Before It ShrivelsChapter 8

The next afternoon, I picked a time when Qi Shu wouldn’t be at home and went back to move my instrument and luggage back to my own house.

Then I fled to school and hid from Qi Shu for a week. JOCSFp

On the seventh day, I found out that it was a kind of torture for myself.

According to physical health class, an omega would be particularly dependent on its alpha during pregnancy.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Especially those with unstable health conditions like me, needed the comfort of their alpha.

I had never longed so much for Qi Shu’s pheromones, for his hugs and kisses, and even for the pain he’d make me feel. pV1Rl9

I became extremely sensitive. As soon as I got close to another unfamiliar alpha, I would experience headache and nausea all day.

Xu Xingze noticed that something was wrong with me and wanted to drag me to the hospital everyday. I had no choice but to reveal to him my pregnancy.

He was extremely angry. For the first time since we’d known each other for so long, he snapped and said in a loud voice that I was sick in the head.

“I think you were living too comfortably that you have to find some kind of mistake!” He was so angry that he pointed at me and said, “Do you know how deep the water is in the Qi family? Do you think they’d allow a beta to give birth to Qi Shu’s child?”

“So you don’t tell anyone.” I wasn’t afraid of Xu Xingze, I know he’s soft hearted. “Please, Ah Xing.”

“…..”

Xu Xingze really still couldn’t say heavier words. He sulked by himself for what seemed like half a day and then said, “I’m too lazy to care about you.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” uQiEmD

In the end, I suddenly had a high fever in the middle of the night and became delirious. I still couldn’t escape being sent to the hospital by Xu Xingze.

I couldn’t remember the process very clearly. Vaguely, it seemed as if I heard him fight with someone on the phone.

When I woke up in the ward the next day, the first person I saw was, unexpectedly, Dr. Zhou. cMOwY8

He was still dressed in a suit and a white coat, and was sitting on the chair beside my bed flipping through the newspaper.

“You’re awake.” Dr. Zhou put down the newspaper and pushed his glasses. “I arrived at the hospital this morning just in time to see Ah Xing go through formalities at the front desk and found it was you who was sick.”

I had a severe headache, and my limbs were sore and powerless, as if I’d been beaten in my dream. I felt uncomfortable all over.

Combined with a sluggish brain, it had taken me a long time to react to such a simple phrase. NWCfg0

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

“….You know Xu Xingze?” I asked.

“Zs wbatfg jcv Zgr. We jgf mibrf oglfcvr,” rjlv Gg. Itbe.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Oh… The social circle of high society wasn’t big so it wouldn’t be surprising if they knew each other.

Gg. Itbe qbegfv wf j uijrr bo kjafg, atfc ifjcfv bnfg jcv qgbyfv ws obgftfjv jcv rjlv, “Pa’r olcf, atf ofnfg’r ubcf.” jbg8s6

Llr olcufgr kfgf j yla mbbi. Llr abemt wjvf wf offi j yla gfrlrajca jcv ecmbwobgajyif, ktlmt wjvf wf gfjma ab atf ojma atja tf kjr jirb jc jiqtj.

“You look worse than when we last met. What’s the matter?” He asked.

I didn’t want to always be seen in this bad light, but unfortunately, I probably wouldn’t get better.

“Are you doctors all so straightforward…” I tried to change the subject. HPgCk7

“Euphemism isn’t necessarily a good thing,” Dr. Zhou smiled.

Well, that’s for sure. I already knew my days were numbered, and white lies wouldn’t be of much consolation.

“So you’re still not going to tell the child’s father?” Doctor Zhou asked flatly.

“I can’t tell him…” OPFQKn

“Huh…” Doctor Zhou nodded as if absorbed in thought and said, “But you won’t last until the baby is full term. This fever is just the beginning. Over the next few months, you will have frequent low fevers that won’t go away, insomnia, difficulty breathing, and in the end, you’ll have to depend on oxygen tubes to keep you alive.”

I was once again forced to accept the bad news that I was about to die, and I felt a slight choking sensation on my chest.

“Aren’t you a psychologist…”

“I have a PhD in both psychology and clinical medicine.” du9Cnv

I was speechless.

When I met the doctor who managed both heart and body, I felt like I had been seen from the inside out and no secrets could be hidden.

I could only speak honestly, “But I want to give it a try.”

“If your desire to live were only stronger, perhaps I would have encouraged you to give it a try.” Dr. Zhou’s gaze seemed probing. “But you yourself don’t even want to live, why do you still have to keep this child?” X1VSov

Do I not want to live? How could I not want to live?    

The world is good, the moon is gentle, the stars are bewitching. Why would I not want to live?

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Inexplicable rebelliousness suddenly rose up in my chest and I said, “It’s not what you think.”

Dr. Zhou gave a soft hum with an upward trailing end tone. MnuOd9

I looked at him. I didn’t know whether I was too burnt out due to fever, but I actually felt that his eyebrows seemed familiar.

“Psychologists don’t always know everything.”

“Sorry.” He apologized politely, “I shouldn’t have speculated arbitrarily.”

He was so polite that I felt too embarrassed to criticize. XkEfDs

I guess he’s probably guilty of having an occupational disease. He couldn’t help but want to study people who were mentally unstable and had bags of brains whenever he saw them.

And I’m this level of stupid x, I should also be considered as some kind of excellent sample. 

I pulled up the quilt to cover half of my face as a silent gesture that I was chasing away the guest.

Dr. Zhou seemed to chuckle a bit. He took off his glasses, folded them and put them in his breast pocket, moving extraordinarily slowly and methodically. OYiLn

I used my peripheral vision to look at him quietly, and found that the doctor without spectacles seemed all the more familiar.

“Doctor, have we met somewhere before?” I asked a question that particularly resembled a pick-up line.

“Of course.” His lips curled up. “At the hospital two weeks ago.”

“…..” qkTygf

I’m kinda annoyed. I feel like he’s laughing at me. 

“I’ve been abroad all these years, and I’ve only come back here a few times. I don’t remember meeting you.” He added.

Okay, I’m sure I’m burnt out.

Xu Xingze came back and greeted Dr. Zhou first when he entered the door. “Chen ge, thanks.” AHXex

And then he caught sight of me. “What’s up, feeling better?”

I answered truthfully, “Dizzy.”

Chrysanthemum Garden.

Xu Xingze answered in a bad-tempered tone, “With a fever of 39 degrees, how can you not get dizzy.”

I knew I was in the wrong and didn’t dare to talk back. d4fzSN

“Since you’re back, I’ll be leaving first,” said Dr. Zhou.

“Ah, okay.” Xu Xingze sent Dr. Zhou to the door and said, “Thank you,” only then did I realize that he asked Dr. Zhou to look after me.

….I apologize for my rebelliousness and rudeness.   

Xu Xingze came back and saw me stupefied. He then said, “Don’t wait. Qi Shu won’t come.” rdOHjK

Huh? Did he misunderstood something? Of course I knew Qi Shu wouldn’t come.

“I called him with your phone last night… Forget it, you shouldn’t expect a scum to have a conscience.”

Xu Xingze only narrated half of it, but I could guess the end result.

Qi Shu must’ve made cutting remarks, saying that I pretended to be ill and was playing tricks, that I had the ability to run away from home, but didn’t have the ability to survive without help. dnFIg

For this reason, Xu Xingze was so angry that he didn’t shy away from calling Qi Shu a scum in front of me.

I was afraid that a young man with strict family education like him would never understand the relationship between Qi Shu and I.

“My fever is gone. Can I be discharged?” I asked.

“What’s the hurry? The doctor said you need to rest.” 4kzGAN

“But…”

I still wanted to explain it to Qi Shu, after all, I did agree not to disturb him with my private affairs. He’s so tired working during the day, and also because of my issues at night.

….Forget it. No more excuses, I just wanted to see him.   

I comforted myself that even if I decide to leave, it would be a long process. One week this time, one month next time, then three months…. 0xpJe4

One day, I would get used to being without him.

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Today’s playlist: 《Your Name Engraved Herein》   

[The more I try to catch the light, the more you can’t pull away] jlM8TC

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I posted the wrong chapter ahaha. But yeah, I’ve stacked enough chapters so I’ll probably (?) add a ko-fi goal. Probably.