turned away. Gui Yin pulled his hand back and chuckled. This thin-faced Gui Linghuo was what he was more used to. His amusement carried on as the two fell into a comfortable silence.
The red maple leaves drifted down from overhead. Some were carried away by the light breeze while others landed on the surface of the lake or even near their feet. As Gui Yin watched the leaves fall, a thought occurred that made his chest ache a little.
His fan snapped open and he turned to Gui Linghuo. “Huo’er, let’s visit your Shigong.”
“Shigong?” Gui Linghuo echoed.
Gui Yin smiled. “I haven’t visited him in so long. I should…I should pay him a visit.”
Gui Linghuo nodded. “Do you need this disciple to prepare anything?”
“No, let’s not make it too big of a deal. We’ll only be staying there for a few days,” Gui Yin said. “It must have been a while since anyone’s cleaned his gravesite.”
“This disciple visited not too long ago,” Gui Linghuo said. “But seasons have passed, so it must have gotten dirty again.”
Gui Yin chuckled. “What a filial child.”
Gui Linghuo flushed. “Then, this disciple will head into town quickly to get some worshipping materials.”
“I will come with you,” Gui Yin said. He pinched his folding fan. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen my own shizun. I should try to show some sincerity.”
A/N: Keep an eye out on my twitter (@glowingreverie) on Sunday 1pm~ (PST) for a special announcement!
heart soft… thanks for the chapter!
thanks for reading!
Aw, such a sweet chapter!
thanks for reading!