By the time Chen Jiayu arrived at Lijing, it was already past eight o’clock. He unlocked his phone, placed an order for takeout, and then, as usual, made a call home. Normally, when he called, either his father Chen Zheng, or the caregiver Xiao Zhao, would pick up, but no one answered, even after calling twice. This was quite unusual.
After parking the car in the residential area and leaving without taking out his luggage, he decided to visit his parent’s house first.
Recently, his mother, Cao Hui, had just started a new treatment, and the side effects were much greater than before. According to his father, she spent most of the day sleeping.
As soon as Chen Jiayu entered the door, he saw the soft, yellow light emanating from his mother’s bedroom. His father was nowhere to be seen, and Cao Hui lay alone on the bed, the television murmuring the evening news in the background, its volume barely audible, as if abandoned.
“Mom, I’m back,” he called out softly, “Where’s Dad?”
Cao Hui glanced at him. Her mood lifted slightly, and she forced out a smile, saying he went out to meet with his old comrades.
Hearing this, Chen Jiayu frowned. “He’s going out again so late. He’s probably going to drink again.”
Cao Hui sighed, “Xiao Zhao drove him there, so it should be fine.”
“I’ll give Xiao Zhao a call and check.” Chen Jiayu immediately said.
Cao Hui remained silent as Chen Jiayu went to the living room and dialed the familiar number on the landline. Xiao Zhao had always been dependable. After a couple of rings, he picked up, assuring Chen Jiayu that he was watching over Mr. Chen and keeping an eye on him, ready to whisk him away as soon as he came out. Grateful, Chen Jiayu thanked him before ending the call.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Dad shouldn’t leave you alone like this at home. I’ll talk to him tonight,” he comforted Cao Hui.
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Chen Jiayu couldn’t help but wonder whether his father cared more about his mother’s well-being or preserving the image of a flawless family with a young and beautiful wife and a successful son. He tried to reassure himself it was the former, but persistent reminders and observations suggested the latter.
Cao Hui remained silent, gesturing for Chen Jiayu to take the chair beside the bed. She watched him silently for a while.
Her demeanor exuded a sense of melancholy, her once lustrous hair almost gone, and her entire being, from face to body, appeared significantly thinner, a stark contrast to her former vitality. This transformation had been gradual, but Chen Jiayu felt she looked particularly worn out today, perhaps reflecting her inner turmoil.
Sensing her troubled state, Chen Jiayu gently inquired, “What’s wrong, Mom?”
At first, Cao Hui remained silent, only turning her head to look at the night outside the window. After a while, as if suddenly making a decision, she softly but firmly confessed, “I often claim to have no regrets in life, but there are regrets.”
In an attempt to lighten the mood, Chen Jiayu suggested, “Do you want to go somewhere? How about we take a trip to Japan at the end of the year? I’ll take some time off from work.”
However, Cao Hui shook her head, indicating it wasn’t about that.
Bathed in the silver glow of moonlight, her once radiant countenance now bore the marks of affliction, aging prematurely under the strain of illness. Chen Jiayu had a premonition that he didn’t want to hear what was coming next, but he knew Cao Hui wanted to share. Maybe it was due to the medication or simply the mental strain, but Cao Hui had lost the optimism and positivity she had during the initial diagnosis months ago.
With measured cadence, Cao Hui continued, “Your father and I, we got back together because it seemed right at first. Then you came along, and then… well, you know the rest. Jiayu, I don’t regret having you. You’re the best gift I’ve ever received. But I do wish, I could have been braver, more decisive, made choices earlier, and… moved on sooner.” She paused. Her candid admission hung heavy in the air, a departure from her usual delicate consideration of his feelings. Now that the words were out, the whole room seemed to fall into a hush, and Chen Jiayu, as if the faint sound from the TV in the background, was drowning in his ear.
Cao Hui and Chen Zheng got married when they were only twenty-one. Fresh out of college, Cao Hui eagerly started working, seeking to escape her mother’s stifling control. With her striking looks and grace, she was selected for a flight attendant training program. It was there she crossed paths with Chen Zheng, a twenty-nine-year-old former Air Force pilot newly transitioned to civil aviation.
Chen Zheng pursued her fervently, and she, drawn by his kindness, readily accepted his proposal. Marriage, she believed, would be her ticket to freedom, her escape from home.
The following year after their marriage, Chen Jiayu was born, completing the picture of a perfect family. Initially filled with joy, she threw herself into the role of a devoted mother, even juggling evening classes in management and computer science, dreaming of a career change once Chen Jiayu entered school.
However, cracks began to surface in her relationship with Chen Zheng. Despite their shared social circle and parental responsibilities, Cao Hui felt increasingly trapped, moving from one cage to another. Her dream of a career change gradually faded as she prioritized raising Chen Jiayu. She never abandoned her stable job as a flight attendant to pursue other careers, and as time passed, it became too late for a change.
For Chen Zheng, airplanes, flights, and cockpits represented a vast and boundless dream spanning millions of kilometers, but for Cao Hui, they were merely confined spaces, a greenhouse she could never escape.
Lost in memories, Cao Hui gently ran her fingers through her hair: “Do you remember when I went to Hainan two years ago and stayed there for months?”
Chen Jiayu vaguely remembered his mother’s trip to Hainan, where she sought comfort and relaxation, accompanied by a former colleague from her flight attendant days. He couldn’t quite recall the reason for her sudden departure. Perhaps it was sparked by a disagreement with his father or the suffocating atmosphere in Beijing after retirement. At that time, he was preoccupied with the chaos surrounding the emergency landing in Hong Kong, too absorbed in his own concerns to ask about Cao Hui’s motivations. But now, she disclosed it herself: she needed space, considering divorce and a life of her own, seeking independence and distance from her marriage with Chen Zheng.
The revelation was both surprising and oddly fitting. Chen Jiayu couldn’t shake the feeling that the truth had been right in front of him all along, yet he had been too preoccupied with his own problems to see it. He had long sensed the discord between his parents, their marriage held together by a fragile thread. But hearing his mother admit she had once considered divorce was a first for him. He recalled the endless arguments over trivial matters, Chen Zheng’s passive aggression, and Cao Hui’s constant compromises—a cycle that had defined his life from childhood to adulthood and into becoming a pilot, a constant axis in his life. Chen Zheng’s authoritative presence in the family cast a shadow over both Cao Hui and himself. And Cao Hui’s approach to Chen Zheng was to strive for perfection, keeping the house spotless, meticulously managing every detail, always accommodating and enduring. She believed this would ensure lasting happiness, only to discover it wasn’t so.
After returning from Hainan, Cao Hui resolved to pursue her own happiness, only to have her plans shattered by a cancer diagnosis during a routine check-up due to her declining health. Fate, at times, seemed to have a cruel sense of timing. Just when you’ve mustered the courage to embrace a new life, the train to that new beginning has already left the platform. She dreaded the thought of facing the end of her life alone and wasn’t ready to end her marriage amidst such uncertainty.
Turning to Chen Jiayu, Cao Hui said, “When you broke up with Xiaoyan, everyone around me said it was a pity, but I knew it was your choice. You made a decision.”
Chen Jiayu nodded. “We never talked about it, but… I know you see it.”
“It’s only recently that I’ve come to realize, while the road may seem long and full of choices, life itself can be fleeting. Sometimes, you have to make a decision at the crossroads of life. Unfortunately, I made the wrong one back then.” Cao Hui’s words lingered in the room.
As Chen Jiayu met his mother’s gaze, a wave of emotions washed over him — he felt the urge to cry again, sympathizing with her regrets, feeling the weight of her sorrow. His upbringing had been the glue holding together their fragile family unit, the sole comfort in Cao Hui’s mundane and repetitive life, yet also serving as a conduit for her lifelong regrets. Despite Cao Hui’s assertions that she never regretted having a child, never regretting giving birth to him, and continued to love and care for him as always, Chen Jiayu had always subconsciously known that with each passing year of his growth, each inch he grew taller, he became a measure of her past mistakes.
Suddenly, he felt that some of his past concerns might not matter in the grand scheme of life. When Cao Hui said she had made the wrong choice, it implied that Chen Jiayu had made the right one—though he didn’t feel like he had made any. But now, he realized that perhaps he had made that decision subconsciously on a New Year’s Eve three years ago. In the end, he chose a different life.
In the dim light, Chen Jiayu held Cao Hui’s hand tightly. He suddenly felt a strange palpitation, causing his heart to beat rapidly. Despite the weight of Cao Hui’s revelations lingering in his mind, her honesty surprisingly brought Chen Jiayu a sense of relief. It was as if the burden he had thought he had been carrying alone was suddenly lightened by half.
After leaving his parents’ house, Chen Jiayu realized he had left his flight bag in the car and went back to retrieve it. While grabbing his bag, he also took the coffee cup from the passenger seat—it was nearly empty. As he picked up the cup, he noticed that the brown paper sleeve around it had a character “Fang” written in bold strokes with a marker pen, probably written by the coffee shop attendant when preparing the order.
That night, Chen Jiayu struggled to fall asleep for a long time. Perhaps it was because of the coffee, or perhaps… something else entirely.
Translator notes: 1st chapter out of..2 or 3. XD Thanks for the patience! Enjoy! 
That is very sad, but ordinary story of many marriages (｡•́︿•̀｡)
Thank You for the new chapter ( ꈍᴗꈍ)❤️
True. A lot of older marriages are like this. They don’t divorce often, but they aren’t necessarily all happy. Although they do learn to live with each other and accommodate. 🤧
Yeah, it’s more like living on ‘habit’ than involve feelings (๑´╹‸╹`๑)
Thank you for the update!
💜
Omg, finally!! Thank you so so much!!! I’ve refreshed this page so many times .. 🤣
💐💐
Lol sorry. Another Nnw chapter is out now.
Thank you for the chapter 🤍
This almost hits home, although I’m not the one going through it. Marriage is basically choosing a person you can live with despite all the madness it will bring into your life. You just have to choose the lesser evil among all the candidates.
Bit sad but true, and sometimes if you are lucky, you’ll manage to choose someone you can have fun and laugh with.
I feel bad for Cao Hui.
Thank you for the chapter!
Whenever I see people complaining about how couples divorce more often nowadays, I think of cases such as this. When it comes to marriage, my belief is aligned to the Brazilian poet Vinicius de Moraes’: “let it be infinite while it lasts”.
The phrase is from the poem “Loyalty Sonnet”: https://allpoetry.com/Soneto-de-Fidelidade