[Please see end notes for trigger warnings.]
Huo Zhixing’s head began throbbing after leaving the criminal investigation team’s headquarters. He had taken the pack of cigarettes He Hongtao had offered him and stood smoking by the roadside. He thought about the awful way in which Zhou Xiaoyuan had died and couldn’t help but feel upset.
Apart from this, what made him feel troubled wasn’t whether Zou Kai would find him – it was whether he would find Tong Qiu.
He suddenly thought back to when he had met Tong Qiu’s parents for the first time. Tong Qiu’s mother had actually been unwilling to let Tong Qiu find a police officer for a partner and had always felt that police officers made too many enemies – perhaps enough enemies to put their families in danger.
At the time, Huo Zhixing had said bravely promised Tong Qiu’s mother that he would look after Tong Qiu and would not allow harm to befall him. Now, however, he couldn’t help but feel worried.
Zou Kai hadn’t turned over a new leaf and even though Huo Zhixing hadn’t known Tong Qiu when he had captured Zou Kai, it didn’t mean that the situation wouldn’t spread and get Tong Qiu involved.
It didn’t matter what happened to Huo Zhixing – he was mentally prepared to be injured, attacked and even killed. It was something that every police officer on the front lines came to understand at the very beginning. However, the families of police officers were innocent.
He zoned out for quite a while as the thoughts ran through his mind. It was only when he felt his fingers being burned by the butt of the cigarette that he finally came to and called a cab home.
No matter what, he had to protect Tong Qiu properly. Not a single hair on Tong Qiu’s body was to be harmed.
—
Sometimes, it really was as the saying went – when it rains, it pours.
The whole thing with Zou Kai was already a heavy weight in Huo Zhixing’s mind and the next day, just as he was about to finish eating his lunch, Zhao Heyu said to him, “Shifu, something happened to shimu.”
Huo Zhixing’s immediate reaction was that Zou Kai was responsible and in a flash, his back was covered in cold sweat.
“What happened?”
“I saw it online. A student from his school jumped off the roof and committed suicide.” Zhao Heyu handed his phone to Huo Zhixing. “You should go ask around. It was one of the students in shimu’s class.”
Huo Zhixing looked at the newsfeed then gave the phone back to Zhao Heyu. He immediately gave Tong Qiu a call but in the end, no one picked up.
“I’m heading over,” Huo Zhixing stood and made a beeline for the exit. “If anything comes up, give me a call.”
—
Tong Qiu sat in the principal’s office. Even now, his ears hadn’t stopped ringing and his thoughts refused to clear.
This morning, while he had been on the way to the school, he had received a call from Xiao Keran’s father, who had said that Xiao Keran wasn’t feeling well and would be absent.
Third year students were under an enormous amount of pressure and every class often had students who needed to take time off. Tong Qiu hadn’t thought much of it and had simply instructed her father not to put off taking her to the hospital if she was feeling sick.
Xiao Keran’s father hadn’t even bothered to respond with the usual politesse before hanging up.
Tong Qiu had grown used to these types of parents. They were the type who showed up to teacher-parent meetings with expressions of reluctance and annoyance on their faces. Sometimes, they even liked to find teachers just to bother them. Thankfully, Xiao Keran was a good kid – she was an introverted girl who was sensible and quite pretty and had fairly good grades. She was also the class representative in Tong Qiu’s literature class.
As per usual, Tong Qiu walked to the classroom after arriving at the school. He taught the first two classes of the day – both literature classes – and waited around after class until the math teacher arrived for the next class. After that, he returned to the office.
When Tong Qiu arrived, he saw a light blue envelope placed on his desk. The words ‘To Tong-laoshi’ were written on the envelope.
The languages teacher sitting next to him said, “When I came in this morning, it was on the floor. Someone must have shoved it through the crack under the door.”
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
Kbcu Hle atjcxfv atf batfg afjmtfg jcv rwlifv jr tf bqfcfv atf fcnfibqf.
Lf mbeiv gfmbuclhf atf tjcvkglalcu bo fnfgs raevfca lc tlr mijrr. Snfgs alwf atf ygjar obguba ab kglaf atflg cjwfr bc atflg afra qjqfgr, tf mbeiv afii ktb la kjr klat j delmx rmjc bo atf kbgvr kglaafc bc atf qjqfg. Ktf tjcvkglalcu yfibcufv ab Wljb Bfgjc, ktb tjv ajxfc atf vjs boo.
In his first year of teaching, he had received love letters from students, both boys and girls alike. This wasn’t unusual but he didn’t feel that Xiao Keran would write a love letter to him. It was probably because the stress was too much and she wanted to say a few words that she was too embarrassed to say to a teacher face-to-face. As such, she had likely chosen to use a letter to say what was on her mind in the hopes that the teacher would give her some guidance or suggestions.
In the end, Tong Qiu’s guess had been partially correct.
Her letter really did contain everything that was on Xiao Keran’s mind. It detailed her dejection but her intent wasn’t to ask her teacher for help – it was to tell her teacher that she had decided to end her life.
Xiao Keran wrote about everything she had gone through these past dozen or so years in the long, long letter – the violence she experienced at the hands of her father since she was a child, her mother’s apathy and emotional abuse.
At the start of last year, Xiao Keran’s parents had divorced and neither had wanted to be responsible for their child. In the end, her mother suddenly disappeared and cut off all contact with them. Since Xiao Keran wasn’t of age, her father had no choice but to take her and raise her.
A few months ago, Xiao Keran’s father remarried and while her step-mother was a good woman, Xiao Keran was still beaten by her father and her step-mother couldn’t do anything to stop him.
Tong Qiu had a vague idea of Xiao Keran’s family situation but it was the first he’d heard of her father’s violent tendencies. At the end of the letter, Xiao Keran had written:
Tong-laoshi, I kept trying to tell myself to just bear it and that in a few weeks I can get out of there. But I can’t hold on any longer and I don’t want to hold on anymore.
Tong Qiu stared at the short ‘I’m sorry’ that Xiao Keran had written and his eyes suddenly began stinging. His fingers grew numb and his whole body began shaking.
The reason Xiao Keran had apologized to Tong Qiu about her suicide was because asides from Tong Qiu, she couldn’t find anyone else to share her dying thoughts with.
Tong Qiu’s hands trembled as he gave Xiao Keran’s father a call. It turned out the man was actually out playing mahjong.
“Where’s Xiao Keran?” Tong Qiu’s voice shook as he asked. “Is she home?”
“Probably not,” Xiao Keran’s father said. “She just gave me a call and told me to pick her up from the school.”
“The school?” Tong Qiu’s misgivings grew. “Didn’t she take a sick day? Why would she be at school?”
Tong Qiu hadn’t seen Xiao Keran at all at school and she hadn’t come to class.
“How should I know?” Xiao Keran’s father replied, sounding as if he couldn’t care less. “Seems to me that girl just faked being sick and went out to play around.”
Tong Qiu ran out and yelled into the speaker, “Something might have happened to your daughter!”
The man on the other end laughed, “Don’t worry, teach. She’s not a kid anymore and there’s nothing we can do even if we wanted to.”
Tong Qiu was livid and after letting out a low curse, he hung up and called the police.
Now wasn’t the time to teach that vile man a lesson; his top priority was to find Xiao Keran.
In the end, he didn’t manage to find her before it happened.
Xiao Keran had already gone to the roof of the school’s research building and jumped.
—
When Huo Zhixing arrived at the school, the front entrance was crowded with people. Luckily, he was wearing his police uniform and was able to get through the crowd without much obstruction and entered the school grounds.
The police car parked there was noticeably out-of-place and while he rushed towards the teaching building, Huo Zhixing continued to dial Tong Qiu’s phone number.
When Tong Qiu left the principal’s office, he finally fished out his cell phone. He had set it to silent earlier and only just saw that Huo Zhixing had called.
“Are you alright?”
Tong Qiu picked up the call and didn’t even get a chance to speak before Huo Zhixing’s worried voice made him start choking up.
“I just came out of the principal’s office.” Tong Qiu struggled to keep himself calm. “The school is going to deal with it.”
“What about you?” Huo Zhixing said, “I was asking if you were alright.”
He wasn’t worried about everything else – he was mainly worried about Tong Qiu.
From what Huo Zhixing could see, Tong Qiu was passionate about his job as a teacher and took joy in it. He genuinely liked every student in his class and when something like this happened, Tong Qiu would undoubtedly blame himself and question his self-worth.
“I’m fine,” Tong Qiu said, “I’m heading back to class.”
“Alright, I understand.”
Huo Zhixing hung up the phone and headed directly to Tong Qiu’s classroom.
When Tong Qiu walked down the stairs, he saw Huo Zhixing in the hallway, still clad in his police uniform. He was caught off guard for a moment, and almost thought he was imagining things.
When Huo Zhixing caught sight of Tong Qiu, he walked over immediately.
“The parents have already arrived,” Tong Qiu said, “The police are here too. Since it happened while the student was taking a leave of absence, the school won’t be held responsible.”
Huo Zhixing watched him and could tell that Tong Qiu was desperately trying to hold it together.
“Did you eat lunch yet?” Huo Zhixing didn’t respond and instead asked if he had eaten.
Tong Qiu stared blankly back at him, then said with a bitter smile, “Didn’t have an appetite.”
“Do you have classes to teach tonight? Shall I come find you after work today?”
Tong Qiu fell silent for a moment, then nodded, “Keep me company for a few drinks then.”
Tong Qiu had been holding it all in before while he had been around everyone else and no matter how upset he was or how much he blamed himself, his eyes hadn’t turned red. Without knowing quite how it happened, his tears began to flow.
Huo Zhixing lifted a hand and wiped his tears away. “Don’t blame yourself too much.”
“But it really was my fault.”
“When a a person’s life is gone, everyone around her all share some blame.” Huo Zhixing gave Tong Qiu’s shoulder a tight squeeze and said to him, “I know this is a big blow so it’s okay to let it out. When you’re done crying, let’s go home tonight and talk about it.”
—
When Tong Qiu had been a student, his teacher had once said to him, “No matter when or where, you must always remember who you are. You’re a teacher of the people and not only are you teaching them knowledge, but you’re also teaching them how to be people. The children whose lives you touch are all at the point where their personalities are being shaped. They are both strong, yet fragile, and as a teacher, you must find the right balance and ensure they mature and grow.”
Until now, Tong Qiu had always felt that he had become a rather successful teacher. At the very least, no matter what the situation, the feedback had always been positive.
Tong-laoshi was responsible when it came to his job.
Tong-laoshi was good at understanding his students.
Tong-laoshii always had great rapport with the parents.
Tong-laoshi was handsome and had a good sense of humour.
Tong Qiu thought he had done a good enough job but now, he was coming to realize that the praise had blinded him, had inflated his ego to the point that he hadn’t done a good job of being a teacher.
He stood at the lectern and felt that he wasn’t fit to stand there.
Feng Kaiwen quietly placed a packet of tissues on his desk, then returned to his own seat. Tong Qiu stared at the green packaging of the tissues, at the images on it that were full of life. He was too afraid to look at his students.
Huo Zhixing stood outside the classroom door, a thin sheet of wood that had been firmly closed. Through the classroom window, he could see that Tong Qiu’s head was lowered, almost like a student who was awaiting punishment.
He frowned. The sight of Tong Qiu in this sort of state made his heart feel as if it had become a few pounds heavier.
After agreeing to meet up later tonight, Huo Zhixing didn’t stick around at the school. He watched Tong Qiu for a while from outside the classroom, then left the school grounds. He passed by a grocery store on the way and bought a few packs of cigarettes, then smoked two cigarettes outside the police station before going in.
When evening fell, he finished up with work and was about to go find Tong Qiu at the school, but Tong Qiu gave him a call and said that the school had cancelled the evening self-study sessions and had allowed everyone to go home early.
Huo Zhixing bought a few drinks near Tong Qiu’s apartment, plus a few packs of cigarettes, then went upstairs with a heavy heart.
He actually didn’t really know how to comfort someone. Normally, he could always tease Tong Qiu until his ears burned red and his eyes danced, but when it came to serious moments, his mouth clammed up.
He didn’t know how to offer comfort, didn’t know what he should say, and could only keep Tong Qiu company as Tong Qiu drank and talked and got through the worst of it.
Before he had left work, Zhao Heyu had asked worriedly, “Shifu, is shimu okay?”
Huo Zhixing had said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be there so it’s going to be alright.”
—
[Trigger warnings] Mention of domestic violence, mention of suicide of side character not previously introduced in the story. There are no graphic details but if these topics make you uncomfortable, please don’t feel obliged to read this chapter and feel free to skip to the next one.
Translator’s note
So sorry for the delay and thank you for being patient. Sorry that this is such a heavy chapter but even a fluffy story like this has its moments of inescapable realism. ;-;
Once again, I just want to stress that the police officers depicted in this novel are very idealized and shouldn’t be confused with the atrocities that IRL police officers have committed. I understand that novels are an escape for many people (myself included), but if you do find the time I encourage you to learn about BLM and racism/police brutality faced by black and POC communities.
thank you for the chapter, take care of yourself!
I thought the girl was FK’s girlfriend until the TL’s note about it being a not yet introduced character
the snowball is growing and I’m anxious (⊙_◎)
ahhh I thought the same thing while I was listening to the audio drama the first time, but yeah, it’s not feng kaiwen’s girlfriend. thanks so much for reading and commenting and hope you take care of yourself too!
This is one of my biggest fears as a professor, that someday one of my students would do what the girl did. 😭
It’s so sad. Even more knowing she could have been saved.
Thanks for the chapter!
yes, this was a very emotional chapter and very realistic, sadly T___T thanks for reading!
😳😳😭😭
Thanks for the chapter!!
no problem, thanks for reading! ;u;
Sometimes just being with the person, who experiences something terrible helps, so don’t worry officer and be there for him. And yeah, don’t let any criminal approach your honey!
Thank you for the chapter!!!
yes, i’m glad officer huo is there for tong qiu this time T___T thanks for reading! :))
Thanks for your hard work!
no problem at all, thank you so much for reading! 🙂
wouldnt it make sense to put the trigger warning before the chapter containing those things? why is it after?
My guess is to avoid spoilers? It would make more sense to do the thing like when they’re defining a term by making you click the word to see what they mean.
No, I am not going to cry… i am not lying …
I’m stunned again not just by how good you are as a translator and localizer, but at the author for writing a truely heart wrenching chapter. Sometimes suicide is like that, subtle, happens to the person you thought would pull through, with unexpected affects on the persons around them.
Thank you so much for your hard work.
Poor girl :< Her parents were mostly to blame…
Thank You for the chapter ♡(ŐωŐ人)