The fact that Tong Qiu was so ‘drunk’ he had fallen asleep at the most crucial moment was truly laughable but there was nothing to be done.
It would have been fine if he had slept straight through the night. That way, it wouldn’t have been a torment to everyone involved. Unfortunately, the ‘tainted’ alcohol he had consumed had an awful side effect and Tong Qiu couldn’t doze for long. He slept fitfully for a bit but was eventually woken by his discomfort.
Because Tong Qiu had downed a whole mess of drinks, Huo Zhixing had made him guzzle a tonne of water to ease the aftereffects of the alcohol. As a result, Tong Qiu woke up when his bladder felt as if it would burst.
At 3 o’clock in the morning, he opened his eyes.
It was the dead of night and Tong Qiu was about to make frantic trips to the bathroom while Huo Zhixing was fast asleep.
Drunk people tend to be top-heavy and have trouble balancing. Tong Qiu was incredibly dizzy and before he even got off the bed, he accidentally woke the person lying next to him.
“Are you alright?” Huo Zhixing was a light sleeper and when he had sensed movement beside him, he immediately opened his eyes and helped support the swaying drunkard next to him.
Tong Qiu had been holding it in for so long that it was starting to feel painful. He was feeling nauseous too, so he waved a hand and replied shortly, “Bathroom.”
Huo Zhixing let go of him and watched with concern as he stumbled into the bathroom.
Tong Qiu ran back and forth between the bed and the bathroom every few minutes, stopping only after half an hour had passed. Say what you will, but all the running was honestly exhausting!
“Do you feel a bit better?” Huo Zhixing couldn’t rest easy seeing him in such a state. He considered cooking something for Tong Qiu to eat to hopefully calm his queasy stomach.
Tong Qiu lay on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. The numerous trips to the bathroom had left him gasping for breath.
Huo Zhixing, who was sitting beside him, pressed a hand on his forehead and frowned, “Are you running a bit of a fever?”
He was worried that whatever had been in the alcohol had made Tong Qiu sick – the man was only in his thirties but had drunk himself silly. That wouldn’t do.
Huo Zhixing got off the bed and was about to go look for a thermometer but Tong Qiu stopped him, grabbing him by the wrist.
“What’s wrong?” he said, gazing back at Tong Qiu.
Tong Qiu swallowed. “That…”
While he was hiding in the bathroom just now, Tong Qiu had been contemplating his life choices…
From the moment Tong Qiu had started drinking the tainted alcohol, his thoughts had remained mostly clear, even if his body had felt uncomfortable and he was more dizzy than usual. He had felt strangely impulsive and the blood in his veins had flowed like rolling waves. Although his limbs were physically weak, there was a sudden burst of energy inside him that he struggled to contain.
If it weren’t for Huo Zhixing, he might have been taken away by god-knows-who tonight. It was probable that something ‘R-rated’ would have happened if Huo Zhixing hadn’t been there. A less conservative guess was that some stranger could have sliced him open and sold his organs – or even his entire corpse – somewhere deep in the mountains.
Tong Qiu’s imagination ran wild and conjured all sorts of melodramatic movie-like scenarios.
That said, Tong Qiu’s original purpose had been to search for a hookup so his intentions hadn’t exactly been pure to begin with. But when he thought back to the possibly-malicious man from the bar, he realized the man was a bit unsightly and if Tong Qiu had had the choice, he certainly wouldn’t have picked him.
Even if that type of person was highly skilled in bed, it wouldn’t be enough. Tong-laoshi had very high standards and was extremely picky about these things.
When put that way, Tong Qiu was actually very thankful that Huo Zhixing had helped him out this time, but now…
Tong Qiu was so uncomfortable he couldn’t even piss anymore.
He really wanted to do it.
We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.
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It was a little after 3 a.m., and without further thought, he sent a message to Chu Yao.
Come out, darling. We gotta talk.
Chu Yao, who lived an abundantly fulfilling nightlife, responded within seconds.
Hey darling, did you sleep with your ex?
They truly were soul sisters.
Tong Qiu: Not yet. I don’t know what to do.
Chu Yao sent back a long string of ‘hahaha’ and asked: What the hell are you waiting for? Didn’t you already plan out your ‘bed scene’?
Tong Qiu sucked in a deep breath and typed, deadpan: But his technique isn’t great. I’m afraid that if we sleep together, the tiny little spark between us that took so much trouble to ignite will fizzle out.
A few seconds later, Chu Yao replied: Since when was there a tiny little spark between you two? Why wasn’t I aware of this?
Shit, he was exposed.
Tong Qiu had to give the lady credit for her ability to get to the root of the matter.
Tong Qiu: Stop worrying over the details. What I mean is, a satisfying sex life is extremely important for adults. It’s crucial for maintaining a healthy marriage.
Chu Yao had a far more open mind and replied: Just give it a try and figure things out later. You two have already been divorced for so long. Who knows, maybe he put in a lot of practice behind your back so don’t just give him the death penalty based on past experience!
Tong Qiu stared at her message for a long while, then replied: What do you mean? He put in a lot of practice? Who did he practice with?
Chu Yao: Stop worrying over the details.
It was impossible not to worry. Tong Qiu couldn’t help but reflect on the fact that he himself hadn’t gotten laid a single time after their divorce. Huo Zhixing, however, might have already become a seasoned pro whose sexual prowess had reached the peak of perfection. The thought made him so jealous his head started feeling dizzy.
For a moment, he wasn’t sure what exactly he should hope for when Huo Zhixing displayed his skills.
It was no good if he performed poorly.
But if he performed well, that would be even worse.
Tong Qiu got off the toilet and gave his lively and refreshed ‘little brother’ a rub. He felt as if he had gone crazy.
Since all that pondering was futile, Tong Qiu decided to simply let nature take its course so he went and lay back down. If Huo Zhixing had any intentions of that sort, then he would do as Chu Yao had suggested and give it a try. If worst comes to worst, it would be just as uninspiring as it was before, but at least he would have a better idea of where things stand.
And just like that, Tong-laoshi returned to the battlefield and attempted to invite his ex-husband to have a go at it.
“Are you not feeling well?” Huo Zhixing asked with concern, clearly worried about him.
However, Officer Huo didn’t get a response. To his surprise, Tong-laoshi simply lay on the bed and gazed at him with an eager, hopeful, almost expectant expression. It was enough to make Huo Zhixing’s heart swell.
Tong Qiu opened his mouth and after a long pause, he squeezed out, “Can we?”
His words sounded a little familiar to Huo Zhixing.
“Hm?” He smiled, leaning closer to Tong Qiu and asked a question he already knew the answer to, “Can we what?”
Tong Qiu was annoyed by his teasing and grumbled petulantly, “I’m drunk.”
“I heard that drunk people never say they’re drunk.”
“I really am drunk.” Tong Qiu reached out and picked up the condom that Huo Zhixing had ‘confiscated’. “What’s this?”
“What do you think?”
Tong Qiu tore open the package. “A balloon, right?”
Huo Zhixing grinned as he watched him, but didn’t respond.
Tong Qiu toyed with the condom and from time to time, he lifted his eyes to glance at Huo Zhixing.
“Is it fun?” Huo Zhixing asked.
Tong Qiu fell silent for a moment and blinked at him, eyes slightly red from the aftereffects of the alcohol. “What’s the matter with you?”
He obviously knew the answer to his own question.
“You really don’t know what’s the matter with me?” Huo Zhixing gave Tong Qiu’s nose a small tweak, grinning.
“I really did have too much to drink.” Tong Qiu tossed the condom aside and spoke in the same tone as a spoiled child, “I wanna sleep.”
Although his mouth claimed that he was sleepy, the rest of his body was much more honest. Tong-laoshi hadn’t calmed down for a single moment ever since the alcohol had gone to his head.
Huo Zhixing couldn’t hold himself back any longer and gave Tong Qiu a pinch. “Why can’t you be a little more honest? If you want something, just say it.”
It was a painful pinch and Tong Qiu was about to complain but his retort was cut off by a kiss.
Huo Zhixing pulled the covers over their bodies and said with his lips pressed against Tong Qiu’s ear, “Can we?”
“You don’t have to ask.” Tong Qiu was still trying to figure out what exactly had been in the alcohol to make his head spin like this. He gave Huo Zhixing’s shoulder a poke and asked, “Do we still have any of that at home?”
“It’s expired.” Their previous sex life had been sorely lacking, which was why they hadn’t managed to finish the bottle they bought when they had gotten married.
“…” Tong Qiu was so irritated that even his teeth itched but he had already decided that there was nothing that could get in the way of his ‘exam’ tonight.
Tong-laoshi was not one to give up the fight and after a bit of rummaging, he unearthed a bottle of lotion. It was one that he had forgotten to take with him when he moved out and thankfully, it wasn’t expired yet.
He gave it to Huo Zhixing and said, “Use this.”
“The exam starts now.” Tong-laoshi put on his ‘proctor’ hat and spoke seriously to Examinee Huo Zhixing. “Whether or not you pass and move on to the next grade will depend on your performance tonight.”
Life, as they say, was a test and to Tong Qiu, love-making was a test as well.
Based on past experience, if an exam paper was out of 100, then his ex-husband had scored 30 points at most. Those 30 points were mostly because the teacher grading the paper had seen how careful and neat the writing was and threw in some pity points.
Right now, Tong-laoshi was looking forward to a pleasant surprise, but was just as scared of being too pleasantly surprised.
“How long is the exam?” Huo Zhixing asked with amusement before he entered.
Tong Qiu thought for a moment and said, “let’s say 40 minutes.”
He felt that he was being a little hard on Huo Zhixing.
However, an exam was an exam, and no emotion should be involved. Even if Huo Zhixing was handsome and kind-hearted, he couldn’t be lenient.
“Do I get extra points if I go over time?”
“How are you so confident?” Tong Qiu laughed as he hugged the pillow. He said casually, “We’ll talk when you hit 40 minutes.”
Huo Zhixing laughed softly. His laughter was full of self-confidence.
He raised his eyebrows and replied, “Alright, let’s start.”
In Tong Qiu’s opinion, life was truly amazing. It was so amazing that he was rendered speechless.
Over the past hour or so, he seriously reflected on the way he and Huo Zhixing had interacted since the very start of their relationship. He thought it over carefully and didn’t leave out a single detail.
However, he still couldn’t quite figure it out.
Until now, he thought that he was the only one who had been dancing around with a mask on during their marriage. He never would have imagined that Huo Zhixing could give him a whole treasure chest of surprises after their divorce.
Just now, Huo Zhixing had performed admirably on his exam and had exceeded all expectations.
While the examinee was flushed with success, Tong Qiu thought worriedly: ‘Oh no, my beloved student must have found another teacher to tutor him behind my back…’
Examinee Huo Zhixing was oblivious to Tong-laoshi‘s worries and he asked with a healthy dose of smugness, “How was it? What’s my score? Can I skip a grade?”
Tong Qiu shot him a glance and let out a “hmph” but didn’t respond.
“Oh? You’re not satisfied?” Huo Zhixing pulled Tong Qiu towards him. “Alright then, since the teacher isn’t satisfied then I’ll just have to retake the exam again.”
For the first time since their divorce, Tong Qiu wondered if his ex-husband had been kidnapped and had been replaced with a stranger. There was a totally different air about Huo Zhixing compared to before. Now, it was abundantly clear that Huo Zhixing’s self-restraint and indifference was completely fake!
Tong Qiu gazed up at the ceiling and thought to himself, ‘I’m probably still drunk. When I wake up, everything will be back to normal.’
The author has something to say:
Huo Zhixing: Teacher, I’m just naturally gifted, that’s all.