Seeing Yuwon’s ears and cheeks turn bright red, Hyun Gyujin tilted his head slowly. He didn’t know how this conversation would end, but he wanted to express his feelings to Yuwon. At least he didn’t want to stay silent and regret it later.
“Isn’t that right?”
“……”
“I think it is.”
“……”
“I didn’t realize that ending something doesn’t make it end immediately. Fighting is one thing, but liking someone is different… It doesn’t just stop.”
Watching Hyun Gyujin, who was describing exactly what he felt, Yuwon fiddled with his fingertips. Though he was annoyed, he couldn’t bring himself to dislike Hyun Gyujin completely. Even when he didn’t want to see him because he was mad, he found himself missing him a little when lying in bed at night. Knowing Hyun Gyujin felt the same way made Yuwon feel ticklish inside.
“…I feel the same. I don’t hate you. But… I’m scared to get back together.”
“Because we might fight again?”
“Yeah… We’ve tried once. What if we fight again and again? I’d rather go back to how we were before and just be comfortable.”
“How can we go back to being comfortable now? We kissed yesterday. And I still want to kiss you whenever I see you. How can we be comfortable? We can’t be friends anymore. I wasn’t just saying that back then. We’ve done things friends don’t do, so how can we go back to the way things were?”
“If we try, maybe we can.”
“It’s possible, but it wouldn’t be genuine. Is that okay? I’d still want to kiss you, hug you, sleep with you, but we’d be pretending to be just friends.”
“Why don’t we try first…?”
It felt like running forward, drawing an unreachable straight line. It was similar to how he felt during their conversation in the art room, leaving him frustrated again.
“See, we don’t understand each other. You want to do things your way, and I want to do things my way. Dating just brings up all these problems, making it too difficult.”
“……”
“It’s better to stop before we fight again… If we fight one more time, we might not even be able to talk like this.”
Hyun Gyujin, having no response to Yuwon’s words, lowered his head. He couldn’t understand why he kept insisting on his way when it came to these issues, while he was willing to yield in everything else. He knew in his head that he could listen to Yuwon first and then work things out slowly, but his heart kept rushing ahead, wanting to keep Yuwon tightly within his arms.
Wow, am I really the type to be this obsessive and controlling in a relationship? He sighed deeply. Hyun Gyujin rubbed his forehead as his head throbbed painfully, then let his hand fall limply. Choi Haeyoung’s words about relationships being fragile and easily shattered echoed in his mind.
“Okay. I’ll think about it.”
“…Yeah.”
Silence lingered between them. Was there ever a more awkward and uncertain quiet in the world? Hyun Gyujin stood up, looking at Yuwon.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Shall we go?”
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“Yo mbegrf… Ktja’r olcf.”
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“That Eunseong guy is a bit crazy, isn’t he? Recording all that.”
“…I didn’t expect him to record it either.”
“He seemed like he liked me, didn’t he? He was going on about how amazing I was.”
“He told me the same thing when we went to the teacher’s office. He wants to be friends with you.”
“He has good taste.”
Ah, damn. What should I say next? As the conversation about Eunseong abruptly ended, an even more unbearable silence followed.
“By the way, what was the tutoring session about?”
“I don’t really know. I haven’t talked to him about it.”
“Seriously? Did you talk to your tutor separately before?”
“Huh?”
“I mean, did you ever talk to your tutor one-on-one?”
“Yeah…”
“Why? We have a group chat, so why talk separately?”
“I just asked him questions about homework…”
Sure, that’s possible. He’s the tutor, after all. Feeling jealous and overly sensitive about trivial things made him feel pathetic. Why am I acting like this? Hyun Gyujin sighed deeply, seeing the familiar apartment entrance across the street.
“Today’s your academy day, right?”
“Yeah… It’s the last day.”
“Are you quitting?”
Hyun Gyujin nodded at Yuwon, pressing down on his piercing. Without the tutoring and now quitting the academy, he wondered how he’d see Yuwon.
“So you’re going to the academy today, right? I’ll go with you.”
“No. I go during the day… It’s okay.”
“Alright. I’ll pick you up then.”
“You don’t have to come today, really. It’s the last day.”
“That’s why I should go. I’m still worried about that Woojoon guy. I can’t stand the thought of you going around alone because of him.”
Crossing the street and entering the complex, Hyun Gyujin kept tossing out small talk until they reached the common entrance. He speculated on how their tutor might have broken his leg and warned Yuwon about the freezing weather forecast, telling him to stay inside. But he couldn’t bring himself to say he wanted to study or spend time together.
“See you later. I’ll come by when you’re done.”
“…Okay. Bye.”
Bye? Wow, he finally said bye to me again. Hyun Gyujin waved through the closing elevator doors and then, left alone, rested his forehead against the wall. He didn’t know why that simple ‘bye’ felt so significant, but it did, and it made him happy.
Ah, so cute. So beautiful. Friends? There’s no way we can just be friends. He recalled Yuwon’s face, surprised and looking at him in the nurse’s office when Hyun Gyujin had blown on the cut near his lips. Yuwon hadn’t pushed him away, and he remembered the taste of the ointment whenever their tongues met during their kisses. Knowing that Yuwon’s voice would quiver softly when he was pleased, he couldn’t imagine going back to being just friends. It was impossible.
He had to win Yuwon back, somehow. There was no guarantee they’d be in the same class in their third year, so he had to close the distance between them during the break. Being in different classes while still apart would be the worst.
Recalling how he often softened Yuwon’s heart with his playful charm, Hyun Gyujin resolutely nodded. He wasn’t going to miss the golden opportunity to make amends during the break.
* * *
The temperature had plummeted overnight, bringing a cold snap. Despite wearing a cap, Hyun Gyujin pulled his hood over his head and stuffed his hands into his padded jacket. His breath, visible in the frigid air, looked like cigarette smoke. It seemed like a sign he really should quit smoking.
Yuwon nags about it for a reason. He turned his gaze from the academy building to the street, noticing some girls approaching him hesitantly. Judging by their uniforms, they were probably middle schoolers, not high schoolers. Hyun Gyujin averted his eyes, not wanting to be bothered.
“Hey… Are you that oppa?”
A phone was suddenly shoved in front of his face. Hyun Gyujin glanced down indifferently, seeing a picture of him and Yuwon on the screen. They must have recognized him from his Instagram.
“Yeah, so what.”
“See, I told you it was him. Oh my gosh.”
Watching them excitedly jump around, Hyun Gyujin turned his attention back to the academy building. Being handsome had its perks, but it could be tiring in moments like this.
“You look even better in person. How tall are you, oppa? You’re so tall.”
“My friend goes to your school and said you don’t have a girlfriend.”
Should I just tell them to buzz off? Just as he was about to tell them to get lost, Yuwon came into view. Hyun Gyujin turned his back on the girls, waving at Yuwon. Yoon Sung was with him, but Hyun Gyujin didn’t find him as annoying as before since he had helped them out.
“Oh! That’s the oppa who took the picture with him!”
“Hey, get lost. Stop pissing me off.”
Irritated that they mentioned Yuwon, Hyun Gyujin swung the door open for Yuwon to come out. Yuwon had wrapped himself in a thick ivory scarf, making him look adorably bundled up against the cold.
“Hey, Gyujin!”
Gyujin? Yoon Sung was crossing the line. Hyun Gyujin considered snapping at him but decided against it, not wanting to upset Yuwon. He raised his hand in a casual greeting and took Yuwon’s bag, slinging it over his shoulder.
“Who’s behind us?”
“Behind us? Ah, crap. They’re still here.”
Hyun Gyujin waved dismissively at the girls, signaling them to leave, and turned to look at Yoon Sung. Today was the last time he’d see him outside the academy.
“Hey, go away.”
It was a curt farewell, but he couldn’t bring himself to say a proper goodbye to Yoon Sung.
“Yoon Sung, I’m going. Take care.”
“Yeah. I’ll message you.”
Message him? Of course, he will. Hyun Gyujin watched their exchange with disapproval. What would they talk about? The ordinary, playful conversations he used to have with Yuwon could now be shared with Yoon Sung. The thought dampened his mood.
“Let’s go.”
Not wanting to sound irritated, Hyun Gyujin kicked at the ground. He wanted to believe he was the only one Yuwon would call ‘we.’ But with things a little different now, he found himself obsessing over trivial details.
Waving off the girls who were still asking about his Instagram, Hyun Gyujin placed his arm around Yuwon’s shoulders, guiding him to the inner side of the sidewalk. Once they had put some distance between themselves and the girls, he turned to Yuwon.
“Are you cold? Why don’t you have gloves? Did you forget them?”
“Oh… yeah. I left them in the shoe cabinet.”
“That’s so you, Yuwon.”
Hyun Gyujin pulled out a pair of gloves from his padded jacket and slipped them onto Yuwon’s hands. He knew too well that Yuwon often forgot his gloves, whether at the shoe cabinet or the dining table. Hyun Gyujin always carried extra pairs in his winter coat pockets. If he counted them all, he’d probably have more than ten pairs.
“…You brought them again?”
“You know I always have your gloves in my coat and jacket pockets.”
Yuwon, secretly glancing at Hyun Gyujin’s side profile, buried his lips a little deeper into his thick scarf. Despite the biting cold, his face felt hot in several places, which he found odd.
