Fortunately, the welcoming ceremony incident doesn’t ostracise Chen Xingze from his classmates. On the contrary, it incites everyone’s curiousity over him and he consequently becomes something of an “activist” in the class. Adding to that the fact that he’s a music specialisation student, Xie Dingnan assigns him to the Literature and Arts Committee.
In the beginning of high school, all Chen Xingze can think about is You Xiaolin. When he sits in his classroom and thinks of the fact that You Xiaolin is sitting in a classroom just a few rooms away, it makes him smile uncontrollably.
The slow and bitter experience of this unrequited love makes his emotional world more complex than others at his age; it gives him a proclivity towards sentimentality, elation, depression.
He starts reading books as an outlet for his feelings, to ground them. He reads books of all kinds, domestic and foreign, from Yu Hua’s bloody To Live, to the serenity of Henry David Thoreau’s Walden, to Haruki Murakami’s melancholically beautiful Norwegian Wood, to the surreal, dream-like prose of Marcel Proust’s In Search of Lost Time.
He worries that if he keeps going on like this, he’s going to end up as a pretentious, cultured hipster…
If not for the existence of Lu Hao.
“Whatcha doin’?”
One day during break right before gym class, Chen Xingze is lying beneath the grapevines on campus staring off into space when Lu Hao comes looking for him.
“Thinking about Zhang Ailing,” Chen Xingze murmurs.
He hadn’t been able to pay attention during art class earlier and spent the period flipping through a novel about Eileen Chang instead. In it, he read a line that the she had written to Hu Lancheng—Seeing him, she fell so far down into humbleness that she became nothing more than dust on the ground, but in her heart was happiness, and so from the dust she blossomed.
He marvels at these impressive writers and their talent with words, their ability to fathom human hearts with a single sentence. He can relate to Eileen Chang’s words and it makes him think of her as a confidant.
“Zhang Ailing?”
“Mm.”
“From which class?”
“…..”
All woeful sentimentality and charm disappear in an instant. Chen Xingze turns and sees Lu Hao—god knows where he’d been playing—whose forehead is covered in sweat, and from the lively heat of his body emanates an air of vigorous imbecility.
“Lu Hao.”
“Mm?”
“You ever consider opening a book?” Chen Xingze suggests from the bottom of his heart.
“What kinda book?”
It’s like speaking chicken to a duck. Chen Xingze sighs.
Lu Hao asks cheerfully, “Wanna play ball? Let’s teach those bastards in Class 3 a lesson! Last time you weren’t there, you’ve no idea how much Wang Qian and his gang were bragging when they beat us twice.”
Chen Xingze gives himself two seconds, then he narrows his eyes. “They were bragging?”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
“Yeah! They were all like, ‘We just lost in the beginning because we weren’t used to how you guys play, but now that we’re used to it, you won’t beat us.’”
Chen Xingze picks off a withered yellow grape leaf from somewhere nearby, squeezes it a few times, then tosses it to the side.
“Let’s go show ‘em!”
“Alright!”
The two of them roll up their sleeves and stagger off to the basketball courts.
And thus, Chen Xingze’s evolution into becoming a cultured youngster is repeatedly interrupted with such instances.
On the topic of Lu Hao, he’s a character of extreme popularity, so much so that even Chen Xingze finds it hard to make him an enemy. Lu Hao comes from a rich family, but doesn’t flaunt; he gets along with everyone in their year, is tall and handsome, and good at sports. Aside from his grades which are somewhat lacking… there isn’t much to dislike about him.
But even if his grades are below average, Xie Dingnan doesn’t reprimand him the way he does other students. Sometime later, Chen Xingze accidentally overhears their homeroom teacher speaking with other teachers, saying, “Lu Hao’s mother already let me know in advance that as long as his grades keep up with the rest of the class, it’s fine. He won’t be taking the domestic college entrance exams, his family already has arrangements for him.”
This same statement is overheard by two other students as well, and at least one of them passes it down the grapevine. Occasionally, petty remarks pop up along the lines of, “why come to this school then,” or “he’s just taking up someone else’s spot,” but they don’t appear to bother Lu Hao, who simply grins and apologises in his happy-go-lucky way.
“Sorry man, my mum forced me to come.”
People with this kind of personality must have grown up in a happy household, Chen Xingze thinks.
But sometimes Lu Hao’s absentminded candor drives people crazy, and it’s for this reason that Chen Xingze gets into a fight with him.
Chen Xingze is also someone with a generally sanguine demeanor, but unlike Lu Hao, he has a bottomline that no one touches—You Xiaolin.
You Xiaolin and Chen Xingze’s first interaction at Experimental High School was instigated by You Xiaolin himself. After the welcoming ceremony, he’d waited for Chen Xingze at the door of Class 6.
“I thought I saw you earlier at the ceremony, I can’t believe it’s really you. You’re at Experimental High too.”
In an attempt to prevent his voice from shaking, Chen Xingze had dropped his voice an entire octave. “I didn’t get in directly, I’m a music specialisation student.”
“That’s great too, after having no contact for a year, I thought…” You Xiaolin paused, and Chen Xingze’s heart skipped a beat. A moment later, he said, “So you were working hard instead. You’re smart, to be able to get in by just focusing on studying for a single year.”
“I said already, I’m a specialisation student.” Chen Xingze was still wondering about the latter half of the sentence You Xiaolin left unfinished earlier.
“Even if the requirements for specialisation students are lower, it’s still nice that we can be at the same high school.”
“Yeah.”
“We’ll be able to see each other more often. Come to Class 1 if you ever need me.”
Before they could talk much, Lu Hao burst out from the classroom. “I finally finished cleaning! I thought you ran off already! Huh? Who’s this, a friend?” Lu Hao gave You Xiaolin an easy grin, “Hey, classmate.”
“Hello.” To Chen Xingze, You Xiaolin said, “I’ll be leaving then.”
Lu Hao: “Let’s go together!”
Chen Xingze stepped on Lu Hao’s foot, but fortunately, You Xiaolin didn’t take Lu Hao’s invitation seriously and had already turned around and left.
Technically speaking, Lu Hao’s lackadaisical character meant that he easily forgot anything that was unrelated to playing ball or eating, but for some reason, from then, he began paying attention to You Xiaolin.
In hindsight, Chen Xingze would think that perhaps his devotion to You Xiaolin was too obvious, to the extent that even an idiot like Lu Hao could connect the dots.
__
One Monday, during flag-raising ceremony, Chen Xingze is watching You Xiaolin in the distance with his laser eyes when suddenly, a vague, dark shape comes up close.
Lu Hao is slightly taller than Chen Xingze; he bends his knees so they’re at eye level. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”
Chen Xingze shoves him to the side. He comes back.
“You Xiaolin again.”
Chen Xingze ignores him. A moment later, Lu Hao says, “I found out, you don’t have to hide it from me.”
“What did you find out?”
“I asked someone in Class 1,” Lu Hao says with an air of importance, “You Xiaolin is one of the poverty students, right? When you caused all that drama during the ceremony, it was to help him, right?”
Chen Xingze scoffs. “And I was wondering what you’d found out. You have too much time on your hands.”
To him, feelings should be private. Even if it’s one-sided unrequited love, he doesn’t want a stranger to interfere.
Yet to Lu Hao from the perspective of a bystander, Chen Xingze is getting such a short end of the stick. To him, Chen Xingze should be the way he’d been during their first meeting at the badminton lesson, rallying the balls like they were nothing. He doesn’t understand why when it comes to You Xiaolin, Chen Xingze starts walking on eggshells.
He does so much for You Xiaolin. When Class 1 was choosing a leader for their Revision Committee, Qin Bo and You Xiaolin were competing head to head. Qin Bo bought snacks for everyone in the class, but You Xiaolin hadn’t known what to do; he didn’t have the extra money to buy gifts for the teacher or his classmates.
After Chen Xingze learned of this, he sent You Xiaolin a water lily every three days so that he could put it in a flower vase at the front of the class. It ensured that within Class 1’s classroom, there always floated the fragrance of water lilies. In an instant, the snacks became base, and You Xiaolin successfully became Revision Leader.
When You Xiaolin meant to pay Chen Xingze back, Chen Xingze told him that those flowers were leftovers from a flower shop near his house that were going to be thrown out.
Only Lu Hao knew that in actuality, Chen Xingze had gone to so many flower shops in order to order the highest quality flower, with a fragrance different from all other types of lilies. A single flower costed over ten yuan.
But similar to the welcoming ceremony that was starting to fade in everyone’s minds, Chen Xingze didn’t tell You Xiaolin a thing.
To Lu Hao, this is not what friendship is. But Chen Xingze doesn’t know what he thinks, nor does he care.
Soon enough, this comes to head in the form of a conflict.
__
One day when school lets out at noon, Chen Xingze and Lu Hao run into You Xiaolin at the gates. Chen Xingze calls for You Xiaolin to have lunch with them, but the latter turns him down, saying he has to study.
It’s not the first time Chen Xingze invites You Xiaolin to eat, and it’s not the first time You Xiaolin turns him down. Chen Xingze doesn’t think anything of it and turns to leave, but Lu Hao suddenly gets it in him to remark to You Xiaolin, “You’re a hard one to invite, aren’t you.”
Before either Chen Xingze or You Xiaolin can react, he continues, “Do you know how much he’s done for you?”
Chen Xingze reacts first and drags Lu Hao away. Blood rushes to his head as his grip on Lu Hao’s hand becomes forceful. He drags him all the way outside the vicinity of the peach blossoms and shoves him.
“What the hell were you saying?”
Lu Hao doesn’t shrink back. “What, am I not allowed to talk now?”
“Qtb abiv sbe ab rjs jii atja?”
“Watching you pisses me off!”
Chen Xingze narrows his eyes, but Lu Hao isn’t finished. “That’s now how friendship works!”
“Well now,” Chen Xingze sneers, “why don’t you teach me how to make friends with people?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“Qtja vlv sbe wfjc atfc?”
“You know what I meant! Don’t speak so sardonically.”
Chen Xingze appraises him coldly for a moment, then says, “If you have a problem with me, don’t come looking for me in the future.” He turns and heads off for the school building, but Lu Hao catches up to him.
“Friendship is give and take! No one owes anyone anything, so what is this one-sided bullshit? You spent so much effort buying flowers for him so he’d win that competition, but he just ignores you when you ask him to eat—“
Suddenly, Chen Xingze stops and turns around.
Lu Hao doesn’t brake in time and nearly crashes into him. Chen Xingze bores his eyes at him, dark pupils like chasms, swirling with things that he can’t comprehend.
“The competition isn’t why I bought him those flowers.”
With that, Chen Xingze leaves.
Poor Young Master Lu, with his simpleminded brain, can’t understand the implication behind those words. All he feels is the imbalance inside him. He stands alone like that for nearly half an hour, until the bell rings and he’s not even had lunch. And then he runs his hand through his hair angrily and stalks off back to class.
T/N: The title of this novel is inspired by a novella by Eileen Chang called Red Rose, White Rose. [The plot is totally different though; for one, Eileen Chang’s novella is a feminist piece about men and control, and also this novel isn’t that depressing. But despite that, there are some vague overlapping themes. I’ll explain in more detail towards the end, because it’s still too early.]
I like this story very much and the translation is fantastic. But I’m hoping hugely that this is a happy ending!
Lu Hao is Just trying to be nice and a good friend!! Why is Chen Xingze like this?! 😭
Thanks for the chapter!
Lu Hao is overstepping. Who asked him to butt in? Who asked him to force himself into Chen Xingze’s life? Chen Xingze wasn’t looking for friends, companions, or advice.
Thanks for the chapter <3
Hey can I ask which novel the quote was from
The quote isn’t from a novel. It’s from a letter that Eileen Chang wrote to her lover (and first husband) Hu Lancheng. I don’t think these letters were actually ever translated into English or any other language but maybe if you look up books about Eileen Chang, you’ll find it.
Thank you so much, it sounded very beautiful and I was trying to find it.
I’m sad that Chen Xingze fell in love with You Xiaolin and sad that Lu Hao fell in love with Chen Xingze. They are both hurting and I’m hurting and Chen Xingze is so beautiful
Good advice fell to deaf ears. Someone infatuated is hard deal with ah. Always be careful with this kind of tinted glasses, everyone~
Thansk for the translation!