Flying Gulls Never LandCh6 - But I just can’t give up like this

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After all the chaos that happened, it turned out that we all supposedly knew each other.

Back when Wei Shi opened his massage parlour, Tiger Ge worked under him for several years, and rose through the ranks to be in quite a senior position. Later, Wei Shi went to jail and the massage parlours all closed down, which led Tiger Ge to consider other routes for survival. YUM2De

Years passed since they had last met, and the Wang Pangzi from before became the ‘Tiger Ge’ of today. Wei Shi had long since become a myth in the Jianghu, a fading memory to everyone.

Who could’ve thought that things turned out to be so coincidental, where a random trip to a store chasing for rent ended up leading him to his ex-bosses shop.

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He had picked the fight, and it was with someone he had failed to recognise until it was too late. Currently, there was no one who felt more awkward than Tiger Ge.

The three of them immediately curbed their acting and asserted that everything was a misunderstanding. Then, they promptly lined up and formed two lines with Shen Xiao Shi, Liu Yue, and myself, shaking hands and making up with us in the police station. A BK48

When we left the station it was already past eight o’clock at night, Wei Shi decided to treat everyone to hotpot, and after finishing our meal everyone still felt unsatisfied to end the day there, so they suggested going to ‘Golden Days’ near us to sing karaoke.

Apart from Liu Yue being a girl and therefore inconvenient for her to return home too late, everyone else left for the nightclub in high spirits. Wei Shi called a cab for Liu Yue before we all parted ways with her.

As Liu Yue described previously, the entrance was crammed with luxury cars.

Wei Shi booked a room that was quite grand and called up a few hostesses. Inside the karaoke room, the lights shone, distorting a myriad of colours all across the room. Soon enough, a sound much like wailing that was meant to be singing made my head hurt.

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“Hey handsome, you want a smoke?” The hostess asked, her face caked with heavy makeup as she leaned closer towards me, holding a cigarette in her hand.

I shook my head, rejecting her offer.

I said I was fine just listening to them sing, however Wei Shi the dumbass didn’t let me sit idly, and asked for a hostess, saying that it was the rule here for everyone to sing a song.

“What do you say, handsome, let’s have a drink?” A hostess called ‘Li Li’ poured a cup of alcohol for me, seeing that I didn’t smoke. xZ7rSu

I pushed the cup back, declining once more, “I’m allergic to alcohol.”

Honestly, these were all excuses, in reality I was just bad and inexperienced with alcohol. When I was around fourteen or fifteen, I secretly imitated adults and smoked as well as drank, but before I could really become used to either practice I was found out by my mother, and following that was a lecture and beating from hell, which resulted in me never carelessly trying to copy bad habits again.

Li Li probably thought I was quite boring, as she tugged at her lips and quietly downed both cups of drinks herself.

I also thought it was boring. EkTwdB

Shen Xiao Shi stood on the little stage-like platform, holding the mic in his hand and wailed at pop songs that I didn’t listen to. Wei Shi and Tiger Ge were catching up over the past few years, both of them enshrouded in the cigarette smoke, their expressions oddly unfamiliar to me. Tiger Ge’s two followers seemed to be enjoying themselves greatly with the hostesses, as laughter flowed consistently from that corner of the room.

It was all pretty boring.

I told Wei Shi that I needed to go to the bathroom as I turned to leave.

At the supermarket near the entrance I bought a bottle of water, then for some unknown reason I bought a pack of cigarettes. I sat next to the flowerbed by the parking lot outside of Golden Days, and brought a cigarette to my mouth in an unfamiliar manner without lighting it. kyNH7P

It was astringent.

I bit at the cigarette butt, taking a closer look at the cigarette box, and didn’t see anything special about it.

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We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

I knew Sheng Min Ou smoked, but it turned out that cigarettes didn’t even taste good, I would actually rather have a lollipop instead…

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Fang Lei had his arm intimately wrapped around a toppling figure as they walked unsteadily from the carpark.

“I still want more drinks…” The woman mumbled, her curls splattered across her features, her eyes tightly closed, leaving only a pair of red lips visible. Her whole body was tightly wound around Fang Lei, as if she were a snake.

“Okay, okay, let’s stop drinking, you’ve spent this whole day drinking already. I’ll take you back home, otherwise your fiance is going to be worried.” Fang Lei said, gently comforting the other figure as he tapped her back in small motions. d0YuqL

I remained staring at the woman, my eyes crinkling as I tried to make out more details.

“He wouldn’t be worried about me… he doesn’t have a heart at all!” The woman’s voice suddenly became heated as she continued fanatically, “Did you know… even now.. I still haven’t been to his house…. God, does he have something to hide in there?! It’s still you in the end, you’re much better than him, I like you….”

I kept to the shadows and in between us was another car, so they didn’t notice me at all.

Fang Lei held the woman and helped her get into a sports car that was painted electric purple, and patiently helped her adjust the height and tilt of the seat. Then he stepped into the driver’s seat and disappeared into the car. lm Liu

In a short while, the sports car let out a roar, similar to some mighty beast as it reversed. Then, with a swift slam on the gas, it left the car park like a gust of wind.

After I could no longer see any trace of the car, I removed the cigarette from my mouth and walked back into the Golden Days club again.

The atmosphere inside the room was still lively, and Wei Shi was now the person singing.

He really gave it his all, singing his heart out. After he finished his song ‘Let’s start again’ the three men who had just gotten a beating earlier were so moved that hot tears streamed down their faces as they gave Wei Shi a thunderous applause. H7uOjM

I sat next to Li Li and initiated a conversation, “You know Fang Lei right? He also works here.”

“Fang Lei?” Li LI replied, her expression a mixture of confusion and surprise.

I thought about it for a second, then switched the title, “He’s called Sasha here.”

“Oh,” The way Li Li regarded me seemed to have a minuscule shift in that moment, “Are you his friend, or… client?” 9SGQO5

“We’re not really friends, do you know the ‘Prosperous Pawn Shop’ that’s just on the other side of the street? I’m the manager there. He frequents our place to pawn off items, and after a while we became acquainted with each other,” I explained, smiling. “I was just cooling off for a bit outside just then and saw him leave with a beautiful lady, do you happen to know who she might be?”

“That should be his most recent client, I heard he’s the daughter of the CEO of some pharmaceutical company. She’s loaded.” Li Li commented, her face full of envy and admiration.

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After hearing that she was the daughter of a pharmaceutical company, I initially still had 20% doubt, but now I could be 100% certain. Just then, the woman who was stuck to Fang Lei like glue, was the exact woman who I had seen next to Sheng Min Ou, his pale, rich and beautiful girlfriend.

“I heard she has a fiancé?” 6heAlm

Li Li was unconcerned as she gave me a smile, “How many people are truly single when they come to a place like this? They’re all just spending their money for a good time, it’s not as if anything real is going to come out of it.”

That wasn’t exactly true. She was gifting watches one day and diamonds the next, it was obvious at least to me that she was head over heels for Fang Lei, and more likely than not she had really developed feelings for him.

Sheng Min Ou, oh Sheng Min Ou, even someone like you can have this sort of ending too.

I started laughing, and Li Li stared at me in confusion. 0Nwl43

I raised my bottled water at her and toasted her with it, saying, “I’m happy for Sasha and I wish for the two of them to last a long time together.”

The confusion on her face deepened but I disregarded it as I stood and took over Wei Shi’s microphone, queueing up the song ‘I wait a thousand years for this one moment’ and receiving roars as they cheered and whistled.

Saturday was the anniversary of my father’s death. I wasn’t able to visit his grave in ten years, and since my mother couldn’t go this year, she asked me to go in her stead.

Before I went she had specifically reminded me to go in the afternoon, and when I asked why, she paused for a bit before saying with a long face that it was because Sheng Min Ou would go before noon. 14AXGS

I had actually already guessed, when it came to the day that was the anniversary of my father’s death, he would never be absent.

On that day, I woke up earlier than most and went to the markets to buy flowers, small dishes and alcohol, then took the bus to head to the cemetery.

I thought I had already arrived early enough, but I didn’t expect Sheng Min Ou to be there even earlier than I was.

My father’s tomb was indoors, in a columbarium. Enclosed in the four walls, three of them were filled floor to ceiling with small places to hold cinerary urns. In each slotted space were two electronic candles, and a white plastic flower propped there as an offering. xlP6TW

If the family wanted to offer things for the deceased, they could put it on the floor in the column of where the urn was, and later a caretaker would take it away. In the room, there were even two long benches, set up to allow visitors to sit there and take their time accompanying those who passed.

When I got there, I saw Sheng Min Ou with his back at me, sitting on one of the long benches.

In front of him on the floor, neatly aligned with the column where my father’s urn was, was a bouquet of daisies.

I stopped in my footsteps, not continuing forward, and even hid behind a corner of a wall, afraid to be discovered by him. X3xgKY

Sheng Min Ou sat there for a long while without any movement. If it wasn’t for the posture which he was in being a difficult one to fall asleep to, I would’ve thought he was dozing off from waking up too early.

In the early mornings, the gusts of winds easily brought chills to my bones. Simply by breathing out, a white fog would condense in my sights and cloud my vision. However, when sunlight pierced through the leaves and shone on my body, I would briefly have a moment of reprieve and feel an ephemeral warmth.

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Faded auburn leaves gently swayed in the wind, their shadows becoming smears of lighting on the floor.

The branches shook almost imperceptibly, until finally Sheng Min Ou started moving, as if he were swayed by the wind too. From his coat, he took out his cigarette box and lit up a cigarette, placing it next to the bouquet he had brought. ipubDy

White smoke rose in spirals, disintegrating into the morning air. He waited for a moment then stood up and looked as if he were about to leave.

I stopped hiding and walked out, turning the corner from which I watched him.

He turned at the same exact moment, coming to a stop when he saw me.

‘How can so many coincidences exist? It is all but meticulous planning and thoughts.’ In my mind, a quote floated into my consciousness, although I had forgotten where I had seen it from. SO9aQ4

“Ge, you came.” I said, smiling as my eyes crinkled.

He had both hands in his coat and his gaze didn’t linger on me for a second, as he moved to walk past me with his big strides.

When he walked past me, I held onto his elbow in one swift movement.

He jerked away from me, as if he was born with an instinct that disallowed him from being touched by me for more than three seconds. qdURCp

For a moment, we were both startled.

I curled my hands into fists and held them in my pockets then simultaneously took a large step backwards, so as to keep a safe distance from him.

“I just wanted to ask you, all the time, have you been receiving the letters I sent to you?”

In the ten years, I sent him many letters, but I never received a reply. eAYGwE

From having hope, to being anguished, to stupidly pleading and finding reasons, until finally accepting and giving up. The first three steps took me five years, and the next five years were a long road where bit by bit my heart crumpled as I reconciled myself with the truth. Even then, I still sent out a letter every three months, and never expected a reply.

In the last year, when I knew my mother was suffering from a terminal illness and she was at death’s door, I no longer wrote any more letters.

Now, when I asked him, it wasn’t to blame him and it wasn’t for any other reason. It was only so I could finally receive an answer to a question that had been buried deep inside my heart for many years.

“Letters?” He said, flattening the cuffs of his sleeves. “I’ve received them.” PqaguJ

I froze, “Then…”

Then, it turns out you’ve never looked at any of the letters?

Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden.

He seemed to already know what I wanted to ask, so he answered me in a very straightforward manner, “I didn’t read any of it, I threw them all away.”

My heart which was clamouring and making so much noise in my ribcages finally stilled itself, leaving me with deafening silence. Faced with an answer I expected, I thought I wouldn’t be disappointed. gAFbID

I overestimated myself.

“I thought this was what happened.” I dropped my eyes, looking at his polished shoes, my smile a little bitter.

His coat swayed gently in the breeze, and he moved his feet to leave.

“Ge…” I called to stop him. x9Epv

He didn’t stop this time, and left for the exit of the cemetery without ever looking back.

Staring at his departing figure, I couldn’t help but sigh, it seemed like I could never get him to stay.

“Treat your girlfriend better!” I raised my voice and yelled.

It wasn’t until Sheng Min Ou completely disappeared from my vision, that I carried everything I brought with me and went to see my father. uK8Y5w

I put the bouquet and the dishes on the floor and arranged them nicely, then bowed to the urn three times and moved to sit on the benches.

“Long time no see, dad.” I intertwined my fingers and clasped my hands together, my thumb making small circling motions over and over again. “I’m not a good son, if you want to yell at me or hit me, you can do whatever you want when we meet again. I’m sorry for everything, I’ve failed to meet mum’s expectations and yours, I know, I know it all…”

I closed my eyes, becoming engulfed in darkness once more.

“But I just can’t give up like this.” wH0 Ld

Translator's Note

Iconic and quite an emotional old song sang by Liu Huan, here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR6L1nnLleA&ab_channel=Buddhist48Buddhist

Translator's Note

Another very old but iconic song, give it a listen here (and take a trip back through time to when VFX wasn’t as advanced haha): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPNTfZh9Atc&ab_channel=nhachoahot

Leave a Comment

28 comments

  1. Sheng Min Ou really didn’t read the letters or he’s Just saying that to make him suffer? Whatever it is, he’s despicable.

    Thanks for the chapter!

  2. Why is he torturing himself like that? After 10 years of silence, he should have let go already. Now he’s out and again trying to get him to notice him… It is best to just walk on by and pretend he never sees him. big sigh

    Thanks for the chapter <3

  3. Noooo honey, please give up i- 😭😭😭

    I know things are going to get better but this angst is really hitting different and I just want mc to stop drinking poison and just properly take his medicine!!😤😤 leave that slimeball smo alone!!!

  4. Nooo bby please just give up i-

    😭😭😭 I know things will get better but this angst is really hitting different and I just was mc to stop drinking poison and properly take his medicine!!! leave that slimeball smo alone 😤😤😤

  5. Why is he stuck on SMO? I don’t see any quality in SMO that can make one so crazily obsessed with him. I personally would hate and avoid people like SMO. Lu Feng is continuously getting hurt but still insists on following him. This time I don’t think SMO did wrong. He already made it clear that want Lu Feng out of his life but Lu Feng isn’t willing to.

    Thx for the chapter 😘

    • Really good analysis! We’ll get to know SMO better but right now it’s exactly what you’ve said, SMO sets boundaries and Lu Feng keeps crossing them. Thank you for leaving your thoughts and for the support! 💕

  6. Lu Feng, Sheng Min Ou isn’t worth this! Just forget him and go be with Shen Xiao Shi instead!

    Thanks for the chapter!

  7. GO MAKE SOME BAD DECISIONS LU FENG MAYBE THAT’LL MAKE HIM NOTICE YOU (yes I encourage toxic behaviour in novels I’m sorry)😅

  8. Yep, our MC definitely stalking. Your translation is great, so easy to read and get immersed in. I can’t wait to see how these two end up together, it’s my first time reading a first person yandere.