Edited by Elanor
Zhangsun Zijun wasn’t an idiot; in the original novel, he was depicted as exceptionally intelligent. However, in the twisted fanfic universe, his IQ often plummeted without warning, especially when Yi Xichen and other men were involved in the same frame. Even now, he had a vague sense that something was off, but his IQ stubbornly refused to rise to the occasion.
“The Sword Competition?” Zhangsun Zijun’s reaction was somewhat delayed as his brain took a bit of time to understand when his long ears caught bits and pieces of Lu Ziyao and Yi Xichen’s conversation from earlier. “In ten days?”
If he remembered correctly, the Sword Competition, which took place once every five years, had already concluded. There was still quite a while before the next five years would begin—why would it start now?
Lu Ziyao patted away the goosebumps on his arm. “What, has Shidi forgotten?”
Yi Xichen also looked at him suspiciously. “Zijun, what exactly is going on with you today? You and I practice swordplay every day in preparation for the Sword Competition, you…”
Zhangsun Zijun frowned. Lu Ziyao and Yi Xichen’s lines of questioning were so eerily similar—could they be ganging up on him? Or had he misremembered? He asked, “What is today’s date?”
“It’s the year of Bingchen, the month of Wuxu, the day of Gengwu,” Lu Ziyao responded.
Zhangsun Zijun felt a sharp pain in his teeth. “The year of Bingchen? It’s clearly Jiazi.”
“Huh? Jiazi?” Lu Ziyao and Yi Xichen exchanged a glance.
The difference between the year of Bingchen and the year of Jiazi was eight years if counted forward, and fifty-two years if counted backward—it was indeed quite a large joke.
Zhangsun Zijun was also mystified. Every sixty-year cycle (Jiazi), the Cloud City portal would open once, yet Yi Xichen had just gone with him to snag a bunch of magical items (the majority of which were X toys, or not X toys but could be used as such). There was no way he could have mistaken something so vivid and clear.
Yi Xichen now fully realized the severity of the situation. Zhangsun Zijun was acting very strange today, far outside the realm of normal joking around. It wasn’t entirely impossible for Zhangsun Zijun to act out of character and playfully tease him in private, but there was no way, absolutely no way, he would continue to act so strangely in front of a third person.
“Zijun,” Yi Xichen asked, “did you accidentally get your head stuck in the door when you went out this morning?”
Zhangsun Zijun: “…..”
Lu Ziyao stared back and forth, astonished, unsure what had transpired.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Tl Wlmtfc kjrc’a regf tbk ab fzqijlc atf rlaejalbc, rb tf ifjcfv lc ab ktlrqfg lcab Oe Ilsjb’r fjg.
The two were as close as a M/M couple engaged in an illicit love affair. Watching this intimate scene unfold before him, Zhangsun Zijun felt his stomach turn over in jealousy. As the third most attractive person, beside the two protagonists in the story, Lu Ziyao was like a brick in the construction of a socialist society, to be moved wherever the need arose. Thus, in Zhangsun Zijun’s twisted little world, Lu Ziyao was a second male lead (gong), an unreasonably devoted side character, willing to sacrifice all dignity for Yi Xichen, all for the sake of plucking Yi Xichen’s chrysanthemum.
Itjcurec Ilpec obecv atlr vfnfibqwfca ecmbcrmlberis vlrajrafoei. “Cgf sbe akb wfrrlcu klat wf?”
“Messing with you?” Lu Ziyao asked, surprised. “Why would Zhangsun Shidi say such a thing?”
Itjcurec Ilpec’r fzqgfrrlbc gfwjlcfv vlrqifjrfv. “Cgf sbe akb rfmgfais jc lafw yftlcv ws yjmx?”
“Ct??” Oe Ilsjb cfjgis vgbqqfv tlr pjk. Jjgfoeiis, tf jrxfv, “Cc lafw? Qtja vbfr atja wfjc?”
“You must have definitely hit your head on the door!” Yi Xichen shot a death glare at Zijun, shaking his head furiously. “Why else would you think that me and you…you…uh…did it?” He couldn’t help but squeeze his legs together, feeling a strange ache in his buttocks. Now he understood why Zijun had asked him if his butt hurt this morning.
“Hiss…” Zhangsun Zijun’s teeth throbbed even more painfully. What kind of situation was this? The same person who had cried hoarse from his bed last night had the guts to deny their relationship today. Little did Yi Xichen know, if you were to take the distance he had thrust into Yi Xichen last night and convert it into the size of a boba cup, they could circle the Earth three times!
Suddenly, a divine halo lit up Zhangsun Zijun’s brain and he ranted. “Yi Xichen! Is it possible that you purposely miscarried our child? For the sake of your adulterous affair with this bastard Lu Ziyao?!”
“Eh?!” Lu Ziyao, who was dragged into this battle, couldn’t help but glance at Yi Xichen’s stomach. He felt like his brain was playing catch-up and could not keep up with this new development. “Chi..child?”
Yi Xichen almost fell over and somersaulted. What the actual fuck was happening?!
After a moment, Yi Xichen grabbed his sword and pointed it at Zhangsun Zijun, assuming a defensive stance. “Are you really Zhangsun Zijun? Could you be an Illusion Demon in disguise?”
Zhangsun Zijun was taken aback. Right, this made sense—neither Yi Xichen nor Lu Ziyao seemed quite normal, and their words were completely nonsensical, utterly irrelevant things. Could they actually be Illusion Demons in disguise? And furthermore, could they have been the ones to frame him? Zhangsun Zijun swiftly assumed a defensive stance as well. “Yi Xichen, when and where did we first meet?”
“When you first came to the Medicine Pavilion from the Sword Refining Pavilion, you were icy-cold and arrogant, not considering anyone worthy in your eyes. I took the initiative to strike up a conversation with you; do you remember what I said to you first?”
“‘Hey, you’re really good-looking, let’s be friends.’ How did I respond?”
“‘Fuck off.’ But despite this, why did you still become my friend?”
“You pestered me for a whole month, saying I’m the most handsome youth in the Medicine Pavilion and insisting that we become companions. I could not escape from your incessant nagging, so to have some peace and quiet, I agreed.”
Yi Xichen rubbed his nose. “Eh, is that so? And here I thought you found me exceptionally handsome and charming.”
Lu Ziyao: “….”, watching from the sidelines, was struck speechless.
With this, the pieces of the puzzle finally fit together. Though illusionary demons had the ability to mimic a person’s voice and appearance, they were unable to breach the sea of consciousness and read memories. This memory was one known to Yi Xichen and Zhangsun Zijun alone—no matter how OOC a fanfic writer might be, they still respected the original work to an extent.
Yi Xichen and Zhangsun Zijun both lowered their attacking stances, yet remained confused.
Lu Ziyao, seeing the situation clearly from the sidelines, pulled Yi Xichen aside and asked quietly, “Yi Shidi, this symptom of Zhangsun shidi’s seems like demonic possession. What has he been doing these past two days? Has he experienced anything unusual? Consumed any strange herbs?”
Yi Xichen’s face paled, then brightened. “Oh no! Now that you mention it, I remember.” He scratched his head in embarrassment. “Yesterday, I was refining medicine but missing an ingredient, the Tianhe grass, so last night, I dragged Zijun with me and went to the miasma forest at the foot of the mountain to gather ingredients…”
Lu Ziyao’s expression also shifted, and he chided them, “The miasma forest is filled with fog and poisonous gas. You two are truly lawless! How could you dare to go to that place? Zhangsun Zijun must have breathed in too much of the miasma, causing his mind to become severely impaired! His mind must be muddled now!”
Yi Xichen was filled with regret. Last night, in order to enter the miasma forest, he had stolen two of the Medicine Pavilion Elder Yao Budu’s Breath-Holding Pills. With those two pills, he and Zhangsun Zijun had successfully obtained the Tianhe grass. The raw material for the Sticky Mucus Pill Yi Xichen had just used in his trick earlier was also from this grass. While Yi Xichen himself felt no ill effects, he realized that his actions had likely endangered Zijun.
If this was indeed the case, then Yi Xichen would need to take responsibility for Zhangsun Zijun’s recovery. Not only had he caused Zijun’s current state, but they were also best friends, so he had to find a way to cure Zijun!
“Lu Shixiong,” Yi Xichen called out, “please help me calm Zijun down—I’ll go refine a batch of mind-clearing pills this instant!” With that, he turned around and ran off until there wasn’t even his shadow left, leaving behind Zhangsun Zijun and Lu Ziyao, who glared at each other; Zijun looking like he saw an enemy, while the latter in speechless dismay.
“Heh, heh, heh.” Lu Ziyao hadn’t been in this kind of situation before either, and he laughed awkwardly before suggesting good-naturedly, “You must be tired from all that sword practice. Why don’t I escort Shidi to the room to rest for a bit?”
As soon as Yi Xichen left, Zhangsun Zijun’s emotional problems went offline and his IQ, which had been forcibly suppressed this whole time, returned to its rightful owner. Something about this situation felt strange, very strange. But poor Zhangsun Zijun couldn’t quite pinpoint what exactly had changed; all he knew was that Yi Xichen and Lu Ziyao seemed to have become entirely different people, with different personalities altogether.
Zhangsun Zijun turned on his heel to leave without a word, leaving Lu Ziyao bewildered. As he chased after the man, Lu Ziyao asked, “Shidi, where are you going? What’s wrong?”
“I’m going to ask around for the year,” Zhangsun Zijun replied curtly.
Every time Zhangsun Zijun met a disciple, he asked them what year it was now. Everyone answered “Bingchen” in a serious tone of voice. When he asked when the Sword Competition would be held, they all said in ten days from now. It was exactly the same as what Yi Xichen and Lu Ziyao had said.
Had the entire sect united to play a prank on him? But why would they? Had he done something to anger everyone? He had merely been a bit harsh, a bit ruthless, in putting those who dared covet Yi Xichen’s chrysanthemum on the brink of death, coughing up blood. And how many people in the Heavenly Sword Mountain Sect coveted Yi Xichen’s chrysanthemum anyway? …Wait a minute, Zhangsun Zijun seemed to recall that most of the male characters he had impressions of were all eyeing Yi Xichen’s chrysanthemum like a tiger watching its prey. In other words, had he taught nearly the entire sect a lesson before?
Zhangsun Zijun was on the verge of collapse. Why had everyone treated this terrifying matter-of-fact so matter-of-factly?! Why hadn’t he questioned it before?!
Lu Ziyao followed behind Zhangsun Zijun, then cautiously spoke up, “Look, it really is the year of Bingchen, we weren’t lying. Zhangsun Shidi, perhaps you might have been affected by something last night, but it’s okay. Let the Medicine Pavilion Elder take a look at you and you’ll be fine…”
Zhangsun Zijun stopped abruptly, staring dazedly at a small tree by the riverbank. He and Yi Xichen had planted this peach tree several years ago. In his recollection, this tree ought to have blossomed and borne fruit long since—but right now it remained a tiny sapling.
If people could lie, then objects could not.
Zhangsun Zijun suddenly broke into a run.
How could Lu Ziyao allow him to run off alone? He chased after him, calling, “Zhangsun Shidi, wait, don’t run! Why don’t we go see the Medicine Elder together?”
They passed through the peach forest and turned at the sword-training field. After that was Shennong Temple, whose doors were inscribed with a calendar that ran on ancient divine mechanism, automatically updating year by year without human intervention.
Written clearly on the calendar was: Bingchen (Thirty-seventh year), Wuxu (seventh month), Gengwu (fifth day).
Zhangsun Zijun took a step back, slightly bewildered.
Why did this reality and memory align so differently from what he knew? Were the past eight years just a dream like “The Dream of the Yellow Millet”? Had he been enchanted by some means, his mind disoriented? Or had someone used some sort of magical artifact to lead him through a temporal gateway? Come to think of it, he vaguely recalled a bolt of lightning striking outside his window as he slept last night, so blindingly bright that it had jolted him awake. At the time, he’d thought some powerful being must be transcending a heavenly lightning tribulation, but now he wondered if there was something more to that bolt of lightning.
At that moment, an ear-piercing voice spoke from behind him. “Ooh, who’s this? Lu Shixiong, why do you keep company with such riffraff? You’re just inviting bad luck.”
Zhangsun Zijun clicked his tongue and slowly turned around. The person he despised most in the world had appeared: Xiao Kui.
——–
The Dream of the Yellow Millet – Lü Dongbin, who later became a Daoist Immortal, once slept in a hotel while his yellow millet was cooking. He dreamed that he was awarded a high position in the government and soon rose through the ranks to eventually become the prime minister. However, his enemies framed him for some crimes and he lost his position. His wife betrayed him, his children were all killed by bandits, and he lost his wealth. He woke up as he was dying in his dream and found out that although eighteen years had passed in his dream the whole dream actually happened in the time it took his millet to cook. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%BC_Dongbi )
And what to do now?
Thank You for the chapter ♡(ӦｖӦ｡)