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LonelinessChapter 18


Chen Dong Lan sat on the steps, crying gloomily.

He cried for an entire hour. IMYTWh

When he stopped, he held his drowsy head and tried to stand, but his whole body was weak.

He recuperated for a while, then finally straightened up.

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He headed down the mountains, feeling a swelling ache in his eyes and a dull pain in his head.

Looking back on his past, it was the first time that he had cried so…indulgently. SM 094

He hadn’t cried more than a few times. Because even if he did, no one would comfort him, instead it would arouse dislike. So secretly holding back became the only way for him to deal with his sadness.

Over time, his expression of feelings gradually stiffened.

Today, he had tasted the sweetness of crying. In his everyday life, his heart was always so heavy that it slowed his steps. Although his mind was fried from the crying, it was unexpectedly relaxing.

Walking around a corner, a familiar figure ran into his line of sight.


“Chen Dong Lan!”

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From far away, Yuan Yuan called out to him loudly.

Chen Dong Lan stopped in place.

Still, it wasn’t that easy to relax. cs7DFu

Yuan Yuan ran to him in a few steps, panting, and said, “If I hadn’t found you in a few more steps, I would have called the police.”

Seeing him in front of his eyes, Chen Dong Lan felt dizzy. He pretended to adjust the hair on his forehead, half covering his eyes.

“Why didn’t you answer the phone?”

“I didn’t bring it…” He had left his phone at the hotel. tx9VnX

Yuan Yuan revealed an expression of “as expected” and started berating him, “After I separated from you, I went back to look for you after a few minutes, but I couldn’t find you. For an hour, I didn’t stop looking for you for even a second, nearly going to the other side of the mountain to search!”

Chen Dong Lan widened his eyes. He looked around and realised that it wasn’t the way that he and Yuan Yuan had walked up by. He had strayed from the path when he turned to search madly for Yuan Yuan and didn’t know where he was.

Chen Dong Lan was extremely ashamed and the blood rushed up to his head at once.

Yuan Yuan was angry and fired off in quick succession, “Don’t bow your head. Others will think that I’m bullying you. Tell me clearly where you ran off to. Did you deliberately…” MoSk2J

Right then, he observed Chen Dong Lan’s expression and froze momentarily.

Chen Dong Lan’s face was very red, so red that it was a concern whether or not the blood vessels in his face could bear it. His eyes were red, swollen and moist as if tears would shed in the next moment.


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“I didn’t cry!” With his voice still thickly nasal from crying, Chen Dong Lan explained, “It’s sand. There’s too much sand.” ftMLON

It was the textbook level of revealing what one intended to hide.

Yuan Yuan coughed lightly. “Since there’s so much sand, let’s go back to the hotel.”

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

Chen Dong Lan didn’t respond.

Tejc Tejc jrxfv, “Tbe vbc’a kjca ab ub yjmx klat wf?”

“Pa’r cba atja…” Jtfc Gbcu Ojc’r ujhf ijcvfv bc Tejc Tejc’r ojmf obg j rfmbcv, atfc lwwfvljafis rtloafv, rajglcu ja atf agff yftlcv tlw jr lo tlr ilof vfqfcvfv bc la. NXpP1x

“Ofa’r ub.” Tejc Tejc eaafgfv j rlut lc tlr tfjga jcv aegcfv rlvfkjsr, ulnlcu kjs ab tlw. “Tbe ub jtfjv. P’ii kjamt sbe.”

Chen Dong Lan nodded and walked forward stiffly.

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Yuan Yuan pulled him back helplessly. “Walk properly.”

He held onto Chen Dong Lan’s wrist, half of his hand over his sleeve and half directly touching the back of Chen Dong Lan’s hand. M4myU0

As if he had been scalded, Chen Dong Lan struggled subconsciously, but Yuan Yuan didn’t let him go.

“Stop letting your thoughts run wild. Regarding you liking me——the type of like between a girlfriend and boyfriend, I’ll give you an answer when we return to the hotel, okay?”


When Yuan Yuan spoke about his feelings in such a straightforward manner, Chen Dong Lan was frightened at first, then ashamed and wanted to disappear immediately below the horizon. 1d6if8

The heat that had just dissipated from his face came back multiplied.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

They walked down the mountain. This time, besides the areas that were too narrow, they walked shoulder to shoulder.

Along the way, Chen Dong Lan’s heart felt like it was placed on a hot pot and was slowly being fried, giving him the illusion that smoke was rising from his head. When they arrived at the hotel lobby, in the warm air-conditioning, he perspired even more profusely.

Yuan Yuan stopped and looked at the guest sofa. “Wait there for me first. I’m going to the front desk to deal with some things.” jT0qM6

Chen Dong Lan nodded several times in succession.

Yuan Yuan took out a packet of tissue paper from his pocket. “Take this and give me your card key.”

Failing to understand, Chen Dong Lan took the tissue paper and gave the card key to him.

“Wipe your sweat.” Yuan Yuan couldn’t help but laugh and walked to the front desk. Nb5gd1

Chen Dong Lan gripped the packet and covered his eyes with it, although it was too small to even cover half his face.

It was a long time before Chen Dong Lan recovered and opened the packet of tissue paper. The tissue paper was fragrance-free with only a faint scent of wood, mild and calm like the person who bought it.

Regardless of the outcome, Chen Dong Lan decided to treasure this packet of tissue paper. lV8xut

Five minutes later, Yuan Yuan came back.

He handed over a card that was completely different from the previous one and said, “I’ve changed the type of room that we’ll be staying in tonight.”

“Okay.” Chen Dong Lan took the new card key. “What was wrong?”

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“No.” Yuan Yuan denied. “Previously, it was two single rooms. I’ve just changed it to a double room.” yAqQ8s

Chen Dong Lan: “?”

Yuan Yuan’s face remained unchanged. “The type with only one bed.”

Chen Dong Lan’s eyes showed confusion.

Yuan Yuan added, “All the rooms of this type in this hotel are couple suites with different names. Ours is called “Island Love”. I don’t mean anything by this, but I just feel that since we had slept in the same room before when we weren’t together, if we were together but separated on different floors of the hotel, even if it was just for one night, your thoughts would run wild again.” rhudOb

Chen Dong Lan still didn’t respond, looking at Yuan Yuan in a daze, as if he had forgotten his own name or where he came from.

Yuan Yuan showed an expression of helplessness. “You still don’t understand?”

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Wasn’t this hint enough? So stupid, no wonder he had only stuck with one person for over ten years, not even crying out in pain when hitting a wall.

Immediately after, Chen Dong Lan’s eyes filled with tears. zFGsmT

“Don’t…” Yuan Yuan didn’t know what to do. Looking around, he half-coaxed half-threatened him, “There’re many people walking around here. If they see, it’ll be disgraceful. Let’s go…”

Before he could finish, Chen Dong Lan pounced on him fiercely like a wild beast, pulling Yuan Yuan’s collar tightly.

Tears fell onto his chest.

“Chen Dong…!” Gg0vaP

Yuan Yuan was knocked two steps behind before he could stabilise himself.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

This was the hotel lobby where there were people coming and going. The background music, footsteps and voices came together and it became very noisy.

But it couldn’t be noisier than Chen Dong Lan’s heart. His head was buzzing, like as if all his past memories emerged together, chattering in his ear.

Yuan Yuan’s chin was hurting due to the bump and he wanted to withdraw two steps back. But he was afraid that once he stepped back, Chen Dong Lan would not have a point of support, so he held it in and didn’t move. 8yiKlB

“Don’t pity me…” Chen Dong Lan’s voice was very hoarse. “Don’t choose to be with me because of pity. I’m serious. My feelings towards you are more serious than anyone else. If you only pity me, you might as well throw me away right from the start. Don’t come back to me halfway. Don’t give me hope and make me live in a suspended state…”

In the end, Chen Dong Lan choked.

He used the most impolite tone he could to say this.

But Yuan Yuan said, “I didn’t.” A6mIgq

Yuan Yuan looked at him with firm eyes. “I’m not taking pity on you.” He pursed his lips and was unprecedentedly calm, lowering his head to find Chen Dong Lan’s hand. He held it tightly, then held it even tighter.

“Come with me.” He pulled Chen Dong Lan into the lift and silently pressed the button for their floor.

The lift moved upwards. The two men held hands, one silent and one with crying red eyes, making the other tourists in the lift baffled.

Reaching the floor of their room, Yuan Yuan quickened his pace, nearly running to bring Chen Dong Lan into the room. eNPM3

When the door closed, Yuan Yuan forcefully pulled Chen Dong Lan into his arms.

“Don’t cry…” His voice was broken. “I beg of you, don’t cry.”

He understood the reason Father Yuan stopped letting Mother Yuan into the kitchen. When he was young, Mother Yuan let out a cry of pain while cooking in the kitchen. His father threw the newspaper on the ground while running into the kitchen, and he followed him, finding that his mother’s hand had a long cut caused by a knife. Mother Chen did not cry out at the time, but her eyes were full of tears. The expression Father Yuan had when he looked at her at that time made a deep impression on Yuan Yuan.

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It was as if he had broken something. iwOtdT

Something incomparably treasured and loved.

Later, he found the word that could clearly describe it——


“Chen Dong Lan,” Yuan Yuan said, “I’ve never been in a relationship. No matter what I do, I always make thorough preparations, in addition to sufficient practice. But I don’t understand relationships, have never searched for information or had anyone to practise with, so I can’t guarantee that being with me will make you happy.” pKlZ6B

“But I promise you that I’m serious, and I’ll treat you well.”

Chen Dong Lan didn’t speak.

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Or maybe he couldn’t speak. He only reached out both hands and hugged Yuan Yuan back, burying his face in his shoulder.

Hugging with all his effort. vNKyFg

Maybe to others, “treat you well” was a useless, empty cheque. But to Chen Dong Lan, this was a beautiful promise, so beautiful that it made him tremble.

Feeling wetness on his shoulders, Yuan Yuan didn’t speak. They embraced each other for a long time.

After some time…

A long time… YUP2Sl

A very long time…

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So long that Yuan Yuan’s legs were numb.

“Chen Dong Lan?” Yuan Yuan released his hand suspiciously, wanting to see Chen Dong Lan’s expression. But Chen Dong Lan immediately tightened his hands to prevent Yuan Yuan from moving.

Yuan Yuan was afraid he was still crying and leaned back with difficulty. But Chen Dong Lan’s face was buried tightly, as if it was glued to Yuan Yuan’s shoulder. C6VXN7

Yuan Yuan laughed helplessly. “Lift up your head and let me see if you’ve spoiled your eyes with your crying.”

Only then did Chen Dong Lan hesitate, then released his hands and stepped back.

Although Chen Dong Lan’s eyes were swollen, he had no tears at all. His entire face, including his ears and his exposed neck, was all pink.

This wasn’t sadness. It was shyness. fwn6qm

So shy that he wanted to hide his face.

Not knowing why, when Yuan Yuan went to the front desk to change the room type, or when he pulled Chen Dong Lan’s hand or hugged Chen Dong Lan, he looked the same as before, but right now, even his face was hot.

“Ahem.” Yuan Yuan cleared his throat. “Are you hungry? Let’s eat at the restaurant.”

Chen Dong Lan shook his head, then nodded. 7DL2oz

Yuan Yuan: “So are you hungry or not?”

“Are you hungry? Then let’s go and eat.” Chen Dong Lan put the back of his hand against his face in an attempt to cool it down.

“Why did you shake your head?”

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Chen Dong Lan avoided his eyes. “I’m not very hungry…” v oBd4

“Hai…” Yuan Yuan sighed heavily. “Do you know that you doing this is equivalent to playing the woman?”

Chen Dong Lan’s eyes widened. “Playing the woman?”

“That’s right.” Yuan Yuan nodded. “Every time you wrong yourself because of me, you become miserable, making me feel guilty.”

Chen Dong Lan: … HIPkv1

Chen Dong Lan had lost the capability to organize language.

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Translator's Note

Shiru: Chen Dong Lan is so hopelessly cute.

Translator's Note

同手同脚 actually means moving the left hand with the left foot, and the right hand with the right foot.

Translator's Note

Referring to Chen Dong Lan.

Translator's Note

Shiru: mood

Translator's Note

汗如雨下 literally meaning sweat flowing like raindrops

Translator's Note

Shiru: Chen Dong Lan……

Flareax: (◔_◔)

Translator's Note

This is not a good translation of the word but it’s the best I can come up with for this scenario. 撒娇 can be used to mean “acting like a spoiled child” (between a child and their parent), “acting coquettishly” (flirtatious behaviour from a woman) or “playing the woman” (wailing, acting timid etc.)

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  1. [“That’s right.” Yuan Yuan nodded. “Every time you wrong yourself because of me, you become miserable, making me feel guilty.”]

    Gj YY! Hopefully this tactic will make CDL stop putting himself down

    Thanks for the chapter! 🙂

  2. THEY ARE SO CUTEEE. AND OMG, the way Yuan Yuan handled Chen Dong Lan, knowing him all too well spoke too much of his feelings. Like, he just didn’t realize that Chen Dong Lan was already so important to him that he knew Chen Dong Lan would think differently again so he chose to change the rooms (or he just wants that booteh) hehehehe. Thanks for the UD!!!! I love this couple alreadyyy

  3. Ohhhhhhhh sweeeeet. This wasn’t exactly a confession but It’s the only way Chen Dong Lan would understand and accept Yuan Yuan’s feelings.

    Chen Dong Lan, you can be silly and cute, just let Yuan Yuan love you.

    Thanks for the chapter!

  4. Hi I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been reading along since my last comment. I procrastinated researching for a presentation reading this novel and gave it in class today.

    Anyways the last time I commented was when I cried last so here’s another sob record. Rereading the last chapter with this one made me cry again, this was so cathartic. Thanks for the translations, I appreciate the work you do and I love the little commentary footnotes you two do. They’re biggest mood 😀

  5. Aweeee YY!!!! So many points for you. Good job! I’m so happy for CDL!