After Getting Gayified, I Swore Off Parody MashupsCh10 - Jiang Ran wants to make me exercise

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After meeting the director, his assistant pulled us into a group chat. 7LRhrB

The first one to enter it was Wen Zhao. He was all excited to make a greeting. With one glance, I saw the selfie meticulously refined through photo editing apps that he had set as his avatar.

I never expected that this young bro with a dignified appearance would actually have a little immortal pretty boy living in his heart.

Chrysanthemum Garden.

I said in my head, ‘Then you and Jiang Ran are practically a pair made in heaven. I’ll tie the red string of fate between the two of you another day and let Jiang Ran satisfy you.’

Hehe, I’m such a cunning little devil. rdzcld

 

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Then came a system notification. ‘Dwell on the Good’ entered the group chat.

Reading the name in my mind a few times and a few times more, I was immediately filled with deep veneration.

lUXzNK

This dense aura of my parent’s generation, even carrying the zen of someone who has broken past the limits of their mortality… Mr. Jiang Ran, do you mind if I asked you your age this year?

I didn’t even dare to open his avatar, in fear that I’d see one of those images that middle-aged aunties just loved to repost—hands cupping a holy lotus, ‘Stay in Good Health’ on the left and ‘Peace Be With You’ on the other…

 

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But I still clicked into it in the end.

Backdropped by a pond overgrown with reeds, Jiang Ran stood tall, holding a fishing rod.

This was his Wechat avatar.

And written in his about section: ‘The true essence of life comes from unadulterated happiness.’ OT4xqW

This ancient and literary style… I couldn’t help but snort out a laugh.

 

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Jiang Ran was next to me. He narrowed his eyes. “What’s so funny?” eyonir

I hurriedly exited his profile, hiding my phone behind my back and saying that it was nothing.

“Good,” he nodded pensively.

Chrysanthemum Garden.

Pfft. This little rascally boy with the soul of a middle-aged uncle. [dying of laughter]

  3DEK7g

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However, when I got out of the chat interface, I found that 10 likes had popped up on my Wechat Moments.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

P milmxfv lc ab mtfmx. Ktfs kfgf jii ogbw Aljcu Ejc.

Zs fzqgfrrlbc lcrajcais raloofcfv. xMquA2

 

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Cr j ugjvejaf bo j ojwber eclnfgrlas, ws oglfcv’r mlgmif jii mbcrlra bo ylurtbar jcv yluufg-rtbar. Qtfgfjr, P, jc ecfwqibsfv tjgvmbgf oja bajxe…

Vbyylcu, ifa’r cba rqfjx bo atlr jcswbgf; qfbqif tjnf vlfv bo jcufg ibbxlcu ja atf ugjrr bc atf batfg rlvf! k9 AbQ

Me, [a tragic male.jpg]

So in these three years, I’ve never really bothered doing anything with my friend’s feed, which meant that what Jiang Ran was looking at now… was stuff from my university days on which grass has already grown!

 

140 2JfDhA

Jiang Ran came up to me and asked, “Is this lady your idol? Why do you like her?”

“Piss off.”

Jiang Ran’s expression was austere. “What exactly do you like about her?”

“I like everything about her!” At this question, I immediately transformed into a brainless fan blowing praises, proudly puffing up my chest. “Even if my goddess goes to act as a sand-sculpture mary sue I’ll still love her, can you??” vXkPNH

Ofc he can’t! I recalled that god-tier sand-sculpture drama of his, practically poisoning the tea and poisoning the soul.

Even causing me to have one too many nightmares.

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

Hearing this, Jiang Ran’s eyebrows pinched together. He earnestly asked for the learnings from a master, “Sand-sculpture… isn’t that a derogatory term?”

?? I almost died of laughter at this. dnh4Mk

My child, it’s already year 9102, how are you still living in this age?

So I passionately enlightened him on popular science, saying, “This is called, the love that extends into the abyss naturally turns black.”

“Oh…” At this, Jiang Ran’s gaze suddenly cast downwards. He stared at the phone screen and hummed lightly with a smile, pursing his lips as if with words left unsaid.

He actually leaked out that kind of undisguised expression of affection? VTUds2

Towards a phone screen?

I was suddenly quite curious what exactly it was that would make this old fogey show such an expression.

 

141 G5ZV0q

As my head went in an unspeakable direction, the director brought over a martial arts instructor, calling us over.

“There are many fight scenes in this drama. I advise everyone to do some warm-up exercises everyday before filming starts to prevent injury.”

As a hardcore otaku, I pretty much don’t exercise, staying cooped up at home all day. Wen Zhao started doing some stationary lunges on my left side, whereas Jiang Ran started parting the wild horse’s mane on both sides.

Hold up, is Jiang Ran… doing Tai Chi? XUVZTW

I looked at that drunken expression on Jiang Ran’s face, that well-practised posture, as he drifted off from the face of the world.

My agent frowned. “Brother Shuyao, start moving too!”

 

142 3SMftU

“Mmkay,” I immediately responded, but I didn’t know how to do anything. So I tried to stretch my muscles, and my cranky, old waist immediately jolted.

“Ouff!” My legs almost folded down to the ground.

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Seeing this, the martial arts instructor asked me, “That guy over there. When you accepted this drama previously, didn’t your management company tell you to train up and prepare a month in advance?”

“……” The word exercise never existed in my fat otaku world. B1xdz8

After finding out first-hand how long and hard the road to training up a split was, I painfully covered my face.

Sure enough, karma always bites.

 

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At this time, Wen Zhao also began to taunt me, “Yeah, Brother Shuyao. You’re a rookie without any foundation, yet you’re not putting in the extra hard work. If I’m not wrong, you’re about to reach your thirties soon, no? Tsk tsk tsk, you can’t even compare to us younger gen at your age, at this rate, you won’t have any future as a leading male actor.”

Hearing this, all the more I wanted to give up on life in grief, practically about to drop tears.

[fat otaku tears.jpg]

Unexpectedly, Jiang Ran suddenly butted in before me, coldly interrupting Wen Zhao, “What do you mean by not putting in the hard work? Aside from being an actor, Teacher Mo is also a screenwriter. He stayed up day and night the entire last month editing the screenplay.” HnRj4

?? Wen Zhao and I were simultaneously dumbfounded.

Jiang Ran spoke again, “The screenplay you’re looking at now is his painstaking hard work. Wen Zhao, apologise to Teacher Mo.”

This old fogey Jiang Ran actually came running out to protect me?

  aXGez

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Whether it was the newbie screenwriter from three years ago, the hardcore fat otaku during these three years, or the rookie actor I am now, I have always endured too many eye rolls and disdainful looks.

Listening to Wen Zhao apologise to me, I actually felt somewhat moved.

Oh, Jiang Ran, are you or are you not the Chinese ambassador of the UN’s foundation for poverty alleviation, specialising in saving me, a young man gone astray, who lives in poverty with a barren heart? Nh7Sm4

Just when I was sighing deeply at how true compassion still existed in the world, Jiang Ran’s next words made me turn into stone on the spot.

 

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Jiang Ran turned over to the martial arts instructor, saying, “I happen to be staying with Mo Shuyao. His muscles and body are a little stiff, I can train with him every night.” WBUOto

W T F ? ?

I instantly transformed into a Nick Young question mark face.

The instructor was caught by surprise, but he swiftly recovered, smiling, “How can I trouble Film Emperor Jiang over this?”

But Jiang Ran blandly dropped an idiom, “It’s fine, it’s as easy as blowing off dust.” X27eux

 

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Guys, don’t get fooled by his upstanding face and appearance! Upon hearing this, the hairs on my back instantly stood on end. Idioms kept pouring like a torrent into my mind—

know and conquer the man,
lock him up by brute force.
with wings the man escapes,
stuck in a man-sandwich.
a man enticing all,
a man gets off the mount.
the men part and they shoot;
a man has become gay… 5EvdG

 

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Oh shete. Jiang Ran, are you brazenly gaying me in front of everyone??

I turned a pleading look towards my agent. jstLS5

Never did I expect that my agent would instead say, “It’s truly a great privilege to have an outstanding person like President Jiang personally guide you. Brother Shuyao, make sure you learn well from him.”

Wha? Learn? What fart can I learn from him!

Whose agent are you really, huh?!

  1wex9O


6 syllables, hehe. Leftmost is what the author changed it to, right is the original idiom and their meanings.

知男而上、知难而上、advance in spite of adversary
强人锁男、强人所难、force someone to do something against their will
插翅男逃、插翅难逃、unable to escape even if given wings
进退两男、进退两难、stuck in an impossible situation
众口男调、众口难调、one can’t please everyone
骑虎男下、骑虎难下、difficult to get off a tiger mount i.e. impossible to stop halfway
男分男舍、难分难舍、loathe to part
本性男移、本性难移、it’s hard to change one’s nature

Chrysanthemum Garden.

Translator's Note

Translator's Note

A play on another saying that goes one who stays near ink gets stained black. Kindof like you take on the company that you hang out with. In this case, it’s more of your love goes so deep that you appear like a black (hate/anti) fan. You’d follow your idol into the abyss, start to gush over things that sound like slander to other people, but you just think is dead cute on your idol.

Translator's Note

Tai Chi move; link [2:13-2:45]

Translator's Note

肥宅大哭_表情包_斗图图片

Translator's Note

Confused Nick Young | Know Your Meme

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11 comments

  1. “He stared at the phone screen and hummed lightly with a smile, pursing his lips as if with words left unsaid.” Ngl this is so cute

    Cmonnnn let the gayification beginnnnnn

    Thanks for the chapter € ^ *^)/// ~~ ♡♡♡♡♡