Before It ShrivelsChapter 1

I’d been suffering from insomnia these past two months.

My face slimmed down along with sudden loss of appetite, dizziness and palpitations; my outward appearance increasingly withered. krdBim

I didn’t want Qi Shu to catch sight of these two sets of unappealing ribs, so in recent days, I would always beg him to turn off the light.

Despite that, he told me last night as he held my waist, “Why are you so thin?”

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Not bad, he could still notice that I was thin.

I reassured myself that he at least somehow cared about me. zvFoVd

But that’s all there was to it. After that, he buried his head inside me and rammed it in.

A top alpha’s physical strength was truly frightening. I wasn’t a natural-born omega, so it would be painful for me every time we did it.

After it was over, he fell asleep. I used the wall to guide myself to the bathroom to wash myself when I accidentally slipped at the doorway, then passed out.

Having passed out so many times for no apparent reason, I’d gotten the hang of the pattern and knew I would wake up in about two or three hours.

Before I fainted, I thought it was time to see a doctor.

But I hate hospitals.

The surgery half a year ago caused me so much pain that for the first few days after the artificial gland was implanted, every cell in my body clamored in rejection, wanting to tear my body into a million pieces.

It felt so painful that I turned delirious, crying and begging the doctor to give me morphine. CKWvcE

But the doctor just looked at me sympathetically, shook his head and said, “You have to endure.”

I have to endure.

I implanted a fake omega gland into my body for Qi Shu’s sake.

It was out of my own free will, so I had to endure it. UVSacY

Technology and science advanced to the point where people could surgically remove or implant glands for certain unspeakable purposes, even though they’re still unable to change their gender.

But fake was fake in the end.

Qi Shu could take the pleasure of dominance and possession by tearing into my glands, but he couldn’t really mark me.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

He didn’t want to mark me either. bVe5si

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Without him, the house was desolate and cold.

I resembled a prostitute who’d come and go when called; I had to be dressed at dawn and get away.

I loved him for seven years.

He fucked me for four years. UfRbAM

I had the key to his house.

I could also get in and out of his company as l please.

But I still felt like a prostitute.

Just because he didn’t love me. MvKdt5

The first time we slept together, he called me Xiao Yan.

The affectionate murmur made Xiao Yan and Xiao Yu sound very similar.

It’s a pity that I have excellent hearing due to my inclination in music.

More than one person said I resembled Wen Yan. YGEIZH

Maybe I should be glad that if it weren’t for the resemblance, I wouldn’t be able to climb on Qi Shu’s bed in my life.

Each of Qi Shu’s bed partners would more or less resemble Wen Yan.

I was the most alike, so I accompanied him the longest.

So long that I almost forgot that I was only a substitute. W1NaY0

The first time I saw Qi Shu and Wen Yan was on the first day of high school. Their photos were pasted side by side in the highest column of honorary alumni.

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Qi Shu was six years older than me. At that time, he had inherited the huge fortune of Qi’s financial group and became the youngest person at the helm of the business empire that controlled the financial lifeline of the whole country.

In the photo, Qi Shu’s eyebrows were sharp; he was openly handsome. srjaeU

And Wen Yan, who was beside him, embodied his name. His eyes were soft and his lips resembled pink roses in the early morning.

I fell in love with Qi Shu a month later. He went back to school to attend the library’s completion ceremony. As a freshman representative, I went on stage to present flowers for him.

The real Qi Shu was much more handsome in person than in the photo. With just a glance, I fell in deep.

I still haven’t come out so far. R8iPkK

Face-cons always had to pay the price for their blindness.

Thinking of this, I didn’t want to go to the hospital anymore.

Half a year ago, I heard that Wen Yan would return to China after finishing his doctorate. Out of panic, I went to do an artificial gland transplant.

Counting the days from now, Wen Yan should be back next month. By that time, Qi Shu probably wouldn’t need me anymore. So what would it matter if I was healthy or not? Ule6qs

I sent a message to Qi Shu: Senior, I went back to school.

After waiting for more than 20 minutes, he only replied “En”.

Nearing graduation, there was nothing to do back at school. Most of the senior students had already moved out of the dormitory. I didn’t have many things in school, so it didn’t matter whether I moved or not. uglsJ4

When I handed in my graduation work last month, my professor asked me, “Do you really want to turn down the invitation from the Conservatory of Music?”

I didn’t dare to look at her and responded vaguely with my head down, “I don’t really want to go abroad…”

The teacher sighed. “That’s too bad.”

I could only apologize. “Sorry…” yRXAKg

I’ve said sorry to a lot of people.

Guilt and self-reproach would constantly weigh me down.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

I’m so tired.

  InD5cO

In the first two years, I had delusions that I shouldn’t have: When I was in a bad mood or encountered trouble, I’d always have the urge to tell Qi Shu.

Not to ask him for help, but just to take the opportunity to act spoiled, expecting to get a little sympathy and even heartache from him.

Until he teasingly said to me, “Xiao Yu, I think you’re mistaken?”

I froze in place and looked at him in disbelief. uYXeFL

Qi Shu gave out a light laugh, “I’m not your boyfriend, and I’m not obligated to bother with your petty chicken shit. I’m busy.”

Yes, being pampered was a privilege only for those who were loved.

Who was I to do that?

Qi Shu poured cold water on me. From then on, I learned to hide all my negative emotions and instead would only offer him a tender smile. zu42ns

In his heart, I was probably a well-behaved and obedient bed partner. Someone who would allow him to plunder without ever refusing.

Once after doing it, Qi Shu satisfactorily praised me for being a beta, saying that my waist was even softer than an omega.

Only at this time would he treat me gently. I boldly buried myself in his arms and rubbed my body with his, then asked, “Do you like me?”

He didn’t answer. He then leaned over to kiss my hair, pulled the quilt and said, “Go to sleep.” Q0fUFI

And so I never asked again.

The people in his bed come and go. It’s too tiring to like each and every one of them.

The author has something to say: 

Today’s playlist list: 《Waste》   hWyRdV

[It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to give me a chance. Anyway, I still have a lifetime to waste] 

Chrysanthemum Garden.