224.
I borrowed some money from my friend, made a plan, bought a train ticket and prepared to live outside the province for a while.
In order to prevent some enemy from god knows where from finding out where I’m going by hacking into the train ticket website, I bought a bullet train ticket going to city A and planned to switch to a long distance bus from there.
Of course, I didn’t leave at the drop of a hat. After all, I still had to wait two days to go for my doctor’s appointment.
When my friend learned that I was still determined to see the doctor and get medication he was very surprised, and was also very against it. He stood by his point of view, and felt that I was just under too much stress and simply needed to relax and be open minded.
I tried very hard to explain to him that I know that I need to be more open minded, but the problem was that I wasn’t able to do so solely with my own efforts.
He repeated that taking drugs had big side effects, etc, etc.
I was pretty afraid of him continuing with his spiel, because I was afraid I would waver in my decision if I listened on.
I’m the one taking the medication, and the one who the side effects will affect is me. I’m definitely more scared than him.
But I at least have to try, because apart from this there isn’t any other way.
And I want to go back to having a normal life.
My life from before can’t be counted as especially perfect or untroubled, and it had a lot of problems, but at least I had had the bravery to meet them head on. Putting aside the question of how not all problems can be solved because you faced them, at the very least I have to face them.
225.
Two days went by quickly.
I went to see the doctor. The doctor finished seeing me and prescribed some medication. Just like that. The procedure was so simple.
Of course, in order to prevent the doctor from harming me, I withheld some information and didn’t dare tell them the whole truth. The doctor was probably used to it and was actually pretty patient.
As I was preparing to leave, I asked the doctor to tell me the truth. Could I get better?
The doctor said that I couldn’t stop the medication.
I asked if that meant I had to be on meds for the rest of my life.
The doctor said that wasn’t needed, but that I absolutely couldn’t stop taking the medication just because I felt like I was all better. I had to listen to the doctor’s instructions.
In my mind I thought, but what if you guys don’t let me stop taking the medication in order to sell the medication and make money?
Of course, I didn’t have the guts to say that out loud, and could only mutter it in my head.
226.
As I held a bag of medication and walked out of the hospital, I saw Xue Yaozu.
Wow, this is so awkward.
My friend sold me out.
Xue Yaozu walked over and gave me a friendly smile.
I thought that he had blackened and gone over to the dark side.
“W-what did. The doctor say?”
“That it was mostly okay. As long as I remember to take my meds it’ll be okay.”
“W-what. Are your plans. For the future?”
“You already know, don’t you?”
He revealed a confused expression.
I said, “Didn’t Gu La already tell you about it? If you didn’t ask him then how did you know to come here?”
Xue Yaozu said, “I remembered. Y-you. Had an appointment. Today.”
I immediately went speechless. After an eternity, I said, “I apologize.”
He shook his head, then quickly said,“The s-stuff with Zong Yu. Has. Been taken care of.”
I asked him how he took care of it, but he didn’t want to say. Just said that he got a friend to help and that Zong Yu was taken by a relative and dragged back overseas.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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P’w rbwfbcf ktb lr cba abb wemt bg abb ijmxlcu.
Pa’r pera atja P’w vfafgwlcfv ab xffq bc ilnlcu lc atlr kbgiv, rageuuilcu ys atf rxlc bo ws affat, rtjwfifrris.
This might be my only good point, if this can even be called a good point.
After all, I’m someone who after getting mentally ill can still get help of my own accord. When I go online and read those forums, I see a lot of sick peers all wanting to die; it’s just me who’s afraid of dying from this illness itself.
I don’t want to die, I never wanted to die. There are so many bad guys in the world. If I died, then there would be one less good guy.
So no matter how hard it gets, I still want to keep living.
Xue Yaozu saw that I wasn’t talking, and after holding it in for a while, finally asked, “S-so. Can you. Continue being with. Me? I like y-you, Yigu.”
I looked at him for a while, then asked, “What do you like about me?”
He said, “Everything.”
I smiled.
I also like Vivian Leigh, because I like her face, so whether it’s her personality, background, or past I regard them through an artistically biased perspective. But what of it?
I don’t know why two people would mutually like each other.
I’ve always thought that love was something people created to trick idiots. Everyone is just after gain and profit, it’s either for money or power. Or else it’s to legally have kids, or even just to legally and freely take care of physical needs. Or else what would you say is the reason? To not be lonely? But then when I’m with a friend we’re both pretty ok, and it’s not like we’re fucking in love are we?
Xue Yaozu fell silent for a long time, then finally said, “I want. To protect y-you.”
“Stop spouting nonsense, didn’t you claim something like you having a crush on me since middle school? Like I needed any protection back then.”
Xue Yaozu replied, “I did. Want to. Protect y-you. Back then. I became. Like this. In order to. Protect. Y-you.”
I completely didn’t think that I needed to be protected in the past. When I was in middle school I could do whatever the hell I wanted. Even if you pushed me into a crowd of gangsters, I would still have the guts to curse them out if they deserved it, and after I’d finished swearing at them I would even feel great about myself.
Xue Yaozu asked, “Are y-you. Still. S-stalling for. Time?”
Me: “……….”
“It’s. Not like. Y-you. Have to. Even burn. Love itself, right?”
It makes me happy, got a problem?!
He chuckled, then made to pull me over. I dodged and said, “I’m not joking, let me calm down for a while.”
He asked, “For how long?”
“I don’t know.” I replied.
I felt like I was a scum to the core, maybe it was the genes.
Xue Yaozu couldn’t keep up his smile anymore. Finally, he said, in a way that was a little afraid, but also completely serious and wholeheartedly sincere, “I. Like y-you.”
To tell the truth I felt my heart soften.
If only he was a bit shorter, didn’t look so cool, or like, had manga-like big eyes that glimmered with unshed tears, then I might feel even more soft hearted.
“Oh. Then, that’s your problem.”
I’m so, so horribly scummy.
227.
I lost Xue Yaozu.
And also left my hometown, to go off alone far away.
I don’t know how it is for others, but for me, taking medication didn’t seem to bring any serious side effects. Other than slightly gaining some weight and occasionally getting lost in my thoughts, or being a bit spacey, I didn’t experience any other side effects. But at least I didn’t feel like I was always at the edge of death anymore; that was already enough for me. It was pretty good.
Of course, I don’t fucking know if the reason for that is because I left my hometown or because of the medication.
My big brother sent me a message that said my little brother and sister left with grandfather. They didn’t cry or argue. Instead, they told my big brother to tell me to wait a bit for them to get older and aren’t burdens anymore. Then, they’ll come to find me. They also told me to take care and be safe on my own.
My friend kept in contact with me pretty frequently, and messaged me a lot. He told me that when he went over to my place to help me manage my stuff he bumped into Xue Yaozu. Xue Yaozu told him to just leave my stuff there, since I’d be coming back sooner or later.
I said I wouldn’t be coming back.
My friend said, “Whatever, it doesn’t matter if you come back or not. Tell him yourself, I don’t have the guts to.”
He’s just a stutterer! Why the heck are you afraid?!
My friend laughed coldly. “Ha.”
Dunno what he means by that.
“If you have the guts then you go.”
I’ve got the nerve, of course I’ve got the nerve. I already had the nerve to dump Xue Yaozu in such a scummy way, would I not have the guts to argue back? But I won’t go.
“To tell the truth, you were in the wrong this time.”
“Don’t say anymore, I’ve got to get ready and get off the train.”
“Where are you going this time?”
I said I was going mountain climbing. Today, after I get off the train, I’ll first go to the hotel and rest up. Then, tomorrow morning I’ll go mountain climbing. I hear there’s an iron and glass suspension bridge ranked pretty high up in list of suspension bridges of the whole country or something.
In the past I really enjoyed things like that. Truthfully, I wasn’t that brave, but I just really liked those activities that seemed really dangerous on the surface, but were actually really safe. I really don’t know why everyone gets so scared, the iron cables absolutely won’t snap, and the glass bridge has a very little chance of cracking. What’s more, there’s usually a safety web underneath the bridge.
But still, there are people who like to play pranks on others and shake the bridge on purpose. They want to see the people on the bridge scream in terror. I seriously don’t understand what fun they get out of that.
228.
The next day, I stowed my larger pieces of luggage at the hotel and left to go mountain climbing.
The scenery was very beautiful, and the air was very fresh. What’s more, you wouldn’t meet another traveller all that often, so it was quite quiet and serene too.
Slowly I made it past the halfway point of the mountain, then I finally arrived at the entrance of the iron suspension bridge. There were a few more travellers here, for example the crowd of gangsters who were in the middle of making a ruckus and shaking the bridge.
There was a pretty tall guy standing on the bridge with his back to me who was holding onto the bridge’s cable with all his might, too afraid to even move.
When I was walking to the bridge I gave those gangsters a stare, but they ignored me and continued shaking the bridge.
When I came up the mountain I forgot to note down the management office’s phone number, otherwise I would have already given them a call to report that there were people damaging the park property.
I crossed over to halfway of the bridge, which just happened to be right next to the tall guy who was holding onto the wire and was afraid to move. “Come on, keep going, you won’t fall.”
He continued to hug the wire and was too afraid to move.
Dunno how an adult can still be afraid of something like this.
I tugged on his elbow, then said, “I’ll help you across.”
He still didn’t move.
I tugged again. “It’s okay.”
Then he turned around and looked at me.
It was Xue Yaozu.
I didn’t understand at first, so I turned around and looked back at the crowd of unknown gangsters. When they saw that, they quickly turned around and left.
Then my temper got lit, so I let go and continued crossing the bridge alone.
Fuck, was he playing with me?!
Xue Yaozu hurriedly hugged me from behind and said, “Y-you don’t. Know w-why. I like. Y-you. I started. Liking. Y-you. Like this.”
I paused and looked at him. I wasn’t in a hurry to leave anymore.
He said, “One time. During a. Spring field trip, when. I. Still didn’t. Like to talk. There. Were. Some students. Who. S-started. Shaking the bridge when I. Was crossing it. Y-you. Held. My hand and. Crossed the bridge with me. Y-you said. It’s okay, there’s. Nothing to be. Afraid of, the more. Y-you’re. Afraid. The more fun. They’ll get out of it. If I. Wasn’t afraid. Then I w-wouldn’t be bullied.”
To tell the truth, when he mentioned it, this did seem like something that had happened, but I didn’t know who that student was. It was just that I saw he was wearing our school uniform and couldn’t stand those guys behaviour, so I went and helped out a bit.
Xue Yaozu carried on speaking, “One time, during. The. Yearly event. They. Asked me to sing. I. Didn’t dare sing, but. They didn’t. Let me. Get off the s-stage. Y-you. Helped me. And s-sang in my place, and got me. To play the piano. As. Accompaniment.”
This kind of thing I often did, at that time I was a bit wild and bold. For some reason, I had absolute, blind confidence in my singing skills and so when schoolmates were being forced to sing and weren’t willing then I would go lend a hand and get a singing opportunity.
After speaking for ages, Xue Yaozu asked, “Do I have. The right to like. Y-you now?”
This was all me helping you, why the fuck do you want to protect me?!
I have my doubts, and even reasonably suspect that Xue Yaozu was delusional. Hadn’t he just taken all the good deeds that I’d done for other classmates and deluded himself into thinking that they’d happened to him?
“W-when. We formed pairs, I went and. Stayed at. Your. House. For two days. I s-saw. Your mom and dad. Fighting.”
I remembered that there was something like that. At that time the second mistress had appeared. It was the middle of the night, and my mom had caught my dad coming home late. They were fighting in the living room. My dad’s temper got lit and so he started cursing at my mom, and said that she should be clear about what she was, and that she had no right to say anything bad about the second mistress.
At the time, my older brother had heard noises and came out to take a look at what was happening downstairs. When he saw that it wasn’t a case of thieves, he expressionlessly went back to his room to continue sleeping.
I stood behind the railing on the second floor and watched them fight. My heart was calm and unperturbed, and I even felt a little bit like laughing.
And then I just kept squatting by the railing while covering my mouth to muffle my laughter for a long time.
Although I distinctly remember that when I went back to my room my partnered classmate was dead asleep.
Xue Yaozu: “I was. Pretending to be. Asleep.”
Oh.
He said, “After that, y-you. Fell. Asleep. Y-you. Cried and trembled. A lot.”
Normally people would think that I had mad cow disease or something, right….
“Y-you. Were a lot better. When I was. Hugging you.”
Couldn’t you just fucking wake me up?! Your thought process is really strange, okay?! Tell the truth, were you just happy because you had the chance to secretly hug the school idol?!
Xue Yaozu continued, “When. Y-you. Woke up. Y-you. Were back to normal.”
He said, “I just. Suddenly. Fell in love. With y-you.”
229.
To tell the truth, Xue Yaozu truly was a really bizarre person.
230.
But I still accepted. Let’s try dating again.
The main part though, was that he used death to threaten me. He said that if I continued to dump him then he would commit suicide by jumping from the bridge.
Then go and jump!
Of course I didn’t dare say that out loud.
I just want to say that you’re a goddamn bastard! You set up a romantic, tenderhearted mood—but then at the slightest sign of failure you immediately cry, throw a tantrum and threaten to kill yourself?!
Xue Yaozu didn’t find it embarrassing and said, “The method. Isn’t important. It’s. Not as important. As you.”
Oh get lost!
231.
Fine, then let’s try it.
232.
I’m going to first say this, though. If we try and it’s still impossible, then you can’t use the same trick again, ok?
Xue Yaozu earnestly said, “I w-won’t. Ever jump off. A bridge. Again.”
Fine then, let’s give it a try.
233.
Three months later, Xue Yaozu said that he was going to jump off a tower.
Fu—ck!!!
Cunning bastard!!!
Rinrin: This is the end! 🌻🌻🌻🌸🌸🌸Y’all know why I chose to design the book cover like that now, huh 😊
Next up will be the three extras on XYZ’s and RYG’s past together！
It’s from XYZ’s perspective, so we’ll finally be able to see a perspective that’s not RYG (who is great, but is unreliable, not just because of his paranoia, but because no one (human) perspective is really completely objective and untainted from the person’s worldview and biases)
Tell me the lines or parts you liked! Not from just this chapter, but the whole novel, even! Whatever you like. The story’s (basically) complete, after all!
Also, sneaky sneaky XYZ hhhhhhh
Also also, the twinssssss are such angelsssssssss oh my gods
This is what I pictured, minus the tears that are shed hahahahahahahaha (and a guy, ofc)
“Instead, they told my big brother to tell me to wait a bit for them to get older and aren’t burdens anymore.” wahhhhh this got to me yingyingying
but I am glad they got back together and that he is taking his medication and his paranoia is going down..
thanks for the chapter and the story! cant wait to see XYZ’s side
Seriously mc is the most precious cinnamon roll, who has the heart to hurt him?
‘I don’t want to die, I never wanted to die. There are so many bad guys in the world. If I died, then there would be one less good guy.
So no matter how hard it gets, I still want to keep living.’
There you go. My favourite line in this chapter. Need to reread to find favourites for the story. Thanks for the chapter!
Just let XYZ be his compensation for all the suffering. Love the twins and the big brother is quite interesting too.
Ngl, that “friend” kinda annoys me. Kinda a lot. “He fellt that I was just under too much stress and simply needed to relax and be open minded.” Yeah no shit? If we could defeat mental illnesses by “relaxing and being more open-minded” there wouldn’t be mental illnesses ok? Doctors aren’t there to fucking poison you or some shit. Dude has been reading way too much unrealistic manga. Like fuck off. You could’ve killed him. God i hate that dude.
Thank you for the chapter💜💜💜
Agree. This has bothered me so much since the first time Yigu mentioned it. There is no harm in going to doctor first. At the slightest averse side effect from medication, you can still stop. It is not like you become addicted to it, unable to stop. When you had become this bad; setup camera before you sleep, afraid of going out because you will leave fingerprints, etc; that is no longer “a little stressed”. That is a blarring red siren. Pity he had this kind of friend for so long with his condition.
Oh this ending is very good! it’s not too sweet but more realistic and gives hope for future
Thanks for your hard work!
I loved this novel! These characters were so cute and adorkable! Just the right amount of angst and fluff.
i’m laughing and crying at the same time???? omg QAQ still, i love this!! thank u for the chapter~
He threatened to jump off the bridge to date again…
“Three months later, Xue Yaozu said that he was going to jump off a tower.”
was it to get married? 😂
or what did i miss…
Yeah, no that threat to jump just turned this sweet couple for a 6 to a negative for me. Like it was sweet in the beginning but that that is even as a joke is bad I’m sorry. Imma read the extra hopefully its better. Or maybe im just thinking of it in a negative light.
I don’t get it why at the end said XWZ is gonna jump on a tower this time?
Well, it’s kind of bc XYZ was being ‘clever’ and made a loophole, he promised not to jump off ‘a bridge’, so this time he’s jumping off a tower (though it’s more like a joke, he didn’t actually jump…ah that makes it sound bad, but it’s difficult to explain…..I”ll try later) And it means that after 3 months RYG probably discussed breaking up again.
My heart hurts. Just a little.
Not bridge but tower … ._.
” I am someone who is not told much or too lacking.
It’s just I am determined to keep on living in this world, struggling by the skin of my teeth, shamelessly.
This might be my only good point, if this can even be called a good point.”
I got emotional when I read this because I relate to this a lot. I believe our character thinks that way because of people that messed up his childhood, whose words gradually crushed and rebuild his self-perception in a crooked way.
Thank you soooo much for your hard work!! I’m so happy this story ended like this :’) Definitely making it my comfort book <3
I’m a big fan of heart-wrenching angst novels, like, for instance, “The Decade of Deep Love” and “He Doesn’t Know I’m Dead” but do you know what’s more heart-wrenching than tragic novels?
Tragic novels that are written in a comedic atmostphere, with lovable characters.
In “Free Ren Yigu” I find it impossible to hate our beloved unrelieable MC. He has an angel heart. I love him so much.
And then we have Xu Yaozu who loves our beloved MC wholeheartedly. IM SO SOFT FOR XYZ EVENTHOUGH IN SOME PARTS I STARTED TO SUSPECT HIM A PSYCOPATH OR SOMETHING.
Next, Gu La, honestly this guy is a BIG MOOD. When he mentioned something about a panda character I immediately thought of Po from Kung Fu Panda.
I think everyone needs at least one friend like Gu La. I do have one and I treasure them deep in my heart.
THE TWINS!!! They’re absolutely wonderful!! I JUST WANT TO HUG THEM AND SAY THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE(?) OF OUR BELOVED REN YIGU.
Really, I just want to hug all the good people in this book.
That includes the old woman whose son and husband died of suicide.
But out of all, I’m really satisfied with how the story ends. Big applause and respect for the author. I love the author so much I cant stress this enough.
Last but not least, I wish happiness and fortune for the translator who made it possible for me to read this heart-warming novel <3
Thank you so much for your hard work!
The twins are so sweet ❤
Ahh why do you have to make me cry so much! I swear my tear ducts aren’t usually so loose!
Thanks for translating this wonderful story!
Wanted to see the two baby twins back :’)
This is also good i guess. The two got back and would be together for a long time — they’re perfect for each other and managing 😆 gege can just stay put, the twins can return someday while leading an independent life, mc can heal, friend can stay single, grandpa can die soon, etc.
It’s good that we stayed with their capabilities. No sudden burst of race to the top or sudden got well. More real this way. Stay crazy 😆