“It’s supposed to be crazy cold starting tomorrow, but it’s already freezing.”
“…Yeah. It wasn’t this cold when I went to the academy earlier.”
What should I say? Hyun Gyujin glanced at Yuwon, who was walking silently with his hands deep in his pockets.
“You can’t go to your tutor, and you quit the academy. How will you study? At home?”
“Uh… I’m not sure yet. I’m going to solve the problems the teacher gave me and think about it. In our last year, it’s better to study alone rather than relying too much on academies or tutors. I think getting used to studying alone will be good.”
“…Yeah, true.”
Since Yuwon mentioned getting used to studying alone, Hyun Gyujin found it hard to suggest studying together. He nodded once and thought about what to say next. It was too cold to suggest bubble tea, and the atmosphere was too awkward to suggest getting something to eat.
“Does Yoon Sung have a girlfriend?”
“I don’t think so…”
“Oh, okay.”
And another silence. Hyun Gyujin gave up on changing the atmosphere. It seemed impossible to regain the previous comfortable and casual vibe until things were fully resolved with Yuwon.
“Does he like anyone?”
“I don’t know… He doesn’t talk about that kind of stuff.”
“Really?”
Oh, this is the timing. As they stood at the crosswalk, Hyun Gyujin turned towards Yuwon.
“Then what do you talk about?”
“Hmm?”
“No, usually people talk about stuff like that. About who they like or who’s pretty… Or who broke up with whom. Choi Haeyoung and Kim Joonjae talk about that all day. Min Jihoon too.”
“Uh… I guess we’re not that close.”
Hyun Gyujin felt immensely relieved by Yuwon’s words. It might have been the words he wanted to hear the most.
“Really? That’s good then.”
“What is?”
“What?”
“What’s good?”
“Did I say it’s good?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Yeah…”
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“……”
Crazy, have I caught the pervert’s mindset? What’s wrong with me? Shaking his head quickly, he followed Yuwon out onto the 6th floor. At the door, Yuwon shyly met his eyes.
“Thanks for coming to pick me up even on the last day.”
“Why are you saying such a formal thanks?”
“I’m really grateful. It’s not easy to wait for me every time until I finish.”
“…Well… It wasn’t hard for me. It was natural.”
Feeling embarrassed by Yuwon’s sincere thanks, Hyun Gyujin scratched his cheek awkwardly. His fingertips, eyes, and heart all felt a strange itch.
“…Well… Have a good break. Gyujin.”
Isn’t that something you say when you don’t expect to see someone during the break? Have a good break. See you when school starts. Tilting his head, Hyun Gyujin nodded silently. He needed to stop being so sensitive and take words at face value. Yuwon was simply wishing him a good break, nothing more.
“Yeah, you too. Uh…”
Normally, he would have said see you tomorrow or that he’d message him. But the current situation was different. They stood at a crossroad where they might reunite, become friends, or end things completely. It was hard to act like friends or lovers. Stammering as if buffering, Hyun Gyujin finally found the right words.
“See you next time.”
“Yeah… See you. Bye.”
“Yeah, bye.”
Mimicking Yuwon’s farewell, Hyun Gyujin watched him until the elevator doors closed. He then pulled down his hood and leaned his head back.
Ah, I was too vague in my goodbye. When is ‘next time’? It could be tomorrow or a week from now. Or will it be when school starts again?
Nah, no way. Laughing off the absurd thought, he whispered a soft laugh. Ah, it’s cold. I need a hot shower and a good night’s sleep. Dreaming of Jung Yuwon. With a small spreading smile, the elevator stopped at the 12th floor.
* * *
That winter, the winter when he was eighteen, was the worst time for Hyun Gyujin. He barely remembered how he got through each day. Without tutoring and with Yuwon not attending the academy, plus the school break, there was no ‘natural’ reason to see Yuwon.
Even though they didn’t need a reason to meet, with the break, Hyun Gyujin needed a reason to meet Yuwon. It was no longer possible to simply ask him to have lunch together or say he’d come over later for no reason.
As each day passed, he lost the timing to contact Yuwon. Dragged around to visit relatives before becoming seniors, February arrived quickly. A whole month had passed without contacting Yuwon. Yet, the world kept turning normally. Despite not seeing Jung Yuwon for a month, mornings came, days passed, and nights fell as usual. Hyun Gyujin couldn’t understand that.
Mom and Dad weren’t home all day, so they didn’t realize I stayed at home without seeing Yuwon once. They assumed I was spending all that time with Yuwon, going to the dojo for practice or being dragged out by friends for gaming, despite my complaints.
Sometimes, they would express disappointment that Yuwon never came over, but I had no response. I couldn’t bring myself to say, “I don’t know, Mom. I haven’t seen Yuwon in over a month.”
Long time no see, how’ve you been?
What have you been up to?
How can you not send a single text?
Don’t you miss me?
At night, when feelings got more intense, I’d draft messages like these to Yuwon but never sent them. It felt too silly. I hadn’t sent a single text either, so expressing any disappointment to Yuwon wouldn’t make sense.
‘…Um… have a good vacation, Gyujin.’
I knew it sounded odd back then. It felt like a goodbye for the whole break, and it turns out I was right. What’s this? Do you really not want to see me? Did you cut off contact all vacation to end things completely?
Maybe Yuwon was right. If we had just stayed friends, this wouldn’t have happened. We would have spent the break together, having perfect days that felt too short and laughing until our sides hurt. Now, it all felt absurd. How did a friend become a lover and then an ex-best friend and now an ex-boyfriend?
Even drama protagonists don’t go through such intense breakups. Lying curled up, hugging Yuwon’s scentless hoodie, Hyun Gyujin buried his face in it.
If he fell asleep like this, he would dream of Yuwon. Ever since he hadn’t seen Yuwon for exactly two weeks, he’d been dreaming of him every night. In those dreams, Hyun Gyujin and Yuwon intertwined in ways indescribably erotic and chaotic.
It was truly the hardest time of his life.
* * *
If Hyun Gyujin had known that ‘next time’ meant the first day of the new semester, not tomorrow, the day after, or a week later, he never would have said it.
Never.
He saw Yuwon again on the first day of the new semester in the school hallway. He already knew they were in different classes, but seeing Yuwon in the hallway like any other student felt strange.
He had never gone this long without seeing Yuwon. At most, they were apart for a few days, staying connected through texts that made it feel like they were always together. So not seeing each other for not just one month but two was… incredible.
Starting with missing them, then moving to frustration, and finally reaching a state of detached acceptance, Hyun Gyujin thought he had reached peace. But the moment he saw Yuwon’s face, his heart started racing again. He realized that his mind had been faking calmness for survival.
Yuwon was still small, pretty, and cute. He seemed a bit thinner, likely from being sick. His hair was trimmed, looking neater than the last time he saw him.
“…….”
“…….”
Not knowing how to greet in this unprecedented situation, Hyun Gyujin looked at Yuwon with a troubled face. Yuwon, looking back at him just as confused, seemed uncomfortable. Despite feeling both happy and a bit angry about how things had turned out, Hyun Gyujin exhaled shortly and tilted his head.
“Long time no see.”
“…Yeah. Have you been well?”
“Yuwon, are you really asking me if…”
Just as he was about to ask if Yuwon really wanted to know how he’d been, he saw Yoon Sung coming out of Yuwon’s classroom. Hyun Gyujin, almost incredulous, checked again to confirm it was class 3-3.
“What, you two are in the same class?”
“Hey, Gyujin! Long time no see. You’re in class 1, right?”
Looking discontentedly at the cheerful Yunseong, Hyun Gyujin lowered his head and rubbed his face. Although they didn’t choose to be in the same class, he tried to suppress his frustration but found it challenging. Honestly, he felt like going mad with jealousy. He wanted to switch places with Yunseong and be in Yuwon’s class. It wasn’t just annoyance; it was jealousy, and he couldn’t stop it.
“Yeah, it’s been a while. So you’re in the same class as Yuwon?”
“Yeah! It would have been great if you were in our class too…”
Are you mocking me? Looking at Yunseong’s bright face, Hyun Gyujin felt his anger rise. But he couldn’t show it in front of Yuwon. Suppressing his rage, he exhaled shortly again.
“Yeah, whatever.”
From the end of the hallway, he saw Choi Haeyoung, who was in his class, coming towards them. Seeing Haeyoung’s excited face made Hyun Gyujin frown.
“Hey, long time no see! What did you do during the break? Did you study abroad or something? Thanks to you not being around, we had the best time in our guild.”
“Is that something to brag about? Stop talking nonsense and go away.”
Pulling Haeyoung’s bag strap, Hyun Gyujin headed towards his class. Seeing Yuwon’s face was nice, but there were too many interruptions at school.
“Hey, seriously, what’s up with you and Yuwon? Why did you guys fight?”
“We didn’t.”
“You totally did. You ignored each other all break.”
“No, we didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. During breaks, you’d always talk about Yuwon—going out with Yuwon, shopping with Yuwon, Yuwon being sick. But this time, you didn’t mention Yuwon once. Even now, you two look so awkward.”
“I said we didn’t. If I say we didn’t, then we didn’t. Shut up.”
Narrowing his eyes, Haeyoung kept making suspicious gestures as he dropped his bag on an empty desk next to Hyun Gyujin. Hyun Gyujin, giving him a middle finger, sighed and lay on his desk. Although he thought about Yuwon yesterday, he felt like he had reached a state of calm, believing that not seeing them was fine. Searching for peace of mind, he even watched a lecture about how clinging to someone doesn’t make a connection, skipping forward every ten seconds.
If Hyun Gyujin’s friend or lover had said they didn’t want to be with him, he wouldn’t have tried to hold on any longer. He knew it wasn’t something that could be resolved by clinging to it alone. He had come to school that morning with such thoughts, but no, it was all nonsense and ridiculous.
Is it not possible to continue by holding on alone? Screw that. The chances of continuing are higher if at least one person holds on, damn it. Hyun Gyujin thought he should ignore all lectures based on the experiences of unknown people and straightened up.
The private tutor said they’d come back next Tuesday, and now that school had started again, this was an opportunity. It was the last chance given to him by the heavens, having missed the golden time of vacation. No matter how uncomfortable, awkward, good, or bad it was, now that he was in a situation where they had no choice but to see each other’s faces, he couldn’t miss this last chance.
Since Yuwon had seen him again at the end of January, he had been working out like crazy and taking care of himself so that she would regret what she missed when she saw his face and body, and it seemed like it was a good decision. Yuwon was weak for his face. It was a bit disappointing that they weren’t in the same class, but if he played his cards right, he thought he could create a situation where he could get closer to Yuwon than now. What would be good…? With his chin resting on his hand, Hyun Gyujin thought of Yuwon as he watched the new homeroom teacher enter the classroom.
The complex diary filled with all sorts of emotions over the past 60 days was topped with Yuwon. The five minutes of seeing Yuwon just now overshadowed the 60 days of worries. Still pretty, still cute, and still… the Yuwon he liked.
That’s why Hyun Gyujin couldn’t give up on ‘something’ with Yuwon.
Even if that ‘something’ was just being friends.
